Forced into dental school by parents. In third year. Depressed and lost. Any advice?

[Unknown123]

I never actually wanted to be a dentist. When I was young, my Asian parents enforced the importance of getting good grades. They would always get extra help (tutors) for my brothers and I, even when we did not need it. I excelled in my class and consistently got top marks because it made me feel proud of myself (I was not good at any sports, unlike my brothers, so academia become a focus point, the thing that I worked hard in and excelled). When I was in my senior year of high school, I did not know what I wanted to do. My parents pushed me to pursue dentistry and they searched up accelerated dental programs for me to apply. Since I didn't know what i wanted to do, I applied to them and got into one. During my second year of undergraduate, I realized that I did not want to become a dentist and became depressed and began having suicidal thoughts. I seeked out my school's counselor and I would see her once a week to talk about how I'm feeling and such. Towards the end of my second year, I prepared a 'speech' that I would recite to my parents over the summer, detailing why I did not want to be a dentist. I was excited because I felt like I would be able to change my life and open their eyes. Lo and behold, my speech did absolutely nothing. I resorted to telling them that I was depressed and suicidal because of the program. Telling them that I was depressed and suicidal was huge as parents and I are not close emotionally at all. They are supportive physically (shelter, clothing, food), but when it comes to emotional support, they are a wall. When my younger brother cried because my mother signed him up for volunteer activities during a school break, she laughed at him. She would also constantly criticize my weight, like when I'm ordering a pasta dish at a restaurants, she would loudly ask if that was a good idea because pasta is fatty. My brothers and I never talk about feelings and such with them. Back to the speech, my mother stated that the depression wasn't due to me not wanting to become a dentist, but something else. She criticized me for not being grateful to have the opportunity to become a dentist and admonished me for having a weak mind and stated that I should exercise more as it helps the mind. When asked what I was going to do instead, I was not able to offer an answer, because I did not know what I wanted to do. I began to break down, as since I didn't want them to see me break down, I ran off and cried in the bathroom. I spoke to my counselor the same night who was able to calm me before I did something drastic. I forgot to add that my schooling and room is paid for by my parents, who constantly remind me how I should not waste their money. This is huge as it is one of the biggest factors that made me stop from dropping out of the program, amongst others. To be honest, if I had to take out loans or pay for school myself, I would have never gone to dental school. Forgot to add that my parents are a doctor and a dentist too, so there's the expectation of taking over the practice too.

I returned to the program in the fall and the depression and suicidal thoughts were severe enough for my counselor to make an appointment with a psychiatrist for me. I began to take anti-depressants and when my parents found out about it, they did not like it, but according to them, if it was helping me to become a dentist, then I should continue taking it. By this time, I fell in love with film and would voraciously watch films everyday while at school. My desire to become a film director was born and it felt right. I genuinely wanted to be a film director and actually still want to be a film director, 4 years later. Since I didn't have the courage or fight to confront my parents again, whenever I came home for a school break, I would constantly remind them (in a joking manner) that I did not want to become a dentist. They would laugh it off. One time, I mentioned how I wanted to become a film director and they said that I could pursue that as a hobby after I become a dentist. I took a film production class in the summer of my third year and loved it.

The following year, I began dental school and hated it from the outset. Unfortunately, I asked a friend to room with me. The friend asked me if I was planning on going to dental school for the full four years to which I replied yes. I have thought about dropping out numerous times, but felt like I owed it to my roommate, as I was the one who asked him to room with me. Having him helped me (to my detriment) as it make dental school bearable as I had someone to compete with academically and clinically. He always outperformed me, so I would work hard to keep up with him. The competition helped me get through the first year. The second year, the thought that I was more than halfway done dental school helped me. The third year, when I began to actually see patients, I hated it. I hated putting on a fake smile and interacting with patients. I hated doing cleanings, fillings, dentures, etc. I hated dental school where on top of seeing patients, you have to do lab work, have homework to complete and have exams to study for. I'm a bit of a germaphobe, so dentistry was a nightmare. I was dying day by day. I felt dead during dental school. I kept it all in though. I would often get searing depression and would constantly keep myself busy with movies, so that I would not remind myself about how I will regret this decision for the rest of my life. I knew that I would regret this decision since I was in undergrad but felt helpless as I felt that my parents would disown me if drop out of the program and pursue film. During the speech, my mother stated how it is possible that I did not want to become a dentist if I never actually did dentistry. Lo and behold, I was performing dentistry and was thinking about killing myself when I was with patients.

Now, I am in my third year of dental school and have a year and 2 months left of dental school. I know that it is best if I finish dental school, but I am just so depressed. Today, I broke down when I was with a patient after getting yelled at by the lead doctor. I know that if I do finish dental school, I would feel obliged to become a dentist or else all that time in dental school would go to waste. I am thinking about working as a dentist for a year after dental school and going to film school after. But if I do go to graduate film school (which I think is a full-time program), I wouldn't be able to perform dentistry and the hand skills I acquired would be lost. Unless I work on the weekends and during school break, but I'm not sure which dental office would allow me to do that.

I don't know what to do. Any advice?

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[Blackca3]

I never actually wanted to be a dentist. When I was young, my Asian parents enforced the importance of getting good grades. They would always get extra help (tutors) for my brothers and I, even when we did not need it. I excelled in my class and consistently got top marks because it made me feel proud of myself (I was not good at any sports, unlike my brothers, so academia become a focus point, the thing that I worked hard in and excelled). When I was in my senior year of high school, I did not know what I wanted to do. My parents pushed me to pursue dentistry and they searched up accelerated dental programs for me to apply. Since I didn't know what i wanted to do, I applied to them and got into one. During my second year of undergraduate, I realized that I did not want to become a dentist and became depressed and began having suicidal thoughts. I seeked out my school's counselor and I would see her once a week to talk about how I'm feeling and such. Towards the end of my second year, I prepared a 'speech' that I would recite to my parents over the summer, detailing why I did not want to be a dentist. I was excited because I felt like I would be able to change my life and open their eyes. Lo and behold, my speech did absolutely nothing. I resorted to telling them that I was depressed and suicidal because of the program. Telling them that I was depressed and suicidal was huge as parents and I are not close emotionally at all. They are supportive physically (shelter, clothing, food), but when it comes to emotional support, they are a wall. When my younger brother cried because my mother signed him up for volunteer activities during a school break, she laughed at him. She would also constantly criticize my weight, like when I'm ordering a pasta dish at a restaurants, she would loudly ask if that was a good idea because pasta is fatty. My brothers and I never talk about feelings and such with them. Back to the speech, my mother stated that the depression wasn't due to me not wanting to become a dentist, but something else. She criticized me for not being grateful to have the opportunity to become a dentist and admonished me for having a weak mind and stated that I should exercise more as it helps the mind. When asked what I was going to do instead, I was not able to offer an answer, because I did not know what I wanted to do. I began to break down, as since I didn't want them to see me break down, I ran off and cried in the bathroom. I spoke to my counselor the same night who was able to calm me before I did something drastic. I forgot to add that my schooling and room is paid for by my parents, who constantly remind me how I should not waste their money. This is huge as it is one of the biggest factors that made me stop from dropping out of the program, amongst others. To be honest, if I had to take out loans or pay for school myself, I would have never gone to dental school. Forgot to add that my parents are a doctor and a dentist too, so there's the expectation of taking over the practice too.

I returned to the program in the fall and the depression and suicidal thoughts were severe enough for my counselor to make an appointment with a psychiatrist for me. I began to take anti-depressants and when my parents found out about it, they did not like it, but according to them, if it was helping me to become a dentist, then I should continue taking it. By this time, I fell in love with film and would voraciously watch films everyday while at school. My desire to become a film director was born and it felt right. I genuinely wanted to be a film director and actually still want to be a film director, 4 years later. Since I didn't have the courage or fight to confront my parents again, whenever I came home for a school break, I would constantly remind them (in a joking manner) that I did not want to become a dentist. They would laugh it off. One time, I mentioned how I wanted to become a film director and they said that I could pursue that as a hobby after I become a dentist. I took a film production class in the summer of my third year and loved it.

The following year, I began dental school and hated it from the outset. Unfortunately, I asked a friend to room with me. The friend asked me if I was planning on going to dental school for the full four years to which I replied yes. I have thought about dropping out numerous times, but felt like I owed it to my roommate, as I was the one who asked him to room with me. Having him helped me (to my detriment) as it make dental school bearable as I had someone to compete with academically and clinically. He always outperformed me, so I would work hard to keep up with him. The competition helped me get through the first year. The second year, the thought that I was more than halfway done dental school helped me. The third year, when I began to actually see patients, I hated it. I hated putting on a fake smile and interacting with patients. I hated doing cleanings, fillings, dentures, etc. I hated dental school where on top of seeing patients, you have to do lab work, have homework to complete and have exams to study for. I'm a bit of a germaphobe, so dentistry was a nightmare. I was dying day by day. I felt dead during dental school. I kept it all in though. I would often get searing depression and would constantly keep myself busy with movies, so that I would not remind myself about how I will regret this decision for the rest of my life. I knew that I would regret this decision since I was in undergrad but felt helpless as I felt that my parents would disown me if drop out of the program and pursue film. During the speech, my mother stated how it is possible that I did not want to become a dentist if I never actually did dentistry. Lo and behold, I was performing dentistry and was thinking about killing myself when I was with patients.

Now, I am in my third year of dental school and have a year and 2 months left of dental school. I know that it is best if I finish dental school, but I am just so depressed. Today, I broke down when I was with a patient after getting yelled at by the lead doctor. I know that if I do finish dental school, I would feel obliged to become a dentist or else all that time in dental school would go to waste. I am thinking about working as a dentist for a year after dental school and going to film school after. But if I do go to graduate film school (which I think is a full-time program), I wouldn't be able to perform dentistry and the hand skills I acquired would be lost. Unless I work on the weekends and during school break, but I'm not sure which dental office would allow me to do that.

I don't know what to do. Any advice?

I haven't been in your situation so it's hard to offer advice but hopefully these thoughts can comfort you. I think the nice thing about dentistry is the work life balance. You can work relatively few hours and use the money from that to pursue things you're passionate about in your free time. Everything is temporary and life is constantly changing. Three years ago I thought I wanted to get out the army, go back to school to get my MBA and return to Amazon.com to be a VP but now I'll start dental school in June and I'm now an Officer in the army. My point is life changes quickly and who knows maybe three years from now you could be a leading film director. Maybe you become an industry leader in online CE courses for dentist due to dental background and passion for film.

Again it's hard to give advice as an internet stranger, but I think your parents mean well. They're pushing you towards what they believe is a career that will give you the opportunity for financial security and wellness in life. They're likely doing the best they know how to do based on the experiences they've had in life. Unfortunately though, not everyone is the same and what may make some people happy is not the same as what makes others happy. I think at the end of the day you have to do what my seem selfish and work towards finding what makes you happy. You were started on the path towards dentistry before you were really old enough to know what you were getting yourself into and it's not like you gave informed consent. Your parents chose to pay for your schooling, that's their decision and I don't think you should feel accountable for that.

Life is a lot longer than you think. Use the tools available to you to pursue what makes you happy. You've only got the one life so live it for you. I can promise you that there is something out there that will make you feel very happy and fulfilled.

 

[Flynt]

I think Blacka3 is spot on. I don't have personal experience with your issue, but I have family members who've dealt with depression. Try to look at it in the most positive light as possible. I'm assuming you'll graduate with no debt, beyond that being a plus it also means you don't have to work much since you won't be paying back student loans. I think (if feasible, I don't really know) that the weekend/school break idea would be perfect for you. Also, most people I know hate/dislike their job so you wouldn't be alone. I think I'll love mine, but it won't be your entire life just keep that in mind. You'll be financially independent pretty soon, and honestly at that point I'd thank my parents and pay them back if they want, but its your life to do with it as you choose and you'll have the means to try your hand at directing. Hopefully they'd get over it, but at the end of the day life's to short to live it worrying about how someone else feels about you. I hope you can keep a positive outlook on it long enough to get you pass your down days, and just remember with every tooth you fill, you're that much closer to the happiness you deserve. I wish you the best of luck, rooting for you!

 

[Robbin]

Getting education never harms. If you have any goal of your life or you are still searching for it, it is absolutely fine. You can start from any part of your life, it's never too late to start.

 

[wengerout]

Ironically prior to pursuing dentistry I was very much involved with film.

Don’t go to film school it’s a waste of money. They aren’t going to teach you anything you can’t learn by 1. Watching a bunch of movies yourself and 2. Tutorials on YouTube.

In regards to being a dentist at this point I would just finish. Use the funds you earn as a dentist to finally gain some independence from your parents. With your newfound financial independence buy some film equipment (DSLR / Adobe Suite is a good start) and start shooting. Once your confident enough make a YouTube channel for your shorts and build a reel. From there you can transition out of dentistry and be 90% ahead of every other person trying to do film based off finances alone.

Your path has been long and trying I can tell, but there’s still light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t give up.

Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[oralcare123]

Finish the dental school. Then go and do WHATEVER YOU WANT. Your parents wanted you to become a dentist. You did. They CAN afford your education, so don't feel bad and you would not loose your hand skills - it's like riding a bike
Go to the film school or whatever else you want. Become independent and stand for yourself, stop letting them abuse you.
You deserved happiness

 

[Unknown123]

Finish the dental school. Then go and do WHATEVER YOU WANT. Your parents wanted you to become a dentist. You did. They CAN afford your education, so don't feel bad and you would not loose your hand skills - it's like riding a bike
Go to the film school or whatever else you want. Become independent and stand for yourself, stop letting them abuse you.
You deserved happiness

Thank you for your reply! I think I will finish dental school and then pursue film after I'm done. Thank you about your input about the and skills. One less thing to worry about.

Ironically prior to pursuing dentistry I was very much involved with film.

Don’t go to film school it’s a waste of money. They aren’t going to teach you anything you can’t learn by 1. Watching a bunch of movies yourself and 2. Tutorials on YouTube.

In regards to being a dentist at this point I would just finish. Use the funds you earn as a dentist to finally gain some independence from your parents. With your newfound financial independence buy some film equipment (DSLR / Adobe Suite is a good start) and start shooting. Once your confident enough make a YouTube channel for your shorts and build a reel. From there you can transition out of dentistry and be 90% ahead of every other person trying to do film based off finances alone.

Your path has been long and trying I can tell, but there’s still light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t give up.

That is ironic! Lol! Thanks for your reply! What made you stop pursuing film and decide to go to dental school?

 

[2TH MVR]

Like others have said. Finish dental school. You're so close. Afterwards pursue what your dreams are and let part time dentistry help you to get there. Your parents have worked hard to provide you with a substantial gift. Please do not take it for granted. Honor them by finishing dental school .... then pursue your true dream.

 

[Likkriue]

Finish dentistry and do film on the side as a hobby. Problem solved.

The film industry is brutal, if you have the connections and somehow manage to get a gig. You are basically a glorified coffee person. So if your other alternative was film then that's why your parents are still pushing you to dentistry. You aren't giving them a better option. You can study film as a hobby but not a career.
I want to write comic books when I was younger, an I going to make jack ****? No. Will I still do it on my free time, yes. But it won't be my career

 

[setdoc7]

Thank you for your reply! I think I will finish dental school and then pursue film after I'm done. Thank you about your input about the and skills. One less thing to worry about.
I did a 7 year program many years ago, although I was not sure about dentistry then. It will grow on you. It is easier and more interesting as you do it more.
I have also worked in the film industry, and have a son who works in it now. It is much more difficult because of the long hours and reliance on so many different people. Making a movie, TV show, or commercial is far more difficult than you are lead to believe. Only a small handful of individuals go straight to directing (Chris Columbus comes to mind). It cannot be done as a hobby, it is either full time or you are a fan.
In the end, dentistry is far more stable and manageable than show biz. Read some books, take some classes, but nothing can prepare you for a major on location with a 6PM call in February in the ice cold. That is the harsh reality of the film industry.

 

[Faux]

17 kids died a few days ago and you want to kill your self because of you're inability to live your own life.

You're in for a rude awakening in life if you don't work on standing on your own two feet and speak-your mind. Not only that, but also work on being okay with not being listened to and still forging your own path without anyone's approval. This is your life, this is your story.

Harder said than done but you need some perspective. You knew you had problematic parents and you still allowed yourself to be funded by them. People like to think they can dictate what you can and won't do when they provide finical support like that. Should have left after high school and took out the loans. But instead you went through all of undergrad with their support and 3 years into grad school. They would have came around, and if they didn't, what difference does it make? They aren't emotionally present anyway.

What happens when you get into a relationship with a partner and they disapprove of them? Then what? Or if they want you to pursue a specialty and you don't? or want you living near by and you don't? Your behavior is going to open a whole can of worms later on.

Maybe I'm harsh but this is more than just being in a field that you don't want to be in and thinking about greener pastures. Its your attitude with your self, your attitude with your parents and just your attitude of life in general. This is all going to crash hard if you don't change things.

Dentistry ain't a bad gig, and more often than not, I read how it really gives people the opportunity to pursue their own passions. But you need to do some real self reflection about how you want to live your life.

 

[clarkbar]

I never actually wanted to be a dentist. When I was young, my Asian parents enforced the importance of getting good grades. They would always get extra help (tutors) for my brothers and I, even when we did not need it. I excelled in my class and consistently got top marks because it made me feel proud of myself (I was not good at any sports, unlike my brothers, so academia become a focus point, the thing that I worked hard in and excelled). When I was in my senior year of high school, I did not know what I wanted to do. My parents pushed me to pursue dentistry and they searched up accelerated dental programs for me to apply. Since I didn't know what i wanted to do, I applied to them and got into one. During my second year of undergraduate, I realized that I did not want to become a dentist and became depressed and began having suicidal thoughts. I seeked out my school's counselor and I would see her once a week to talk about how I'm feeling and such. Towards the end of my second year, I prepared a 'speech' that I would recite to my parents over the summer, detailing why I did not want to be a dentist. I was excited because I felt like I would be able to change my life and open their eyes. Lo and behold, my speech did absolutely nothing. I resorted to telling them that I was depressed and suicidal because of the program. Telling them that I was depressed and suicidal was huge as parents and I are not close emotionally at all. They are supportive physically (shelter, clothing, food), but when it comes to emotional support, they are a wall. When my younger brother cried because my mother signed him up for volunteer activities during a school break, she laughed at him. She would also constantly criticize my weight, like when I'm ordering a pasta dish at a restaurants, she would loudly ask if that was a good idea because pasta is fatty. My brothers and I never talk about feelings and such with them. Back to the speech, my mother stated that the depression wasn't due to me not wanting to become a dentist, but something else. She criticized me for not being grateful to have the opportunity to become a dentist and admonished me for having a weak mind and stated that I should exercise more as it helps the mind. When asked what I was going to do instead, I was not able to offer an answer, because I did not know what I wanted to do. I began to break down, as since I didn't want them to see me break down, I ran off and cried in the bathroom. I spoke to my counselor the same night who was able to calm me before I did something drastic. I forgot to add that my schooling and room is paid for by my parents, who constantly remind me how I should not waste their money. This is huge as it is one of the biggest factors that made me stop from dropping out of the program, amongst others. To be honest, if I had to take out loans or pay for school myself, I would have never gone to dental school. Forgot to add that my parents are a doctor and a dentist too, so there's the expectation of taking over the practice too.

I returned to the program in the fall and the depression and suicidal thoughts were severe enough for my counselor to make an appointment with a psychiatrist for me. I began to take anti-depressants and when my parents found out about it, they did not like it, but according to them, if it was helping me to become a dentist, then I should continue taking it. By this time, I fell in love with film and would voraciously watch films everyday while at school. My desire to become a film director was born and it felt right. I genuinely wanted to be a film director and actually still want to be a film director, 4 years later. Since I didn't have the courage or fight to confront my parents again, whenever I came home for a school break, I would constantly remind them (in a joking manner) that I did not want to become a dentist. They would laugh it off. One time, I mentioned how I wanted to become a film director and they said that I could pursue that as a hobby after I become a dentist. I took a film production class in the summer of my third year and loved it.

The following year, I began dental school and hated it from the outset. Unfortunately, I asked a friend to room with me. The friend asked me if I was planning on going to dental school for the full four years to which I replied yes. I have thought about dropping out numerous times, but felt like I owed it to my roommate, as I was the one who asked him to room with me. Having him helped me (to my detriment) as it make dental school bearable as I had someone to compete with academically and clinically. He always outperformed me, so I would work hard to keep up with him. The competition helped me get through the first year. The second year, the thought that I was more than halfway done dental school helped me. The third year, when I began to actually see patients, I hated it. I hated putting on a fake smile and interacting with patients. I hated doing cleanings, fillings, dentures, etc. I hated dental school where on top of seeing patients, you have to do lab work, have homework to complete and have exams to study for. I'm a bit of a germaphobe, so dentistry was a nightmare. I was dying day by day. I felt dead during dental school. I kept it all in though. I would often get searing depression and would constantly keep myself busy with movies, so that I would not remind myself about how I will regret this decision for the rest of my life. I knew that I would regret this decision since I was in undergrad but felt helpless as I felt that my parents would disown me if drop out of the program and pursue film. During the speech, my mother stated how it is possible that I did not want to become a dentist if I never actually did dentistry. Lo and behold, I was performing dentistry and was thinking about killing myself when I was with patients.

Now, I am in my third year of dental school and have a year and 2 months left of dental school. I know that it is best if I finish dental school, but I am just so depressed. Today, I broke down when I was with a patient after getting yelled at by the lead doctor. I know that if I do finish dental school, I would feel obliged to become a dentist or else all that time in dental school would go to waste. I am thinking about working as a dentist for a year after dental school and going to film school after. But if I do go to graduate film school (which I think is a full-time program), I wouldn't be able to perform dentistry and the hand skills I acquired would be lost. Unless I work on the weekends and during school break, but I'm not sure which dental office would allow me to do that.

I don't know what to do. Any advice?

Completely natural to hate dental school. Most of your classmates feel the same way, but refuse to admit it because of the petty, toxic nature of medical and dental school. Your classmates are socially ill-equipped and the school environment brings the worst out of them.

Stay in school. Dental, if you have an apt for it, is better than medical, as the former allows a life. Dental is hell, but only 4 years. you can do it.

 

[GypsyHummus]

Dude, there are dentists out there pulling in 200k/year working 3 days per week. Stay in school, become a dentist, and you can fund your own movies and film endeavors.

 

[Moose A Moose]

I don't know what to do. Any advice?

Yes. How bout you start making your own damn decisions?
Not a message board. Not your parents. You.

Smfh.

 

[oralcare123]

17 kids died a few days ago and you want to kill your self because of you're inability to live your own life.

You're in for a rude awakening in life if you don't work on standing on your own two feet and speak-your mind. Not only that, but also work on being okay with not being listened to and still forging your own path without anyone's approval. This is your life, this is your story.

Harder said than done but you need some perspective. You knew you had problematic parents and you still allowed yourself to be funded by them. People like to think they can dictate what you can and won't do when they provide finical support like that. Should have left after high school and took out the loans. But instead you went through all of undergrad with their support and 3 years into grad school. They would have came around, and if they didn't, what difference does it make? They aren't emotionally present anyway.

What happens when you get into a relationship with a partner and they disapprove of them? Then what? Or if they want you to pursue a specialty and you don't? or want you living near by and you don't? Your behavior is going to open a whole can of worms later on.

Maybe I'm harsh but this is more than just being in a field that you don't want to be in and thinking about greener pastures. Its your attitude with your self, your attitude with your parents and just your attitude of life in general. This is all going to crash hard if you don't change things.

Dentistry ain't a bad gig, and more often than not, I read how it really gives people the opportunity to pursue their own passions. But you need to do some real self reflection about how you want to live your life.

Just a suggestion - normal person would never understand a depressed or especially suicidal one. Be careful in your judgment, because he just wants his suffering to stop and sees death as an only option. It is incredibly tough to get out an abusive relationship with parents after being brainwashed the entire life
To the OP: next thing your parents will choose for you would be a wife. Don't let them

 

[Faux]

Just a suggestion - normal person would never understand a depressed or especially suicidal one. Be careful in your judgment, because he just wants his suffering to stop and sees death as an only option. It is incredibly tough to get out an abusive relationship with parents after being brainwashed the entire life
To the OP: next thing your parents will choose for you would be a wife. Don't let them

I have never felt as low as I did than during the first few months of dental school. Thinking back, I'm surprised I even left the house, let alone was able to function. It still gives me the shakes just thinking about it now. Then seeing my own mother a year later go through it and having to manage her while doing dental school. So I get it, I do.

OP, if I was too harsh, I apologize. I've seen what overbearing parents can do to someone. Just drives me up the wall when someone tries to control someone else.

 

[ncide]

Those are some very vicious tiger parents. Sorry about your pressure, but if you need to, cut them off. Anyone who is toxic in my life gets a boot, and if it came to it, my parents would as well. I had offers from other families to leave my own when I was younger so I understand growing up in a hostile environment. Luckily they changed, and things did not go as badly as they could have. I'm sorry that you've endured so much this far.

Dental school is not in any shape or form representative of the real world. I enjoyed coming to work not for the clinical side of dentistry, but for its social side. I loved walking in, meeting a new patient, and getting to know someone from a different walk of life. You foster close relationships in the chair, sometimes even act like a therapist, and get to know people as individuals. You meet artists, social workers, restaurant chefs, politicians, mechanists, and mathematicians. Everyone needs a dentist.

I would walk down the street, get noticed by a patient, start up a conversation, and get invited to their restaurant or a match of Destiny.

Dentistry is what you make of it. I know a dentist who would invite all his patients to his home for a Christmas celebration. That's the kind of doctor I want to be. Not one who comes in, does a couple of DOs, and checks out after 4, but someone who gets to work and know people from all walks of life. Someone who appreciates people for who they are.

I am a pragmatist. I'd finish dental school, and open up office near a good location with many artists, and then work in that social sphere. Expand from there. A guaranteed salary is given to you by your parents for free, so just remember that clinical dentistry is not like dental school. It's worth finishing.

 

[WaveRace]

I hope this story will help you.

When I was in high school, I wanted to be a professional pianist. I practiced endlessly every day. I started playing weddings when I was 15. After performing the music for a local play, one of my teachers made a comment to me about how I "have more potential than to be playing kiddy shows the rest of my life". I asked my father about his opinion on the matter, expecting him to tell me to do what I love. Instead, he told me that I should look for a more realistic passion.

I became interested in the health sciences, going as far as earning my EMT and nursing assistant licenses to feel out the field. I then got accepted to the best school in the state, went through undergrad knocking out hard sciences, and geared up to apply to dental school. When I was a senior, I was on a hike with a close friend of mine. We were standing on a bridge watching the water rush under us, when she asked "if you died right now, what dream would you regret not pursuing"? Reflecting, I realized that I truly had two: dentistry and music.

I took a 5th year to put together a competitive music school application. Theory, performance, musicology, production, orchestra classes. I auditioned and got accepted to a really good program.

Once I tangibly had that option in front of me, something in my head just clicked that it isn't what I'm supposed to do with my career. Music is a huge part of who I am; I get lost in music, time moves swiftly when I'm in my flow, and it relaxes me like nothing else. However, there is more to me than just music. I can forever hold music as a dear passion and hobby, while pursuing a dental career and helping other people.

You're already in a position to have the dentistry job. It's a fantastic way to breathe life into your passion (film), while making a good living. Your job doesn't have to define you. If you absolutely hate it once you start practice, you can do something else! I know someone who graduated dental school and then decided to paint houses for a living. Despite any advice I, or anyone else, gives you, only you can determine what your life is about. It took me a long time to figure out what my path was going to be. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. Tons of people tell me I'm an idiot for taking the 5th year and applying to music school.. but I did it for me. I needed to do it. Figure out what you need to do for you. You only have this one life. Best wishes to you.

 

[wengerout]

Thank you for your reply! I think I will finish dental school and then pursue film after I'm done. Thank you about your input about the and skills. One less thing to worry about.

That is ironic! Lol! Thanks for your reply! What made you stop pursuing film and decide to go to dental school?

I never stopped, I just realized I wasn't willing to live the life of a PA making scraps and having to work odd jobs just to afford second hand equipment. I truly do like dentistry, but i'll still continue to pursue film in my spare time. There's a quote that describes this relationship pretty concisely.

"Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress; when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other." ~ Anton Chekhov

Just replace medicine with dentistry and film with literature and it fits pretty nicely.

 

[TXftw]

Let's be realistic, if you become a film director you're probably not gonna pull in enough money to even exist. Unless you think you're the next Quentin Tarantino, a career in film is not even a practical alternative. We all have a bunch of things that we'd rather be doing than dentistry that we know aren't practical. If I had the choice I'd be a tournament angler, but I know that's not a realistic career because I'm an adult and I can logically assess the decisions I make. If I were you, I'd finish school and never look back. Use your free time to mess around with film. If I told my parents I wanted to quit pursuing dentistry to be a film director they'd laugh at me just like your parents. Please thank your parents for selflessly funding your education and also for having foresight and wisdom to deter you from wasting time and money on a degree in film.

 

[PLAQUE-MAN]

As someone previously mentioned, it's difficult for a "normal" person to empathize with someone going through depression and/or suicidal thoughts. Yes, the OP should be grateful to his/her parents for the financial dependence and their foresight, but that doesn't exclude the parents' lack of understanding and toxic behavior. It's dangerous to tell the OP to get over their feelings and make their desires appear insignificant. The consensus for the OP is to finish dental school and pursue film as a hobby. OP, I hope this new goal will help you get through dental school with more motivation and a healthier mindset. Best of luck to you.

 

[omfsing]

I had a very similar upbringing as you and had a terrible time in dental school. Having gone to both med and dental school, for some reason dental professors and curriculum is far more intensive. Furthermore, rather than providing guidance dental professors punish students (you really don’t see this in med school). I fell into deep depression as well. But, when I finally got that degree I realized the world is your oyster. Very few jobs allow you to be your own boss and make a comfortable living immediately after graduating school. Use that to your advantage to help fund your dreams and hobbies. Don’t let those f’ing professors bring you down because lots of those guys couldn’t make it in the real world and settled on teaching (I’m not generalizing, I had many good teachers as well). Chin up and best of luck.

 

[Greyangel6]

I empathize with you. My Asian parents were/still are poor immigrants. My parents provided me food and shelter, but they worked all the time so there was no emotional support. They mention on multiple occasions that they sacrificed a lot for me to have a better future such as leaving their country, leaving their jobs, their friends, etc. They used this to leverage me into doing a lot of things such as going to dental school. I coudn't say no to my parents on a lot of things; partly because I felt sorry for their sacrifice, also because I was terrified of the thought of being homeless and hungry if I was ever disowned. I actually thought of suicide after I graduate high school because I still couldn't figure out a way to say no to my parents nor could I offer any alternatives (I was a poor, non-english-speaking-immigrant then too). I almost went through with it but DID NOT because I was more scared of surviving the attempt and putting even more burden on my family (yup, you guessed it, it involved jumping and falling).

So I decided I would do what my parents want for now, and once I'm more independent I'd be able to stand up for myself. I graduated college without debt (full-ride scholarship). I got into dental school like my parents wanted (lol still couldn't find a better choice). Ever since entering dental school, I'd been on the struggle bus and haven't gotten off haha. I had many bouts of depression and self-doubts and I resented the fact that I chose dentistry to please my family. NOW, I'm doing dentistry because I've grown to be okay with doing it for the rest of my life. Your choice could be different than mine (film school and all that), but don't give up dental school now, finish it, and then explore your other choices. You still have a long life ahead.

 

[Unknown123]

I had a very similar upbringing as you and had a terrible time in dental school. Having gone to both med and dental school, for some reason dental professors and curriculum is far more intensive. Furthermore, rather than providing guidance dental professors punish students (you really don’t see this in med school). I fell into deep depression as well. But, when I finally got that degree I realized the world is your oyster. Very few jobs allow you to be your own boss and make a comfortable living immediately after graduating school. Use that to your advantage to help fund your dreams and hobbies. Don’t let those f’ing professors bring you down because lots of those guys couldn’t make it in the real world and settled on teaching (I’m not generalizing, I had many good teachers as well). Chin up and best of luck.

Were you able to find a private practice dentist to work alongside right out of dental school? I'm currently thinking of corporate dentistry atm, but have heard both good and bad things about it.

 

[Unknown123]

I empathize with you. My Asian parents were/still are poor immigrants. My parents provided me food and shelter, but they worked all the time so there was no emotional support. They mention on multiple occasions that they sacrificed a lot for me to have a better future such as leaving their country, leaving their jobs, their friends, etc. They used this to leverage me into doing a lot of things such as going to dental school. I coudn't say no to my parents on a lot of things; partly because I felt sorry for their sacrifice, also because I was terrified of the thought of being homeless and hungry if I was ever disowned. I actually thought of suicide after I graduate high school because I still couldn't figure out a way to say no to my parents nor could I offer any alternatives (I was a poor, non-english-speaking-immigrant then too). I almost went through with it but DID NOT because I was more scared of surviving the attempt and putting even more burden on my family (yup, you guessed it, it involved jumping and falling).

So I decided I would do what my parents want for now, and once I'm more independent I'd be able to stand up for myself. I graduated college without debt (full-ride scholarship). I got into dental school like my parents wanted (lol still couldn't find a better choice). Ever since entering dental school, I'd been on the struggle bus and haven't gotten off haha. I had many bouts of depression and self-doubts and I resented the fact that I chose dentistry to please my family. NOW, I'm doing dentistry because I've grown to be okay with doing it for the rest of my life. Your choice could be different than mine (film school and all that), but don't give up dental school now, finish it, and then explore your other choices. You still have a long life ahead.

Thank you for your reply! Your mindset is exactly like mine! I felt terrified of being homeless and having nowhere to call home if my parents disowned me. I was also terrified of making my parents feel bad and look bad to my other family members if I do drop out of dental school. With all the encouragement from this thread, I'll try to finish dental school. It's awesome that you are pursuing something you enjoy! If you haven't graduated yet, I hope your years of dental school go by quickly!

 

[Roy Williams]

I had a very similar upbringing as you and had a terrible time in dental school. Having gone to both med and dental school, for some reason dental professors and curriculum is far more intensive. Furthermore, rather than providing guidance dental professors punish students (you really don’t see this in med school). I fell into deep depression as well. But, when I finally got that degree I realized the world is your oyster. Very few jobs allow you to be your own boss and make a comfortable living immediately after graduating school. Use that to your advantage to help fund your dreams and hobbies. Don’t let those f’ing professors bring you down because lots of those guys couldn’t make it in the real world and settled on teaching (I’m not generalizing, I had many good teachers as well). Chin up and best of luck.

I don't think this is the case for all dental schools/professors in regards to the punishing thing at all.

 

[omfsing]

I don't think this is the case for all dental schools/professors in regards to the punishing thing at all.

I know, I didn’t mean to generalize, but from my own experiences and some other friends of mine I noticed this trend. Also, it seems to be the case with the original poster.

 

[omfsing]

Were you able to find a private practice dentist to work alongside right out of dental school? I'm currently thinking of corporate dentistry atm, but have heard both good and bad things about it.

I went into residency right out of school, so my case was different. I have friends how have gone to both corporate and private practice. I know corporate is gonna make you work like a dog but will pay you well (but don’t expect to learn a lot).

 

[DrJeff]

I had a very similar upbringing as you and had a terrible time in dental school. Having gone to both med and dental school, for some reason dental professors and curriculum is far more intensive. Furthermore, rather than providing guidance dental professors punish students (you really don’t see this in med school). I fell into deep depression as well. But, when I finally got that degree I realized the world is your oyster. Very few jobs allow you to be your own boss and make a comfortable living immediately after graduating school. Use that to your advantage to help fund your dreams and hobbies. Don’t let those f’ing professors bring you down because lots of those guys couldn’t make it in the real world and settled on teaching (I’m not generalizing, I had many good teachers as well). Chin up and best of luck.

When one graduates dental school, if the have passed the boards they can go right out and practice. When one graduates medical school, they HAVE to do a residency before being able to practice. Big difference

Dental school has to be different than medical school based on that distinct difference at it's core essence. I remember an administrator at UCONN where I went once saying that dental school has 44 months (4 academic years) to train you to be a practicing dentist, the challenge is that in reality that the curriculum is more suited for a 56 month (5 academic years) time frame....

 

[321931]

You have alot on your plate to figure out. I suggest seeing a counselor to figure these things out. It's obvious that these things are deeply rooted in you. For example, dentistry is a very people person orientated business. I see about 35-40 patients a day and have to make small talk and chit-chat. On top of that do dentistry quick and well enough.

That being said, I HATED dentistry when I was in dental school. I graduated in the bottom of my class, but I ended up doing pretty well for myself compared to the classmates that I keep in touch with. Hang in there, dental school can beat you down. I had those days but they soon pass and they are such distant memories that I don't remember them at all.

 

[setdoc7]

Somehow I think my post regarding the film industry looks like a quote. First, you do not need a degree to become above the line in film. Second, a degree does not automatically get you a job above the line. Film is an extremely tough industry with long dismal hours and endless details which will all require your attention the higher up you get. Having the biggest trailer on location means the most responsibility. School will not teach you what it really means to be on set. It appears cool and glamorous, but in reality it is tedious and mind numbing. Just walk around NYC one day and look at all the location sets that are shooting. The sleep deprived crew is walking around in a daze. They eat catered lunch or dinner( that was prepared in a truck) in a church basement or recreation room which is neither comfortable or inviting. Although union crew pay can be sweet (see what the term golden time means) it is actually blood money. I do think that anyone who can graduate dental school has the ability to move up the ladder in film. It will take some time starting off as a PA to become a first AD or UPM. From there it is either director or producer. The quickest way to video village is to be a personal assistant to a director or producer. Were you meant to fetch coffee for a few years? That is the short take on film/television/commercials. I could recap my decades in the industry, but it will not dissuade those who really believe they were meant to be in pictures. After all, there's no business like show business.

 

[charlestweed]

I may have biased comments because I, too, am an asian dad.

I admit that my wife and I are guilty of doing the same thing to our teenage children. At most of the SAT prep centers and piano classes/concerts, 99.9999% of the kids there are Asians. When we see this, we realize that we are not the only parents who do this to our kids. There are plenty of smart well rounded Asian kids out there, who will apply to the same colleges that our kids will apply to. We just want our children to have a stable successful career like us and being able to support their own family. We can’t live forever to support them. We hope that our children don’t hate us for what we did to them.

We love dentistry not because it’s a fun job…..nobody likes working. It can’t be a fun job when you have to set an alarm clock to wake up at certain time so you won’t be late for work. It can’t be a fun job when you always have to work hard (even when you already have an established practice) to keep the patients happy (so you can get more referrals), to avoid complaints, to avoid getting sued etc. We love dentistry because of $$$. Yes, money. With money, we can fulfill many of our dreams: prestige, good lifestyle, nice house, nice cars, nice vacations, good schools for the kids, early retirement etc. Thanks to dentistry, my wife is on a semi-retire mode (working 2-3 hours a day, 2-3 days/week) right now when she is only in her mid 40s.

At a family gathering, there was this one kid (in her mid 20s) who preached to other kids that “you should do what you love” and don’t let your parents choose a career for you….the problem is this kid’s parents still have to write her monthly checks to support her every month. It’s easy to preach “do what you love” to others when you still depend on your parents for financial support. Wait and see. You will realize that it is not easy to support a family and raise your kids when you are on your own and have to work hard to pay for everything: house, car, insurance, food, babysitting…. and little things like soap, toilet papers etc. Everything requires money. Having a good long term stable career is so important.

 

[321931]

Final thing, OP....I am also asian. One of the things that really put things into perspective/shift frame of mind was by visiting my family back East in Asia. Have you ever been? If not...it could be eye opening. Seeing grandmas hustle when they are 80 years old at a cash register....or still living in the sticks raising chickens. Life is cheap and there's no opportunity to get out.

That's why your parents push you so hard because they may of lived/been there/know what its like. You have such a great opportunity to make something of yourself. Don't take it for granted. Go visit your roots, go to some farm village where their commodity is "fresh" drinking water. All my uncles work in sweatshop 60 hours a week making 1/1000000000th of what I make and they have no opportunity to get out. They sent their kids overseas with their savings just to get an opportunity to get out of poverty even if it means sacrificing their life for their offspring. So.... it maybe an issue of just reframing your mind that could help you out of your slump. I know. I am asian to...so I understand.

 

[2TH MVR]

I'm 1/2 asian and my asian mother was the one that pushed me. My father was different. He was a dreamer lol. Funny story. My mother always wanted me to be a teacher. She was so disappointed when I told her I wanted to be a dentist. My mother has a lot of dental work in her mouth. She then realized that I could help her with her dental needs once I became a dentist and she was happy again. Well .... then I decided to be an orthodontist. She was pissed lol, but got over it.

 

[oralcare123]

Forced careers create bad professionals and unhappy people. In the US there are plenty of opportunities to make enough money without abusing your own children and robbing them of their childhood

 

[SmileItsLife]

Idk... it seems like the last few posts are dismissing his/ her feelings. He/she seems to know that he/she SHOULD be grateful, but isn't... and that's okay. All that said... I'd agree with everyone on the forum that said to finish out and pursue your dreams on the side. Think about that Asian guy from the Hangover. He's a doctor and actor/ writer/ producer. You never want your life to be all one thing all day, everyday, or you get burned out.

 

[setdoc7]

Idk... it seems like the last few posts are dismissing his/ her feelings. He/she seems to know that he/she SHOULD be grateful, but isn't... and that's okay. All that said... I'd agree with everyone on the forum that said to finish out and pursue your dreams on the side. Think about that Asian guy from the Hangover. He's a doctor and actor/ writer/ producer. You never want your life to be all one thing all day, everyday, or you get burned out.

He is the true exception, not the rule. Very few medical professionals ever make it big time. Michael Crichton comes to mind, but again, not many like him.

 

[yappy]

OP, here is my advice. #1 take care of your mental health. If what you say is true then a psych professional for your depression/suicidal thoughts should be your priority. If that was hyperbole then perhaps visiting someone to help you manage your feelings and develop coping skills is worth considering. In some ways you're in a great position because grinding through something you do not want to do is an opportunity for growth and character development.

I don't know a ton about the film industry, or your specific goals, but I have a friend who does commercial film. The great thing about the industry seems to be that formal education is not necessary. Therefore, consider skipping film school and start living your dream right after dental school graduation. If you find it necessary after spending some time in the film industry then you can always go back to get a film education. Just dive in and find out if you have talent.

That being said if I were in your shoes, hating dental school but being so close, I would finish. I would finish, take a part time job in dentistry, and then do film the rest of the time until I was successful enough to quit dentistry. Finishing dental school will give you the financial opportunity and time necessary to be successful in film.

 

[TheSimpleTooth]

I could have posted this 15 years ago. Almost identical story. Parents wanted me to be a dentist. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to make them happy. They did not pay for my school so I had incurred a ton of debt. My family was not real warm and loving. Finding the right antidepressant my 3rd year of dental school allowed me to finish and probably saved my life. I was bullied by instructors. I was young compared to classmates. I graduated not wanting to be a dentist, but found a great job working for a mobile dental unit and it gave me a lot of time and freedom to pursue other things. Eventually I ended up in private practice and I still don’t love it, but it’s a fantastic job. I work 2 days a week and my income was over $400k last year As an experienced gp owner. Also finding a warm/ loving spouse who I formed my own family with has given me so much confidence and support(I’m still close with my parents too). I hope you find that. I hope you see that someday you will form your own family and make life what you want it.
My advice for you. 1) maybe see about switching antidepressants or changing dose so you can get through without being unnecessarily miserable. Seasonal depression is also so bad right now2) look for a nontradiontal dental job that will give you some time to “find yourself”. 3) once you have some time to step back from the stress and chill you may not love dentistry, but you may find it to be a very good job. I know dentists who are involved in things like investing in films, writers groups, play production companies. You’ll have time for that stuff . You may not find you have to go to film school. If you do go to school full time you can absolutely find weekend jobs to work as a dentist.
4) the other thing that’s brought me comfort is the “FIRE movement”/(financially independent retire early). You could work 10 years as a dentist, live modestly and be set for life. 5) make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Eat/ sleep/ workout.
Most importantly. Hang in there. It gets better. No one knows what they really want to be when they grow up. I’m almost 40 and say I’m just doing dentistry until I figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

 

[Medin2017]

White person who's parents pushed me towards medicine. I convinced them that dentistry was the way to go. However had I been in medicine, I would cope by believing that eventually everything will become monotonous in 30 years. I highly doubt a seasoned neurosurgeon wakes up every day with the excitement he/she had straight out of residency.

Also maybe do a part time job in the summer. I worked during my senior year of highschool, and it's made me realized how easy we actually have it.

 

[899424]

I think since you're in your third year, then you should go ahead and finish dental school. You know? Many doors will open up to you because you are a Doctor of Dental Medicine, but it doesnt mean that you are stuck being a dentist. There's a million ways to make money and you should do what makes you happy or else it'll be like you punished yourself. If you already made it thru 3rd yr, then you got this!!!

 

[lamemrsa]

Get that DDS. Support your hobby with a job that pays. Only thing more depressing than your situation, is having to live with your parents in your 40s. Or worse, be homeless.

 

[786783]

I may have biased comments because I, too, am an asian dad.

I admit that my wife and I are guilty of doing the same thing to our teenage children. At most of the SAT prep centers and piano classes/concerts, 99.9999% of the kids there are Asians. When we see this, we realize that we are not the only parents who do this to our kids. There are plenty of smart well rounded Asian kids out there, who will apply to the same colleges that our kids will apply to. We just want our children to have a stable successful career like us and being able to support their own family. We can’t live forever to support them. We hope that our children don’t hate us for what we did to them.

We love dentistry not because it’s a fun job…..nobody likes working. It can’t be a fun job when you have to set an alarm clock to wake up at certain time so you won’t be late for work. It can’t be a fun job when you always have to work hard (even when you already have an established practice) to keep the patients happy (so you can get more referrals), to avoid complaints, to avoid getting sued etc. We love dentistry because of $$$. Yes, money. With money, we can fulfill many of our dreams: prestige, good lifestyle, nice house, nice cars, nice vacations, good schools for the kids, early retirement etc. Thanks to dentistry, my wife is on a semi-retire mode (working 2-3 hours a day, 2-3 days/week) right now when she is only in her mid 40s.

At a family gathering, there was this one kid (in her mid 20s) who preached to other kids that “you should do what you love” and don’t let your parents choose a career for you….the problem is this kid’s parents still have to write her monthly checks to support her every month. It’s easy to preach “do what you love” to others when you still depend on your parents for financial support. Wait and see. You will realize that it is not easy to support a family and raise your kids when you are on your own and have to work hard to pay for everything: house, car, insurance, food, babysitting…. and little things like soap, toilet papers etc. Everything requires money. Having a good long term stable career is so important.

Flawed logic: "You should do what you love" and a long term stable career are not mutually exclusive.

 

[LaughingGas]

1) Save this number 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
2) No one will understand how you feel. It's ok to be depressed but you are stronger than it and you can overcome it. Please go seek psychologist or psychiatrist, whatever your preference is.
3) It's hard to build the courage to do something against your parent's will. After dental school, please go explore life. There is so much in life that you will realize that you can't live under your parent's roof forever.
4) Again, dentistry will give you the financial stability to do whatever you want to do.
5) Germophobe? Don't want to interact with patients? You could specialize into Dental Radiology, Oral Pathology or even Dental Anesthesiology.

 

[Unknown123]

I could have posted this 15 years ago. Almost identical story. Parents wanted me to be a dentist. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to make them happy. They did not pay for my school so I had incurred a ton of debt. My family was not real warm and loving. Finding the right antidepressant my 3rd year of dental school allowed me to finish and probably saved my life. I was bullied by instructors. I was young compared to classmates. I graduated not wanting to be a dentist, but found a great job working for a mobile dental unit and it gave me a lot of time and freedom to pursue other things. Eventually I ended up in private practice and I still don’t love it, but it’s a fantastic job. I work 2 days a week and my income was over $400k last year As an experienced gp owner. Also finding a warm/ loving spouse who I formed my own family with has given me so much confidence and support(I’m still close with my parents too). I hope you find that. I hope you see that someday you will form your own family and make life what you want it.
My advice for you. 1) maybe see about switching antidepressants or changing dose so you can get through without being unnecessarily miserable. Seasonal depression is also so bad right now2) look for a nontradiontal dental job that will give you some time to “find yourself”. 3) once you have some time to step back from the stress and chill you may not love dentistry, but you may find it to be a very good job. I know dentists who are involved in things like investing in films, writers groups, play production companies. You’ll have time for that stuff . You may not find you have to go to film school. If you do go to school full time you can absolutely find weekend jobs to work as a dentist.
4) the other thing that’s brought me comfort is the “FIRE movement”/(financially independent retire early). You could work 10 years as a dentist, live modestly and be set for life. 5) make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Eat/ sleep/ workout.
Most importantly. Hang in there. It gets better. No one knows what they really want to be when they grow up. I’m almost 40 and say I’m just doing dentistry until I figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

Thank you for replying! It's eye-opening to see someone with a similar story share their experience. How were you able to find your nontraditional mobile dental unit job? All I've come across so far are private practice, corporate and hospitals. It sounds like you believed that your parents were correct in pushing you to pursue dentistry. Have you ever regret not pursuing writing?

 

[Unknown123]

I may have biased comments because I, too, am an asian dad.

I admit that my wife and I are guilty of doing the same thing to our teenage children. At most of the SAT prep centers and piano classes/concerts, 99.9999% of the kids there are Asians. When we see this, we realize that we are not the only parents who do this to our kids. There are plenty of smart well rounded Asian kids out there, who will apply to the same colleges that our kids will apply to. We just want our children to have a stable successful career like us and being able to support their own family. We can’t live forever to support them. We hope that our children don’t hate us for what we did to them.

We love dentistry not because it’s a fun job…..nobody likes working. It can’t be a fun job when you have to set an alarm clock to wake up at certain time so you won’t be late for work. It can’t be a fun job when you always have to work hard (even when you already have an established practice) to keep the patients happy (so you can get more referrals), to avoid complaints, to avoid getting sued etc. We love dentistry because of $$$. Yes, money. With money, we can fulfill many of our dreams: prestige, good lifestyle, nice house, nice cars, nice vacations, good schools for the kids, early retirement etc. Thanks to dentistry, my wife is on a semi-retire mode (working 2-3 hours a day, 2-3 days/week) right now when she is only in her mid 40s.

At a family gathering, there was this one kid (in her mid 20s) who preached to other kids that “you should do what you love” and don’t let your parents choose a career for you….the problem is this kid’s parents still have to write her monthly checks to support her every month. It’s easy to preach “do what you love” to others when you still depend on your parents for financial support. Wait and see. You will realize that it is not easy to support a family and raise your kids when you are on your own and have to work hard to pay for everything: house, car, insurance, food, babysitting…. and little things like soap, toilet papers etc. Everything requires money. Having a good long term stable career is so important.

Thank you for your reply! That is one thing that terrifies me. That I will end up hating my parents in the future and thus, will put them at a distance. There are many times that I wished that I had different parents or that I was an orphan, so I wouldn't have to deal with my parents' expectations. I agree that having a good stable career is important if you want to make a family and have a nice lifestyle. However, I do not plan on making a family. Nor do I care about having a nice house, nice cars, etc. Thus, I really do not need a high-paying job. I told my parents this, but they dismissed it, believing that I will bring them grandchildren someday. I do agree with you about how the kid who preaches "you should do what you love" shouldn't really be saying that if she is on her parents' payroll. If I may ask, how are your children doing? Have they also become medical/dental professionals?

 

[charlestweed]

Thank you for your reply! That is one thing that terrifies me. That I will end up hating my parents in the future and thus, will put them at a distance. There are many times that I wished that I had different parents or that I was an orphan, so I wouldn't have to deal with my parents' expectations. I agree that having a good stable career is important if you want to make a family and have a nice lifestyle. However, I do not plan on making a family. Nor do I care about having a nice house, nice cars, etc. Thus, I really do not need a high-paying job. I told my parents this, but they dismissed it, believing that I will bring them grandchildren someday. I do agree with you about how the kid who preaches "you should do what you love" shouldn't really be saying that if she is on her parents' payroll. If I may ask, how are your children doing? Have they also become medical/dental professionals?

My kids are still in HS and are getting straight A's like most Asian kids...nothing special. They both know the reason why they have all the material things (nice house, private school, own bedroom, expensive vacation trips etc) that other kids their age don't have is because of my good stable job. So they want to be like me. Who know what they'll think in the future? And If they'll change their mind in the future, my wife and I can't do anything about it. They are always our kids. We will never disown them. They were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. We don't want them to downgrade the lifestyle that they are currently enjoying right now because they pick a wrong career.

A good general dentist friend of mine (my wife's dental classmate) also hates his job. After graduation, he worked 3-4 days/week here in CA...just enough to make monthly payments for his $250k student loan debt. His sister, who is a dentist in TX, convinced him to move to TX and he did. He has done extremely well there. He currently owns 1 dental practice and several rental properties...but he still hates practicing dentistry. Because of his good dental income, he can now afford to work only 1 day a week. His wife (who is not a dentist) and his associate dentists help manage the office for him. He becomes "Mr. mom." He cooks, packs lunch, and drives his daughter to school, piano and dance classes etc. And he really enjoys being a Mr. mom right now. He's glad that he's a dentist. He's in his mid 40s like me.

If you don't like dentistry, you can do like what my friend does... just work 1-2 days a week. You don't have any student loan. That's what I'll do in a couple of years. I don't enjoy working 5 days/week and dealing with 1000+ patients every month.... but I don't think I can quit completely and just stay home. My wife, who is also a dental specialist, is currently working 2-3 days/week 1-3 hours a day. Like me, she doesn't want to quit working completely either.

 

[GypsyHummus]

As an aside, how do dentists make so much money working only 1-2 days per week?

You see medical specialties pulling 400K, they are usually working 60-70 hrs/week.

 

[charlestweed]

As an aside, how do dentists make so much money working only 1-2 days per week?

You see medical specialties pulling 400K, they are usually working 60-70 hrs/week.

Dentists don't make much if they only work 1-2 days/week. An average daily salary of an associate general dentist is around $500-600/day....or $40-50k/year, if he/she only works 1-2 days/week. That's enough to support yourself if you don't have kids and debt.

 

[2TH MVR]

If you don't like dentistry, you can do like what my friend does... just work 1-2 days a week. You don't have any student loan. That's what I'll do in a couple of years. I don't enjoy working 5 days/week and dealing with 1000+ patients every month.... but I don't think I can quit completely and just stay home. My wife, who is also a dental specialist, is currently working 2-3 days/week 1-2 hours a day. Like me, she doesn't want to quit working completely either.

That's a good plan Charlestweed. You work hard in your younger years so you will have options later. Trust me ... as you get older (I'm 55 now) you start to look forward at your remaining decades of life. I do not want to have any regrets. I have a plan going forward (lol .... typical Asian) to fully enjoy my remaining years while I am healthy. I know exactly what I want and have a plan in place. Gotta enjoy things now before my plan becomes derailed with unavoidable health issues.