Freaking out a little. And by a little, I mean like a lot.

[Yung Dr. Allie]

Kind of similar to something I've posted before but here goes whatever.. LW need to vent so excuse me if this is slightly all over the place. Just hoping someone can help me out here

I'm in the spring semester of my junior year now and with med school apps creeping up slowly, I've started to feel quite overwhelmed. I just feel like I'm not doing enough and am feeling totally lost on what to do next because I feel like such a late bloomer. I graduate in 2017, but I don’t think I’ll be applying this cycle because I feel as if there’s so much more I need to/can do to make my med school app stronger.

But here's a summary of what I have done so far though:
- shadowed a pediatrician the summer after my freshman year of college
- took various GEs during summer school
- president of the biological honors society in my university
- did research on coral bleaching for about 2 years
- attended a national conference for undergrad research
- AP Biology mentor for an internship
- minors in psych & chem
- GPA of about 3.73

Aside from all this fun stuff, I have a fair share of leadership experience. I am formerly a core member of a youth group. At the university, I am a singing coordinator for a cultural club. Our club puts on the biggest student-lead production throughout the campus every spring, and starting in the summer prior to the show, we begin planning. This requires me to work with a team of script writers and choreographers, just to name a few.

I know that clinical experience is very important and I just started volunteering at a local hospital this semester. I have also been very blessed to be accepted into an internship with Kaiser Permanente, where I get to shadow a physician and observe various rotations such as neurology, general surgery, OB/GYN, dermatology, etc. I'm super excited because I know I will learn a lot, but I am nervous because I have the fear that through this internship, I might find out that the medical field is not for me, and from that point, I really wouldn't know what I want to do with my life. This has caused me to not sign up for the MCAT yet.

And for this, I am starting to worry about my future. I feel as if I am still lacking, and that I am not doing enough. In the first couple years at the university, I had some decent relationships with some of my professors, but over time, those have kind of diminished. I know that this is kind of a problem because letters of rec are crucial to the application process so how do I go back and strengthen these relationships again? I feel ashamed and shy… I may now be volunteering, and soon shadowing, but I look at some of my friends and they have been on medical missions in underserved countries in South America and Asia. A few more of my friends are doing some medical work in Louisiana and Africa. When I look at what they’re doing, I can’t help but feel like a lame potato. I know I shouldn’t compare because everyone has different experiences and/or takes things at different paces but I feel like I have nothing good to offer.

I’ve always had pretty good grades. I’ve always been fascinated by science. And I’ve always been one to care and help people out. People have told me that they think I would be a good doctor and I always thought that I would become one, but right now I’ve sort of reached this low point where I don’t know if I want to do it anymore. I’m at the point where I’m questioning if I this is even what I really wanted in the first place. Did I say that I wanted to become a doctor to please my parents? To earn money? Did I somehow just manipulate my brain into thinking this is what I truly want and that’s how I made it this far?

I don’t know what triggered this, but I am at a loss. I have been trying to be positive and happy and healthy but at the same time, I just feel as if something is off or something is missing. I don’t know if it’s just me being paranoid or what. I look at the people that I have been a role model to and those who believe in me, and I tell myself, “I can’t disappoint them now.” I don’t know who to go to. I feel like I can’t really talk to anyone about how I feel. There are a few people I can think of that I miss dearly and want to reach out to, but we have kind of drifted and they seem like they’re doing great in their live so I really don’t want to bother them with my problems because I don’t want to bring anyone down. I borderline think I should be seeking some kind of professional help for this but again, I really don’t know where to turn anymore, which is why I have turned to the internet like a lame-o. Is it a pride issue? Self-esteem issue? No idea. I just feel as if there’s a whole bunch of things wrong with me at the moment.

Apologies for turning this into a kind of depressing rant, but I had to get it all off my chest.

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[frosted_flake]

tl;dr please?

 

[DrHart]

My two cents... as my cycle is winding down - don't apply if you don't feel ready. It is a long, expensive, and emotionally exhausting process. It seems to me like you would benefit from taking another year.
That said, if you feel ready and are up to it, you can do it. I wouldn't send apps in until you know your MCAT score though.

 

[candbgirl]

Your gut feeling is correct. You aren't ready to apply this cycle and that's just fine. Don't do it until you are comfortable and can produce the best application possible. You only want to do this thing once. Your upcoming internship with Kaiser will hopefully answer many of your questions. The whole purpose of shadowing and clinical experience is to help you decide if you even want to spend the next 40 years with sick and injured people. Take your time to figure this out. As @Goro likes to say -med schools aren't going anyplace. He also says the process is a marathon and not a sprint. Make plans to take at least one Gap year. Hopefully after your internship things will clear up for you. Good luck.


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[thatwouldbeanarchy]

Take your time. There is absolutely no reason to rush any of this! The internship you mentioned sounds like a great opportunity! Go into it with an open mind. If you find out that medicine isn't for you, you will have saved yourself many years of your life and possibly many thousands of dollars. Medicine is a huge commitment of time, energy, and money. If it's right for you, I think it's absolutely worth it! But this isn't the kind of path you should doggedly pursue because you're afraid to explore other options or because you're afraid of disappointing other people. I promise you that if medicine isn't the thing for you, there's something else out there that is! I'll have taken 7 years between undergrad and medical school and I don't regret a second of it because I'm sure now that this is what I want.

 

[AvacadosAtLaw]

Also don't worry about your friends doing medical mission trips to other countries. Adcoms tend to look down on those. It's much better to do volunteering in your own community so focus on that.


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[bananafish94]

but I am nervous because I have the fear that through this internship, I might find out that the medical field is not for me, and from that point, I really wouldn't know what I want to do with my life.

I think that this alone warrants holding off on applying. If you don't know for sure that this is what you want to do, it would be a bad idea to get wrapped up in this madness. Do your internship, see if you continue to think that medicine is for you, continue your volunteering and spend some time building a really compelling case for yourself. You have a good GPA; if you decide to take the MCAT and do well on it you will be fine.

 

[takeurmeds02]

tl;dr please?

Should be standard.

 

[Petrichor1]

Also don't worry about your friends doing medical mission trips to other countries. Adcoms tend to look down on those. It's much better to do volunteering in your own community so focus on that.


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I would say that the perspective depends on the person reviewing your app. We have way more medical opportunities here that you really don't need to leave it to take the pulse of Bob in another country.

 

[Petrichor1]

I’ve always had pretty good grades. I’ve always been fascinated by science. And I’ve always been one to care and help people out. People have told me that they think I would be a good doctor and I always thought that I would become one, but right now I’ve sort of reached this low point where I don’t know if I want to do it anymore. I’m at the point where I’m questioning if I this is even what I really wanted in the first place. Did I say that I wanted to become a doctor to please my parents? To earn money? Did I somehow just manipulate my brain into thinking this is what I truly want and that’s how I made it this far?

.

Get a job (any job that you think is cool and you can get)...work that job for a year. If you don't come back within the first 3 months basically upset at how your wasting your time, then you know you can live without medicine. Did that trick for many

 

[frosted_flake]

Get a job (any job that you think is cool and you can get)...work that job for a year. If you don't come back within the first 3 months basically upset at how your wasting your time, then you know you can live without medicine. Did that trick for many

Medicine must surely be for me then!!!!
Found out within the first hour or so. It was pretty quick.

 

[Petrichor1]

Medicine must surely be for me then!!!!
Found out within the first hour or so. It was pretty quick.

sarcasm? my mom has supposedly mastered that and I have somehow gained better intuition at reading it

 

[frosted_flake]

sarcasm? my mom has supposedly mastered that and I have somehow gained better intuition at reading it

No! Completely serious. Out of the many entry level clinical jobs I have had, I have realized very early on that I am capable of so much more than what I am doing.

It is an excellent piece of advice.

 

[Petrichor1]

No! Completely serious. Out of the many entry level clinical jobs I have had, I have realized very early on that I am capable of so much more than what I am doing.

It is an excellent piece of advice.

haha great glad it worked!

 

[Yung Dr. Allie]

bump?

 

[candbgirl]

Why did you bump it? You got good advice first time. Have you more questions or concerns? What are they?


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[neekzg]

bump?

Take some time for yourself and don't apply this year. If you still don't feel ready by graduation, take another year off. Your goal should be to apply once when you are comfortable with what you are bringing to the application process. It is a stressful endeavor and you want to feel confident--not paranoid and all over the place--going into it.

This may be an assumption, but you are clearly not ready to apply come June--and that's not a bad thing at all. You should give yourself adequate time to prep for the MCAT (I haven't seen that at all in your post?) and then give yourself a few months AT LEAST before the June that you decide to apply to get your personal statement, activities descriptions and letters of rec ready.

 

[Yung Dr. Allie]

Waahh, I had no intention of sounding ungrateful or anything, I just was curious if anyone could add anything else.

I definitely don't plan on applying this year. Oh no no, I am FOR SURE not ready. With my undergrad coming to a close soon, I know I want to travel and go to music festivals and just immerse myself in a lot of different activities. Of course I still plan to do volunteer work and hopefully get a good job (anyone here a medical scribe and can tell me how that is?). I think that I've just really started to burn out because since the end of elementary school, I have pretty much not had a full, good summer for myself. It's been intercession work or summer school or youth camp all the time. Not that these experiences weren't enjoyable. I loved them. It's just that I think I spent a lot of time trying to look forward and also look out for others and seeing this transition away from that makes me feel a little weird? Idk.

@candbgirl I honestly wasn't sure, but @neekzg brought up some things to think about in regards to the MCAT. I realize I didn't really mention it.. But since I'm not sure about my application yet, should I just hold off taking it? I was thinking of taking it maybe September or sometime in spring 2017 because the score is good for like 3 years? (correct me if I'm wrong) when it comes to applying. This summer allows me at least 3 months to study for the MCAT but I'm wondering if I should just push back when I take the test because I don't plan to apply this round and I'm obviously just riding the waves and seeing if I'll apply in June 2017. Would it be a waste to take the test soon?