Friend stuck living in the past

[Gollum1985]

While a majority of my friends are successful either as medical students, pharmacy students, officers in military, etc... I have a friend that is having issues with living in the past. It is sad to see, but whenever we hang out he always brings up his glory days as a star athlete in high school. This kid played collegiate athletics, but ended up not finishing his degree. I try to encourage him to either finish his degree, join the military, or have a goal in life. He is still under the delusion that he will make it into pro sports though. He has been out of college sports for about 2 years now. With med school coming up and my time being even more limited with me being a HPSP member. Would you guys drop this friend?

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[Mad Jack]

While a majority of my friends are successful either as medical students, pharmacy students, officers in military, etc... I have a friend that is having issues with living in the past. It is sad to see, but whenever we hang out he always brings up his glory days as a star athlete in high school. This kid played collegiate athletics, but ended up not finishing his degree. I try to encourage him to either finish his degree, join the military, or have a goal in life. He is still under the delusion that he will make it into pro sports though. With med school coming up and my time being even more limited with me being a HPSP member. Would you guys drop this friend?

I don't drop friends based on their level of success or lack thereof.

 

[Gollum1985]

I have friends with various levels of success. However, I will be going to school in a different state and am in the military so I have little to no time. So I can no longer make time to have a lot of friends. I have encouraged this kid many times to better himself. However, every single time we hang out he always brings up his glory days from high school, and refuses to move on. I have listened to him rant about his glory days for 45 minutes one time.

 

[Electric Head]

Let me share some personal experience with you: As you move further down your career path, you're going to find that you share fewer and fewer things in common with your high school and college buddies. This trend will continue until you only keep in touch with a handful of people you knew - maybe none at all. By the time you become a doctor, well... you'll have doctor (and other medical field) friends to keep you company. My advice to you is to not fight the trend, but to simply observe which friends want to stay in touch and which friends you are having a one-sided relationship with.

 

[SurgDoc95]

It really depends on how good of a friend he is and how long you've been friends. I have a few friends who are stuck in the same place as yours and I've found the best thing to do is to move on. You don't have to just drop them as friends all together, but simply recognize that your life and theirs simply aren't compatible FOR NOW. They may figure their lives out down the road or your priorities may change so unless they haven't been a good friend to you I'd just remain aloof with them for the time being.

 

[Mad Jack]

Let me share some personal experience with you: As you move further down your career path, you're going to find that you share fewer and fewer things in common with your high school and college buddies. This trend will continue until you only keep in touch with a handful of people you knew - maybe none at all. By the time you become a doctor, well... you'll have doctor (and other medical field) friends to keep you company. My advice to you is to not fight the trend, but to simply observe which friends want to stay in touch and which friends you are having a one-sided relationship with.

This is true for many. Only a select few friends stick around- personally I've got many from college and few from medical school, doctors generally aren't my people.

 

[Mad Jack]

I have friends with various levels of success. However, I will be going to school in a different state and am in the military so I have little to no time. So I can no longer make time to have a lot of friends. I have encouraged this kid many times to better himself. However, every single time we hang out he always brings up his glory days from high school, and refuses to move on. I have listened to him rant about his glory days for 45 minutes one time.

If you don't find it to be a fruitful relationship, then move on and be that guy that maybe gets in touch via Facebook once every year or two.

 

[sloop]

No need to "drop" anyone as a friend. The real issue here is more that you won't have the time or energy to maintain relationships like you used to. As long as people understand that it shouldn't be a problem. Let things play out naturally.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

I don't drop friends based on their level of success or lack thereof.

Exactly. OP sounds like a terrible "friend."

 

[Gourd]

While a majority of my friends are successful either as medical students, pharmacy students, officers in military, etc... I have a friend that is having issues with living in the past. It is sad to see, but whenever we hang out he always brings up his glory days as a star athlete in high school. This kid played collegiate athletics, but ended up not finishing his degree. I try to encourage him to either finish his degree, join the military, or have a goal in life. He is still under the delusion that he will make it into pro sports though. He has been out of college sports for about 2 years now. With med school coming up and my time being even more limited with me being a HPSP member. Would you guys drop this friend?

Be straight up and tell him his ranting is annoying you. If he's a true friend he shouldn't be offended and maybe you will see a change in his behavior as a result. Better to at least address it before dropping him completely imo.


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[deleted407021]

How much you bet he could throw a football over them mountains?

 

[starri]

This is just an old dude talking, but my contrarian device is that all friendships with people who "knew you when" are worth fighting for. My college group of friends of writers, poets, artists, and musicians who are now middle-aged lawyers, social workers, professors, and teachers (and this one doctor) are invaluable to keep in my life, at least through social media, since we're so scattered geographically. I think it helps us stay grounded, and reminds us that once upon a time, we were cool.

 

[Gollum1985]

Be straight up and tell him his ranting is annoying you. If he's a true friend he shouldn't be offended and maybe you will see a change in his behavior as a result. Better to at least address it before dropping him completely imo.

At first I let him rant because he had just left college sports. It is 2 years later now and he still is ranting about how great he was and I have told him it's time to move on and have a new goal. He does it in front of my other friends as well with someone else even saying something to him...

 

[Gollum1985]

AlbinoHawk could you listen to someone rant about how great they are at high school sports for 45 minutes?

 

[raiderette]

I have friends from high school like this. It seems we talk about high school because it was what we have in common. Try to actually do things when you are hanging out so you are making new memories. At the same time, it is normal to make new friends and lose touch. I would remain friends, but if the behavior doesn't change over the years, let the relationship adjust into the occasional contact.

 

[Moose A Moose]

If only coach would've put him in... I bet he could throw a football right over that mountain.

 

[Mad Jack]

Be straight up and tell him his ranting is annoying you. If he's a true friend he shouldn't be offended and maybe you will see a change in his behavior as a result. Better to at least address it before dropping him completely imo.


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A better thing to do would be to be like, "hey, dude. Have you thought about where your life is going? Like, you were great before, but do you want to be great again? Because sports isn't happening, and I'm worried you're letting your dreams get in the way of your life."

 

[Gourd]

A better thing to do would be to be like, "hey, dude. Have you thought about where your life is going? Like, you were great before, but do you want to be great again? Because sports isn't happening, and I'm worried you're letting your dreams get in the way of your life."

Looks like OP already tried that approach...I find that especially with my guy friends it's best to be brutally honest and at this age feelings shouldn't be hurt if it's coming from a genuine place of concern. If you find his ranting annoying, tell him. He might just stop and then you can continue to enjoy the enriching aspects of your friendship again.


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[Gollum1985]

A better thing to do would be to be like, "hey, dude. Have you thought about where your life is going? Like, you were great before, but do you want to be great again? Because sports isn't happening, and I'm worried you're letting your dreams get in the way of your life."

I have tried this many times. Part of the problem is that he used to be a very good athlete. Received D1 offers for track and football. Received constant praise from everyone, got plenty of women, etc. However, his multiple poor choices ruined any chance of pro sports. He has been unable to let go of the past. It's sad and i listened to him for a long time. I used to hang with him a lot. But his constant ranting about his greatness gets old. So i have spent less time with him as a result. I can't even play video games or watch sports with him anymore cause he will constantly talk about how he is better than pro athletes...

 

[starri]

Just tell him "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose."

 

[NecrotizingFasciitis]

I kind of see where you're coming from. But I don't think you should just flat out drop this person for longing for their past if they aren't bringing anyone in your group down with them.

A friend of mine is the same way, except this individual wasn't a star athlete or anything, It's that this individual didn't really mature like the rest of us did.. they have an ok job for where they are in life right now, but definitely very much stuck in the past while the rest of my group are moving OOS for jobs, professional school, etc.

This individual wants me, and others, to live in the past with them; back when I went out all the time and was, as the heathens say, a douche. This individual uses all sorts of means to try and drag myself, and others, back down to that level, ranging from light-hearted banter to blunt verbal insults. It's highly aggravating. It's gotten to the point where, when we goes out to the bars or something, it really hinders the previously positive vibes of our group.

I just keep reminding myself that when I move away, I won't have to deal with it anymore and I won't see this individual anymore. If that time apart dissolves the friendship, then so be it. It happens.

 

[Bynumite17]

Im surprised no one has mentioned...you're moving to another state or town right? whether you want to or not, you're going to barely see or talk to this person anyway. That's just how med school is. You'll talk to immediate family, absolute best friends, and SO. You will be way too busy and stressed to be texting or calling this dude and that's just the natural order of things.

 

[River Rat]

These things play out naturally. No need to make it a conscious point of conversation. I.e.: "I'm going to stop being friends with you and these are the reasons why." You'll come off as a judgmental douche. The people in your life that matter will become evident soon enough, no point in rushing things.

 

[LutGholein]

I think it's somewhat natural for your old circle of friends to become smaller as you move on with your life/career especially with moving away to a different state for medical school. I have a friend who vaguely sounds similar to yours--and I understand that certain friendships feel more one-sided especially if your friend is trying to relive his glory days(and unwilling work on his/her future) while you move on with your life-- I have a few friends like this and I get the feeling we will grow apart--but on the other hand you will find yourself to value the friendships that you do maintain that much more.

 

[Scrubs101]

I think everyone has one of "these guys" in their friend group from back in the day

The one everyone in the group tends to get fed up with time to time, but no one just drops him because heck...he's our big lovable screw up


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[Jamie561]

While a majority of my friends are successful either as medical students, pharmacy students, officers in military, etc... I have a friend that is having issues with living in the past. It is sad to see, but whenever we hang out he always brings up his glory days as a star athlete in high school. This kid played collegiate athletics, but ended up not finishing his degree. I try to encourage him to either finish his degree, join the military, or have a goal in life. He is still under the delusion that he will make it into pro sports though. He has been out of college sports for about 2 years now. With med school coming up and my time being even more limited with me being a HPSP member. Would you guys drop this friend?

ya i wud drop him


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[xffan624]

While a majority of my friends are successful either as medical students, pharmacy students, officers in military, etc... I have a friend that is having issues with living in the past. It is sad to see, but whenever we hang out he always brings up his glory days as a star athlete in high school. This kid played collegiate athletics, but ended up not finishing his degree. I try to encourage him to either finish his degree, join the military, or have a goal in life. He is still under the delusion that he will make it into pro sports though. He has been out of college sports for about 2 years now. With med school coming up and my time being even more limited with me being a HPSP member. Would you guys drop this friend?

Friend sounds like a perfect candidate to coach high school sports. Still in the game and respected by student-athletes who don't know any better, but actually doing something productive.

 

[mw18]

This feels super humblebraggy to me.

 

[SurgDoc95]

This feels super humblebraggy to me.

The way OP worded it I can see that, but I don't think it's his intent.

 

[Goro]

Be straight up and tell him his ranting is annoying you. If he's a true friend he shouldn't be offended and maybe you will see a change in his behavior as a result. Better to at least address it before dropping him completely imo.


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100% agree. My best friend from high school used to piss and moan about slights from kindergarten. I used to think that he was :terminally immature".

Sadly, he developed schizoid personality syndrome. He still lives in his mom's basement, writing screenplays and counting his imaginary Oscars.

 

[kelminak]

100% agree. My best friend from high school used to piss and moan about slights from kindergarten. I used to think that he was :terminally immature".

Sadly, he developed schizoid personality syndrome. He still lives in his mom's basement, writing screenplays and counting his imaginary Oscars.

I wish there was a dislike button.

OP I'm going to say that you don't need to "drop" him, but in reality only one of two options play out:

1) You tell him that his ranting about athletics when he's failed at going pro is getting to the point where it's actually annoying to listen to. He either listens to your feedback and you remain friends, or doesn't and you slowly just hang out with him less.

2) You don't value him enough as a friend to confront him over it and just let the friendship fade out.

Neither option is necessarily wrong but it depends on how much you value the friendship.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

OP you sound like a doucher from your original post but I see what you're getting at. No offense.

I have homies from back in the day that were on the other side of your typical day in the life (gangs... fights... stabbings... drugs... you name it).

I still keep in touch with a few of them that keep in touch with me because they have matured and acknowledged their mistakes and they are living a different life.

Everybody can't be somebody.

As long as he's still a good guy, let him be.

Put on your big boy pants... you're going to be a doctor one day.

If dude doesn't wanna do anything, then that's his own fault. You did your due diligence by trying to talk to him but...you know how it goes.

You can lead a horse to water, but he ain't gonna drink it.

Hopefully your boy can acknowledge what he wants to do and find that motivation inside of him to get stuff done and live life.

 

[ortnakas]

"Dropping your friend" seems harsh and uncalled for. You can tell him that he's a downer, or that you would like to talk more about your lives now than about high school, but be kind-- my guess is your friend is going through a rough time and needs support more than he needs a lecture from you. However, @River Rat is right-- if you don't have much in common anymore anyway, when you move away and are super busy in medical school, the friendship might phase out naturally, and letting that happen wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

I don't actively dislike anyone I went to high school with, but now that I'm over ten years past graduation, there's only one friend from then who I really keep in contact with (other than the occasional Facebook comment).