Frustrations with couple's match!

[GasPrincess]

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Is there anybody else feeling my pain??? I know I shouldn't complain, and I'm super lucky to have the interviews that I have so far. But its just so frustrating! 😡

My SO is going into a super-competitive field, and our interviews are not matching up the way I would like. So far we have 3 schools that match up. I applied to 60+ programs, just so I could match up his 60+ programs. I know for his field, they aren't sending out interview invites till after the Dean's Letter. Should he contact he places I have interviews and ask them for an interview there?

I'm shocked at some of the places I have interviews, and I don't want to cancel them. He's an awesome candidate, great grades, great board scores, the whole package, so I'm sure he'll get some great interviews, but its just so GRRRR....

Anybody else go through this?? Any advice???

Thanks all for listening to my rant. I appreciate it! 😳

 

[passthegas2]

yeah, relax!!!

 

[Ferdie]

what specialty is he going into?

I thought gas was competitive, but now I'm not quite so worried about it. I popped in on the plastics board the other day, and they were talking about how average scores are in the 270s. I just about $#!+ my pants! Glad I don't have to deal with that!

Do you really like your man that much? You could always trade him in! Heehee

 

[polkadotcap]

I feel your pain. I am going through the same thing with my husband. You need to realize that he will likely NOT get a bunch of interviews that he will have the luxury to cancel. My husband has a 260+, junior AOA, multiple publications and fab letters (we saw two of them) and he was a grand total of 5 interviews and 3 rejections. You need to be prepared to have to cancel some of your interviews that you were so excited to get in case he doesn't get one. That's the trade off with the couple's match- it sucks, but it's life. This is honestly why I think you should either be married or at least engaged to go through it, just because I know that I did not realize what it TRULY meant until I had to call and cancel my first program after his first big fat reject. It's really a test in compromise, patience, and learning to sacrifice for someone that you truly love with all of your heart.

What helps me is to think this- If I were to end up at my #1 anesthesia choice next year- that fabulous program with great reputation, great people that I have dreamt about- all of it would mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and I would be endlessly depressed and sad because I would be without the one that I live my days for 🙂

Basically, life will be stressful until match day. But at least you're not going through it alone. I COMPLETETLY feel your pain, and if you ever need to vent, feel free to PM me!!

 

[cchoukal]

It seems to me that people do end up working out little deals to maximize the couples' match. I'm not so sure how it works for obtaining interviews, but I know I've heard of chairs calling other chairs and saying, "hey, we want so and so, can you take her husband?" That doesn't exactly help you right now, though. If you were going to take any action, I suppose it'd be easier for him to call places he's got interviews, since his gig is more competitive and, therefore, his interviews are probably at less competitive places.

Could he call the coordinator/secretary sort of anonymously and pose a hypothetical, "say, I've got an interview, we're couples matching, is there any way we can try to get my SO an interview at this place while I'm in town for mine?" They might at least be able to point you in the right direction or, conversely, tell you you're crazy for trying. In either case, you wouldn't have lost anything, but you'd at least feel like you tried your hardest.

Anyway, good luck. It's a tough time, for sure.

 

[GasPrincess]

My husband is going into Ortho. And since he's my husband (and I love the guy), I don't see trading him in as an option. 😛 He's going to email the places I have interviews at just to let them know of our situation, and see what happens, and hope for the best. I know we will match, but the process is so stressful. I'm sure everything will work out. Hopefully, programs will see that they are getting an awesome deal by taking the both of us. Here's to hoping, praying, begging....

 

[me454555]

I don't want to sound like a dark cloud but have a back up plan in case you don't match together. Are you willing to scramble if you don't match @ the same spot he does? Is he willing to do the same for you? Are you 2 willing to match separately to ensure that you end up in the speicalty you want? I went through the couples match last year and it didn't work out for us. We both matched into our fields but not at the same place. This may not happen to you but be prepared just in case

 

[polkadotcap]

I don't want to sound like a dark cloud but have a back up plan in case you don't match together. Are you willing to scramble if you don't match @ the same spot he does? Is he willing to do the same for you? Are you 2 willing to match separately to ensure that you end up in the speicalty you want? I went through the couples match last year and it didn't work out for us. We both matched into our fields but not at the same place. This may not happen to you but be prepared just in case

from what i understand it's all in how you make your list. if scrambling is NOT an option for you, don't put "no match" as one of your options while the other person ranks a place, unless you or your SO is willing to take that year to do research or something. keep this in mind also, if the "no match" option is what you match with, the matched person will NOT KNOW where he/she has matched until MATCH day, making scrambling for a spot in the same city next to IMPOSSIBLE for the other, unmatched, person, being that you will have no clue what city to apply in. you'll have to literally apply to everything, everywhere.

also, if you do NOT want to spend a year apart, do not list programs in different cities as one of your options.

For us, we plan on our contingency options being a) programs and prelims in the same city, and all of those permutations, and b) no match for both of us. We'd rather do research for a year and try again than a) be apart for a year or b) end up scrambling for something like family medicine in every city in the freakin' US.

 

[GasPrincess]

Is it too much to hope that if interviews are offered to both of us at the same place, that we would match there? We are both planning on going on at least 15 interviews in either the same program, or multple programs in the same city. If you think about it, that's a lot of permutations!

I don't want to sound like a dark cloud but have a back up plan in case you don't match together. Are you willing to scramble if you don't match @ the same spot he does? Is he willing to do the same for you? Are you 2 willing to match separately to ensure that you end up in the speicalty you want? I went through the couples match last year and it didn't work out for us. We both matched into our fields but not at the same place. This may not happen to you but be prepared just in case

 

[Pilot Doc]

I'd start making phone calls to ortho programs, particularly the ones where he's doing away rotations.

Don't match in separate cities. That's a horrible decision (unless you made a mistake choosing your spouse).

You should be able to get an internship of some sort in the city where your husband matches - I'd start interviewing for prelim years. You should plan to match to an internship only in the same city as your husband if the couple match doesn't work out. You can always take a year off afterwards if need be and still finish at the same time.

 

[Trisomy13]

A marriage of Ortho and Anesthesia.

Best of luck to you 😀

 

[Mista Suprane]

keep this in mind also, if the "no match" option is what you match with, the matched person will NOT KNOW where he/she has matched until MATCH day, making scrambling for a spot in the same city next to IMPOSSIBLE for the other, unmatched, person, being that you will have no clue what city to apply in. you'll have to literally apply to everything, everywhere.

this is absolutely, positively FALSE. if you have entered the couples match, have listed a "no match" as a choice, and do not match, you can call the NRMP and they will tell you what city you matched in, precisely for the fact that it will facilitate you scrambling in the same city as the matched partner.

also, even if you match for your advanced program (think anesthesia, radiology, optho, derm, etc.), and simply do not match an internship, you can make the same phone call, and get the same answer.

i know, because i did it last year.

also, for those of you going thru this process, and frustrated with not getting invites in the same cities/places, try talking to the program directors. i'll admit, we tried it at almost every place, and it worked EXACTLY once, but it was at UAB --> at my interview, i told the PD that i really liked the program, but that there was no way that i was ranking it because my fiancee had not received an interview. the NEXT DAY, she got an invite to to interview in the peds program. we ended up ranking it second.

 

[GasPrincess]

A marriage of Ortho and Anesthesia.

Best of luck to you 😀

So far we have interviews lined up at our away rotations and home school. Total of 4. We are banking on big cities like Chicago, New York, Pittsburgh, Boston, Cleveland etc. We shall see how this all pans out. Thanks for clarifying the NO MATCH option. Still not sure how we are going to go about doing that. However, I know that the couple's match rate is about the same as the regular match, about 95%. I'll take those odds. Even if it is a marriage between Ortho and Anesthesia. 😍

 

[polkadotcap]

this is absolutely, positively FALSE. if you have entered the couples match, have listed a "no match" as a choice, and do not match, you can call the NRMP and they will tell you what city you matched in, precisely for the fact that it will facilitate you scrambling in the same city as the matched partner.

also, even if you match for your advanced program (think anesthesia, radiology, optho, derm, etc.), and simply do not match an internship, you can make the same phone call, and get the same answer.

i know, because i did it last year.

also, for those of you going thru this process, and frustrated with not getting invites in the same cities/places, try talking to the program directors. i'll admit, we tried it at almost every place, and it worked EXACTLY once, but it was at UAB --> at my interview, i told the PD that i really liked the program, but that there was no way that i was ranking it because my fiancee had not received an interview. the NEXT DAY, she got an invite to to interview in the peds program. we ended up ranking it second.

I stand corrected, thank you for clarifying. My dean (who I now realize needs to become better informed) had scared us into thinking otherwise!

 

[Trisomy13]

Even if it is a marriage between Ortho and Anesthesia. 😍

i just got a chuckle out of it b/c of all the BS i see between those two depts in particular. if anything, your presence is more likely to keep your husband from degenerating into a carpenter once residency starts. 😉

 

[me454555]

Is it too much to hope that if interviews are offered to both of us at the same place, that we would match there? We are both planning on going on at least 15 interviews in either the same program, or multple programs in the same city. If you think about it, that's a lot of permutations!

If you get 15 together you should have no problem matching. Even if you get only 1 theres still a chance you 2 match together. All I'm saying is have a back up plan just in case. Figure out what you want to do w/your match list b/c you will have to submit it before knowing where you will end up.

 

[cchoukal]

One thing that didn't ocur to me in my first response is to ask, "what's YOUR dean doing for you?" At the very least, they should be answering questions about specifics of the match and what happens if you list such-and-such. But shouldn't your dean be calling around to swing interviews for you? They might if you asked...

 

[fakin' the funk]

I thought gas was competitive, but now I'm not quite so worried about it. I popped in on the plastics board the other day, and they were talking about how average scores are in the 270s. I just about $#!+ my pants! Glad I don't have to deal with that!

I suggest that you wipe up, since this is flagrantly false.