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Funny Chem Joke

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by Harbindoc, Aug 19, 2001.

  1. Harbindoc

    Harbindoc Member

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    Thought everyone might get a laugh out of this during this stressful time of year!

    :D :D
    The following is an actual question given on a chemistry mid-term. The
    answer by one student was so "profound" that the
    professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet,
    which is of course, why we now have the pleasure of
    enjoying it as well.

    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or

    endothermic (absorbs heat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
    using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and
    heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

    One student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
    changing in time. So we need to know the rate that
    souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
    leaving.

    I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
    gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls
    are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell,
    lets look at the different religions that exist in the
    world today. Some of these religions state that if you

    are not a member of their religion, you will go to
    Hell.

    Since there are more than one of these religions and
    since people do not belong to more than one religion,
    we can project that all souls go to Hell.

    With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
    the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
    Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
    Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
    temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the

    volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
    are added.

    This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
    at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
    pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
    loose.

    2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster
    than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
    temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
    over.

    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa
    Banyan during my Freshman year that "...it will be a
    cold day in Hell before I give you my number" and take
    into account the fact that I still have not succeeded
    in acquiring her number, then 2 cannot be true, and
    thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not
    freeze.

    The student received the only "A".
     
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  3. Drako

    Drako Senior Member

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    Damn, this is funny ****! Tks for sharing! :D
     
  4. Legend

    Legend Super Senior Member

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    very impressive!!

    :cool: :rolleyes:
     
  5. oh my gosh that was so funny

    ur awesome....maybe teresa will finally give u her number... ;)
     
  6. mongoose

    mongoose Banned
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    This is very bad humor. I didn't find it funny at all.
     
  7. LynnGweeny

    LynnGweeny Member

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    Here's another chem joke, although, just to warn everyone, it's a tad on the cheesy side...

    Okay, here goes: Two atoms were sitting next two each other when one atom said to the other, "Hey- I think I lost an electron." And the other atom replied, "Are you sure?" Answered the other atom, "Yeah- I'm positive!"

    hee hee! Sorry guys, please don't groan, I know it was bad- but I just wanted to contribute something.
     
  8. Harbindoc

    Harbindoc Member

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    Hey, Glad everyone liked it.

    Just wanted to let you know that it is not my test answer, I got it in an e-mail... I am a girl, so I don't think i'll be needing teresa's number! Hope everyone is faring well through this grueling process. :eek:
     
  9. Legend

    Legend Super Senior Member

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    Let me add something to your joke.

    There was a shop that sold a bunch of electrons, protons and neutrons. A chemist wanted to buy some neutrons so he asked the owner, "How much are the neutrons?"

    The owner replied, "No Charge"
     
  10. rxfudd

    rxfudd 1K Member

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    • Element: Woman
    • Symbol: Wo
    • Atomic Weight: Accepted as 59 kg, but known to vary 50-88
    • Occurance: Copious quantities in all urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in suburban areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.
    • Physical properties: Surface usually covered with cosmetics and perfumes. Boils at everything, freezes without reason. Melts if given proper treatment. Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
    • Chemical Properties: Has great affinity for gold, silver, and platinum. Reacts violently when mixed with copper and zirconium. May explode spontaneously if left alone. Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state. Turns green when placed next to a better looking specimen.
    • Caution: Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling. Illegal to possess more than one.

    • Element: Man
    • Symbol: Ma
    • Atomic Mass: Accepted as 70 kg. May vary from 50-150 kg. Highly reactive at 150 kg or higher.
    • Occurance: Often found in high concentrations near abundant supplies of Wo.
    • Physical Properties: Reacts violently and spontaneously with alcohols. Tends to fall into a low energy state directly after reaction with Wo. Gains considerable mass and loses reactive nature as specimen ages. Often found damaged as a direct result of contamination by Wo common ore. Spontaneous polarity changes relative to surrounding environment.
    • Chemical properties: All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible. May react with several Wo isotopes in a short time period under extremely favorable conditions. Usually willing to react with whatever is available. Great affinity for fatty substances. May react violently under high pressure. Bonds poorly with other substances. Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
    • Caution: Reacts extremely violently when in competition with other Ma isotopes in a Wo-Ma reaction.
     
  11. rxfudd that was funny too

    Harbindoc, if u dont need teresa's phone number, give it to me ;)

    :D
     
  12. NubianPrincess

    NubianPrincess Perpetually Bored

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    "Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore. "
    THAT is so funny! I thought that all of these Chem jokes were funny and cute :)
     

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