Any tips for dealing with a girlfriend that is upset about upcoming breast/pelvic exams you will be performing?
Girlfriend and Pelvic Exam
- Thread starter adelphi
- Start date
just explain to her that diseased vaginas tend not to be sexually stimulating...
- Joined
- May 20, 2010
- Messages
- 5,299
- Reaction score
- 6,913
Doing a pelvic exam will be one of the least sexually appealing things you will ever do. Cranking a speculum open in someone's vagina so you can take a look at her cervix. So hot.
Tell her to get over it, you're going to be a doctor. Part of the deal is that you'll be touching people's bodies all day. It won't be the last breast or pelvic exam you'll ever do.
Tell her to get over it, you're going to be a doctor. Part of the deal is that you'll be touching people's bodies all day. It won't be the last breast or pelvic exam you'll ever do.
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2009
- Messages
- 862
- Reaction score
- 178
If you have a significant other who is not mature enough to realize that as a future physician you will be touching patients all day, sometimes in sensitive areas and sometimes in states of undress, then this is not a good thing.
As said above breast/pelvic/rectal/penile exams are the least sexually stimulating thing you will do, and make no mistake you will do many of all of them.
As said above breast/pelvic/rectal/penile exams are the least sexually stimulating thing you will do, and make no mistake you will do many of all of them.
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2013
- Messages
- 382
- Reaction score
- 238
She is not mature enough to be in a relationship with a med student or physician. You may want to move on. If she has these feelings now, more than likely it will always be a problem. You need to focus in school and have be concerned that your SO is upset. What if you decide OBGYN is what you want to do?
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2012
- Messages
- 14,115
- Reaction score
- 13,739
Come on man. You really shouldn't be dating high schoolers
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2000
- Messages
- 39,952
- Reaction score
- 18,717
This is akin to the <heh heh> responses I get from Beavis and Butthead types when they find out I do several hundred unique breast exams a month.
They and your girlfriend have a complete misunderstanding of the physician-patient relationship which is immature, naïve, and frankly, somewhat offensive
Even if all the patients looked like Playboy models (and they don't ) it would be pretty disturbing if you found those exams sexually titillating.
They and your girlfriend have a complete misunderstanding of the physician-patient relationship which is immature, naïve, and frankly, somewhat offensive
Even if all the patients looked like Playboy models (and they don't ) it would be pretty disturbing if you found those exams sexually titillating.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2009
- Messages
- 3,470
- Reaction score
- 2,370
I would be upset too if my girlfriend kept trying to practice rectal exams on me.
- Joined
- May 22, 2008
- Messages
- 17,394
- Reaction score
- 9,129
No joke...
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2010
- Messages
- 1,028
- Reaction score
- 140
You could try demonstrating the exam by doing it on ur gf, speculum and all, and talk her through your reasoning and everything. I bet that would solve the problem.
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2012
- Messages
- 14,115
- Reaction score
- 13,739
Ok how does a woman not know what a pelvic or pap entails??? We start going at 18... so yeah I'm still guessing OP is dating a high schooler
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2012
- Messages
- 30
- Reaction score
- 11
I am going through a similar situation. Through countless hours of discussion, she came to the realization that it wasn't the exam itself, but rather a lack of trust that my thoughts would remain strictly professional. Obviously there is nothing sexual about these patient encounters, but explaining that really didn't solve the problem. I love my wife and want her to be happy, but it is a reality that I will have to do more than one pelvic exam throughout the course of my career, not to mention most physical exams involve touching sensitive areas.
So how are we dealing with it?
Since the real issue is not the exam, but rather an underlying trust issue, we can work through it. Couples counseling and frequent, non-blaming conversations are helping us through it. We are also friends with an older couple who we trust to give us support. If you love your girlfriend, there are certainly options available, but you must both be willing to put forth both time and effort or else the situation will lead to a lot of mutual resentment. That being said, if either of you are unwilling to work on the problem, it might be better to cut your losses and leave the relationship, but if you both love each other you can get through it.
As for the other posters who are referring to this as a maturity issue, I would caution you against assuming too much about the nature of her behavior. You have no idea from what circumstances her discomfort arises. Most women would be uncomfortable with their significant other seeing naked women or touching their breasts/genitalia, but that doesn't mean they are immature. Sorry for the rant, but simplifying behaviors into easily explainable, neatly wrapped packages seems a lazy replacement for understanding and compassion.
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2009
- Messages
- 828
- Reaction score
- 81
She's going to have a panic attack on your OB rotation.
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2007
- Messages
- 21,728
- Reaction score
- 3,121
Just so you know...not being a jerk.
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2012
- Messages
- 14,115
- Reaction score
- 13,739
Ahh my mistake. now that I think about it the reason I started going was to get bc not because it was required for general health reasons.
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2009
- Messages
- 607
- Reaction score
- 482
This, so much. No one on either side of the examining hands enjoys a pelvic exam. Not sure what could possibly be sexy about trying to find some walnut size ovaries through a 3 inch body wall with not-quite-long-enough fingers.
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2006
- Messages
- 69,368
- Reaction score
- 61,670
this thread isn't what I was hoping it would be
- Joined
- May 20, 2010
- Messages
- 5,299
- Reaction score
- 6,913
I thought it was going to be about the OP practicing pelvic exams on his girlfriend.
OP, I am disappoint.
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2012
- Messages
- 14,115
- Reaction score
- 13,739
Sorry to disappoint
Thanks for all the tips, guys.
Some stuff has happened in the past between me and her and with her family that has made her insecure. It isn't so much the exam, but the fact that I will be looking at naked women all day (OB/GYN rotation). She thinks sex between us and watching her have children won't be anything special after I've watched a bunch of deliveries/etc. I've tried telling her it won't be anything sexual and I won't be enjoying it but it doesn't help..
She is trying really hard to get over it so I am just trying to find some ways I might be able to help/make it easier. We will be going to counseling next semester so hopefully that will help some.
On a less serious note: What would a girl do if you asked to practice a rectal/pelvic on her? LOL Girlfriend or someone you brought home from the bar.
Some stuff has happened in the past between me and her and with her family that has made her insecure. It isn't so much the exam, but the fact that I will be looking at naked women all day (OB/GYN rotation). She thinks sex between us and watching her have children won't be anything special after I've watched a bunch of deliveries/etc. I've tried telling her it won't be anything sexual and I won't be enjoying it but it doesn't help..
She is trying really hard to get over it so I am just trying to find some ways I might be able to help/make it easier. We will be going to counseling next semester so hopefully that will help some.
On a less serious note: What would a girl do if you asked to practice a rectal/pelvic on her? LOL Girlfriend or someone you brought home from the bar.
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2006
- Messages
- 69,368
- Reaction score
- 61,670
Serious question: Why do you stay with this girl?
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2009
- Messages
- 607
- Reaction score
- 482
Let me put it this way: if your patients are actually totally naked for any prolonged period of time, you've made a mistake in draping. Being of the heterosexual female persuasion, I cannot say that I have ever equated or even related a male GU exam with whatever fun sexual experiences I've had. This bit about "Most women would be uncomfortable with their significant other seeing naked women or touching their breasts/genitalia" needs to have the disclaimer of "in the context of a situation where a breast/GU exam is not professionally necessary." Personally, I can't say I've ever been uncomfortable about my male partner doing breast/GU exams in a professional context. Why? Because I can separate body parts which can be considered erotic in physical exam (and, remember, there are people with a fetish for all kinds of body parts...like ears and ostomies, etc.) from the actual physical-emotional-psychological experience of sex with a partner. Seriously, if you had a thing for toes, is that actually a reason for a partner to get mad at you for doing diabetic foot exams?
- Joined
- May 20, 2010
- Messages
- 5,299
- Reaction score
- 6,913
Yes, I can't think of a single time so far where a patient has been totally naked. It's just never necessary.
The bit about "seeing her have children won't be special after seeing a bunch of deliveries" is like saying "oh mom needs a craniotomy? I've seen those before so NBD."
The bit about "seeing her have children won't be special after seeing a bunch of deliveries" is like saying "oh mom needs a craniotomy? I've seen those before so NBD."
I'm with you guys, I don't see anything sexual in it. And I don't think seeing deliveries will take away from having my own child, either.
In terms of seeing them completely naked, I just meant seeing breasts and genitalia in general throughout the rotation, not everything at once lol
I love this girl and I think we make a good couple she just has trouble with this and I want to try working through it instead of just throwing in the towel right away, you know? I appreciate the concern and honest opinions, though.
In terms of seeing them completely naked, I just meant seeing breasts and genitalia in general throughout the rotation, not everything at once lol
I love this girl and I think we make a good couple she just has trouble with this and I want to try working through it instead of just throwing in the towel right away, you know? I appreciate the concern and honest opinions, though.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2008
- Messages
- 4,303
- Reaction score
- 22,293
You clearly haven't rotated at a VA.
The Vets just love to be naked for some reason. It's like old men in the gym locker room.
The challenge is getting them to keep their gowns on.
- Joined
- May 20, 2010
- Messages
- 5,299
- Reaction score
- 6,913
lol I have not...we don't rotate at VAs (unfortunately cause I'd actually like to).
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2008
- Messages
- 4,303
- Reaction score
- 22,293
You haven't lived until you've taken care of a delirious, 300 lb vet who manages to take his gown off even while in full restraints...
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2007
- Messages
- 13,095
- Reaction score
- 334
Thread is totally ridiculous. If you are doing a rectal on somebody in the ED to r/o CES, I guarantee this is the last thing you are thinking about.
and that diseased vaginas are a minority.
that sounds like a terrible idea, to be frank.
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2004
- Messages
- 27,966
- Reaction score
- 56,404
This can't be emphasized enough. Treating patients is your JOB. You'll be doing this for most of the rest of your life. That fact that this girl is so uncomfortable with the notion of you doing your job is a very bad sign. This is not a problem that's going to get better. No, it will get worse. Move on.
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2010
- Messages
- 4,066
- Reaction score
- 5,163
When I came home from breast/pelvic exams with SP's 1st year, my wife asked me about it. I could tell she was somewhat uncomfortable, though she tried not to show it.
I told her it was no big deal and that honestly, the standardized patient might as well have been a man because there was nothing sexual or awkward about it when it came right down to it. She seemed relieved and satisfied with that answer, and it hasn't been an issue since. I'm on my OBGyn rotation now, and I haven't heard a word, or detected a hint of weirdness from her so I think she's over any hangup she may have had.
I told her it was no big deal and that honestly, the standardized patient might as well have been a man because there was nothing sexual or awkward about it when it came right down to it. She seemed relieved and satisfied with that answer, and it hasn't been an issue since. I'm on my OBGyn rotation now, and I haven't heard a word, or detected a hint of weirdness from her so I think she's over any hangup she may have had.
If I'm doing a pelvic exam, it's because I'm either evaluating bleeding down there, discharge down there, or checking for PID or endometritis or something akin to that. So unfortunately, diseased vaginas are in the majority. I don't get to play with the nice ones just doing routine exams, and neither are most med students on their rotations. Ob/Gyn residents and attendings may be a different matter.
definitely agree. I've never done any on any girlfriends for practice back when I was a MS, and I would never do it on my wife even if she asked (which she wouldn't).
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2010
- Messages
- 4,007
- Reaction score
- 368
Beat me to it. This.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2008
- Messages
- 4,303
- Reaction score
- 22,293
There are a lot of red flags here. This whole issue which is unbelievably juvenile. The mysterious past "stuff" that has made her feel insecure (cough...infidelity...cough). Not getting along with the parents. Having to go to couples counseling...while just dating.
OP. Take it from those with some real experience. Cut the cord now, save yourself a world of pain later.
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2009
- Messages
- 607
- Reaction score
- 482
Oh my goodness, so true. You know the H+P is going to go well when you walk in and the first thing you see is a penis airing out.
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2000
- Messages
- 39,952
- Reaction score
- 18,717
This is why I date men who are less attractive than me.
Ugly partners don't question your actions because they feel lucky to be with you.
Ugly partners don't question your actions because they feel lucky to be with you.
- Joined
- May 3, 2006
- Messages
- 4,698
- Reaction score
- 1,675
Bring her to all your deliveries. That way she'll see what you see, and she'll also probably realize delivering babies involves more poop and bodily fluids than boners.
- Joined
- May 3, 2006
- Messages
- 4,698
- Reaction score
- 1,675
Depends which state(and city) you're in. You can be in a clinic/ED with fishy odor left and right!
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2013
- Messages
- 498
- Reaction score
- 164
This.
My girlfriend and I both work together currently as PCAs. We clean up incontinent of stool/urine patients at least a dozen times each shift and that involves (gasp) touching patient genitals and seeing patients naked. Beyond the "ick" factor, it becomes very clinical very quickly. She either needs to get over it or you need to realize that you probably don't have a future with this girl.
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2006
- Messages
- 69,368
- Reaction score
- 61,670
This is why I date men who are less attractive than me.
Ugly partners don't question your actions because they feel lucky to be with you.
Yeah, but . . . wouldn't this be ALL men??
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2008
- Messages
- 6,270
- Reaction score
- 2,529
Nice.
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2000
- Messages
- 39,952
- Reaction score
- 18,717
Which one:
1) all men are less attractive than me?
2) all men don't question my actions?
3) all men feel lucky to be with me?
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2006
- Messages
- 69,368
- Reaction score
- 61,670
Which one:
1) all men are less attractive than me?
2) all men don't question my actions?
3) all men feel lucky to be with me?
I think it's probably all three at once.
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2007
- Messages
- 13,095
- Reaction score
- 334
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2004
- Messages
- 35,944
- Reaction score
- 17,726
How insecure is your gf? Or does she not have any understanding of the fact that this is part of your medical education? If she's upset about this, how upset is she going to be that you're going to be spending long nights at the hospital with lots of female residents, med students, PA's, nurses, etc etc etc?!
