Great Lies of Surgery - In a Humorous Vein

[gudog]

Here are some of the great lies of surgery from days gone by when I did my training. Feel free to add recent updates:

"It was dry when we closed."

"Somebody told me to do it."

"That's the way we always do it."

"Yes, we got it all out."

"You go on down to clinic, I we be along shortly to help."

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[boston]

From signout:

"Don't worry, she's been stable... won't give you any trouble tonight."

 

[Winged Scapula]

"All treatment options were explained to the patient."

"Anesthesia must have given the patient too much/too little fluid."

"Sure, I've done this dozens/hundreds of times before!"

 

[kaos]

"You won't feel pain, just pressure."

 

[sponch]

"Informed consent was obtained."

"Review of systems was negative except as noted above."

"I don't know the results of your biopsy just yet."

 

[forbin]

The attending physician was present and performed all critical elements of the procedure.

 

[_aging_cowboy]

"Great job anesthesia."

 

[Fah-Q]

"CV - RRR, no G/R/M"

"Lungs - CTA B"

"Structure X was clearly identified, meticulously dissected free and preserved."

 

[RichL025]

"The patient was extensively counseled as to the risks and benefits of the planned procedure"

 

[Docxter]

In two cases of iatrogenic spinal cord transection, the neurosurgery op notes repeatedly stated, "the dura was never entered".

 

[The_Sensei]

"Great job anesthesia."

No lie.....it's the truth. We keep your patients alive while you actively try to kill them (some more so than others).

 

[aashiq]

The operation was a success but patient couldnt make it

 

[lennox23]

"call for the next case, we'll be closing in 10 minutes"

"I'm on my way to clinic"

 

[RichL025]

"Sure sir, I'd love to do that case with you..."

 

[funkless]

"Good morning!"

 

[scutking]

"The sponge, needle, and instrument count was correct at the end of the case."

 

[morpheus md]

#1: We observe the 80 hour/week work regulations.

 

[RajMahal]

just keep quiet and squeeze the bag, okay?

No lie.....it's the truth. We keep your patients alive while you actively try to kill them (some more so than others).

 

[Debridement]

"I would never cheat on my wife."

 

[The_Sensei]

just keep quiet and squeeze the bag, okay?

Will do.....as long as you keep your word-hole shut and hold 'dem retractors for the next 4 hours, Haji.....

 

[RajMahal]

Will do.....as long as you keep your word-hole shut and hold 'dem retractors for the next 4 hours, Haji.....

racial slurs are always funny. you think just because you're an attending i'm not going to report you? think again, you ignorant bigot.

 

[aphistis]

racial slurs are always funny. you think just because you're an attending i'm not going to report you? think again, you ignorant bigot.

You reap what you sow, Raj. Don't put down others if you're not ready to catch some blowback.

To everyone: if you can't say anything nice...

 

[dynx]

racial slurs are always funny. you think just because you're an attending i'm not going to report you? think again, you ignorant bigot.

Lighten up slick. You wanna start throwing mud you better be prepared to get some back.

 

[The_Sensei]

racial slurs are always funny. you think just because you're an attending i'm not going to report you? think again, you ignorant bigot.

No racial slur intended; lighten up! If you can't take what you dish out, it's time to cut your losses and pursue another specialty. Sheeeeeesh.

 

[Tigger14]

"We only lost 50 mL of blood."

 

[Leukocyte]

-I am a general surgery resident, and we adhere strictly to the 80 hour rule.

-Yes, you can have plenty of sleep and free time as a general surgeon.

-I love the clinic.

-I love the sicu.

-I NEVER ONCE regreted my decision to be a general surgeon.

-Never did I envy an Anesthesiologist or an Interventional Radiologist.

-Never did I once wish that I was an Orthopedic surgeon, ENT, or Urologist.

-And the MOTHER OF THEM ALL...."I love Trauma call".

 

[uclacrewdude]

"gimme a call and ill help you discharge that pt."

"yeah, ill get social work here ASAP."

 

[salmonella]

"plenty of good looking girls in my program"

 

[UTSouthwestern]

After a six hour AVR/CABGX3:

"It's like we were never there."