Grieving the loss of my father...

[tryingoutthisdream]

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Hey, SDN.

I came to this site several times before.. with the same old- I am the first to graduate in the US, the first to be accepted into multiple medical schools, etc, etc. My username is "tryingoutthisdream" because that's how it felt. My parents gave up the world and went through hell to see their kid become great. My father passed away 3 days ago at the tender of age of 59; an early death as a result of the intense stressors placed on him financially, mentally and emotionally and a lack of resources to support his family. I am attending medical school in two months and earned two scholarships to help with the costs of attendance. For the 14 years, I have been here.. I only wanted one thing- for you to see me in a white coat as my thank you. A part of me is guilted by the three years I took off in between undergrad and medical school but I guess there is no way I could have predicted the future back then. He passed away peacefully in his sleep.. a doctor's appointment 3 days ago stating everything was fine. and me walking into his room to wake him up only to find him already on the other side. The shock is finally going away and though I prepared for the day to become and know that life is a cycle, I pictured my white coat fitting today to be a bit different. The journey to medical school and medical school is truly a sacrifice- I am guilted by the times I wish I was there but I do know that he died knowing that I love him. Father's Day will be and your birthday (june 9th) will definitely wake me up from the shock and when I see you're not there.

Though we are busy, appreciate your family, SDN

 

[Moko]

A part of me is guilted by the three years I took off in between undergrad and medical school but I guess there is no way I could have predicted the future back then... Though we are busy, appreciate your family, SDN

I'm very sorry for your loss. While no words from a stranger can alleviate the grief that you are feeling right now, I wanted to acknowledge that this sense of guilt is very common and normal. As you said, hindsight is always 20/20. Any parent would be proud that their child honored their sacrifices by making something of themselves and achieving so much. The first few months of medical school can be a very trying time even for folks at their best. Please have a very low threshold to reach out to your dean (just as a FYI, but especially so if you feel that you would benefit from a break to be well). Medicine is a marathon and not a sprint; and often times in helping others, we often neglect to take care of ourselves. Thank you for thinking of us despite going through so much currently. Best of luck.

 

[TypeADissection]

I am very sorry for your loss. Cannot even begin to comprehend. Time heals wounds and hopefully each day will get better. Cheers.

 

[Dr panda]

I am very sorry to hear that about your father. Don't worry about those 3 years, if you didn't take them off, you would be sorry to not graduate from medical school before his death. I wish you best of luck in medical school, and I am sure that your father is proud of you.

 

[diasterdream]

You are a strong person OP. I know that your father would be immensely proud of your accomplishments. I am not sure if you believe in this, but I think your dad will be there in spirit watching you achieve the things you set out to achieve. Again, the words are small in comparison to your loss, but I am sorry. I hope you have time and space to grieve and celebrate your father. I wish you all the best.

 

[Goro]

Hey, SDN.

I came to this site several times before.. with the same old- I am the first to graduate in the US, the first to be accepted into multiple medical schools, etc, etc. My username is "tryingoutthisdream" because that's how it felt. My parents gave up the world and went through hell to see their kid become great. My father passed away 3 days ago at the tender of age of 59; an early death as a result of the intense stressors placed on him financially, mentally and emotionally and a lack of resources to support his family. I am attending medical school in two months and earned two scholarships to help with the costs of attendance. For the 14 years, I have been here.. I only wanted one thing- for you to see me in a white coat as my thank you. A part of me is guilted by the three years I took off in between undergrad and medical school but I guess there is no way I could have predicted the future back then. He passed away peacefully in his sleep.. a doctor's appointment 3 days ago stating everything was fine. and me walking into his room to wake him up only to find him already on the other side. The shock is finally going away and though I prepared for the day to become and know that life is a cycle, I pictured my white coat fitting today to be a bit different. The journey to medical school and medical school is truly a sacrifice- I am guilted by the times I wish I was there but I do know that he died knowing that I love him. Father's Day will be and your birthday (june 9th) will definitely wake me up from the shock and when I see you're not there.

Though we are busy, appreciate your family, SDN

Very sorry to hear of this, OP. I lost my dad at age 7.

Take time to grieve. Cry when you feel like crying; don't hold it in. But there will come a time when you still feel sad, but are cried out. That's the time to stay busy.

When the time is right, perhaps on Father's Day, write him a letter.

 

[RNthenDoc]

So sorry this has happened.

Never feel guilty for feeling your feelings... please allow yourself to be human.

Then, months later... know that your career will help keep fathers with their families. You understand the gravity of helping others, of having opportunity, of loss. You’ll be a better physician for it. Much better.

But for now, you don’t have to wear the Superman cape. Let yourself be human. We are all here for you!

 

[deleted962973]

I’m very sorry to hear this, and please try to remember that the white coat ceremony is merely a formality. You received a medical school acceptance in the US- very few people in the world can claim an accomplishment like that, especially against such stiff competition. Your dad was immensely proud of you already.

 

[Planes2Doc]

I am so sorry about your father's passing. May his memory forever be a blessing!

There is nothing that would have made him happier than for you to finally start medical school and become a physician. He would see that all of his sacrifices have paid off. Don't ever regret the time you had, especially that 3 year break between undergrad and medical school. So now it's your turn to make those sacrifices, so that your can honor the memory of your father and to make him proud, and to make the lives of your future children even better. I'm wishing you and your family all the best.