Harassing Roommate

[fleetgoddess]

I haven't started too many threads but I'm on the last straw with my roommate and could really use some advice. Typically the worst roommates I had in med school were the ones that just didn't live here and stayed with boyfriends, which got lonely. I had a super crazy one freshman year in college but she had some psych problems and was really crazy rather than mean. It did help me keep my A's in engineering though as I was never home as she was always talking about her spell books and knife collections but regardless.

This year I have had a really nice roommate to my face but several months ago I've started getting text messages several times a week about how hot it is when she comes home, what lights were on but the dimmer switch was all the way down, that the common room is messy etc etc.
On friday she sent me a couple texts and I was gone handling some frustrating med school thigns... already not in the best mood. I texted her back that the texts really have to stop to which I got a slew of 30 texts including these excuses. I didn't even respond to any of these as I don't really care what her excuses are, I just want the texting to stop.

She has her own mess but has excuses
- she has a whole years of recycling in the dining room that she hasn't taken out... she admits its messy but she knows its messy and she will eventually get to it so its alright. My mess of paperwork i the family room was there for three days which is not ok. I'm not sure what the difference was, I think its that it was mine and not hers.

- She hasn't done the dishes the last two months as I didn't do them when I was away on interviews.

-she hasn't taken the garbage out as she never goes by the dumpster. Again I have rarely just been happening by the dumpster but anyway.

When the texts first started I walked to her room, as I was sometimes home when I get such texts and asked what was the problem as I feel this is a juvenile way of handling things. I got them match day about a light being on but the dimmer switch was down when she came home. I mean I could be anywhere, doing anything and I get barraged by incoming bitching texts that always end with THANKS.

I mean I could harass her about many things she doesn't do I could of texted her about leaving the tv on this morning but I just turned it off like a normal person. Since she moved in our electricity usage has gone up astronomically as she likes her air con and her heating to be super comfy. I do too but its expensive, but then she'll text about a small light being left on when she gets home in the morning from the bfs. (I confess I've taken the practice the last three years to leave one light on in the hallway when no one is home the past three years at night. But my electricity bill at this apartment was never really effected as its an energy efficient light bulb and its just one) Really the problem w/ electricity is heating, cooling, and water heater. she also has an additional fridge and air cleaner in her room which go all the time which def uses more energy than anything I have.

Months ago while following our energy usage compared to the last 4 years I just conceded: she uses a lot and I'll have to pay half, but in life it won't matter. But after I got a ton of texts about different things being on when she got home (the last straw being i got a slew and my friends and i had made a spectacle of turning them off when we left as she was being a bitch the previous day, so we knew they were off but maintenance came over to fix something in between must have left them on but with the dimmer switch down). I told her after 5 texts in a row that the texts just HAVE TO STOP. I can be relaxing and I just dread to hear that ding as I know that no matter where I go I can't escape her bickering. I could be relaxing with friends and ding a text from her!


I just got 9 in the past two days. Haven't read a single one. I caught a glimpse of one and I think it said something about being too hot and she doesn't want to sweat. I'm in the next room. I really dont' care what she does, I don't even care if she's hot: I got my window open and the breeze is great and I've been reading a book. She can turn the air con on, i just dont want to hear about it. I just don't want the text messages anymore! I don't care what she's upset about! Especially if she can never say it to my face! She's send me some accusatory text like when was the last time you were home (she was at her bfs all weekend) its too hot in here. I've been in the apartment all weekend and I opened the windows: its def tolerable but she wants to make sure I know that she thinks its not. I don't even think I would have even turned it on this weekend last year though when my electricity bill wasn't ridiculously high each month. Although I must admit that with our 50% increased bill compared to last year I am a bit more energy conscious.

My point of view is if I don't care enough to confront someone to their face I'll handle it myself. Like her not taking out the garbage all year. I'm not going to make an ordeal about it as its like a 2 minute job but I'm surely not going to text her about it!

HELP! She's a nice girl but I mean when has it ever been acceptable to text people 10 times a week and rant at them. I'm not even a really messy person. Sometimes I have binders and paper and residency contracts around but its not like I have months of take out hanging around. I'm only here till may but right now I don't even want to see her I'm so mad, and I just got two more texts while I wrote this!

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[ProtossCarrier]

you are a med student and you have time to type up all that?

 

[fleetgoddess]

Yes I'm a fourth year but I think any med student can take 45 minutes to write something. 1st and 2nd year especially you have a lot of time to do other things. Fourth and third year it depends on the rotation I guess. I mean even when board studying I took time to work out every day. I really don't get that response med school isn't really that all encompassing that you have no time for anything else. Thats a tangent though. My dean's letter also said I'm one of the most involved med students in other activities/ groups so I guess I may just juggle my time better than most/ sleep less.

 

[J ROD]

tell her stop or you are gonna beat her....

 

[fleetgoddess]

HAHA. I think thats why I can't talk to her today. I think I may beat her! I'm not usually an angry person so I don't know if I can control myself!

 

[OpalOnyx]

Tell her you're at your "texting limit" and can't receive any more texts. And to contact you through some other means. Maybe you can create a new email account, give that to her, and proceed to never check it.

And... you could also try having a conversation. And get your ducks in a row to move out when you can.

 

[fleetgoddess]

I already had a conversation last time it didn't change anything. I'm just worried I'm too angry since I got >25 texts this weekend from her. I don't know how long it will take for my fuse to go back to normal. I just can't see anything good happen in talking to her when I'm so mad. I'm leaving in the next few days to go to my parents and they are helping me buy a car for residency. I wanted to talk to her before leaving but I'm just too mad right now. I think I was cooling down till I got the last two and now I'm back to angry. Maybe I'll work out really hard tomorrow and then have a convo before I leave.

 

[Prime2000]

I already had a conversation last time it didn't change anything. I'm just worried I'm too angry since I got >25 texts this weekend from her. I don't know how long it will take for my fuse to go back to normal. I just can't see anything good happen in talking to her when I'm so mad. I'm leaving in the next few days to go to my parents and they are helping me buy a car for residency. I wanted to talk to her before leaving but I'm just too mad right now. I think I was cooling down till I got the last two and now I'm back to angry. Maybe I'll work out really hard tomorrow and then have a convo before I leave.

Just sit down and shoot straight with her. Tell her it's unfortunate this roommate tension has surfaced because you've really enjoyed her as a roommate but if it can't be resolved then you want things to be cordial for a few more weeks and that you'll do your part--you have bigger things to devote your energy to (ie. planning your residency move, getting plastered on grad night, last chance hook-ups with med school classmates ).

 

[BlueElmo]

Just ask her if she has time to talk, and just tell her what you wrote in your post.
If she still doesn't stop, well then, you have less than two months before you leave the whole place for good for your residency right?
What's two months of torture when you've gone through 4 years of med school hell?

 

[engineeredout]

Man med students are not meant to be roommates. Everyone I know doesn't simply not get along with their roommate, but in coming to the end of 2nd year they absolutely hate each other.

This is why I live alone

 

[ar2388]

if you only have 2 months left in this apt, i would suck it up, ignore her, and move on with my life. if you are planning on staying in this apt after 4th year ends, i would sit down with her and tell her that she needs to move out by the end of the school year or whenever your 1 yr lease agreement or whatever expires. enough is enough.

 

[BBender716]

You can set up text blocking... just tell her she's blocked. End-o-story.

 

[Shadowmoses]

Just be straight with her. Put your foot down. Tell her whats pissing you off face to face. Tell her texting you is futile because you either ignore them or you blocked her and tell her why. Point out all her hypocrisy's. If you say it while you are in a pissed off mood that might be a good thing. If she tries to text you while you are speaking to her throw her cell phone out the window.

Some people need tough love.

 

[OpalOnyx]

Just be straight with her. Put your foot down. Tell her whats pissing you off face to face. Tell her texting you is futile because you either ignore them or you blocked her and tell her why. Point out all her hypocrisy's. If you say it while you are in a pissed off mood that might be a good thing. If she tries to text you while you are speaking to her throw her cell phone out the window.

Some people need tough love.

note: her cell phone, not yours

 

[MediCynical]

Next time she sends you a text message, reply with:

"This (insert cell phone provider) customer has blocked the receipt of text messages from your number. If you feel you have received this message by mistake, please contact our customer service hotline.

Ref# 4276651"

If she ever texts you again, resend the exact same text message.

In all seriousness, you just need to confront her and try to have a thorough, civil discussion about how you both feel. Don't leave until you've established some ground rules about responsibilities and personal accountability.

 

[random cell]

I went through something very similar to this in college with a dbag in my dorm. I tried any and every means necessary to get rid of this asswipe, but asswipes do not have brains I later learned.

So the moral of my story and your story is, avoid roommates at all costs. Even people you know as friends can turn out to be crap roommates. This is why I'm getting my own place no matter the cost.

 

[ar2388]

definitely a good idea to get your own place. i had a horrible roommate experience senior yr of college. 2 couples, 2 bedrooms, one bathroom except my boyfriend and i lived in our 11ft by 13ft room and the other couple lived in a one bedroom apt and had the balls to yell at us for not cleaning up the kitchen and ****. i still have screaming fights with them... in my head... while i shower...

 

[ruiner]

Block her number.

 

[gracie369]

Hook up with her boyfriend or her parents. Obviously report back to us if this helped.

 

[robu058]

Block her number.

+1. call your cell phone provider and tell them you want to block her number. Case resolved!!! I have done that before!!!

 

[officedepot]

I really don't understand why you care so much. But then again as med students we end up caring about a lot of pointless things and any little extra stress just isn't worth it.

Just tell her that she can do whatever she wants. If it's too hot then turn the A/C on. You don't care. Just have a conversation with her. No point in steaming about it over the internet. Besides you're moving out in two months. If she can't have a normal convo then just forget about it. I know it's annoying bc that would annoy me too. But, well, sometimes we just have to deal with this crap. Happens in the hospital as well I guess.

 

[OveractiveBrain]

Just sit down and shoot straight with her. Tell her it's unfortunate this roommate tension has surfaced because you've really enjoyed her as a roommate but if it can't be resolved then you want things to be cordial for a few more weeks and that you'll do your part--you have bigger things to devote your energy to (ie. planning your residency move, getting plastered on grad night, last chance hook-ups with med school classmates ).

This is the best advice. You place yourself as the weak link (even though you know its her), and give a more than admirable reason for your remarks. Tell her the way way she does things just isnt right. You have control over THIS. you dont have control over her texts.

Only if she fails to respond do you block her number. iF shes a CU!t and refuses to let up, then you block her number, turn the heat to 95 (on a programmed timer), never be home, and get drunk every night so you pass out....

 

[Sloo0]

Break the sexual tension.

 

[WhyOhWhy]

Yes I'm a fourth year but I think any med student can take 45 minutes to write something. 1st and 2nd year especially you have a lot of time to do other things.

You must be high.

 

[islandCrazy]

You need to either move out!! Break the lease.

It really doesn't matter what you say to her she is crazy.

 

[GoSpursGo]

Just stop responding. If it's not important enough for her to spend the time to talk to you face-to-face, it's probably not worth the time to respond