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Has anyone lost any friendships on account of being Pre-Med?

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by kismat, Feb 7, 2001.

  1. kismat

    kismat Member
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    Hey all....
    This,I must admit, is a subject that's not really Med school related. I was wondering if any of you lost any "friendships" (I put that in quotes cuz true friends stick by you no matter how busy you are, or understand if you can't party with them) because of being Pre-Med and having a heavy course load. Or, even if you haven't lost anyone you might be somehwhat close to.....do you guys feel like you miss out on a lot of things "normal" college kids tend to enjoy? Personally,I do.
    With the April MCATS rearing its ugly head just round the corner, there are no plans for Spring Break Miami or Jamaica trips....and it also sucks cuz this is my last year in school. Or you are not able to "hang out" with friends as much as before cuz of the time constraints put forth my pre-med courses. Any opinions.....
    Thanks [​IMG]
    Thanks [​IMG]
     
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  3. lilycat

    Moderator Emeritus 10+ Year Member

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    I'm not sure if I could totally blame it on being premed, but there was definitely a huge strain on my friendship with my housemates last year, partly because of it, and as a result, we no longer talk, which is kind of sad because we had been "friends" and lived together since freshman year (I graduated in '99). Anyways, I totally feel what you are going through -- the first time I was supposed to take my MCAT, I was spending all of spring break studying, while my other roommates were doing the spring break thing in Mexico (and the kicker is I didn't even end up taking the test that year!). Then last year, I was working 40-50 hrs/wk, studying for the MCAT from Dec-April -- and then I had to find some way to balance the rest of my time between boyfriend, family, and friends. My friends definitely lost out, but that was sort of because it was a vicious circle: they were all still in school, so they were "bonding" -- going out to movies, shopping, etc., while I was a)working, or b) studying. So, I felt like they were getting super close, and that I was more on the outside looking in, than really a part of the group. This of course made me feel more inclined to hang out with my boyfriend or family or with other friends where I didn't feel so left out. In retrospect, there were definitely a lot of other things going on, and I think what happened was reflective of issues or problems I had with these same girls all throughout college. I know it sounds corny, but honestly, your "true" friends will stick by you, and will still be there for you, even if you can't always make a lot of time for them. In retrospect, I realized that the girls I lived with -- we were all really friends more as a function of proximity through the years, than actual things in common. However, the friendships I made on having similar or shared interests, beliefs, etc. were much more long-lasting. While it was hard at the time, ultimately I know that I have definitely made some stonger friendships because now I know who is there only for the good times, and who is willing to be around all the time. Don't get discouraged, because it really does work itself out.
     
  4. Pathologist

    Pathologist Senior Member
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    I know what you mean. I haven't necessarily lost friends because of pre-med. I'm a freshman this year and because I spend more time studying than a lot of people here, I haven't really made friends at college. A lot of people here are just big partiers. We do have a special dorm just for health science students, but it's a lot more expensive. I don't want to spend big bucks on undergrad. So, I do feel like I miss out on fun sometimes.
     
  5. kismat

    kismat Member
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    Lilycat and Pathologist,
    Thank you both your replies. I know exactly what you mean Lilycat. Between working and going to school and studyin for the mcat, I feel like I have no time "to work on friendships" if you know what I mean. There are a few close friends who understand and I can see them whenever I want, no pressure, no conditions attached. However, there are others who are not super close, but who were close to me freshman year and I constantly have to "work" at being friends with them cuz my priorities are very different from theirs. Anyway, thanks once again for your responses, it did make me feel better to realize that there are others in the same boat! [​IMG] Good luck and honestly, I can't wait for the day when ppl like us start med school and we can finally have classmates who understand what it is like to be acadmically inclined to Pre-Med or Med-disciplines that require some sacrifices!
    [​IMG]
     
  6. hatcher

    hatcher warning: hostile member!
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    kismat, i was wondering if you go to a school close to home or not? the reason i ask is because when i was an undergraduate i went to school away from home and had no friends there when school started. as a result, most of the friends i made were all in my classes and were either pre-med or pre-vet, so we all were in the same boat. the people i met that were not pre-med did do quite a bit more partying than we did, and as a result, did kind of drift away.
     
  7. Jacky

    Jacky Member
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    Good question. Personally, I believe that my effort towards gaining acceptance to med school has contributed immensely on my social life (what social life?). I'm a non-traditional (older) student and can easily reflect on all of the fun times I had in my early 20s. Some people (like myself) have to sacrafice more to attain the high demands medicine requires. This has put a strain on everything else in my life. Most of my previous casual/party friends have all iced me and the few remaining just get frustrated w/ me and my inability to hang. (sounds wonderful, doesn't it!!) Another thing, my newly revised competitive/perfectionistic demeanor has become the most god-awful repellent towards women. (They all despise me.) I'm a nice guy. It's not my nature to be competitive, but sadly, it's the only way I know to survive the climate. (Sounds unhealthy, right?) Balance is desperately needed in my life and I don't know how to get it. (Any advice would be greatly appreciated.) Geez, look what I've turned this into!!
     
  8. kismat

    kismat Member
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    Hey Hatcher and Jacky
    Thanks for your replies. Jacky, believe me I know exactly what you mean. Although I am not a non-trad, I graduated last May, but still very close to campus....the main reason being proximity to my boyfriend and other friends. I graduated a year earlier than the rest of my class and like u say,,...had a blast with most of them my freshman year.....now I have to balance full time work plus MCAT and one or more post-bac grad classes. It just ain't fun and games at this point you know......and the comment you made about your friends "icing you" !! Whew! That hits the nail on the head for a few of my so called "friends" who get all pissy if you can't hang with them.
    TO answer your question Hatcher,...no I live very very far from home! WHen I first started school 3.5 yrs ago, I made a lot of friends quickly,....but all of them are non Pre-Med and have comparitively "easy" (I put that in quotes cuz I don't wanna offend anyone and is merely my subjective opinion) majors such as Business Studies or English. They are also a bunch of rich kids who don't have to work while in school.,...well, I could go on and on, but you all get the drift, I am sure! Anyway, freshman and maybe sophomore year was fun,....but its about time
    that I should focus on my future....gettin into med school...and somehow for some reason
    they get in the way by "icing me" or giving me major guilt trips! Anyhow...thank you all for your feedback...once again, it is definitely nice to hear that some ppl feel somewhat the same way... [​IMG]
     
  9. lilycat

    Moderator Emeritus 10+ Year Member

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    Kismat -- those friends that you mentioned who you can see whenever, with no strings attached -- those are definitely some friendships that you want to keep up and maintain, but I'm sure you already knew that. As for finding balance in life, I knew that I didn't have time to do everything well, so for practical purposes, I had to make work and studying (MCAT) my main priorities. After that, it was a question of which of my friends were the easiest to chill with, who made me feel good about things, and who didn't seem to play games (I didn't have time to return their calls, so thus they wouldn't return mine, etc.). This definitely narrowed the picture down to a few people, and thus I concentrated my valuable time on them, rather than spreading myself thin over friendships that just weren't that strong ultimately. As for the competitive/perfectionist spirit that Jacky mentioned, I understand that that can become totally second nature in a premed setting. However, you should also ask yourself if being that way makes you happy. I know that I definitely can become competitive in certain situations; however, that is something that I personally don't like about myself, so I try to subdue it in most situations, and it actually has worked really well. You can definitely be successful along the pre-med/med pathway without being competitive, or at least trying to subvert that side of your personality when you're out among the "other side." Good luck to both of you.
     
  10. Pre-meds are not and were not the only academically inclined people whom made sacrifices. The engineering and mathematics students were ALWAYS ALWAYS studying and were FOREVER academically inclined.
     
  11. dfleis

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    #10 dfleis, Feb 8, 2001
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2010
  12. Pathologist

    Pathologist Senior Member
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    Oh, I agree. I don't necessarily think it's pre-med that does it. I think that this happens to anyone who's in a tougher program, or who has to study more.

     
  13. Meli

    Meli Member
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    Deciding to become a post-bacc pre-med student was more of a committment for me than my recent marriage! Preparation for medical school (and then of course the real thing) takes a lot of time away from fun and the rest of life in general. I guess for some people it's easy, but most need to work our as*es off and then some.
    This is just my experience here, but I knew who my best friend was by the time I was 12 years old and it's the same person today. The people who truly care about you will always be there. In fact, they should be proud of your hard work and dedication. I know it blows to give up so much and it doesn't get easier with age. Now my husband and I have to delay building a house, put the brakes on vacations and new cars, etc. I don't know how he puts up with it but I know why I do--it will be a privilege to practice medicine and actualize that dream. You have to make sure it's worth it and if it is, every step you take closer to the dream will keep you going.
     
  14. Nanon

    Nanon An urban myth.
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    I donno. I think even before I was "premed," I tended to choose my friends based on what kinds of demands they placed on my time, at least in part. I've always been relatively busy, though. I think most people who work and have families, regardless of what their occupation is, don't really have excess time to hang with their buddies. So maybe this phenomena you're experiencing is more a function of age than of educational pursuit. My grandmother used to say, (and it's true,) "You're lucky if you can count your friends on one hand."

    Nanon

    [This message has been edited by Nanon (edited 02-10-2001).]
     

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