Have you heard a good one lately?

[alana138]

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there with dark shades on.
She says, ''Excuse me, sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?''

He says, ''Ma'am, I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.''

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, ''That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all-around rod and reel and it's $20.00.''

She says, ''That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it.''

He walks behind the counter to the register. Just then, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her?being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, ''That will be $25.50.''

She says, ''But didn't you say it was $20.00?''

He says, ''Yes, ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00,
the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50.''
Alana S. Thornberg

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[alana138]

HEY,
LETS KEEP THIS FORUM INTERESTING. POST JOKES, FUNNY STORIES AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT MAY BRIGHTEN OR AMUSE YOUR FELLOW STUDENTS HERE. BESIDES EVERYONE HAS HEARD A GOOD ONE LATELY...

 

[Kung Foo]

So our biochem prof opens every class with a joke. This one has been around, but it's a health care classic

My grandmothers cat was sick, listless, and didn't look so good, so she took it to the vet. The vet examined the cat, poked around, but couldn't see what was the matter, so she told grandma she'd have to run some tests. She left the room briefly and came back with a big black labordor retriever, thinking the dog might scare the cat into responding. The cat still didn't move, so the vet scratched her head and decided that there was one more test she could try. She came back in with a kitten, hoping to rev up the maternal instinct in the cat. Again, no luck. She told grandmother: I'm sorry, there's nothing more I can do. Grandma sighed and said, "I was afraid of that. What do I owe you?" The vet said "$350.00" Grandma started and said: i thought it was only going to be $25 or so - all you did was examine the cat! The vet replied: yes, $25 for the exam, $175 for the cat scan and $150 for the lab tests!

 

[Yah-E]

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who should be the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood got toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story? The dingus is usually in charge!

 

[DrJeff]

A woman is turning 40 next week, and when her husband asks what she wants for her birthday, she smuggly replies, "something better be in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, or else this marriage is over!"

Well, the big day arrives, and she gets up, and upon looking in the driveway doesn't see anything.

When she asks her husband where the present is, he replies, "honey it's there, just go and take a closer look"

Upon looking closer, she finds a bathroom scale in the driveway!

The funeral for her husband was 3 days later!

 

[toofache32]

A man was lying on his deathbed in the hospital and looks up at his wife. He says, "You've always been by my side. You were there when I lost my job, you were there when I had my first heart attack, you were there when I had both of my strokes. And now you're here with me as I'm dying. I've been thinking about it...and I think you're bad luck!"

 

[Cold Front]

A magician worked on a cruise ship.

The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.

The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days ...

Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said .....

"OK, I give up. Where's the feckin' ship?"

 

[remify]

"yo mama so fat when she jump for joy, she got stuck"
-r. peters

 

[Typo]

Sixth grade science teacher Mr. Sampson asks his class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Nobody raises a hand, so he calls on the first student to look his way.

"Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"

Mr. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. He asked the class the question again and this time Sam raised his hand. "Yes, Sam?"

"Mr. Sampson, Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."

"Very good, Sam. Thank you."

Mr. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have three things to
tell you:

First, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."

 

[Typo]

Another favorite (before this thread gets moved ):

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man's man, who showed no fear in facing his enemies.

One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my Red Shirt."

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and while wearing the bright frock he led his mates into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on, the look-out again spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again howled for his red shirt and once again vanquished the pirates.

That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"

The captain replied, "If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to resist, unafraid."

All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a man's manly man. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out once again spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual reply.

Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his mighty sailing ship and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants!"

 

[Khurram]

"yo mama so fat when she jump for joy, she got stuck"
-r. peters

Love russell peters...i got tickets to go see him november 13th at the beacon theater in nyc...if ure a fan and since u go to nyu u should go as well...

 

[eapleitez]

The captain bravo joke was hilarious!

 

[duh?]

LOL @ the Captain Bravo joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!