Having a Kid in Med School...

[acab]

A 36-year-old female friend is determined to have her 1st kid in med school. She's a strong candidate and will probably get into a top 10. She's not married nor has a bf. She definitely wants to be a mom and needs to do it while in med school.
I don't know what to say. It would be really hard, I imagine, to raise a kid by yourself while attending classes almost for the whole day. At the same time, I don't want to discourage her, since I believe many women her age feel the that urge.

Please post your opinions/advice....

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[doc05]

This idea is terribly selfish. raising a kid is hard enough when you are married and have a normal 9 to 5 job. but deciding to be a single parent (which in itself is a stupid idea), especially when your time is so limited because of medical school and residency, will likely be to the detriment of the child. Of course, at 36, she doesn't have much time left, but it's still a bad idea.

 

[PianoGirl04]

I guess it's a hard decision because of her age, but I think it will ultimately be harmful to the child and the mother. Raising children is a full-time job! She probably won't have enough time to dedicate to both...which means she will probably (a) drop out of med school or stop before internship, or (b) stick the kid in day care all day and not be able to develop a secure attachment with him/her.

 

[Alexander99]

Have you considered adopting once you're out of med school?

 

[acab]

I agree that adoption is a great alternative. Being a single mother is also not good for the child. But not a mother myself, I feel I can't really tell her not to have a child. I did mention a few cases that women well over 40 had children. Her reply: "it will be harder once in residency." She's very smart and stubborn!

 

[CharlesCA]

Can soon to be grandma/grandpa take care of the kid while she is at school? If she is determined to have a kid while in school, at least have family raise it.

 

[doc05]

Originally posted by CharlesCA
Can soon to be grandma/grandpa take care of the kid while she is at school? If she is determined to have a kid while in school, at least have family raise it.

you are an idiot. it is presumptuous to assume that they have nothing better to do than raise another kid.

 

[CharlesCA]

Originally posted by doc05
you are an idiot. it is presumptuous to assume that they have nothing better to do than raise another kid.

You are an idiot, too . Typically, grandma/grandpa's can't wait to get a grandkid and start raising it .

 

[Bones2008]

I'd kinda like to take the opposite viewpoint of everyone so far. Med school is tough; but, unlike residency, it's pretty much an 8 to 5 kinda commitment in terms of when you have to be somewhere outside of the home. In fact, a lot of schools now record lectures for viewing in the library or over the internet, so attendance isn't necessarily mandatory. I think that if she feels she can tolerate the sleepless nights with the baby while studying some difficult material, then she should go for it! It'll be tough, though.

 

[Street Philosopher]

what's wrong with having grandparents take care of them? i was raised by my granny and my parents are offering to take care of my kids.

 

[Teufelhunden]

Unless there's a stay-at-home parent in the picture, it is very selfish to have a kid while in med school. Why people have kids only to have them raised in daycare is completely beyond me.

I hate to break it to some of you, but the cushy hours of your MS1 and MS2 years come to a crashing halt once you enter the clinic. My roommate now on his medicine rotation works every other weekend...yes...that's 12 days in row without a day off.

I remember learning something, somewhere about it being good for parents to spend this thing called "time" with their children. I'm sorry, all these people that say, "Oh, well I don't get to see the kiddies much, but when I do it's QUALITY time...", that's a bunch of b.s.

Kids don't need an hour or two of "quality" time...they just need plain old "time," and lots of it. Listen, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Couples need to decide whether they want high-powered, time-consuming careers OR children. You can't do both 100%...period.

Listen, I don't mean to come across sexist either...cuz I don't care WHO sacrifices their career...but someone needs to for the sake of the children.

As an aside, I don't know WHY people want screaming little snot-nosed kids running around anyway...I HATE KIDS!

Okay, back to the 'Dead Baby Jokes' thread

 

[lessismoe]

if it is financially plausible, she should consider getting some of her ova frozen. I remember seeing a news magazine program about how they have made advances in that field.

 

[dara678]

Personally, I think this is a tough situation ... to the OP, would your friend really want to bring a child into the world where one parent is unknown (I'm assuming she's going to a sperm bank or something?) and the other is working ALL the time? To me, it seems like the child will grow up with a lot of problems.

On the other hand, I don't have any kids ... can someone who is actually a parent put in their two cents?

 

[Megalofyia]

Mail order groom?

 

[woolie]

A friend of mine had twins at 42. She is a single mom and has a good job, and she pays someone to be with the boys all day.

It's hard to say: "she shouldn't have done it" when you see these beautiful boys and how happy everyone is around them. Kids are never really convenient and sometimes you just have to jump in and find a way. My parents were 19 and 21 when they started their family and it seems to have worked out ok all around.

You never know untilk you try and she might suddenly find people who do want to help out. Kids are an excellent lifetime "investment" and you just do your best. In the end it's usually just fine.

 

[harrypotter]

I believe a working mother is able to spend more quality time than a parent who stays at home, if they put effort into it. Just because a parent stays home all day, doesn't mean they are spending all day with a child. Some kids end up in front of the tv, while the parent is doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, etc.

Also, there's a big difference between a parent just pushing their kid in the grocery cart from a parent who is talking to their child and showing them the words in the store, talking about the different foods, the colors of food, etc....

it's all about how you spend that time, not the amount of it...
good luck to you friend, whatever she decides!

 

[doc05]

Originally posted by CharlesCA
You are an idiot, too . Typically, grandma/grandpa's can't wait to get a grandkid and start raising it .

"Mom, dad, with me and sis out of the house, I know you two were looking forward to retirement, vacations to Europe, and having the house to yourselves, but how about a brand new screaming toddler!! wanna raise my kid for me? please please pretty please?"

Give me a break. Grandparents like to visit, love to spoil the grandkids with candy and presents, but they sure as hell don't want to raise the kids.

 

[doc05]

Originally posted by harrypotter
I believe a working mother is able to spend more quality time than a parent who stays at home, if they put effort into it. Just because a parent stays home all day, doesn't mean they are spending all day with a child. Some kids end up in front of the tv, while the parent is doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, etc.

Also, there's a big difference between a parent just pushing their kid in the grocery cart from a parent who is talking to their child and showing them the words in the store, talking about the different foods, the colors of food, etc....

it's all about how you spend that time, not the amount of it...
good luck to you friend, whatever she decides!

perhaps as an adult you can draw the distinction between "total time" and "quality time." But kids don't. they want to spend time with mommy and daddy, regardless of whether it's going on daily errands, or spending a the day in highly structured educationally enriching activities. the more time the better, at least for the kids.

 

[commy-superman]

Originally posted by doc05
"Mom, dad, with me and sis out of the house, I know you two were looking forward to retirement, vacations to Europe, and having the house to yourselves, but how about a brand new screaming toddler!! wanna raise my kid for me? please please pretty please?"

Give me a break. Grandparents like to visit, love to spoil the grandkids with candy and presents, but they sure as hell don't want to raise the kids.

Are you a grandparent...didnt think so. It's an option. Maybe they are willing to sacrifice a little bit to let their daughter go medical school and also to get their own grand child.

 

[Ms. Dawson DO]

every family is different so all these assumptions on what people will and will not want to do. my fiance's parents are all gungho about being very supportive (ie taking my son as needed) while i am in med school. People have babies and families allthe time through med school and not all those folks have one fulltme at home parent.

Now to the OP's original question, as an ACTUAL parent, I have no clue how my mother raised 4 of us alone and went to school and worked. I know my grandparents were very important inhelping her accomplish this. However, would my mother choose to do this alone. Hell would I? and I have one child...um probably not. It is really hard and everyday I thank god for my fiance. I know that it will be even harder while in med school, and we have been 'planning' for it as much as possible for the past two years. BUT my son is beautiful and I can't imagine not having him...so I can understand this woman's maternal pull...especially at 36. Her biological clock is seriously ticking. I say if she feels she has the proper support system, then go for it...and she should do it between second and third year as some schools allow students to take some time off (usually a year) before starting clinical years.

 

[Sophie]

Originally posted by doc05
Give me a break. Grandparents like to visit, love to spoil the grandkids with candy and presents, but they sure as hell don't want to raise the kids.

You should really quit talking for all grandparents in the world. Surprisingly enough, each person has their own thoughts, opinions, and wants. Shocking, huh?

My mother is the type who just wants frequent visits from grandkids (although she would be willing to raise them if necessary), but my boyfriend's mother, aunts, and grandma are already fighting over who will get to raise our kids... and we're not even married yet or thinking of having kids in the next 5 years. So obviously some grandparents really do want to raise their grandkids, as hard as that may be for you to comprehend.

 

[md_hopeful21]

I don't know where the article is but it describes it in my Principles of Neural Science book by Eric R. Kandel, the article describes a study done on children who did not spend time with parents. The study was done by Rene' Spitz, he compared the development of infants raised in a foundling home with the development of infaints raised in a nursing home atached to a women's prison. Try to do a search on this study it'll give u some insight into the development of a child

 

[CD]

I AM the PROUD parent of two children ages 11 and 8 so I know "just a little" about raising kids! Kids DO need more than "snippets" of our time....even if that time is "quality" time. Putting it in adult terms......

You and your significant other plan a romatic dinner at an "elite" restaurant. You plan all week for this dinner, and that day you skip lunch so you will truly "enjoy" the experience. This restaurant is noted for having the best-highest quality-steaks (or soy for you veggans!!!) It took you weeks to get a reservation and your mouth is watering for the "best the world has to offer". You leave work early to change and "fix up " for your dinner. You arrive at the restaurant and are seated. Eventually the waitress comes and you ask if the "steak" (or whatever) is really as good as everyone claims. She launches into the merits of their "the best the world has to offer" steaks. You and your significant other wait in anticipation and in time your meal is brought. There on the plate lies a 1/2 inch by 1/2 inch cube of steak. You look in shock at the waitress. You ask in disbeleif, "is this all I get?" "Oh, but this the highest quality in the world!" she explains. "You have the very best QUALITY avaliable, surely that's enough?" We as adults would NEVER settle for that. We EXPECT quality AND quantity for our meal......... THAT is what our children expect and NEED of us. They are cheated when we give them anything less.

 

[Asclepius]

I, for one, would love to have a kid in medical school, assuming he graduates, becomes a wealthy doctor, supports me, and doesn't demand that I pay for his education.