Having a Wedding during Interview Season(Oct/Nov 2014)...Bad Idea?

[ElectricDoc]

Hello everyone, I need your help. I'm applying for the Ophtho match this Summer and my fiance and I are trying to set a wedding date for this Fall(2014). When are most Ophtho interviews typically offered? I found conflicting information on the forums with some threads showing October as the busy month and some showing November.

My fiance is a 4th year med student applying to Internal Medicine(we are doing couples match for my Prelim). We originally wanted to have a wedding in Feb/March of 2015, but we are living long distance and being engaged for another year long distance is not something we want to do anymore. She is taking Step2 in June and has SubI's in July/August. Applications go out Sept 15th so until then we don't want to have a wedding.

Dec, Jan, Feb are out because of the weather in her town(Dallas)- there are 'freezes' where the whole city is shut down for days at a time because there is no system like Chi, NY where streets are salted and etc. Her parents don't want to take the risk of planning a big wedding and then having the electricity or whole city get shut down down for the entire weekend(this happened recently a few weeks ago and it was Feb! The entire city was shut down for a day due to icy roads and a friend's wedding was ruined). It's happened 3 years in a row and it may sound funny that "winter weather" is in an issue in Dallas, but it would be dumb to plan a big budget wedding around then and have the risk of cancelling due to weather.

We don't want to do March/April because that is way too close to us both starting intern year - which we both know is going to be hell and not the best time to start our first year of marriage(we have never lived together). The emotional, physical, mental stress of intern year hours for both of us plus a new marriage is not a combination I'd like to pursue if I have the choice.

That leaves us with end of Sept, October and November. We'd also like a week long honeymoon. It is going to be a big traditional South Asian wedding so we need at least a 2-week block for the wedding and honeymoon.
I know of one program in TX that only offers 2 interview dates the first 2 Fridays of November. That really worries me because I don't want to limit my interview options because of a conflicting wedding date.
Any suggestions??

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[ophthope]

Taking off for a 2 week block in any of those months except September is probably going to make you miss some interviews. The application deadline may be on September 15th but there's no reason you can't get yours together earlier if that's what you need to do. I interviewed in 2012 and the earliest earliest interviews early October - just looked back at the calendar I made and the first interview date for the programs that I applied to was October 5th. Mid-October it started ramping up with lots of programs having overlapping dates and pretty much every day being a 'possible' interview. It pretty much stays busy like that through October and November then interview dates abruptly end in Mid-December. I shoved all my prelim interviews into January except for a couple so I don't know when those really started up.

On a personal note, if you know you're ready then I wholeheartedly advise going ahead and getting married instead of trying to wait another year. It's Ophtho so you'll need to apply broadly like we all do, but for the sake of the couples match you guys should spend time making sure you apply to programs in the same places. You'll probably get interview offers earlier than she will so she should be able to add an application to places where you get interview offers if she hasn't already applied there. Away rotations can be a gamble sometimes, but if you think there's one particular place you would both like then seriously consider both doing away rotations there and trying to shine. I'm in the South so I'd say if you and your fiance were doing that here, feel free to let people know that you're engaged and wanting to match somewhere together and that you both really like that place. Being on the other side of interviews I can tell you that personal factors make an impression on us residents and the attendings as well. There are also some big cities with multiple Ophtho and multiple IMED residencies which would open up more options if you're a city slicker or don't mind the Chicago commute etc etc, and more cities (like Dallas which is far more desirable than Chicago or NYC in my opinion) with one Ophtho but more than one IMED program.

Then there's always the consideration that your program is a year longer than her's anyway, so she could consider suicide matching and reapplying if she doesn't match. Tough situation and hard thing to decide I'm sure. Good luck to you both!

 

[barkatthemoon]

i think october could be OK. I interviewed this year, tried to put interivews as early as possible and had 3/14 in october. two were at the end of the month. i could have scheudled these later, but as you'll see the dates get filled up and you get conflicts. I think you would be fine if you took off the first two week of october. would not take time off later than that.

 

[ophthoapp2010]

I think October would be the only ok option. However, does it mean you will not have email access readily available for two weeks? Because when I was applying, I had to reply immediately (like within a few minutes) in order to get the date I needed. Otherwise, there was a couple instances where I was (1) bumped to the wait list, or (2) could no longer make the interview due to the only remaining interview date conflicting with an existing interview.

 

[4ophtho]

If you get married during/before interviews, then you'll miss interviews or spend the first months of your marriage traveling several times a week for interviews and not being together. It's not ideal, but doable.

If I were you I'd do March. Spring weddings are nice, the last months of med school are easy, and if you play your cards right you can schedule some easy elective and have plenty of time together before intern year.

Even though she may be busy, you can get an easy intern year somewhere and that will also make life less stressful.

Whatever you do, I would NOT be one of those medical couples who get married only to spend years in different cities because they don't match together. That will take some intentional rank list strategy and having the PDs where you and your wife are interested in matching talk with each other to see if it will work out for both of you. You definitely need to communicate with programs that you are engaged and wanting to match with your wife. If a program really wants you they can talk with their IMED program to see if you wife would match their and even help her move up the rank list.

 

[eyesteve]

Just wanted to echo the great suggestions that others have made above and throw in a few other things to consider. It seems to me like the two best wedding-scheduling options from my outsider's perspective are either September-October or the following Spring.

Like others above, I also agree that scheduling the wedding in October could definitely work. I ended up going on 13 ophtho interviews total, with one scheduled in October (Oct 29), eight in November, and four in December - all before Christmas. During that time-frame I also interviewed at eight transitional programs and three prelims (yes, arguably too many but I wanted to be home in January for when my son was born). Very few of the programs to which I applied even offered interviews in early to mid-October, so squeezing in a two-week break for your wedding is definitely feasible, at least from a scheduling perspective.

Beyond whether or not it is "feasible" to schedule the wedding in the Fall, however, it may be wise to consider the bigger picture. In my experience, the months of September and October were very stressful as I was working extra hard to complete research manuscripts and other projects that I felt would help me prepare for interviews. Planning, carrying out, and enjoying a wedding would have been difficult for me during those months as I would have felt somewhat conflicted in terms of preparing for the match and helping with wedding preparations. It sounds like you will have a large wedding, which will undoubtedly be like most weddings, filled with happiness, excitement, stress, and, for lack of a better term, drama, which will require substantial time and energy. Furthermore, given that your fiance is also applying for this next year's match, multiply that residency-interview-season stress by at least two as she will also be nervous about her own application for residency and will be under the added stress of planning the wedding, which is graciously assumed by the bride's family in many cultures. Planning your wedding in the Fall before you and your fiance begin interview season may ultimately leave you both exhausted, overwhelmed, and unable to do your best with either the residency match and/or wedding planning/celebrations.

You also mentioned that one reason to get married in the Fall would be so that you no longer need to be live away from each other. Keep in mind that with both of you interviewing for residencies around the country (though hopefully in similar locations), you will pretty much be away from your home for most/all of November and December, and quite possibly, January (for your prelim interviews and her IM interviews). And once interviews are over at the end of January and into February, you will be just one month away from Match Day in March and the upcoming best months of med school, not to mention the beautiful Spring weather. As has been pointed out above, and which you likely already know, the Spring of 4th year med school is amazing. At that time you will know where you have matched, you will have few if any rotations and hoops to jump through to finish med school graduation requirements, and you basically get to just hang out and do whatever you want in March-May before graduation. If I were you, I would really shoot for the Spring 2015 wedding. You will have the satisfaction of knowing you gave your all to interview season and the residency match, and then once that emotional stress has passed, you can give your all to wedding preparations and celebrations. Given that you both will be super busy during residency, I can think of no better time to get married and be able to transition to married-life together in a somewhat normal lifestyle before the challenges of residency begin.

Is it possible to schedule the wedding in October? Yes, from a scheduling perspective it is possible. I personally would recommend planning the wedding for the following Spring to optimize your preparedness for the match, maximize personal health/well-being, and, most importantly, to provide the ideal opportunity to enjoy the events of what will undoubtedly be a beautiful wedding. Congrats!

 

[JMK2005]

i recommend doing it in the spring after the match.
4th year med school is really only half a year. after the match, life is so relaxed.
planning a wedding is already stressful enough. no need to add to it.

 

[Ilovewater]

I also recommend having a wedding in the spring of next year. Only a few programs offer interviews in October. However, a few of those also only interview in October, so if you miss those dates, you will miss out on those programs. Also, since October is lighter on ophtho interviews, I tried to do most of my prelim interviews in October and then some in January. If you have the wedding in the fall, you will be planning the wedding while you both are doing your sub-Is and away rotations in addition to putting together your applications. That's a really stressful and busy time.

After you match in January and she in March, you'll have downtime and a relatively stress-free period to enjoy your wedding and honeymoon. You will probably have vacation blocks and BS rotations at the end of the year. Many of my classmates and I are having our weddings in late April and May. I think that is a lot less stressful because you won't have anything to worry about then. Starting to live together will always be a difficult time, but it might be better when you guys have more time to spend together and enjoy yourselves. If you get married in the fall and move in together then, you'll be spending the next few months apart in random cities. Between October and December, I rarely saw my SO more than 2 days in a row. I often would fly home and stay for 1 night to leave again the next day.... Not a great way to spend your newlywed period!

With that being said, if you are having a wedding in October, I would recommend the first two weeks when interviews are still sparse. Just make sure you guys always have access to your phone during your honeymoon!

 

[ElectricDoc]

Thank you for all the information and honest input, everyone. I really appreciate getting everyone's perspective on this important issue.

Most say Spring and others say only Early October if we really have to do it this year.

My fiancé and I have been talking and also thought about a Christmas time wedding(hoping the weather will be okay); would that be another good option? The last 2 weeks of December would be a good time for wedding/honeymoon since most programs will not interview during Xmas/New Year's and it would be a convenient time for family and friends to fly down for the event since everyone will be off for holidays. By end of December I'd be done with all my Ophtho interviews and fiancé would be done with majority of hers. We could take a break the last 2 weeks of December and enjoy the wedding/honeymoon then come back and finish up some prelim interviews in January.

Does that sound realistic?

 

[Ilovewater]

Thank you for all the information and honest input, everyone. I really appreciate getting everyone's perspective on this important issue.

Most say Spring and others say only Early October if we really have to do it this year.

My fiancé and I have been talking and also thought about a Christmas time wedding(hoping the weather will be okay); would that be another good option? The last 2 weeks of December would be a good time for wedding/honeymoon since most programs will not interview during Xmas/New Year's and it would be a convenient time for family and friends to fly down for the event since everyone will be off for holidays. By end of December I'd be done with all my Ophtho interviews and fiancé would be done with majority of hers. We could take a break the last 2 weeks of December and enjoy the wedding/honeymoon then come back and finish up some prelim interviews in January.

Does that sound realistic?

It's definitely possible during Christmas break. A few ophtho programs interviews into the 3rd week of December. I'm not sure about medicine, but I imagine they probably do too since I had prelim/transitional interviews during that week. That will just means that you guys will have to plan and prepare for the wedding during the interview season. For my friends' weddings, I felt like they were most stressed out during the last couple weeks leading up to the wedding, which would be right at the end of interviews for you. It's up to you whether the extra stress is worth it.

 

[JMK2005]

i got married last year. most stressful time was the month leading up to it. october or december just seems too tight.
if you can wait, second half of 4th year is the last vacation you'll have.
until you finish residency/fellowship and take a few months prior to starting your new job that is.