Having kids in medical school

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sddoc

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I was just wondering if anyone here has had children while in medical school, particularly female students. If so, how did you make it work and what did you decide was the "best time" to have a baby?

I'd appreciate any information that you can provide.:D

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I would highly recommend that you hold off on the rug-rats. You're going to have enough people demanding your time and complaining that you don't give them enough.
 
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Can I volunteer Quinn?

Not only are you smart and pretty....but you are always very witty :D
 
Unfortunately, at the age of 28, I'm afraid that I can't wait 7 more years to start a family. There are too many women that I know who put their careers first and are now scrambling to have a baby before it's too late.
 
If you are dead set on having a baby now, I would suggest asking for a deferral and start trying as soon as it given to you. If a deferral is out of the question, then you should check into a decellerated program. I have a 18 month old daughter and a 6 year old daughter. I don't know how anyone could go through that experience and regain their sanity while trying to go through med school (and I'm the father).

Here's where I get up on my soapbox. I think that family should always be your first priority. Children are people who demand a lot of attention, especially in the first year. The first year is when bonds are formed. If you are struggling to go to class and be a mother to your child, it is the child who will be ultimately hurt.
 
My situation is somewhat different. I am a father of two beautiful kids--a son who is 2.5 y/o and a daughter that is 15 mo old. I also have two foster daughters that my wife and I are raising. The thing is that my family lives 3 hours away from me. I am living in Kansas City, and they live in north central Kansas. I go home every other weekend (on non-quiz weekends). While I am there, they have my full and undivided attention.

The arrangement of living was my wife's idea. She was wanting to save money, because they live in a town that is dirt cheap and we are trying to get some bills paid off (outside of my lifelong debt to medicine!). So I do not like my current set up, but I get a lot of studying done during the week. I hate not seeing my kids.......it is very depressing.

I think there are three guys in my class that will be new dads next month as well as one female who will be a new mom.

Bottom line, it can be done, but it takes a lot of work!!!!

-C
 
sddoc,

If you want to have kids in med school... go for it. I have two classmates that are currently pregnant and there was one in the class of 2005 (I'm 2006). It wont be easy, but it can be done and it is more than worth it. My wife and I had our first child in Feb and while it was a challenge to balance time with them and school, I did it and I learned a lot about prioritizing.

In my opinion, if you are planning on having kids at any time in your life, go ahead and start in med school. It is something that you need to discuss with your partner to be certain you are ready, but it if this works, it is an incomparable experience. Why do I say go ahead and start in med school?? When will you be more pressed and challenged to prioritize and balance your time?? If you can balance a family and med school... then it wont be an issue later in life, you will already have your priorities established.

Being a new father is the greatest and while it would seem that I would have less time to study, I just use it more wisely. My grades (while not stellar to begin with) have actually improved!!!

Oh... I am one of only about 20 in my class that have had or are having kids in the first year, so it can be done.

Good luck with your decision.

dctrben

P.S. As far as I know, the three females that had or are having babies did not have any special accomodations, other than the school setting up a neonatal bed at the back of the class for the nursing mother.
 
My friend who did it said 4th year was the best year to have the baby (easier elective rotations). Another friend is planning on doing it during the PhD years of her MD/PhD. If you do it, you will most likely see very, very little of the child during internship year/residency years. Better talk it over with spouse and both sets of grandparents, cause they will most likely be doing most of the work.

If you're 28, keep in mind that it should be relatively easy to get pregnant without serious concern about infertility/birth defects up until the age of 33 or 34 - some women would even say 35 or 36. Drugs are pretty succesful at giving that a boost up until that age, too. We're having a lot more twins than we used to.
 
SdDoc,

It can definitely be done. My wife and I are in a similar situation as you are (age wise) however, we are BOTH medical students. This really complicates things. All I can say is that there is no best time. If children are definitely one of your prorities, then you need to make it happen. My wife and I are planning to have our 1st child right after 2nd year ends. After we take STEP 1 she is planning to take a year off to be with our child. This way she will have the basic science portion of school out of the way. Whether you start your clinical rotations right away, or in a year from then, it will be a new experience. In my opinion after 2nd year is the best time to have a child.

Remember there is no one perfect time, and I can tell you from experience that you will here 50,000 different opinions. If you feel it is the right time, then it IS the right time. Good luck!!
 
There is no optimum time to have a child in medical school/residency (although it is always fun trying!).

Do you think having your infant in internship or residency will make it easier? What if you are in a surgical residency?

There is NO best time to have a kid. Let's say you DO have it in your fourth year, where another poster said it was the best time. What about interviews? What about internship?

If children are a priority on your list, have them now. Don't wait. It won't get any easier.

Q
 
If it were me I wouldn't do it. Starting medical school fills my plate just fine. Most people that try to balance marriage/family in med school and residency fail. More power to you, but the odds are not really in your favor.
 
"Unfortunately, at the age of 28, I'm afraid that I can't wait 7 more years to start a family."


Actually, there are lots of women who have children well into their thirties and even early forties now. Pregnancies in older women can be managed with a lot of success if you choose the right OBGYN. The risks for complications and birth defects do increase (but so does our ability to manage problems pre-natally though amniocentesis, etc.), but you also have to consider what quality of life you are going to have for you and your baby.

Start asking around, and you will hear about lots of women who have healthy first babies at 38 yrs+. I myself know a number of women with such stories.

I am 33 and will be an MS-1 next year and really hope you are wrong about 35 being the cutoff for being "too late" to have kids, because I can't imagine trying to have a child in medical school (I think it is a different situation for male medical students, at least the time from conception to birth!). We are going to aim for my second year of residency. At the hospital I worked in, there were a number of pregant second-year residents.

If I can be philosophical for a moment....:) ultimately, it seems to me that life is a huge swap-meet where we trade one thing we value for another thing we value more. Time for money, a town we like living in for a better job, a less demanding job for more time with family, etc...You just have to arrive at a deal that seems fair for you to get as much of what you want from life as you can.

Good luck!
 
It isn't that 35 or 36 is a "cutoff" for trying to get pregnant. It has more to do with the fact that among women who are actively trying to get pregnant (and not just thinking about it), those that are 37, 38 and above are a lot more likely to report serious difficulty without intervention, and often even despite it. Sure, some women who are 38 and up get pregnant without problem, but you have to think in terms of the norm when calculating your own odds.

If you're a woman in your thirties entering medical school who wants to have a child, you need to realize that you are never going to have all the options that a guy entering med school in his thirties has. It hurts and it isn't fair, nobody is going to argue that its fair.

I think it helps if you are open to adoption, especially adoption of children older than infants. This helps take a lot of the pressure off, and lets you feel confident that you can still have a child to love when you are ready, even if your body isnt cooperating.

Now for an observation with no supporting stats. Talk to adoptive couples and find out how many ladies were pregnant by the time the adoption papers were signed. Call it karma for a deed well done.
 
In the past year, in New York, every major magazine (TImes, New yorker, etc) all reported on the same story. they did a stuy of women who were in top 10% of money makers and also included doctors, they reported that 50% of women were childless. they further investigated and found that many of these women waited too long. our fertility begins to decline when we are 27. at that age, if you have fertility problems, they are fairly easy to fix. not so at 38. if you want to wait till you are 35 and only have one chid, that's fine, but what if you want to have more? i am 24 now and will have a child at some point in med school ( i will be an MS1) i have talked to a lot of people who i know as well as people on MOMMD and the consensus is that you have a child when you are ready. you will be just as busy in residency and practice. i will look for the artticle when i have an extra minute today and try to post a link if it's available. it was an eye opener.
 
Daveyboy,

I respectfully disagree with your opinion. I know of many many people that have chosen to have children in Medical School are quite successful. It does of course depend on your definition of success. I define success as having a great relationship with your wife and children, graduating, getting into one of your top three choices for residency and going on to take care of people until you are old and senile.

Success is what you want it to be. I know of many people that have gotten into very competitive residencies that had children while in medical school. It is my personal belief that those that blamed their lack of success on their family were just looking for a convenient way out, it was an excuse. If you are communicating with your partner openly and honestly there is nothing that the two of you can't overcome with some good old fashioned hard work.

I agree with what most of the posters here have said... namely, if you and your partner feel it is right, you will find a way to make it work. Good luck with your decision.

Ben
 
I'm neither married nor pregnant (at leat I hope not!), but I have spoken to quite a few people about when the "best" time to get pregnant is.

To summarize what I learned:

Med school is a bad time.

Internship/Residency is a bad time.

And when you're all done and an attending... it's still a bad time.

Since there is no good time (let alone best time!) to get pregnant, just get pregnant whenever is best for you (taking everything else into consideration) and deal with it. It will be a pain in the ass, but... you manage. Just about everyone does.

I've worked with pregnant residents and pregnant attendings. (It seemed like everyone involved with OB/GYN was pregnant!) Many of my classmates came into school with children, and two people in my class gave birth in the last month or so. They had to change around their schedules a bit to accomodate their deliveries, but they managed. Other people have taken a year off. If you want to do it, it can be done. It won't be easy... but nothing else is, either.

Oh- and from what I've heard, having children in the last two years of med school is one of the better options.

Good luck!

Paige
 
i hear people saying: I?ll start here or we?ll have a baby between this time
My wife and i tried for two years and the only time we thought we should wait (i would be starting med school) was the exact moment we found out we were having triplets. Life isn?t always like scheduling a semester of classes--sometimes things take a long time, sometimes they never happen, and in my case sometime they happen with a vengance:D it is important to remember that babies aren?t just for having (i know that sounds stupidly obvious but sometimes you wonder:)) And for the next handfull of years that little person is going to think that your entire world revolves around just them. And in many ways, they shouldn?t be cheated of that. Ulitmately, it comes down to you and your spouse and what you both feel in your hearts.
 
Just have the damn kid already so we can play with it!!!!!!!!!

:D
 
Oh yeah, that would be great! I couldn't make it to the OMM study session last night as it was! I'm sure a baby would free up a lot more of my time!!! :laugh:
 
OK STOP.

LETS LOOK AT THE SITUATION.

FIRST AGE 28, STRONG FAMILY UNION, NOT YET IN RESIDENCY.

SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECT TIME.

WHY...

Look I would never want anyone to go through what I just did.
I'm 36 now and entering my first year of residency. We wanted to have children and luckily had our first 5 days before I started school I was 31 then. I was told to wait and I did until my 2nd year which I was told would be better timing. I had 4 miscariage because of a thrombophilia and luteal phase defect (the luteal phase defect is a decline in progesterone that can happen as women age). Unfortunately this was not diagnosed until my 4th year of medical school. Now we will finish our family before I go into residency (which is great because residency is 80 hours a week and that is more stress on your body running around pregnant). The price has been huge I have been on bedrest since 18 weeks gestation, went through dozens of tests and infertility diagnostic treatments to get where I am now. The solution would been to start a family at age 27-28.

YES 27-28 is the ideal reproductive time to get pregnant. And I say do it. Make sure you have the family support. Ask relatives if they can split up time to spend 3 months at your home taking care of a newborn. Most daycares will not accept a newborn before 12 weeks. Find a good sitter someone who will let you have a date night out for sanity. And plan your schedule like a job. Study at school. Skip classes if they are not mandatory and you do not get much out of class other than hearing the lecturer read his/her notes.

Reading others comments I must be stupid to even think of trying to accomplish a family.. Kind of makes me mad but you know it's our choice. If I did not pursue my route I would be childless and although that may sound appealing now to alot of you especially considering all that work. It will not when your 45 and you wished you had kids....I wonder what if....

Do not let others sway your decision. Make an appointment with an OB/Gyn and explain you situation she/he can help time your pregnancy so you deliver near vacation blocks i.e. during your first summer off from med school/ during Xmas or Thanksgiving break.

It was not easy. But it made me appreciate school a little more than my classmates.

Good luck feel free to email me with questions
Diane
 
See, I told you! Have the kid already! You now have the whole summer to work on it.....

:p
 
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