Help!! Loss...

[wizeguy]

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Hey everyone - I post here once or so a week - normally about med school stuff -

Yesterday, March 22nd, I had to put down my almost 13 year old black labrador - my childhood dog - my hero - a dog who had the same disease I have (insulin dependent diabetes - he was diagnosed around 9.5 years)......I"m just so crushed - i do not plan on getting another dog in the future (i know people say you may changbe your mind - but he really was the most amazing dog - and how could i ever get close to a dog when this one had the same chronic disease i had?.....nevertheless, even if you think getting another dog in the future would help me, please don't say that now...its not really what i want to hear)......anyway, this morning i went to go buy a newspaper, and going home....meant nothing...it wasn't exciting at all to go home, b/c he's not there anymore - i know there are some people out there who are hardcore animal people, like myself, who maybe have been through this before? when will i feel a little better? i dont know - i just feel so drained and empty - he really was my best friend - his loss has made me feel lost...

thanks for your support

 

[NapeSpikes]

Man, that sucks. I feel for ya. Give it time.

 

[anon-y-mouse]

i'm sorry to hear about your loss. dogs are amazing. unconditional love, no matter what... boundless enthusiasm. think of all the really great times you had together and let him inspire you for the future. if you're ever feeling down, think about how he used to cheer you up.

 

[happydays]

Do you have someone, you know, in "real life" to talk to about this? You need to cry in your mom's arms, or something.

 

[Apparition]

Wizeguy,

I'm sorry for your loss. It seemed like you had an amazing friendship. But he was 13 and he had a great time with you. And that's the best you can really hope for in this life, given out limited time here. You'll always have memories of him.

I can't really give you any advice as I haven't lost a dog before but I am very sensitive about animals. It took me a week after my hamster died to be able to do anything. I know it's not the same as a dog, I was a kid then but I still don't handle these things very well.

Hope you feel better soon.

 

[LucidSplash]

That's so tough. I had to put my cat down in early January; he was almost 10 and he's been mine literally since the day he was born. He was my constant companion through A LOT of crap when I was younger and it was unexpected to have to put him down. I'm a crier and I cried for basically a week straight. I still get sad sometimes thinking about him. I really wasn't ready for a new kitten at all and we only got one because our other cat was SO lonely without a friend and she really really needed someone. I totally understand how hard it is. Definitely give it time and don't be afraid to grieve and be sad. That's ok.

 

[riceman04]

Hey everyone - I post here once or so a week - normally about med school stuff -

Yesterday, March 22nd, I had to put down my almost 13 year old black labrador - my childhood dog - my hero - a dog who had the same disease I have (insulin dependent diabetes - he was diagnosed around 9.5 years)......I"m just so crushed - i do not plan on getting another dog in the future (i know people say you may changbe your mind - but he really was the most amazing dog - and how could i ever get close to a dog when this one had the same chronic disease i had?.....nevertheless, even if you think getting another dog in the future would help me, please don't say that now...its not really what i want to hear)......anyway, this morning i went to go buy a newspaper, and going home....meant nothing...it wasn't exciting at all to go home, b/c he's not there anymore - i know there are some people out there who are hardcore animal people, like myself, who maybe have been through this before? when will i feel a little better? i dont know - i just feel so drained and empty - he really was my best friend - his loss has made me feel lost...

thanks for your support

13 years is a really long time for middle-sized dogs. I know how you feel, but just continue to remind yourself that your dog is now in a place where his health will no longer be of any concern. Your dog is the with the one and only. There is no better place that where he is right now. Keep your head up and just know that he is definitely with you in spirit.

 

[medanthgirl]

a lot of animal shelters take donations and may do something in 'honor' of an animal. it may sound cheezy to some, but i like to think of it as passing down all the good karma, friendship, and love that a pet gives you during those years.
it will take time, no doubt. don't deny your feelings or think that you are being silly. in time your heart will heal and always have a soft spot for that pet. i think pets, especially certain ones, enhance our lives, so you were lucky for having him.

best wishes


duck fuke!!

 

[wizeguy]

13 years is a really long time for middle-sized dogs. I know how you feel, but just continue to remind yourself that your dog is now in a place where his health will no longer be of any concern. Your dog is the with the one and only. There is no better place that where he is right now. Keep your head up and just know that he is definitely with you in spirit.

thanks everyone - your kind words help -

its so hard - and the thing about me is, i'm big on beating myself up (i know, its terrible, but i do)....and even though i spent alot of time with him and took care of him, i'm sitting here thinking "last week, you should have been around him more....".....it all just happened so quickly - and now he's gone - and i - i just feel really alone - i feel like he "got" me better than anyone - its just hard.

 

[browniegirl86]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Last spring, my childhood dog passed away very unexpectedly from stomach cancer (undiagnosed until the day before he died) at 11. I too felt the guilt you are feeling, since I had not been home since late January and he died in March. I just gave myself a few days to grieve, surrounding myself with close friends who I knew would not think I was petty for being so upset. It's still hard now (almost a year later) to think about him or think about the day that my mom told me what had happened, but as with any loss, it will get better. Going about your normal routines can help to keep your from constantly thinking about your pain, which will be a well-needed mental break.

When you do start to feel better, don't let that make you feel guilty. You will always love him, and you healing from this loss doesn't lessen that love in any way. It sounds like you were a wonderful companion for him, and that you gave him a great life.

Sorry for talking so much . . . I'm sitting here looking at my puppy and remembering my old dog and how difficult the loss was. I know it sounds trite, but it's true and usually a comfort for me: this too shall pass.

 

[wizeguy]

Thank you so much browniegirl - I'm sorry to hear about your loss as well - the thing is, I was home with him, and i'm the one that took care of him (gave him shots, fed him)....and i know i'm probably beating up on myself, but i just sit here and think "man, why didn't you spend more time with him last week???" and it just hurts me so deeply, and so painfully....

 

[CMar830]

To add to the great things others have said, it really helped me and my family to start writing a list of all the little things we remembered about our 11 year old golden retriever when he passed away last August. We left a couple of pieces of lined paper out on the table for about 2 weeks afterwards, and whenever we thought of something about him (something he always did, quirks, or some event that happened), we'd grab a pen and write it down. It may sound silly, but it was really healing when we'd sit down at dinner and see what fun stories people had added. Yes, we'd cry about it, but laughing and remembering him felt really really good. We ended up with pages and pages!

I'm truly sorry for how you're feeling, because I remember my own thoughts. It was especially hard to force myself not to think of him as the last time I saw him, but to think of him at his best -- wrestling with my other dog, taking on the daddy role to our new pup, the deep and grumbly noise he made when he wanted food, and just making all of us laugh.

And, time is the ultimate healer. And don't think of it as 'forgetting' -- it's really remembering.

 

[wizeguy]

Am I being too hard on myself, as a result of circumstances?

 

[LucidSplash]

....and i know i'm probably beating up on myself, but i just sit here and think "man, why didn't you spend more time with him last week???" and it just hurts me so deeply, and so painfully....

I know how something like this can eat at you wizeguy. We had to put my cat down the day after we got back from being with my family in Houston for Christmas. I felt so bad because his lungs were full of fluid and the vet said he was probably in coronary failure.

We had someone watching the cats while we were gone of course, but they didn't notice he was losing weight and having trouble breathing. He had lost a little weight before we left, but I thought I had finally just found the right setting on his automatic feeder (he was a big cat and just a touch overweight). He went downhill really fast and I blamed myself because I didn't do notice. But the vet told us that cats instinctively try not to show any signs of sickness so a lot of times you don't notice until they are really really sick.

But I still beat myself up over not having taken him to the vet before we left. And I know we did the right thing by putting him down, but I struggled with that decision a lot right afterwards. But I know I did the best thing for him. And trust me, your dog definitely knew how much you loved him and I'm sure he didn't feel neglected at all. He was just happy to be your friend and to take care of you (in the way that our pets take care of us even while we are technically their care givers). How much you are grieving now shows you are a good pet friend/owner and you should try not to beat yourself up.

 

[DrBorisCA]

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss.... We had to put my first dog, Noodnik, Noody for short (meaning troublemaker in Russian) to sleep in July also at about 13 yrs old and I remember how sad I felt, genuinely and utterly sad... But it helped to remember that we gave him a wonderful, warm, smooching, way too much people-food home and we loved him more than humanly possible. He was a tawny Briard (dog from married with children) that we raised from a puppy and I keep him on my desktop with my other dogs' pics... He was my first brother and he will make me smile whenever I think of him...

Most importantly, just know that he/she? knew that you loved him/her? and thats all that really matters...

 

[LT2]

wizeguy i hope you feel better soon. sorry i don't have any anecdotes to cheer you up, i know personal loss is a painful process and i wish you the best...

 

[TimmyTheWonderD]

I feel your pain - I had to put "Perry" my 13-year-old husky to sleep at 1am on Christmas Day 2005 and that same day my 12-year-old frog died of renal failure. My advice to you is to go ahead and break down if the urge strikes you; you need to let it out! I did, and it allowed me to get to a point where I could be comforted and smile while reminiscing about "Perry" and what an awesome dog she was. My husband did not let anything out, really, and he is still suffering as a result. Though it really sucked breaking down her cage and putting away her doggie bed later that day I had to do it, as it was way too hard to see it empty. Forever. But, I kept her pictures out, and I saved her favorite doggie toy and put it on my desk, which helped to surround me with the happier reminders instead of sad ones. When I put her blanky away I snapped, and I held that blanket for almost a half an hour and just balled me eyes out into it. It turned out to be quite cathartic to fall into a blubbering mess in the middle of my kitchen floor, as I was inadvertently honoring "Perry" by revealing how much she really meant to me....as Nate Fisher said in the very first episode of "Six Feet Under" at his father's burial - "....the only father we are ever gonna have is gone, forever, and that sucks, so I intend to honor the old bastard by letting the whole world see just how f'd up and sh*tty I feel that he's dead!" I took two days off work that week, as I did not think I would be able to keep my composure, especially with people naturally prone to ask, "So, how was your Christmas?"

It does get better, honest. You ALWAYS miss them, but that sharp pain and obvious void will become less poignant, fading as they are replaced by a more mellow sadness, which is almost a senses of longing. Now, my recollections of "Perry" are dear ones, and I long to be back to those good ol’ days when my husband and I were crazy and 18 and “Perry” was a limber, frisky and crazy dog who loved to ride in the car (especially through the suds and scrub brushes of a car wash), bury dog biscuits between the sofa cushions (as she never knew when she might need them later), go exploring (on her own, she was a runner before she "settled down") and chase innocent mammals of all kinds!

See....I am smiling now just thinking about these things. And like someone else said, when it gets better, don't feel guilty, run with it in the OPPOSITE direction and let your many happy memories be a great comfort to you!

The trouble with animals (with the exception of parrots, which will outlive us ALL) is that they don’t live long enough! They become such a HUGE part of our lives and then they leave us too soon. You are not alone - and I hope you are able to find some comfort in the fact that you gave a GREAT dog a GREAT home for many years! 13 is a good, long life for a bigger dog, and, you went the extra mile for your dog. You sought medical treatment for your dog and the expenses that followed (the emergency vet visit 3 days before Christmas was $800, but money was not even a consideration for us). This speaks volumes of your love for your dog. We know we did everything possible for her, and we feel better for it! Animals love unconditionally, and they can tell when their love is reciprocated, believe me!

Sorry for the epic tome, hope it helped some 😉

 

[PariPari]

That really sucks. 🙁 I felt the same way when my dog died- she got hit by a car on the same day I flunked my 1st organic test. It was a pretty horrible day. Made worse by the fact my dad is against pets of any form so getting her was super hard & I'd only had her a few years. Still haven't felt like getting a new one, & it's been 2 years.
I'd say find a friend who loves their pet as much as you loved your dog & talk to them about it. That's what I did, & it really she had her dog for 13 years & he was still going & she understood what it is I felt for my dog whereas other friends who weren't as attached/didn't own pets/owned them b/c it was cool were like get over it, get a new one.....

best of luck

 

[wizeguy]

Thanks so much for your words guys - its helping me - it really is!

I guess I've just been waiting for someone to say "stop being crazy - you loved him -t hat's all that matters - it doesn't matter if last thursday you got caught up in something and didn't give him as mcuh attention as retrospectively, b/c he died this week, you would have liked to - all that matters....is that yuou love him..."

thats fair to say, right? and i am just being too hard on myself/acting crazy?

 

[MNsocsci]

Wizeguy, it's totally understandable that you'd wonder if you could have been there more, but you should think of the big picture of your dog's life. I'm sure he knew you loved him. It sounds like you were very close, so try to reassure yourself that even if you didn't spend as much time with him as you would have liked in the last week, what's important is how you treated him over the course of his life, and it sounds like you did a great job.

As for the pain of the loss, I also lost a pet who I loved very much. (Also a labrador retriever. Many breeds are sweet, but I think that labs' intelligence makes it possible to have very close bonds with them.) My lab was hit by a car when she was 5 on Christmas Day. It was one of the most painful times in my life. I cried for many days and thought that I was never going to get over the pain. Several years later, I can still get myself to cry if I think about her death too much, but mostly when I think of her I smile. The pain will lessen, it just takes time. Don't rush yourself, and don't try to suppress the emotions you're feeling, but also be kind to yourself. Think about how your dog would want you to feel. And know that there are a lot of people here on SDN who can empathize with how you're feeling.