Help! Need new procedure room jokes

[Baron Samedi]

Nurses are complaining about hearing the same material. Please help me out with some of your favorites.

Some of my faves:
- when performing any ultrasound procedure, knee, stellate, etc. saying, "Now I won't be able to tell you if its a boy or a girl..."
- when patient says they are nervous saying, "don't worry, I just watched a YouTube video on how to do this."
- when patient says they are afraid of needles say, "me too! I can't even stand to look at them, thats why I keep my eyes closed the whole time."

Responses to these jokes are variable.

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[drrosenrosen]

"Don't worry, this won't hurt me a bit"
for sedation: "Here comes your margarita"
if I get a beautiful contrast pattern: "call the publishers, I've got a great picture for the textbook"
I also pull the old Blazing Saddles joke if they ask if my hands are feeling steady: "but I shoot with this one [shaking]"

 

[Ferrismonk]

While washing their back with betadine: "Okay, 3 cold ones coming right up".
While injecting L5/S1, "Now I'm getting on your last nerve"

For fear of needles, I say me too but I find it much easier on the other end of the needle.

Around staff, I will often mention how I need to "go stab someone" or "burn someone's back real quick".

 

[Baron Samedi]

"Here comes your margarita"

Very region appropriate! One of my xray techs always says, "here comes the Texas-sized bee sting!" right as I'm about to inject local.

 

[Baron Samedi]

Around staff, I will often mention how I need to "go stab someone" or "burn someone's back real quick".

"Another life saved..." as you are walking out of doing an SIJ injection to other staff.

 

[pastafan]

“This is another one of those times when it is better to give than to receive.”

 

[geauxg8rs]

“This is another one of those times when it is better to give than to receive.”

When patient says I am closing my eyes. I say me too.
This won’t hurt me a bit is always a hit
When done say “damn it really is just like you tube said.”

 

[pastafan]

Not procedure room but my favorite OR comment of all time. When working with certain surgeons under MAC, as they get ready to inject local, patient would be told "you're about to feel a little prick but it's just Dr. X".

 

[cowboydoc]

"That will feel better as soon as it stops hurting."

 

[RoloTomassi]

This won’t hurt me a bit is always a hit

Ha. I do that one too.

How many of these have you done?
-First one, gotta start somewhere

How old you?
-Old enough to be your grandson

 

[SSdoc33]

pt: im pretty nervous
me: me, too. havent done this shot in ages

 

[cowboydoc]

We'll get you on the schedule in the next week or 2...

pt.: why does it take so long?

me: It gives me time to read up (or youtube) how to do the procedure.

 

[pastafan]

Q How long have you been doing these?

A Since 8 a.m.

Q How many of these have you done?

A This is my first one (wait a beat) first one today

 

[callmeanesthesia]

Q How long have you been doing these?

A Since 8 a.m.

Q How many of these have you done?

A This is my first one (wait a beat) first one today

Along the same vein, when patient comments how quick or easy the procedure was: “Not bad for my first time, right?”

 

[adiradirim]

When patients ask about any restrictions after injections I will tell them "No kickboxing today!" or some other variety of extreme sport.
If they tell me they faint at the sight of blood, I tell them "Oh yea, me too!"

 

[Ducttape]

in the appropriate patient...

when they see the 22 gauge spinal and say "thats huge", i say "ya and its only the numbing needle" or "darn it (nurses name), you gave me the small one again."

==
"how many of these have you done?"
me: "me? oh im not doing this, the nurse (or rad tech) is"

 

[drusso]

"Someday I'll let you do this to me."

"We know the drugs are working when my jokes getting funnier."

"Don't worry, Hillary Clinton has got a plan for you."

"The government says only one thing can be wrong with you at a time."

"If this doesn't work, we'll do it again."

 

[drrosenrosen]

When a pt comments on my age (still happens at 42...), I pull out "you know what they say, the older you get, the younger your doctors are"

If they say "that's it?" I usually say "well, I can make it hurt more next time if you want"

 

[jsaul]

here are some that went over pretty well in the OR



what's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? you can't hear an enzyme

what do you get when you cross an owl and a rooster? A cock that stays up all night

a blonde drops off her dress at the dry cleaners. The dry cleaning lady says "come again" the blond replies "no, it's toothpaste this time."

I went out last night dressed as a chicken and met a girl dressed like an egg and later that night the life long question was answered... The answer is the chicken.

 

[10KHertz]

If it hurts me, you get your money back…

 

[GlowInTheDark]

Anyone that has scoliosis:
“Hopefully that’s the only thing crooked about you.”

 

[GlowInTheDark]

here are some that went over pretty well in the OR



what's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? you can't hear an enzyme

what do you get when you cross an owl and a rooster? A cock that stays up all night

a blonde drops off her dress at the dry cleaners. The dry cleaning lady says "come again" the blond replies "no, it's toothpaste this time."

I went out last night dressed as a chicken and met a girl dressed like an egg and later that night the life long question was answered... The answer is the chicken.

Lol…those would end you up at HR in my hospital

 

[lobelsteve]

Lol…those would end you up at HR in my hospital

 

[Darkside_]

When the contrast flow is great: "This one is going up on my fridge"

 

[pastafan]

Lol…those would end you up at HR in my hospital

Times have changed. One hospital OR had a sign in the main office area the nurses put up "sexual harassment will not be reported but it will be graded".

 

[Agast]

funny enough, the women never reminiscence about the good ol’ days of sexist jokes in the OR…

 

[jsaul]

Lol…those would end you up at HR in my hospital

Yes it could. You have to know your audience