fateema368

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Okay, I'm having some trouble financing my education this year so at the advice of my "financial aid counselor I call my dad and ask him to CO SIGN-NOT PAY FOR, some loans so that I can stay in school. I've done the working/student thing, and my grades suffered-though some people can work full-time while going to school full time, I'm definitely not one of them. So, to get through school pulling grades high enough to get me into medical school I must have loans.
Anyway, my dad's been absent all of my life and he's this real big fish in a small pond academic who doesn't even call once a year to check if I'm alive, and so when I call to ask for help I'm completely expecting him to say no.

He promised to call two days ago, but didn't as usual, so I call today expecting a big fight and am already to tell him that he's this horrible bastard, who abanded my mother, and was to self involved to show me any affection when I was younger, ect.--when he surprises me.

He tells me; I'm the loser, I'm wasting my life, and the program (college) I'm in is crap, so the only way he'll finance **** is if I move down to Texas and attend college there. While there, I won't have to work or pay for anything, but he's doing this because my mother raised me with no discipline and I've become a wayward and directionless looser...who will soon become a drain on society without his all mighty influence.

Now, my mother is a powerful women, with numerous degrees, who raised me on her own, without his help, in a foreign country. Things have not been easy, and we fight-have our issues, but as mother's go there is no one who could have done better! I know it will kill her to hear him say these things about her, and I know that much of this stems from his hatred of her, but if I don't agree to do this I'm facing a really hard road that could completely be avoided. But, I love her fiercely, and would rather never take a dime from him, then let her believe for one moment that she's done a bad job raising me!

I didn't go to college right after high school, but my FIRST job out of school I was making 30k a year-it was because of it I've been able to be self sufficient for so long, I'm reasonably smart, and think I turned out pretty well so to say she didn't raise me right is ludicrace.:mad:

SO, should I take the money/offer, any thoughts?
 

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Can't you become a part-time student, and work part-time? Or is this not feesible for your program?
 

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fateema368 said:
Okay, I'm having some trouble financing my education this year so at the advice of my "financial aid counselor I call my dad and ask him to CO SIGN-NOT PAY FOR, some loans so that I can stay in school. I've done the working/student thing, and my grades suffered-though some people can work full-time while going to school full time, I'm definitely not one of them. So, to get through school pulling grades high enough to get me into medical school I must have loans.
Anyway, my dad's been absent all of my life and he's this real big fish in a small pond academic who doesn't even call once a year to check if I'm alive, and so when I call to ask for help I'm completely expecting him to say no.

He promised to call two days ago, but didn't as usual, so I call today expecting a big fight and am already to tell him that he's this horrible bastard, who abanded my mother, and was to self involved to show me any affection when I was younger, ect.--when he surprises me.

He tells me; I'm the loser, I'm wasting my life, and the program (college) I'm in is crap, so the only way he'll finance **** is if I move down to Texas and attend college there. While there, I won't have to work or pay for anything, but he's doing this because my mother raised me with no discipline and I've become a wayward and directionless looser...who will soon become a drain on society without his all mighty influence.

Now, my mother is a powerful women, with numerous degrees, who raised me on her own, without his help, in a foreign country. Things have not been easy, and we fight-have our issues, but as mother's go there is no one who could have done better! I know it will kill her to hear him say these things about her, and I know that much of this stems from his hatred of her, but if I don't agree to do this I'm facing a really hard road that could completely be avoided. But, I love her fiercely, and would rather never take a dime from him, then let her believe for one moment that she's done a bad job raising me!

I didn't go to college right after high school, but my FIRST job out of school I was making 30k a year-it was because of it I've been able to be self sufficient for so long, I'm reasonably smart, and think I turned out pretty well so to say she didn't raise me right is ludicrace.:mad:

SO, should I take the money/offer, any thoughts?
It sounds like there are a lot of issues here! Can your mother co-sign the loan? Another relative? That would be my first choice and I'd stay as far away as possible from entangling yourself financially with your father.

Also, talk to your financial aid counselor, maybe you can find a loan that doesn't require a co-sign (though it may have higher rates).
 
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fateema368

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It sounds like there are a lot of issues here! Can your mother co-sign the loan? Another relative? That would be my first choice and I'd stay as far away as possible from entangling yourself financially with your father.

Also, talk to your financial aid counselor, maybe you can find a loan that doesn't require a co-sign (though it may have higher rates).

No, she can't. We've had some family trouble (around the time a quit my job to go full-time) which involved traveling back home to East Africa several times last year, long story short we ended up late on the mortgage several times so the credit is shot, and though things will be better next year, she (my only relative hear in the states, besides my father) won't be able to co-sign anything for a good while.
 

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stinkycheese said:
This post is totally uncalled for.
What the heck? :confused: I was being sincere! I've read a lot of posts in the Psych forums and found them comforting myself. Something about how they share sad stories and work through them has been encouraging...

Fateema, no malice intended dude!!
 

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fateema368 said:
It sounds like there are a lot of issues here! Can your mother co-sign the loan? Another relative? That would be my first choice and I'd stay as far away as possible from entangling yourself financially with your father.

Also, talk to your financial aid counselor, maybe you can find a loan that doesn't require a co-sign (though it may have higher rates).

No, she can't. We've had some family trouble (around the time a quit my job to go full-time) which involved traveling back home to East Africa several times last year, long story short we ended up late on the mortgage several times so the credit is shot, and though things will be better next year, she (my only relative hear in the states, besides my father) won't be able to co-sign anything for a good while.
If you are saying that you have no other choice, then you may have to bite the bullet and ask (if that is your ultimate last resort). I dunno what else to say.
 

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Do you have any other family who you could explain your situation to and maybe they could help you out? Or is it strictly your Dad or nothing?
 

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hi fatima ,

I just have to pray for you , "rabena ma3aky"

I just wish u the best
 

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Your dad sounds like a jerk. Accept the help, and don't think about it. Money is just money. Keep an account of everything he pays for, and when you can afford to pay him back do so + rate of inflation. Let him know this is just business.
 
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fateema368

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sunny123 said:
If you are saying that you have no other choice, then you may have to bite the bullet and ask (if that is your ultimate last resort). I dunno what else to say.
Thanks for the advice, there are other options, joining the millitary, going back to work, prostitution? but this would be the simpliest physically. Medical School is no problem, but undergrad is the real issue.


Thank you all so much, God bless :)
 

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Dr_Amr said:
I just have to pray for you , "rabena ma3aky"
What will the prayer do for her? Prayers are words said by you in your room to yourself. It's currently the only accepted form of crazy.
 

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GuyLaroche said:
What will the prayer do for her? Prayers are words said by you in your room to yourself. It's currently the only accepted form of crazy.
Now this post is uncalled for.. :(
 
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fateema368

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GuyLaroche said:
Your dad sounds like a jerk. Accept the help, and don't think about it. Money is just money. Keep an account of everything he pays for, and when you can afford to pay him back do so + rate of inflation. Let him know this is just business.
I think I might really consider this option, the thing is in our culture when it's your family you just do whatever you have to do. If he got sick tommorow, I would think nothing of going to Texas and carring for him. His father payed his way without a second though, no loans, no nothing. I just didn't relize it would be like this :(
 

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fateema368 said:
I think I might really consider this option, the thing is in our culture when it's your family you just do whatever you have to do. If he got sick tommorow, I would think nothing of going to Texas and carring for him. His father payed his way without a second though, no loans, no nothing. I just didn't relize it would be like this :(

Well, it sounds like you still like your father. Perhaps moving down to Texas might help both of you to resolve whatever issues exist between you two. Still, there is absolutely no need to pay for school if your parents can afford it - even if their jerks. You take the money, you get the education. If they're really bad parents, you pay them back and erase them from your life. No one asked to be born.
 
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fateema368

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Blue Scrub said:
Do you have any other family who you could explain your situation to and maybe they could help you out? Or is it strictly your Dad or nothing?
There are always options, I know. There's Nursing School (programs that will pay 100% tuition), joining the army, going back to work, but his would be the most direct/physically the easiest.

I wish I had known all of this before-you know? I've already been out of school for a few years, and my high school friends are ready to graduate, and now suddenly I'm faceing more issues that could keep me out of school.
 

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GuyLaroche said:
What will the prayer do for her? Prayers are words said by you in your room to yourself. It's currently the only accepted form of crazy.
:laugh:
 

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GuyLaroche said:
What will the prayer do for her? Prayers are words said by you in your room to yourself. It's currently the only accepted form of crazy.
mmmmmm,

in fact , maybe u won't understand this because ur culture is different , the prayer are words I whisper to God asking him for help since he is the allmighty power that rules everything in this world ( or other worlds if there are some! ), being u believe in God or not , this is not the issue , but since fateema understood it , that's ok with me

anyway "rabena ma3aky" means "God be with you"

be with God and God will be with you for sure fatima :)
 
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fateema368

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burton117 said:
+pissed+

Sounds like you have a lot of anger issues... :mad: :mad:

Keep cool dude... Keep cool..

Considered the psych forum? I am sure they have a lot of quality people in there who are dedicated to helping people work through their issues..

Clinical Psychology Forums on SDN
Burton117, the message within my post was correct, doctors are needed in the third world, engineers, investors, that's what makes such societies impoverished--lack of access to the most basic necessities. However, I could have put it more gently-it was out of character and if I have offended, then I ask your forgiveness.
 

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I'll bite... what's the reference with rabena ma3aky meaning "God be with you." How?
 

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fateema368 said:
Thanks for the advice, there are other options, joining the millitary, going back to work, prostitution? but this would be the simpliest physically. Medical School is no problem, but undergrad is the real issue.


Thank you all so much, God bless :)
Prostitution??

Oh, Burton, fateema is a female name... so she would be called a dudette, not dude.
 

Dr_Amr

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it's arabic , and sorry for going into side-discussions
 
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fateema368

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GuyLaroche said:
Well, it sounds like you still like your father. Perhaps moving down to Texas might help both of you to resolve whatever issues exist between you two. Still, there is absolutely no need to pay for school if your parents can afford it - even if their jerks. You take the money, you get the education. If they're really bad parents, you pay them back and erase them from your life. No one asked to be born.
No I know who he is-he won't change, any help would be out of duity. We are not required to love our family,-simply to support them in desperation, it is just how thing are.
 

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GuyLaroche said:
Well, it sounds like you still like your father. Perhaps moving down to Texas might help both of you to resolve whatever issues exist between you two. Still, there is absolutely no need to pay for school if your parents can afford it - even if their jerks. You take the money, you get the education. If they're really bad parents, you pay them back and erase them from your life. No one asked to be born.
i can relate. not exactly your story op. but close. i don't know if any issues are being worked out, now that i am "working" with my dad, but it has made the financial thing easier. i still am loyal to my mother, and try to take things day by day. the hardest part is to leave an appropriate amount of emotional distance between dad. however, i find it nearly impossible to keep just business.

you sound like you just really need the $$$ quick. so get it where you can, if you can deal with having to abide by his terms. try all other options first. weigh what is most important to you at this time and in the future. if you've come so far now independently, maybe when you are feeling less desperate you can devise an alternate plan.

i'm confused why you can't get any more loans without a cosigner... have you maxed yourself out? do you own anything that can be refinanced to have more $$$? do you know any person who may be willing to offer a private loan?

good luck. chin up!
 
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fateema368

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seethrew said:
i can relate. not exactly your story op. but close. i don't know if any issues are being worked out, now that i am "working" with my dad, but it has made the financial thing easier. i still am loyal to my mother, and try to take things day by day. the hardest part is to leave an appropriate amount of emotional distance between dad. however, i find it nearly impossible to keep just business.

you sound like you just really need the $$$ quick. so get it where you can, if you can deal with having to abide by his terms. try all other options first. weigh what is most important to you at this time and in the future. if you've come so far now independently, maybe when you are feeling less desperate you can devise an alternate plan.

i'm confused why you can't get any more loans without a cosigner... have you maxed yourself out? do you own anything that can be refinanced to have more $$$? do you know any person who may be willing to offer a private loan?

good luck. chin up!
Thanks for the help. No I can't get loans, I never had credit anything I needed I purchased in cash. And the only leverage I had was the job, since it's gone-I'm out of options. I wish I hadn't worked to tell you the truth, because of my income I get almost nothing in finacial-aid, am rulled out of a host of need baised scholarships, and I've really gained nothing. 30k, is not that much, really. Most of my disposable income went to taxes/school/family emergancy/ so I'm broke!
 

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fateema368 said:
Thanks for the help. No I can't get loans, I never had credit anything I needed I purchased in cash. And the only leverage I had was the job, since it's gone-I'm out of options. I wish I hadn't worked to tell you the truth, because of my income I get almost nothing in finacial-aid, am rulled out of a host of need baised scholarships, and I've really gained nothing. 30k, is not that much, really. Most of my disposable income went to taxes/school/family emergancy/ so I'm broke!
i know you can get mortgages without credit. the interest rates may be bad, and you may need to put 3% down, but you just need proof of unconventional credit like cleared rent checks and stuff like that. that is so crazy if you can get a mortgage and not an education. guess its shelter then degree...
 
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fateema368

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seethrew said:
i know you can get mortgages without credit. the interest rates may be bad, and you may need to put 3% down, but you just need proof of unconventional credit like cleared rent checks and stuff like that. that is so crazy if you can get a mortgage and not an education. guess its shelter then degree...
Yah, it's sickening! Infact, I keep getting things from mortgage companies. Just today, I got something from one in Cali
 
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fateema368

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frantic983 said:
What happens when the Dad you never could count on renigs on you AFTER you go to Texas. Maybe talk to your grandparents or something.
Grandparents have cows-and lost of property in East Africa, If I can pay tuition with 100+ of the finest and oldest breed of cows in the world-- no problem! But, I think this may not go over too well with the finacial-aid office :laugh:

Anyway, looks like I'll be relocating. Does anyone know of any good schools in Texas? Houston? I probably won't be trusted to live on campus or alone...this sucks guys :(