Hey ladies! What's this marriage thing about, anyway?

[MilesMayhem]

Have a look at these quotes from the thread on changing names:
Originally Posted by USAF_Dentman
Just to clarify one thing..I said I didnt have any plans for marriage...BUT I'd still more than welcome a long-term relationship without marriage in the meantime as this is a more than doable option.
Posted by SophieJane:
Riiiiiiiight....we'll see how far that "long term relationship without marriage" lasts before she drops you. Most women will put up with that for a few years, but not for 20.

Now, I wonder what is the driving force behind wanting to get married for female docs. I say female docs, because they are on the top of the hierarchy, and don't necessarily have a financial benefit from getting married. I understand that nurses, PAs, women in general have that golddigger sense turned on, but why would female docs have it?

It also seems a bit problematic to write this off as something biological, as men are in fact the ones who tend to be miserable in the wakes of a divorce. Women, statistically, are more happy outside of a marriage. I can't exactly recall where I read that right now, but given that it is, why should women want to marry? How did the peer pressure come about?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[NonTradMed]

Well, I wouldn't call PAs, nurses etc golddiggers. But women do traditionally want to marry "up" or to marry someone of the "same" level, so it stands to reason that a female midlevel is more likely to marry a doctor a male midlevel.

Marriage for most women is still the gold standard of what adult life is. Yes, most female doctors can probably support themselves, but many also want children and companionship. And the "ideal" is still marriage and children within that. Few contemplate sperm donor and periodic boyfriends (although I personally see nothing wrong with either). The society we are all raised under still idealize marriage as the ultimate goal for most girls, no matter how financially successfu.

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

Now, I wonder what is the driving force behind wanting to get married for female docs. I say female docs, because they are on the top of the hierarchy, and don't necessarily have a financial benefit from getting married. I understand that nurses, PAs, women in general have that golddigger sense turned on, but why would female docs have it?

All women have a natural instinct to find a man who can "protect and provide" for them and any children they wish to have. This means that the more money and power you have the better. I don't think anyone is immune.

Women will always usually prefer to marry someone at their level or higher professionally, financially, etc.

They may say they really do prefer the nice poor romantic artist.. yada yada.. but when they get preggers and the hormones kick in.. guess who they are going to try and lock in as daddy on the birth certificate? (whether they really truely are the biological father or not) The successful surgeon or the starving artist? hmm..

That's just nature at work.

 

[Chinorean]

All women have a natural instinct to find a man who can "protect and provide" for them and any children they wish to have. This means that the more money and power you have the better. I don't think anyone is immune.

Yes, but "marriage" is a ritualistic social construct and not a "natural instinct." I think women like it for the same reason people enjoy other rituals. It's a festivity that makes things official. A wedding is also something families and friends can participate in. Flip it around, why would men want to get married?

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

Yes, but "marriage" is a ritualistic social construct and not a "natural instinct." I think women like it for the same reason people enjoy other rituals. It's a festivity that makes things official. A wedding is also something families and friends can participate in. Flip it around, why would men want to get married?

I don't think the OP was wondering about why people get married. I agree with you... its a social contruct.

What the OP is asking is why most all women (even those who already have money etc.) "marry up"... meaning why do all women prefer to marry guys with money and power, and men on the other hand don't worry too much (or at not as much as women) about weather their spouse has money and power.

This is because women only get one shot every 9 months at having children and men could spread their seeds every day if they so wish. So.. it is "instinct" for them to only pick men who have more money and power so that they can "protect and provide" for them and any prospective children they may have.

That my friend is the "instinct" I was talking about.. and which is why all women regardless of social standing will always prefer to lock down the man with the most money and best job.

 

[MarkAnderson]

My perspective is Marriage is like a strong bond and relationship and its all about to understand, be together in every situation and to help each other.

 

[xscpx]

I don't think the OP was wondering about why people get married. I agree with you... its a social contruct.

What the OP is asking is why most all women (even those who already have money etc.) "marry up"... meaning why do all women prefer to marry guys with money and power, and men on the other hand don't worry too much (or at not as much as women) about weather their spouse has money and power.

This is because women only get one shot every 9 months at having children and men could spread their seeds every day if they so wish. So.. it is "instinct" for them to only pick men who have more money and power so that they can "protect and provide" for them and any prospective children they may have.

That my friend is the "instinct" I was talking about.. and which is why all women regardless of social standing will always prefer to lock down the man with the most money and best job.

Total nonsense. Tell me then, with your theory, what about women who do not have any desire for marriage or children? What about women who date women? That is all crap.

Women want to get married because society says it's what "you are supposed to do". We like to pretend there is this equality and no judgment, but it isn't true. A woman living with a man out of wedlock is definitely looked at with a certain stigma. Blame the idiotic psudo-christian "morals" that people pretned to hold so true.

Marriage is a cultural construct given legitimacy through legalality. Generalizing all women is a crime in the first place. Many woman do not want ot get married, have children, etc. These are personal life choices. Who a woman choses to marry, again, is her choice based on her ideals which are formed from the enviorment is which she was raised. (I'm an anthropologist) You are just over generalizing and thus forming incredibly weak associations where there are none.

Not all of us accept society's nonsenical ideals regarding women and marriage, and it is incredibly offensive to think otherwise.

 

[tr]

Women want to get married because society says it's what "you are supposed to do".

Did it occur to you to ask *why* 'society' says that? Why is it that in societies all over the world, women look for men with status, power, and economic resources? Don't you think there might be some biological imperative underlying that homogeneity across diverse cultures?

Marriage is a cultural construct given legitimacy through legality.

So you're saying it's an utterly random development? Why then does it exist throughout the world?

Generalizing all women is a crime in the first place. Many woman do not want ot get married, have children, etc. These are personal life choices. Whom a woman choses to marry, again, is her choice based on her ideals which are formed from the environment in which she was raised.

And why did her environment promote those specific ideals and not other ones? Ya think it could have to do with those having been, over time, the best strategies to promote the propagation of healthy offspring?

(I'm an anthropologist)

It's nice that they taught you to repeat some PC dogma in anthropology school. You might want to step out of your little cant-box and think about things more deeply once in a while though.

 

[xscpx]

Did it occur to you to ask *why* 'society' says that? Why is it that in societies all over the world, women look for men with status, power, and economic resources? Don't you think there might be some biological imperative underlying that homogeneity across diverse cultures?


So you're saying it's an utterly random development? Why then does it exist throughout the world?



And why did her environment promote those specific ideals and not other ones? Ya think it could have to do with those having been, over time, the best strategies to promote the propagation of healthy offspring?


It's nice that they taught you to repeat some PC dogma in anthropology school. You might want to step out of your little cant-box and think about things more deeply once in a while though.

I was referring to marriage ONLY in definition that is has in America. Marriage ideals are different elsewhere and nonexistent in some places. Marriage originally developed for citizenship and legitimacy purposes. Keeping a women's womb "off limits" to other men allowed the child to have no question of citizenship. (Look up 5th century Athens) Marriage was also used to produce legitimate heirs in royal settings. (See Egyptian incestual marriages) Marriage was a governmental practice that later became adopted by religion. (see Rome circa 300's)

The religious ideals in American society are what value marriage and the legal system legitimizes it. I would really like to know where you got your information. In most societies in the world women DO NOT CHOOSE their partner. (India, Bangledesh, Azande[and other African tribes], etc) Marriage, as we define it, also does not exist everywhere in the world. The Nuer people for example are not considered "tied" until the third child of that particular sexual union is born.

Since she grew up in America, (my assumption by her speech) the ideals are already present in our society. We are a christian based society. (I think this is mainly do to its founding - not saying I agree, I'm very, very, NOT christian!) In our society marriage is a cultural norm. (see Durkheim's Social Fact and Evans-Pritchard's ideas about witchcraft and norms) Women with children who are unmarried as well as cohabiting men and women and homosexual individuals are all subject to a particular kind of stigma due to breaking these norms. (Again, I totally don't agree with this! Even though people like to pretend we are more excepting, the society as a whole still reinforces these ideals)

I am an American woman with an intense dislike for organized religion. (product of catholic school) As such, I refuse to concede to the religious aspects of marriage and do not relate to the stigmas associated with not following the norms. I am aware that some people see this as "living in sin" as I have been accused of on numerous occasions, but it is my personal choice. (I've even had to call my significant other my "fiancee" so that people understood the nature of our relationship, eventhough I have no desire to be legally/religiously married.) Not all women are concerned with marriage and children. I, for one, will not be having children and could not care less about the job prospects/money making potential of my significant other.

I hope this better explains what I said earlier.

I am perfectly capable of thinking, thank you.

 

[christina30]

Have a look at these quotes from the thread on changing names:
Originally Posted by USAF_Dentman
Just to clarify one thing..I said I didnt have any plans for marriage...BUT I'd still more than welcome a long-term relationship without marriage in the meantime as this is a more than doable option.
Posted by SophieJane:
Riiiiiiiight....we'll see how far that "long term relationship without marriage" lasts before she drops you. Most women will put up with that for a few years, but not for 20.

Now, I wonder what is the driving force behind wanting to get married for female docs. I say female docs, because they are on the top of the hierarchy, and don't necessarily have a financial benefit from getting married. I understand that nurses, PAs, women in general have that golddigger sense turned on, but why would female docs have it?

It also seems a bit problematic to write this off as something biological, as men are in fact the ones who tend to be miserable in the wakes of a divorce. Women, statistically, are more happy outside of a marriage. I can't exactly recall where I read that right now, but given that it is, why should women want to marry? How did the peer pressure come about?

I actually would have no problem with that. If you're living together as a family and essentially like a married couple would.. then what difference, honestly, will that piece of paper make? None.

What matters in a successful, lasting marriage is the strength of your relationship, not the fact that you have a piece of paper declaring said relationship "legal". But that's just my 0.02

And I think the problem with female doctors looking for someone who may be on a equal level, professionally is affected by how the men react to her success. I find that it's not uncommon for men to feel threatened, or even emasculated by a much more successful woman. The same way women biologically tend toward a "provider," men will biologically tend toward acting as said "provider" - if their mate makes more than them, then they might feel like they've "failed" as men.

 

[GoLytely]

It also seems a bit problematic to write this off as something biological, as men are in fact the ones who tend to be miserable in the wakes of a divorce. Women, statistically, are more happy outside of a marriage.

Women in marriages are often miserable, and those who aren't are looking longingly at their married friends and are nearly eaten alive by envy. Women tend to be comparatively miserable no matter what.