10+ Year Member
- Oct 14, 2011
- Reaction score
My grades had been horrible for the past two years and after realizing that I should do better now I am so confused on what classes I should take and scared to take upper level courses.
I am afraid I'm going to get another C's and D's especially because I'm currently at a prestige college. I don't think I deserve to be here but at the same time I'm proud that I got here. I saw myself constantly comparing myself to others in how they dressed, spent their money, and how smart they were and it's making me feel not worthy of to be here. I don't know what I am good at and what skills I need to get a good grade.
I feel like getting A's here is an unreachable dream. My professors are all phD from Ivy league and I'm so shameful of my writing skill that I don't want my professors to know me. But I can't let this happen because I want to go to medical school.... I think I would have been much better off at a state school I regret coming to my current school but at the same time I'm grateful for it.
All my courses going be in 400 level and I seriously think that it is not the level that I should be in but I'm already a senior have nothing else to take....................
Your first goal is to graduate with your degree. We are not appropriate advisors for you on that, so you need to seek help from your department major advisor (faculty or staff). You should already know or have an idea what classes you have to take to complete your degree and what you need to do to redo any non-passing courses. If you are at a prestigious university, you have that infrastructure to guide you. You also may have a prehealth advisor or office with whom you should have always been in contact and have developed a relationship.
As for your imposter syndrome, everyone feels like they never deserved the opportunities they were given, and that is very isolating when it comes to being at an elite college or university where everyone's really smart or has something to brag about. I hope that during your time you found a social circle very early with whom you can talk about your experiences and feelings, and that you have had a chance to get any help if you have ever had trouble knowing how to study properly, especially if you have been slipping in your courses. Good schools such as yours usually have an infrastructure where they know if you are in trouble. If not, there are policies that you have to follow if you are in danger of being on probation. I don[t know if it's any better at your big state school where there is likely even less contact or concern about you as an individual because there usually are so many more students around. In any event, you have to own your decision to go to that school, but it seems you never really embraced the resources and opportunities you had available.
This won't get any better in medical school. Inferiority complexes and imposter syndrome rule the roost and can be much more intense in medical school than what you are experiencing now. You need to be aware that everyone has their vulnerabilities, and you must be able to manage these thoughts in a productive rather than destructive way. Your institution's counseling/psychological services office should be a great resource.