How can I support my significant other during residency?

[AMMx52]

I’m a recent PhD graduate (28 years old) who is dating a second year resident (40 years old—obviously a later in life choice to go to med school ) for the past 6 months In the beginning he was still getting adjusted to his residency for his speciality and had more free time. We spent an abundance of time together (5-7 days a week) until December (3-4 days per week) because of projects, presentations, and studying. This month he has a few more projects and in house exams so he informed me that he will be very focused on that which I completely understand and support. I feel bad because next weekend we already had plans for him to attend a wedding with me so it limits his study time that weekend. I told him he could cancel if he wanted to but he refuses to and still wants to tag along.

My question is how can I support him through these times in residency? Is there anything I can do to make it easier on him? (I have to ask here because if I ask him he will tell me not to worry about it and that he has it under control!) Even though we haven’t been together long I am very proud of him, his hard work, and the genuine empathy he has for his patient so I want to convey that to him.

We don’t live together so it’s not like I have the ability to help out daily or to know what he always needs help with. He’s always hungry so I went ahead and made homemade meals for the freezer so he just has to pop them in the oven to get a good meal. I contacted a cleaning company and got a gift certificate for a complete house cleaning. These are the little things that he worries about that I know how to help with. Just wondering if there is something I’m missing or any tips/tricks from spouses/partners. Let me tell you—dating a physician is way more difficult than I imagined.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[smq123]

I’m a recent PhD graduate (28 years old) who is dating a second year resident (40 years old—obviously a later in life choice to go to med school ) for the past 6 months In the beginning he was still getting adjusted to his residency for his speciality and had more free time. We spent an abundance of time together (5-7 days a week) until December (3-4 days per week) because of projects, presentations, and studying. This month he has a few more projects and in house exams so he informed me that he will be very focused on that which I completely understand and support. I feel bad because next weekend we already had plans for him to attend a wedding with me so it limits his study time that weekend. I told him he could cancel if he wanted to but he refuses to and still wants to tag along.

My question is how can I support him through these times in residency? Is there anything I can do to make it easier on him? (I have to ask here because if I ask him he will tell me not to worry about it and that he has it under control!) Even though we haven’t been together long I am very proud of him, his hard work, and the genuine empathy he has for his patient so I want to convey that to him.

We don’t live together so it’s not like I have the ability to help out daily or to know what he always needs help with. He’s always hungry so I went ahead and made homemade meals for the freezer so he just has to pop them in the oven to get a good meal. I contacted a cleaning company and got a gift certificate for a complete house cleaning. These are the little things that he worries about that I know how to help with. Just wondering if there is something I’m missing or any tips/tricks from spouses/partners. Let me tell you—dating a physician is way more difficult than I imagined.

This is really nice of you.

It sounds like you're already doing a lot for him, by cooking for him and helping get the house cleaned. Otherwise, just make sure that he has a lot of coffee in the house.

He's a lucky guy!

 

[mcworbust]

You are crushing it! Just keep communicating and being flexible. Also remember to take care of yourself and have your own friends too so you have ppl to go to if he is on a hard month/unavailable, and also so that he doesn't feel like he's the only person in your life and thus needs to spend all his free time with you (just most of his free time ). You're doing awesome, he's lucky!

 

[BGDino]

Sounds like you’re doing a fabulous job. You are 100% on the mark with the homemade meals.

Hubby is approaching the halfway point of his general surgery training (we’re a two doctor couple in Australia) and we spent a large part of it living hundreds of kilometres from each other as he was rotated out to rural hospitals and he has said many times that the stash of homemade meals is the thing that can turn a crap day into a better one. Because my training remained in the city I would fly out to wherever he was on a Friday night, cook up a storm, and take the first flight back on Monday morning to get to work (my job kept office hours).

Other than that being understanding of the fact that his hours are out of his control, he can be held up at work for hours, have to work unexpectedly... I admit this is something I’m still working on and am occasionally unreasonably upset about those things.

Oh, and celebrate achievements and reaching milestones! When hubby got into training I was so proud of him I actually felt like I was going to burst! It goes both ways for us though, I made consultant (attending in AUS) last June and he was super proud of me. He tells me he loves it when people ask him what I do because then he can say proudly that I’m a consultant ☺️

 

[J ROD]

Food, sex, and wash clothes.......gold

 

[BGDino]

Food, sex, and wash clothes.......gold

Word. Certainly keeps my hubby happy! Maslow was definitely into something.