Medical How do I move forward as a lost premed with major regrets?

[tantacles]

Hi everyone. This is my first post on SDN and might be TMI. Sorry in advance if it is dramatic. I am a Senior who was planning to apply this cycle and had all the other ducks lined up well (LORs, prereqs, service, 3.85 GPA). However, the biggest hurdle has been the MCAT. I have been pushing it back since last January and had ample time to study over Summer 2019 but could not get myself to. I have severe anxiety from it and am deathly scared of taking it. With the pandemic, it has been even harder to study for my early July test because I lied to my parents and told them I had already taken the MCAT, and I haven't been able to tell them the truth. This has contributed to my denial. I feel like a failure, a coward, and an utter disappointment. I also feel like I don't want medicine enough if I cannot overcome my anxiety and take the MCAT.

Being honest with myself, I will need to take an additional gap year because I am not adequately prepared for my early July MCAT. I feel hopeless for delaying my potential matriculation by 1 year because of my cowardice, poor planning, lying, and disillusionment. This is not meant to be a pity-post, but I could use words of wisdom and reassurance right now. I am in a dark place and feel like I am a massive disappointment to myself and my parents. I also need to be at peace with taking 2 gap years and informing my parents about this change in plans. All my other friends are either already matriculants or are applying this cycle, and I feel behind and hopeless. Please help me.

This will be quick because the answers are, from my end, reasonably simple, although they will likely seem alarming as your life plans are changing.

1. Take the MCAT when you are ready. Get your anxiety under control before that happens. If that means you need two years, that's ok.
2. Apply when you are ready.
3. Stop lying to your parents. Your parents love you. They want you to succeed. If you are honest with them, they can change their expectations. Stop lying. Face your fears.
4. Get your mental health under control before it kills you. Start seeing a therapist. I don't care if you feel like you don't need one. Based on this post, you need one. Everyone could use one even if they don't need one. So tell your parents about your anxiety and your stress, and tell them you need to see someone. If they won't help you make it happen, go to your doctor, and tell your doctor you need a referral to a therapist. tl;dr: see a therapist.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[TheBoneDoctah]

Would med schools look down on taking 2 gap years for MCAT studying with a competitive rest of application? Would they wonder why I couldn't manage taking it and question my time management?

Do not take the MCAT until you are 100% ready, have taken multiple practice exams and are scoring within your goal range. The last thing you want to do is rush taking the exam because you don’t want to take another gap year, bomb it, and then not get into medical school.

Talk to your parents. They are your biggest support through this. You delaying telling them is just going to add to your anxiety and not help with the testing situation. You need to be able to freely study and not have to hide this from them or have it on your mind while you are trying to study. Tell them ASAP.

A two year gap is nothing. I am just now starting residency and am 31. All my friends are already attending physicians. Although I wish I would be done already, I will still become an attending soon. It’s better than the alternative.

Lastly, you need to get this testing anxiety under control before medical school. Medical school is FULL of exams (sometimes multiple exams a week plus multiple high stakes licensing exams). You need to make sure you can handle the stress of medical school.

Good luck.

 

[tantacles]

Would med schools look down on taking 2 gap years for MCAT studying with a competitive rest of application? Would they wonder why I couldn't manage taking it and question my time management?

That's not how medical schools do things. They want you to apply for medical school when you are ready. Personally, I took 3 years off before medical school. Some people take 10 years.

 

[tantacles]

Did you ever feel inferior to your friends? If so, how did you learn to get over this? I can't stop thinking about what could have been.

Your feelings of inferiority are false. People are inherently equal, and the choices we make and careers we have don't define us. Your being a doctor a year or two later than your friends does not make you less valuable of a human; it just makes you a human that took a different path. I think about what could have been all the time, and then I realize that had I not taken 3 years off, I would not have met my partner of 8 years in medical school. Each path has different potential, but earlier is not always better.

Take your time. You have time. Do something fun every day, and try to enjoy your life.

 

[TheBoneDoctah]

Did you ever feel inferior to your friends? If so, how did you learn to get over this? I can't stop thinking about what could have been.

...erm. No.

 

[Goro]

Hi everyone. This is my first post on SDN and might be TMI. Sorry in advance if it is dramatic. I am a Senior who was planning to apply this cycle and had all the other ducks lined up well (LORs, prereqs, service, 3.85 GPA). However, the biggest hurdle has been the MCAT. I have been pushing it back since last January and had ample time to study over Summer 2019 but could not get myself to. I have severe anxiety from it and am deathly scared of taking it. With the pandemic, it has been even harder to study for my early July test because I lied to my parents and told them I had already taken the MCAT, and I haven't been able to tell them the truth. This has contributed to my denial. I feel like a failure, a coward, and an utter disappointment. I also feel like I don't want medicine enough if I cannot overcome my anxiety and take the MCAT.

Being honest with myself, I will need to take an additional gap year because I am not adequately prepared for my early July MCAT. I feel hopeless for delaying my potential matriculation by 1 year because of my cowardice, poor planning, lying, and disillusionment. This is not meant to be a pity-post, but I could use words of wisdom and reassurance right now. I am in a dark place and feel like I am a massive disappointment to myself and my parents. I also need to be at peace with taking 2 gap years and informing my parents about this change in plans. All my other friends are either already matriculants or are applying this cycle, and I feel behind and hopeless. Please help me.

Anxiety and the other issues you're having are poorly treated on an anonymous message board.

Run, do not walk, to a therapist, your school's counseling center, Student Services, or your family doctor. This is NOT medical advice.

Do not even think about applying to medical school until you get your mental health issues under control.

Medical school is a furnace, and I've seen it break even healthy students. The #1 reason my school loses students to withdrawal, dismissal or LOA is to unresolved mental health issues.

 

[Goro]

Would this change because I'm a South Asian female from a state college, and most people from my state college go straight into the state school?

Will I be rejected because I'm an unconventional Asian? I have lost all motivation because I don't know if I've messed up too badly. I'm sorry for the drama, but I'm struggling from burn out but I really want to be a physician. I just don't know how I'm going to explain my 2 gap year situation to schools. It's all because of poor mental health and burnout, which made me have poor time management. I'm scared that I'll never be a physician now.

No. I'm concerned that you're not listening to the advice on this page.

And there is no requirement to matriculate into medical school directly after UG.

If asked about your gap years, you can truthfully state that you were ready for a break, and you took time out for self-enrichment and your health.

 

[tantacles]

Would this change because I'm a South Asian female from a state college, and most people from my state college go straight into the state school?

no.

 

[tantacles]

Will I be rejected because I'm an unconventional Asian? I have lost all motivation because I don't know if I've messed up too badly. I'm sorry for the drama, but I'm struggling from burn out but I really want to be a physician. I just don't know how I'm going to explain my 2 gap year situation to schools. It's all because of poor mental health and burnout, which made me have poor time management. I'm scared that I'll never be a physician now.

Your race is not an issue. You don't need to explain your gap. You are allowed to take time off. Many people take time off. Get your mental health under control before you even think about applying to medical school. Many people with mental health issues make excellent physicians because they can empathize well with their patients, but you have to manage your mental health well to get through medical school. If you need a gap year, take a gap year. If you need two gap years, take two gap years. If you need explain why you took gap years, "I wanted time off before medical school" is a perfect explanation.

 

[TheBoneDoctah]

Worth noting that I took a gap year before medical school and wasn’t asked about it on any of my interviews.