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How do you feel about dating people outside of medicine?

Discussion in 'Medical Students - DO' started by DrHoney, Dec 1, 2008.

  1. DrHoney

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    Do you think it's possible to date someone that doesn't understand your demanding schedule in medical school?
    Is it ok to sit home while your live in significant goes out with his friends until late on a Monday night?

    Maybe I'm bitter because I have an exam tomorrow and can't go out, but I can't help but get upset. Is this foreshadowing how life may be with this person?
    Am I just overreacting?
     
  2. DrMidlife

    DrMidlife has an opinion
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    Yes. You're in med school, he's not, he gets to go out, you don't. If he comes back drunk and loud and costs you sleep, then you have a case.

    (Why does he need to stay home because you're staying home? You're probably either insecure or a control freak, or both. Which is pretty common, I was both in my 20's. Nothing you get him to do is going to make you any happier until you figure out your own stuff.)
     
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  3. countthestars

    countthestars Resident
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    Well, at least your not dating someone in your medical school class...if you break up with someone in your class, more likely than not, it will get very awkward and weird because you spend so much time together in class anyways. I think its best to only date outside of med school and to date people outside of medicine. I mean, do you really want to date another frustrated, stressed, out student (I think that leads to more problems with the relationship)?
     
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  4. igcgnerd

    igcgnerd Hawkeye
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    I would think your significant other going out while your studying is a good thing so you can get more accomplished.
     
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  5. SomeDoc

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    Dating/settling with/marrying someone who is NOT in the medical field, provided that he/she understands the demands of your profession (key factor) may actually be a good thing, and can help keep balance and perspective in life, which is not all about medicine.
     
    #5 SomeDoc, Dec 2, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2008
  6. OP
    OP
    DrHoney

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    Thanks for your perspectives..I know I can get a little nuts sometimes. It's comforting to hear it from the people that do what I do.
    Its just hard sometimes.
     
  7. countthestars

    countthestars Resident
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    IMO, any form of a relationship while in med school is hard, be it with someone in your class, in the medical field, or someone who's not in this field. There will be times when you will be too busy to hang out and go out, but if hes alright with that and you trust him when he goes out without you, it could work out.
     
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  8. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man
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    I am engaged to a teacher. Its better, in my own opinion, because sometimes you need to talk about something aside from medicine.
     
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  9. fireflygirl

    fireflygirl The Ultimate Blindian
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    I think it can be doable but as others have said, there has to be understanding and compassion. Unfortuantely, I'm in a long distance relationship with someone not in medicine, and due to a number of reasons it's falling apart. But I do think that the distance AND the fact that he doesn't really understand what I'm going through contributes to it. We used to see each other every 2 weeks which is a long shot from what we have now. It's sad but I think being with someone outside of medicine has its own challenges. However, if you have two understanding and flexible, committed people, I think it can work!
     
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  10. Bleurberry

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    Shoot me now if all my girl and I end up talking about for the rest of our lives is medicine. lol. I have no intention of letting that happen.
    But I get your angle.
     
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  11. sexyman

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    I turns me on to talk about the coagulation cascade during intercourse. If the girl can't tell me about the intrinsic and extrinsic pathways I simply can't finish....
     
  12. Knicks

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    ^^ :laugh:
     
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  13. Old_Mil

    Old_Mil Senior Member
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    No. A friend of mine was married to a woman that didn't understand his demanding schedule in medical school. He failed out at the end of his first year.

    Is he coming back Monday night? Or Tuesday morning?

    More than likely. People who go out with their friends a lot when you're dating don't suddenly turn into homebodies because they have a ring on their finger.

    Remember that as far as being "easy", a marriage relationship isn't "easier" than a dating relationship. A marriage brings with it financial stresses, job worries, kids, sickness, aging parents and a lot of other things that dating relationships are insulated from. If two people are on the same page, the marriage makes dealing with these issues easier than they would be as a single person.

    On the other hand if you marry someone after a having dating relationship where there are "issues", the marriage is going to be a disaster.

    Finally (by your post, I assume that you're a woman), I'm going to offer a bit of unasked for advice because I've seen this occur several times. Never date or marry a guy who has any interest whatsoever in being a "stay at home dad." That's a huge red flag. Psychologically there is something not right about a guy who is willing to let his wife go out and kill the mammoth while he hangs around the cave.
     
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  14. Vee

    Vee
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    I'm marrying someone who isn't in the medical field. He goes out with his friends (perfect example will be tomorrow night) while I'm home studying sometimes and it doesn't bother me. He understands the demands of school but at the same time, I make time for us to do special things together, like date nights. It's honestly very nice to have someone around who doesn't always want to talk about medical things.
     
  15. ND Domer

    ND Domer Here come the Irish
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    I think dating people outside medicine can be helpful...if you date people inside your own bubble..sometimes it can make your already strained life a lot more strained...jmo.
     
  16. tideleonheart

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    Whoa, small sample size there! Marriage /= failing out. I'm married and doing fine. I think marriage can be a great thing and something that will help keep you sane and balanced... BUT, there's a lot of stresses that come along that will test your relationship. Be compromising, be humble, be kind... and make sure your spouse comes before medicine. (though, sometimes putting your spouse first MEANS ignoring them in order to provide for the future). Tough love, I guess.
     
  17. Old_Mil

    Old_Mil Senior Member
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    True, but marrying someone who isn't understanding of your schedule or the demands on your time very well may cause the same result.
     
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  18. rory

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    I agree with you
     
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  19. Lamborghini1315

    Lamborghini1315 Sleep deprived
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    Ok you are right married couples can find a balance to make med school work. But honestly if i had a choice to get married in med school or wait..it would be wait 100/100 times. Relationships are imp whatever the label is but marriage is a whole different deal. This is a fact that you will barely have leisure time as you move up the ladder and that in itself makes it hard for a relationship to sustain however marriages would suck more life out of you. I am still amazed by all those married couples in med school and how they manage to stay afloat, good for them but i know i would fail miserably. I would def consider things like career goals, residency years..think about dating a ENT, gen.surgery, urology etc residents..these guys will spend 80-100 hours per week in a hospital!! Now that's tough to put up with...again i don't want to pass judgements, a lot of people find a healthy balance between family and career. At this point in my life i much rather have a gf not in the healthcare field than a wife in the same profession as me.
     
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  20. Edidas213

    Edidas213 breakyoself
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    I had a gf just in the same major as me with all the same classes give or take one or two....she was so competitive it hurt the relationship alot. for example if we studied the same amount of time together for a test but i score significantly higher...she would get mad ....ridiculous but it could be a downside in medical school
     
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  21. psy

    psy Lazy Bum Extraordinaire
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    This is also why you don't want to be working in the same place as your spouse. Keep work/school and personal life separate.
     
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  22. Dakayus

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    Yep I'd say the same thing too. I'd rather prefer someone not in my field as I'd rather not talk about medicine. I think you can date people in your class, but you just have to make sure that it's not a really impulsive rebound type of relatipnship.
     
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  23. bigDinLV

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    It's really double sided..

    If you date someone in medicine you can talk about your day at the hospital, or whatever, and they will understand. Having this common thing could be good.

    if you date someone outside of medicine, they might have no idea what you are talking about. It's a good thing though because then they have a life with different things to bring into the relationship. Balance with things outside could be good.
     
  24. The Clash

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    My hubby is not in the medical field, and his biggest problem is dealing with the fact that I'll make more money than him. Everyday it seems he gets more and more insecure, he's nervous that I'll meet someone in medical school that I have more in common with and that I'll leave him. I just keep reassuring him that: #1 I love him, and I chose him. not for money, not for his job, not for anything but true love. and #2 I think that 2 doctors under one roof would be incredibly stressful: what if I get an offer in one state, while he gets an offer in another. 2 over-achievers don't go well together, one person always has to give up on some of their dreams. So that's where I stand, chose your mate because they are the love of your life and your best friend! My husband is the most supportive person I've ever met, and my goals of becoming a doctor have been adopted by him as well. It feels like we're doing it together, 2 people with one common goal. :love:
     
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  25. psy

    psy Lazy Bum Extraordinaire
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    dating in medicine:
    1. you can complain about your day to them, and they will understand. <--stress relief for you but stress on your partner
    2. Less insecurity issues that would arise. However, the flip side is insecurity for both if you don't see each other very often due to your hectic 60+ hrs/week work schedule. It also doesn't make it better knowing the other person doesn't need your financial support.

    dating outside of medicine:
    1. you can complain about your day to them and they will just ignore it and move on. <---some stress relief for you and little/no stress for your partner because he/she doesn't understand nor care.
    2. Your partner will most likely have insecurity issues with you being away from home all day, making more money, and being around hot nurses (yea...those 250lbs, 40 yo nurses are hot!). It doesn't help that you have to stay late in the office frequently.
    3. It's nice to know you have someone waiting for you when you come home because they don't have the freakish work hours you do.

    You can overcome these things if you work with your significant other to arrange for alone time together and to communicate your feelings and concerns with each other. Communication, compromise, and planning are key to any relationship, especially one where you have an extended time away from the family.
     
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  26. fireflygirl

    fireflygirl The Ultimate Blindian
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    :thumbup: great points to bring up psy! I think the whole communication and compromise is key. I think something that hurt my previous reationship was that some of this was lacking and I would get angry when he wouldn't really understand what I was going through. I have met some married couples however where the spouse who isn't in medicine, really knows what test is coming up and what their spouse is studying and makes a real effort to get involved and truly understand what their spouse is going through. And of course, this goes both ways, but I think that by really throwing yourself in there as much as you can, and sacrificing some of your time to help the spouse, partner...etc out is really key. This was highlighted specifically to familiy members and partners during orientation. But those people that aren't in the field and just think that their partner is going through "another 4 years of school" is bound to encounter some problems. However, I think it can be done but you have to be willing to sacrfice a little more than you might want, compromise and communicate well!!
     
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  27. stonewall22

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    Personally, I'm pretty sure my wife would be pretty mad at me if I decided to date anyone in medicine since we decided not to date other people.
     
  28. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man
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    When you come to medical school you are hard pressed to find ANYONE that wants to talk about anything aside from medicine. It makes you go insane.
     
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  29. Hurricane95

    Hurricane95 Senior Member
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    Great. I ONLY date girls outside of medicine. I find most female medical students (with a couple of exceptions...) to be too type A for my taste. Perfect recipe for a highly stressful relationship if you ask me. Also as selfish as it sounds, I wouldn't want to deal with a woman who has a schedule that is as hectic as mine. I prefer she always be available when I am. :smuggrin:

    Thirdly, if I dated a girl in medicine our conversation and free time would inevitably be centered on medicine. This gets old after a while, and would eventually lead to my gradual slip into insanity (ahead of time). I'll put that off a little longer.

    Seriously though, I'm dating a high school math teacher and I think it works out GREAT. I wouldn't have dated a med student over her at all.
     
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