I would say because it is hard for the nucleophile to attack with all those hydrogens and carbons on the back. The ethoxide would need to get in the middle of the ring which is unlikely.
And yes, secondary is not that favored. It still will undergo some SN2.
So, the ethoxide will attack the ketone, but then what.
You should made a somewhat reactive (unfavored) hemiacetal.
The Oxygen's electrons will kick back down, and the ethoxide leaves. It will be in equilibrium between both states.
The alpha hydrogens are not acidic at all. Those Hydrogens rarely come off.
That's true. It does. And this part of the reaction is reversed usually. But sometimes another thing happens. The electrons that were holding the Hydrogen attack the other aldol. And again this part of the reaction is often reversed. But then dehydration occurs and now we have stable conjugated pi orbitals. (this won't get reversed.)