How long to stay?

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ms1finally

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I just started orientation and I am miserable. I've cried more times than I can count in the past three days. All my classmates seem to be bondign and having fun and all I can think about is how I want to go home. I've done the whole "starting over" thing before, so it's not that. I can't quite pinpoint what it is, except that I don't really love the area the school is in and I just don't seem to fit with the other students. One of the deans keeps on telling us how friendly people are and how they will go out of their way to help you, while my experiences have been the exact opposite.

How long should I tough it out? I know no one can answer this question for me, but some input would be very helpful.

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Stick it out :) You'd probably be surprised at how any of your classmates aren't bonding, and how transient these first-day bonds may be. It defiitely takes a little bit of time to find your friends, and you'll get to know people on a better level during anatomy lab! I cried every day my first week (or two?) of school. It gets better, believe me.
 
ms1finally said:
I just started orientation and I am miserable. I've cried more times than I can count in the past three days. All my classmates seem to be bondign and having fun and all I can think about is how I want to go home. I've done the whole "starting over" thing before, so it's not that. I can't quite pinpoint what it is, except that I don't really love the area the school is in and I just don't seem to fit with the other students. One of the deans keeps on telling us how friendly people are and how they will go out of their way to help you, while my experiences have been the exact opposite.

How long should I tough it out? I know no one can answer this question for me, but some input would be very helpful.

I'm very sorry to hear that you're miserable--especially since I'm sure you've been looking forward to medical school for so long! I know it must be difficult--perhaps a combination of homesickness, missing a loved one, and just adjusting to an entirely new environment and lifestyle in a new place. Try to get more involved with activities and with people, even though it may be difficult at first. I think that once classes start and you form closer knit relationships with people in your class, you'll feel a lot better. I think it's too early (since it's only orientation) to gauge how you'll be happy for the rest of the year. Find positive things about the environment that you're in; I think you may have preconceived negative notions about the area you're in and that's really affecting your happiness. If you're still having difficulties adjusting the next couple of weeks, there should be support groups on campus/counselors that would be more than happy to talk to you about it. The last thing you want to do is handle your emotions while trying to juggle the medical courseload.
 
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Don't worry! You are probably just overwhelmed. By the time school starts you should be feeling better. You just need to get into the swing of things again. Besides, you won't have much time to see the area anyway since you will be studying all of the time. Good luck!
 
These feelings you are having are most likely temporary. It's tough to make friends in the beginning but don't give up. You don't want to be anti-social in the beginning and then find a hard time making friends when everyone forms their little groups. As for everyone being "friendly", everyone says that about their school and most often, its a matter of perception. It's not easy to believe that one school just happens to have the friendliest bunch around. That being said, I think a lot of schools play this "we're really friendly" card and a lot of kids buy into it. Just stick it out and don't worry. When classes start, you'll be more worried about the classes than fitting in. In fact, you might actually find it easier to fit in when labs and PBL's start. Just hang in there!!
 
There are lots of bumbs in this road, but stick it out. Starting is very hard especially if you don't know anyone. I remember it seemed to me taht everyone had their instant friends, but I didn't. These friendships often change. You're overflowing with emotion for a number of reasons, but it's too early to do anything but hope for tomorrow. Treat yourself well, however -- call and talk to the people who make you happiest, get to the gym, or get a pedicure, whatever cheers you up.

I've gone through time when not much sets me off and I cry more nights than not -- the longest I remember was crying myself to sleep q4 on Internal Medicine because I hated being on call, at the hospital, away from my husband, tired, in a call room that was 4 degrees, etc. But times will get better, I promise.
 
I think the above posters pretty much gave all the advice I could give. You worked hard to get here, and you may be frightened at the beginning, but other people went through this and they did just fine too. You can do it too. Good luck :)
 
Many health sciences campuses offer free counseling services.
 
You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself – I leave a lot of things early especially if I feel everyone a bore or I don’t fit in – I am a chronic walk outer.
I say better to be at 2 things happily than at 8 with a tired frown or a forced smile!

Also once you step away and make one friend the whole crowd will look a lot more fun.

Don’t single yourself out as a unbounded kid.

Don’t beat yourself up for being homesick either – nothing wrong in missing your family and familiar surroundings.

Maybe you should indulge just a bit – call them up every night or invite a friend to come stay with you for a weekend (if a driving distance away).

You could even find a college buddy who is in the area and email or call up for coffee (facebook is good for this if nothing else!). It will boost your confidence and make you feel connected to the new locality.

I think its just orientation jitters – once school starts you will warm up
 
Have you been talking to your friends back home? It takes time to build relationships and you might as well lean on those who love you until you make new relationships.

Have you participated in the Class of 2009 thread for your school? It's an alternative way to meet people. Also, at social events try to notice the shy people and talk to them. Really, not everybody is bonding- it looks that way. People tend to duck out and you won't notice that. I've ducked out a bit during orientation-- a litle too much pressure to be "on," if you know what I mean.

Good luck & keep posting.
 
I think there is some real double-talk going on when you first get to school. Everyone's saying, man! you are now going to have 100 new best friends, or whatever and meanwhile the person who was your 'best friend' yesterday doesn't even acknowledge you today. Ah, feelings!

So, be aware that you will now have 100 new pre-med colleagues who are all probably freaking out too. Social skills are not always the strong point of pre-meds. Don't take any of that personally, people will grow progressively more intense as the year goes on. Your smiley, faithful classmate may even bark at you. You might bark at them. This is a difficult year and you are right to ask these questions. But, stay true to your feelings, be careful about expectations of these new colleagues, and try and stay close to those people who knew and loved you before you started school. They will keep you grounded and reassured that this will all work out ok. Eventually, you will find your way and begin to feel more comfortable. But, it will be a heavy duty learning experience. So, strap on your hiking boots and set out on the trail!

:thumbup:
 
burlypie said:
Stick it out :) You'd probably be surprised at how any of your classmates aren't bonding, and how transient these first-day bonds may be.
Very few first week friendships seemed to make it past the first test block. I also found that many students were very 'fake' the first few weeks...... can only keep it up for so long though. Be yourself, give it some time. The begining is going to suck.
 
don't drop out!!

i read this post and i was like 'that was SO me in 2003'! crying every day, etc etc.
a few months later, i dropped out (leave of absence). i thought med school was just not for me.

guess what? i came back :) class of 2008- and although i love my class now, a part of me will always wonder 'what if?' i had just stayed put and weathered the storm.
oh well, no real harm done. . .but still, my advice is to stay where you are unless something is seriously wrong. otherwise, you'll probably just find yourself coming back to the same situation in the future! best wishes :) :) :)
 
I totally agree. I was miserable for a good chuck of time MS1. I left friends, family, activities i love, and a my future wife to go to med school, I wanted to drop out atleast 20 times. The only thing that I could hang my hat on is that I liked learning about the human body, and I had already paid thru winter break, and then thru summer break so I might as well get my moneys worth. Getting adjusted to the new area, study routines, getting a workout routine, long hours, academic hardship etc. was tough, and I barely made it through, but I am glad I have stayed with it. :) Hope you make it thru!!

One other thing that kept me going was a post from SDN where the poster was talking about how much they wanted to be in medschool thru college, and how they would have given anything to be there, and to keep things in perspective....

Hope you are feeling better about things
 
Thanks everyone. I'm feeling much much better. A long talk with Mom and a ticket "home" for labor day weekend to see my cutie pie helped. However, I know that it's going to be a challenge. It's hard because I loved my life before I started med school - but looking back there was a serious adjustment period there, too.
 
Hang in there! The very beginning of med school can be tough, but it'll get better. Once you start hanging out with your classmates more in school, and in study groups, you guys will bond.
 
I agree with all the above posts. Orientation is nothing like the real thing, and first semester of med school is the worst. Looking back at my first semester, I think I must have been in denial or something. I didn't have any close med school friends, I certainly didn't bond with anyone, I hated all of our classes except anatomy, and I felt really stupid. It is a frustrating time, especially when you have been working so hard for so long to get to this point.

I love my class now though, I have some close friends and am friendly with a lot of people, and I realize that everyone feels insecure and stupid! I also remember talking to one of my body buddies at the end of first year- she told me that she was so close to dropping out and going home during our first few weeks of anatomy because she hated it so much. I spent like, eight hours of every day with her the first eight weeks of school, and I had no idea she felt like that! I admired her because she was so outgoing and always seemed to know what was going on socially and in the classroom.

You don't have to go out every night to "bond" with your classmates, but just reach out a little bit and realize it will get better! You will be so surprised by how many people are having the same feelings. I think it is impossible to have an easy transition into med school when 165 type a students are getting to know each other. Hang in there!
 
I agree with everyone that the first semester is the hardest. You get used to it believe me, so stick it out.

Remember, all you are committing to is passing the tests. You can go home on weekends and skip class and study on your own. You dont have to love everyone and bond and be a shining star. You can just be a name and a score, screw everything else if it is getting to you.
 
You will be fine...just give it time. I think the more settled you are in where you've come from, the harder it is to adjust to your new surroundings. Good luck.
 
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