How the hell do you date in medical school if you're an introvert?

May 14, 2016
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-Over 1/2 the class is in a relationship or married
-Everyone is super busy with studying and there's rarely time to go on dates
-I'm socially inept and have no idea how to gauge interest/plan appropriate dates

I guess the 3rd one is the only real problem. Just looking for advice from people who've been in my situation.
 
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wxman393

Is it required to date while in medical school? Like @Anicetus alluded to, hasn't medical school just started for most MS/OMS1's?


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eteshoe

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I feel like you're biggest concern right now is getting used to the pace of med school. Jesus, focus on those priorities. Dating can come later down the line.
 
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.hematoma.

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I met my current significant other while in medical school... definitely school is a priority, but I don't know what the heck I'd do if I didn't have her (she's not in medicine so my time spent with her has nothing to do with medical school). You need to have a balance between med school and social life!

I'm an introvert as well... try the usual apps and meet people at mixers that your medical school may hold with other grad students!
 
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Crayola227

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zeppelinpage4

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-Dating apps/sites (I've heard good things about Bumble, haven't tried it myself though.)

-Date through mutual friends. Your classmates may be in relationships or super busy, but they may have single friends who are looking to date as well.

-Don't focus on dating and just try to develop genuine friendships in your class, study groups help a lot. If you find yourself compatible with someone in your friend group, a relationship may grow from that. Even if it doesn't, you'll have good friends there for you and not feel lonely.

-Try to meet students from other programs (nursing, PA, dental, PT, graduate students, masters students etc.) at your school. You can also get to know some undergrad students.

-There is time to date, don't worry. It's harder to do so, and you have to prioritize/manage your time, but it's possible. Give it some time though, I was overwhelmed and felt I had no time to do anything but study at the beginning, but you'll find yourself getting into a rhythm after a couple weeks and you'll get better at managing your study time and finding free time.

-And last but not least, try to remind yourself that being single in medical school can have it's upsides too. Like not being distracted by anyone during Step studying when you just have to focus on the test, or when applying to residencies and not having to worry about couples match or doing long-distance. Having someone there for you is really nice, but it can come with it's own set of stresses and make med school even tougher, especially if it's not a good match.

I'm sort of an introvert too, and I have anxiety issues as well, so I understand. The above is just based on my own personal experiences with dating and what I've seen among classmates. I hope some of the suggestions help.
 
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Oct 27, 2013
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-Over 1/2 the class is in a relationship or married
-Everyone is super busy with studying and there's rarely time to go on dates
-I'm socially inept and have no idea how to gauge interest/plan appropriate dates

I guess the 3rd one is the only real problem. Just looking for advice from people who've been in my situation.
This is the reason why I always say medical school social life is nothing like undergrad, undergrad is usually more fun because people are not married, and usually unless you are at MIT or Harvard, people are not that busy, but even the Harvard and MIT undergraduate people usually have fun as well.

The last one well, I never met you, so could not give you much advice. I knew a shy fella, but he uses Tinder and it seems to work for him.
 

OnePunchBiopsy

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-I'm socially inept and have no idea how to gauge interest/plan appropriate dates
1.) Be CONFIDENT! Even if you have to pretend to be.
2.) Put yourself out there (go to as many class gatherings as possible, become a regular studier at the library/coffee shop.
3.) Go work out at the gym! I've met so many people doing this.
4.) Use apps like tindr, bumble, okcupid as ACCESSORIES ONLY. If you meet a great girl/guy using the apps, that's awesome, but they are NOT A SUBSTITUTE for going out and meeting new people in person. In fact, 90% of the people I end up dating using these apps are people I've met in person first.
 

Doctor Strange

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Met my soon-to-be husband on OKCupid during second year. Online dating works if you're smart about it.

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atomi

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Perhaps you should date other introverts. Perhaps you should date people outside of medical school. Perhaps you should not be upset that the most beautiful extroverted person in the class is not immediately asking you out.
Just a thought.
These people will not magically appear at your doorstep.
 

mistafab

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It is tough to be alone OP. However, at some point in your life you are going to either learn to be comfortable with who you are or you will keep trying to find yourself in other people. The former is usually the seed of good relationships that come when they come.

However, if your mission right now is to just get busy - there are plenty of candidates at any bar, on any app, or frankly on every street that would meet your criteria.
 
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I don't really have anything to add, but I was definitely struck by how many people in my class are in serious relationships! I have a huge amount of respect for them, especially the ones that are married/engaged and have actual lives outside of school.
 

Foot Fetish

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Long distance fiancee master race checking in. I'm socially inept too. I managed to lock down the love of my life before getting here. Now I have endless free time to study, and I never have to worry about dating. Feels good.
 

tvb

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Errybody trying to get it in during the first month of MS1. Get yourself a girl outside of med school and it'll be nice to get away from it all once in a while.
 

Goro

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Tinder

-Over 1/2 the class is in a relationship or married
-Everyone is super busy with studying and there's rarely time to go on dates
-I'm socially inept and have no idea how to gauge interest/plan appropriate dates

I guess the 3rd one is the only real problem. Just looking for advice from people who've been in my situation.
 
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Syncrohnize

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This thread popped up earlier this year than usual.
I really think Allo's getting a larger pool of contributing members these days.
 

Syncrohnize

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-Over 1/2 the class is in a relationship or married
-Everyone is super busy with studying and there's rarely time to go on dates
-I'm socially inept and have no idea how to gauge interest/plan appropriate dates

I guess the 3rd one is the only real problem. Just looking for advice from people who've been in my situation.
Your first point is not a huge deal. Half those people break up midway through first year. If you want to look outside medical school, you can always try Tinder or the numerous other apps like Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble (girl has to message the guy first I think) or Dil Mil (if you're South Asian or like south asians).

The second point works to your advantage if you're attractive and looking for a hook up. Nothing triggers hook-up mania as much as stress plus being surrounded by others who also don't have as much time to socialize.

In regards to your third point, there's no need to call yourself socially inept. You might be, but the thing is that even the most put together people are awkward if you dissect their actions like you probably do to yourself. That being said if you're one of those guys or girls that doesn't really have much luck in the dating department medical school's not a terrible place to start so long as you can stay focused. I would highly recommend not going out on a limb as asking out the first girl you're attracted to. Wait a while, see how the person's really like, maybe talk to them occasionally, once everyone settles in, go ahead and try to maybe get closer to someone you like. Right now it's way too early as everyone's still in their super-nice, exhibitionist mode. Also, trying to ask someone out early in the game sucks because if you're rejected and you have a small class, it may blow your cover with others. One thing I really regret doing early first year is going out of my way to pursue or make an impression on the opposite gender whether it was by trying to form study groups or trying to dress to impress daily. The main focus should be on the transition into med school and frankly those who do well from the start are usually the ones who do well on step.

Most important at this point is to figure out how you can personally reconcile happiness with studying 8+ hrs a day. I feel like happiness is a highly underrated quality that we never seem to prioritize. I feel that when I'm happy, I have the stamina to be the fittest and the willpower to be the most studious version of myself without putting everyone off by acting "socially inept" in front of people.
 
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OnePunchBiopsy

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Tell a girl she's activating your pelvic splanchnic nerves every time you see her. If she doesn't get it she's not worth your time anyway.
Why stop there, present your statement as a clinical vignette! Be warned though, this should only be done with slip-proof shoes (I go with crocs).
 
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slowlybutshelly

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INFP. 50 years old. following. may I suggest reading about human design?
 

Pediateix

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Errybody trying to get it in during the first month of MS1. Get yourself a girl outside of med school and it'll be nice to get away from it all once in a while.
so im a girl. who is in masters. 24 . i might not consider med because im old. but basically your saying a relationship is to get a mind off thing, not a real genuine relationships// hmmmmm. i also heard that if your with someone during med school and they get dumped when they get the MD, the MD person can get sued or ow the other person money because that degree means something.
 

tvb

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so im a girl. who is in masters. 24 . i might not consider med because im old. but basically your saying a relationship is to get a mind off thing, not a real genuine relationships// hmmmmm. i also heard that if your with someone during med school and they get dumped when they get the MD, the MD person can get sued or ow the other person money because that degree means something.
This is the dumbest attempt at a straw man I have seen in some time and you should feel dumb about it.
 

Syncrohnize

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so im a girl. who is in masters. 24 . i might not consider med because im old. but basically your saying a relationship is to get a mind off thing, not a real genuine relationships// hmmmmm. i also heard that if your with someone during med school and they get dumped when they get the MD, the MD person can get sued or ow the other person money because that degree means something.
What is this?
 

MedicineZ0Z

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Apps are horrible for finding a relationship. Just use them for practice...
 

IsleyOfTheNorth

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Sorry to necro, but this is just too funny:

hmmmmm. i also heard that if your with someone during med school and they get dumped when they get the MD, the MD person can get sued or ow the other person money because that degree means something.
Remind me not to go on any legally-binding dates... :rolleyes: