How to ask for LOR ?

[Jani]

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Hi everyone,

I am stuck, not able to make a decision. I hate me for what I am at times.

OK, the problem is this- To apply for 2004 IM residency, I really want to get a LOR from the physician ( he is a professor infact)
who I am working as a research associate- and he is paying $- for the 3 days/ wk job I do with his clinical trials.

1. I don't know if it is appropriate to ask my employer to write one LOR for me.

2. I do not know what he thinks of me really- Does he likes to do this for me- because there are times I had to put my foot down and say 'this is it', because it is not very easy working with other non medical people in his office, who sometimes ignore my whole medical training and except me to be a clerk - and yes I am horrible enough to snap at them.

So what do I do ? Do I take a chance and ask him...

Any comments please..

 

[ckent]

1. Yes, it is appropriate to ask your employer to ask a LOR for you if you have done research with him, and he is a physician/professor. In general though, your best LOR's will come from those who know your clinical abilities.

2. You can try to gauge how much he likes you by telling him that you are applying for IM this year and you were wondering if he would feel comfortable writing you a really strong LOR. If he hesistates or doesn't seem enthused about it, you can take his LOR and throw it out or not submit it to any programs. Also, you might ask him if he would think that it would be alright for you to review your LOR first so that you can make sure that your app is consistent with it. Again, if he gives you a weird feeling, you don't have to submit it to any programs or you can ask him to give it to you in a sealed envelope and just never use it. I would take the chance and ask, see what happens. You can always back out later, as it is your decision for which programs your LOR's go out to (you choose through ERAS).

 

[Jani]

My fear is if I go to the level of asking for a favour, and if he says yes, then I will just have to shut my mouth for the rest of my time in there, feeling obliged.

Well, for this very reason I was trying hard to find a good proper research facility where I could do some research work as a volunteer, so that the rapport would hopefully be good, but it will not be an easy task either.

CKent, I have 2 good LOR from my previous residency supervisors in Australia- so this will be an addition only.

 

[Tazmaniac]

Ask him point black with no BS.

"Hi, how are you? I'd like to have the honor of having you write a letter of recommendation for me. Will you be able to write a STRONG letter of recommendation for me?"

Most likely, he'll say yes. If he's as intrusive as you put him to be, he will tell you right upfront if he won't write a STRONG letter (an average one wouldn't be all that hot). In which case, it hurts, yes, but in the long run, it saves you lots of worry.

You're not obliged to do anything different than you have before. Remember, he's recommending you based on what you're really like. No sense kissing ass now; leave just a thank you card. Work hard, set professional limits, and enjoy the last year before all hell breaks loose in IM internship 😛

Remember too: he gets an ego-boost if you get in somewhere thanks to his letter. It's a win-win situation.

-Todd MSIV

 

[grouptherapy]

Originally posted by Jani
My fear is if I go to the level of asking for a favour, and if he says yes, then I will just have to shut my mouth for the rest of my time in there, feeling obliged.

Well, for this very reason I was trying hard to find a good proper research facility where I could do some research work as a volunteer, so that the rapport would hopefully be good, but it will not be an easy task either.

CKent, I have 2 good LOR from my previous residency supervisors in Australia- so this will be an addition only.

actually, you would only be obliged to shut your mouth until the rec leaves his hands. you're too nice.

 

[Jani]

Thanks evryone for your comments, it really makes me feel normal to go ahead and get this done.

In work place what I find most difficult dealing with is different personalities and attitudes. This is my experience over the years, even if the work load is unbearable, it is being able/ not able to communicate at the same level that makes a huge difference. However interestingly my partner seems to worry much less about the other people at work, and he is happy.. I guess I have a lot to learn..

 

[Tazmaniac]

Jani

I think I was in your very same shoes, until I realized I could be a good person without having to prove it to everyone who didn't care in the first place.

Honesty is good. Brazen honesty sprinkled with a bit of tact is the most palatable of things.

-Todd MSIV