How to balance vet school with significant other's military life?

[PreVetGirl]

So, my boyfriend and I are currently juniors in college. Upon graduation next May, I will be taking a year to complete a Masters program (not sure where yet) then headed to veterinary school for the next four years. Basically, I will have my head in a book for the next five years with very little free time. My boyfriend on the other hand is going into the Navy after graduation and is dead set on becoming a Navy SEAL. He will be in training for about two years-ish then wait for orders to be deployed.

My question is: Is there anybody out there that has done this before and has it worked out between you two? My boyfriend and I have been together about 19mths now and neither of us want to break up. I've never had a problem with his future career and he's never had a problem with mine. We both want to get married one day and raise a family but I'm just wondering how the next 5-ish years after graduation are going to work. When he's home, I'll still be studying and wont be able to do anything fun and when I'm free, he will probably be busy.

We've spent time apart before, a whole summer, and it wasn't easy, but it was doable because we knew we'd see each other soon. Now it seems we WONT see each other that much for about 4-5yrs after graduation and I'm worried it'll tear us apart.

Any people currently in the same situation: How do you balance vet school and your significant other's military life? How do you keep your relationship strong? How do you balance planning a wedding and getting married when you're both living in separate worlds?

Thanks to everyone who responds in advance, and sorry for the long question,
Worried About The Future

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[jtom]

Based on your wording it appears you and him are assuming he will be a seal. Your boyfriend will have to go to officer candidate school in rhode island and then get an assignment before finishing there. Getting an assignment straight out of OCS to BUDS is extremely difficult, I believe they take 1-2 per class. If he does not get an assignment to BUDS in OCS, he would then have to enter another field within the Navy and be recommended by his commanding officer to be assigned to BUDS. Bear in mind he could be doing another job for several years before being sent to BUDS. Lastly, assuming he gets to BUD's, about 80% do not pass the training.

I think it is important that your boyfriend be ok with not becoming a seal, the odds are against him. If he only wants to be a seal and not willing to do anything else in the Navy he might set himself up for disappointment and have to do something he does not want to do in the military. If he does not want to do anything but become a seal then I would strongly discourage him from entering the navy.

 

[PreVetGirl]

He has back-up plans in the Navy as a diver. He also does not want to become an officer right away and plans to enlist after graduation from college, as he has talked to current officers and they said the chances of making it to be a SEAL increases if you're enlisted vs. an officer. When I said "dead-set on becoming a SEAL," I did not mean he wouldn't look at another Navy option if he had too, I just mean that he is extremely motivated to make it. He is in a military-based corps program now and is preparing for SEAL training. Many of his friends recently completed OCS and he knows what lies ahead. But he is determined to make it.

What I am more concerned about right now is nomatter what his exact future career, how do we balance vet school and military life?

 

[Emiloo4]

Your boyfriend will have to go to officer candidate school in rhode island and then get an assignment before finishing there. Getting an assignment straight out of OCS to BUDS is extremely difficult, I believe they take 1-2 per class. If he does not get an assignment to BUDS in OCS, he would then have to enter another field within the Navy and be recommended by his commanding officer to be assigned to BUDS. Assuming he gets to BUD's, about 80% do not pass the training.

I think it is important that your boyfriend be ok with not becoming a seal, the odds are against him. If he only wants to be a seal and not willing to do anything else in the Navy he might set himself up for disappointment and have to do something he does not want to do in the military. If he does not want to do anything but become a seal then I would strongly discourage him from entering the navy.

I 2nd this. I come from a Navy family and my BF and brother are both currently in the Navy. Like Jtom said, if you aren't willing to wash bathrooms on naval ships when you don't pass SEAL training, don't sign up lol. Not trying to discourage, but it's reality.
The family marriage thing... you can get married and you can have children, but Navy SEALS don't tend to be around much. They get called to leave at any minute. Many SEALS tend to not have families.
As far as a LDR (and you might want to get used to acronyms too ), it depends on you two, plain and simple. My BF and I did a LDR for 3 years, we've been through several deployments, and we've made it work. I am now leaving for 4 years for vet school, so tack another 4 years onto it. We made it work, but it is NOT easy, and it is NOT for everyone.
Another thing to keep in mind. Please realize that once someone becomes a SEAL, their life is literally dedicated to that. They change them mentally and physically, and they don't tend to come out of SEALS training as the same person that went in. Being a military "spouse" is stressful enough, adding vet school will only make it harder.
For him, being IN the military (ESPECIALLY A SEAL) is extremely taxing and the added stress for HIM may not be handled well either... just things to think about.
Again, not trying to scare you, but prepare you. Best of luck to both of you!
I'm not in your relationship, so I can't really tell you if you have what it takes to make it work.

While I completely respect your maturity to truly think about every angle of this, that fact that you aren't sure about it, may be a clue to yourself that it may not be the most ideal situation.

 

[NittanyKitty]

I'm sure it's difficult, but we have several military relationships in our class that are moving along just fine. One girl is marrying her fiance and then he's off for another tour in Afghanistan at the end of May. Another had her husband return last February from a year abroad and then eight months later they were welcoming twins! So definitely do-able but it really depends on the people involved and what they can handle more than a blanket statement about military relationships.

 

[Emiloo4]

I'm sure it's difficult, but we have several military relationships in our class that are moving along just fine. One girl is marrying her fiance and then he's off for another tour in Afghanistan at the end of May. Another had her husband return last February from a year abroad and then eight months later they were welcoming twins! So definitely do-able but it really depends on the people involved and what they can handle more than a blanket statement about military relationships.

Thanking for summing up my insanely long explanation in one sentence for me

 

[PreVetGirl]

I'm sure it's difficult, but we have several military relationships in our class that are moving along just fine. One girl is marrying her fiance and then he's off for another tour in Afghanistan at the end of May. Another had her husband return last February from a year abroad and then eight months later they were welcoming twins! So definitely do-able but it really depends on the people involved and what they can handle more than a blanket statement about military relationships.

Thanks, I just wanted to know that people have made it work and its possible lol and I realize every couple is different.

 

[Emiloo4]

Thanks, I just wanted to know that people have made it work and its possible lol and I realize every couple is different.

It's possible! Anything is possible. And as far as I'm concerned, it can't hurt to try. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But to not give it your best shot would be a disservice to your relationship. Best of and lots of to you both!

And a big thanks to your BF for his (future) service to our country!

 

[LetItSnow]

I'm sure it's difficult, but we have several military relationships in our class that are moving along just fine. One girl is marrying her fiance and then he's off for another tour in Afghanistan at the end of May. Another had her husband return last February from a year abroad and then eight months later they were welcoming twins! So definitely do-able but it really depends on the people involved and what they can handle more than a blanket statement about military relationships.

Yeah. We have a girl in my class with a fiance off doing military things. They're making it work so far.

I think anything is possible if you're determined enough, but don't kid yourself - vet school is hell on relationships that have everything going for them, much less relationships with added stress. So be hopeful, but be prepared for a lot of stress/challenge.

Second years warned us about how many relationships tanked by xmas of their first year.... and they were right. Don't remember how many fell apart in our class, but it was enough to make you notice.

 

[StartingoverVet]

Just to challenge the orthodoxy of "vet school is relationship hell,"
I was just thinking back to the start of school, and I am not the most knowledgeable about relationships of people at our school , but I observed the following:

Of all the people who I knew were married or had SO that talked about them or introduced them to me.... NONE of them have broken up. So to me, if the relationship was serious enough to introduce the SO, they survived.

That doesn't mean there weren't a ton of more casual relationships that broke up that I didn't know about.

Anyway, at least to me, for my class, at Penn, people in committed relationships have made it through the first 2 years. That does surprise me a little given the usual comments about vet school and relationships.

 

[bunnity]

Just to challenge the orthodoxy of "vet school is relationship hell,"
I was just thinking back to the start of school, and I am not the most knowledgeable about relationships of people at our school , but I observed the following:

Of all the people who I knew were married or had SO that talked about them or introduced them to me.... NONE of them have broken up. So to me, if the relationship was serious enough to introduce the SO, they survived.

That doesn't mean there weren't a ton of more casual relationships that broke up that I didn't know about.

Anyway, at least to me, for my class, at Penn, people in committed relationships have made it through the first 2 years. That does surprise me a little given the usual comments about vet school and relationships.

I know two serious, introduce-the-SO relationships that broke up during first year, not including mine which was not vet school related...

 

[cvanthof]

I don't have much advice on balancing your SO's military life and vet school, but I am in the same boat as you are. My boyfriend is currently a junior at West Point and I am a junior, as well, and will hopefully be off to vet school after graduation. Once he graduates, he will be choosing a base to live on for the next five years (the closest of which to Tufts, my #1, is in NY) and within that time he will be deployed for 9-12 months up to three times. We have been together for almost two years and we're both ready to stick it out for the long haul, but I am worried about the stresses that will come with it.

I thought knowing there was another person on here with your worry might help

 

[StartingoverVet]

I know two serious, introduce-the-SO relationships that broke up during first year, not including mine which was not vet school related...

Still a pretty small number!

 

[LetItSnow]

Of all the people who I knew were married or had SO that talked about them or introduced them to me.... NONE of them have broken up.

That's reassuring. We lost a number of what I believed to be serious/committed relationships - all over Christmas. They went home, they came back single.

We lost one (married) student because of relationship issues. She dropped out.

It is true that the majority of us in long-term relationships are still in them, so maybe you are right. But I think that break-up rate in first semester is likely higher than what it would be without the stress of school. At least, in our class's experience.

 

[Emiloo4]

As far as I'm concerned, if my BF and I break up from the added stress of vet school, then it's probably best. I'd rather know we can't handle stress together NOW, then in ten years when something even more important comes along.

I should also add that I'm already preparing myself for it, because he can't handle the stress of a perfect day. He gets angry way too quickly and flies off the handle over anything. Half the reason I'm trying to find a place to bring both my pups (see avatar ) and my cat is because leaving them here probably means me having to fight for them back...
I'd totally win though

 

[Minnerbelle]

What is up with this introduce the SO thing? Lol, I don't think I've ever introduced myself to my class, nevermind my SO.

 

[Packen]

Coming from a military family, I know that it tends to be harder for the person "left behind". When my dad is deployed, as soon as he lands, he is on the go. The same for best friend when he was deployed. But it might make it easier for you being in vet school, because that is very time consuming and really helps to keep you busy My hubby is not in the military, but we are doing the LDR right now. I know that when I get to school, I have so much on my plate that it helps to take some of the ache away from missing him. Just my two cents.

 

[LetItSnow]

What is up with this introduce the SO thing? Lol, I don't think I've ever introduced myself to my class, nevermind my SO.

Heh. I've tried to involve my spouse as much as I reasonably can. It's nice for her to meet the people I'm living with.

Can't remember if I posted this or not, but she got to come to fistulated cow lab. It was fun to see her expression when she felt the calf through the stomach wall. Pic attached.

 

[2CatMatt]

Another had her husband return last February from a year abroad and then eight months later they were welcoming twins!

Hmm, that math doesn't quite add up...

Can't remember if I posted this or not, but she got to come to fistulated cow lab. It was fun to see her expression when she felt the calf through the stomach wall. Pic attached.

That is awesome, great pic.

 

[NittanyKitty]

Hmm, that math doesn't quite add up...

It does. She's tiny and there were two of them in there - preemies were a given.

 

[StartingoverVet]

What is up with this introduce the SO thing? Lol, I don't think I've ever introduced myself to my class, nevermind my SO.

nothing formal. Just socially etc.

 

[2CatMatt]

It does. She's tiny and there were two of them in there - preemies were a given.

oh right, twins as preemies, very normal. duh. ignore me.

 

[RadRadTerp]

nothing formal. Just socially etc.

Yep, my GF comes out with me when she's in town because it would be rude to leave her at home. Also, we frequently study at the school together since she's in a PhD program and needs to do work as much as I do, so she's met most of my study buddies.

 

[PreVetGirl]

I don't have much advice on balancing your SO's military life and vet school, but I am in the same boat as you are. My boyfriend is currently a junior at West Point and I am a junior, as well, and will hopefully be off to vet school after graduation. Once he graduates, he will be choosing a base to live on for the next five years (the closest of which to Tufts, my #1, is in NY) and within that time he will be deployed for 9-12 months up to three times. We have been together for almost two years and we're both ready to stick it out for the long haul, but I am worried about the stresses that will come with it.

I thought knowing there was another person on here with your worry might help

Thanks! Strangely, it does help

 

[GellaBella]

It's doable, but like everyone else said before, it's all going to come down to how each of you reacts to the significant stressors that your situations will put you in.

My cousin became a Navy SEAL last year. He didn't pass the first round of training (he actually drowned during one of the last tests and had to be revived by the doctors) but they let him try again to complete the entire training and he passed. He is in a serious long term relationship with a girl from college, they broke up a few times while he was away in Cali but they're back together now and I know they want to get married...they wanted to get married before he went to training too but the stress of it all did put stress on their relationship, hence the breaks.

As far as you being in vet school, it will be a whole different world of stress completely different from the one your SO will be going though. I actually think LDRs are good in vet school though - you'll be able to focus more on your work and less on candoodling with your beau.

That being said, these are both hypotheticals right now. So I suggest you guys enjoy the present. If you get into vet school and he gets into SEAL training, then you'll do what you have to do to survive. or you wont. it's completely up to you and him. sometimes the stress of it all is too much even for good relationships to last. sometimes the stress of it all makes good relationships better. I think it's hard to say at this point, because neiher of you have every experienced the amount of stress that will be thrown at you. But certainly give it all you've got if that is what the two of you want.