How to narrow down my PS.....

[Soccrtrela]

Hey everyone~

I am finishing up my amcas application and I've been spending some time writing out my life experiences that have led me towards wanting to be a doctor in semi-essay form. Well, it's about time that I started narrowing stuff down, and I just don't know what to cut out and what to keep. Is anyone out there willing to give me some advice? I think getting various viewpoints on this would be very beneficial.

So, here is a list of some topics I have elaborated upon, more or less in the order in which they happened in my life. Everything followed by a (*) means that it will be mentioned in my extracurricular activities.

1) I was born with amniotic band syndrome (ABS, you can look it up on the internet if you want to learn more) and was fortunate to only have my toes amputated before birth. Thankfully, the first half of both my big toes was spared and this has not affected my ability to walk or even play soccer (I played varsity in high school), although this has obviously had social implications whenever I want to go swimming or just be barefoot for God's sake. I could really go on for a while about how it has affected my view on life and image and how to treat others with defects of any kind, etc, but you get the picture.

2)* I went to Mexico on a medial mission trip during my first year in college and I could elaborate on all the amazing experiences I had there and what I learned about the very essence of health care in its most simple form.

3) My senior year in high school, one of my good friends from my competitive Greek dance group was diagnosed with cancer and she passed away just before my sophomore year of college. This was followed by me with a difficult battle with depression for that year, hence a dip in my grades especially during one quarter, which I probably should explain. My sophomore year in general was very out of the ordinary, because if you know me, you'd think I'd be one of the last people to ever get depressed... but that's how it goes for a lot of people. Thankfully, I was able to go to Greece that summer to see my grandparents and family that I hadn't seen in four years and I really turned my life back on the right track. I really feel so much stronger ever since.

4)* This is very much in relation to #3. After my friend passed away, I started a job at a cancer research center doing clinical research. I had weekly appointments with the patients on our study and really got to know some of them well, and really met some amazing people. I have been working there for two years now although the first 6 months were really rough for me since I really took an emotional beating every time one of my patient's didn't make it (as it really brought back a flood of emotions each time). I stuck with it because I wanted to see if I could really handle being a doctor and dealing with all the emotions that come with it (granted, I don't have to become an oncologist, but still...)... Thankfully, this year has gone great and has been entirely a positive experience, despite the sad moments, and I feel completely confident than every before that being a doctor is something I can put my utmost compassion into and yet remain strong through all the ups and downs.

5) This is the last main experience I would like to mention, and it is so ironic since I've always been interested in being an ophthalmologist. In the fall of my junior year, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder because I developed a severe case of acute iritis (you can look this up on the net as well, I find all this stuff really fascinating). What happened was that my eye was completely clouded over by the high density of white blood cells, my iris was inflamed, and my iris began making adhesions (within the course of 24 hours, very scary) to my lens and my pupil had constricted so small, and was very irregularly shaped. Thankfully, I finally found a doctor who didn't hold back and put me on a pretty high dose of immuno-suppresants. I feel so incredibly fortunate because if the adhesions had become any worse, the drainage of fluid out of my eye would have been blocked, I would've gotten glaucoma and the damage to my optic nerve would have been irreversible.
So anyways, the point is that through this 3 month episode of immuno-suppresants, steriods, and dilating drops and wearing sunglasses to class (and I really was able to feel for my cancer patients on this one, since the side effects of immuno-suppresants are quite severe) I really learned what it felt like to be on the other side. And I have learned that there is NOTHING like being in fear of losing something so essential to your daily life, such as your vision. This whole thing really tested my strength, and not once did I get down about the situation and I was able to complete my quarter at school with much higher grades than ever before.

So anyways, I could say a lot more, I just feel that most of everything I have listed is so essential to why I want to be a doctor and most of the stories are intertwined. At the same time, breezing over them all would be an injustice.

Input from anyone would be greatly appreciated. Please be honest, these are all such important things to me, and I think I could get a whole lotta feedback here

Thanks a million

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[Premed2003]

I disagree.

2)* I went to Mexico on a medial mission trip during my first year in college and I could elaborate on all the amazing experiences I had there and what I learned about the very essence of health care in its most simple form.

#4. After my friend passed away, I started a job at a cancer research center doing clinical research. I had weekly appointments with the patients on our study and really got to know some of them well, and really met some amazing people. I have been working there for two years now although the first 6 months were really rough for me since I really took an emotional beating every time one of my patient's didn't make it (as it really brought back a flood of emotions each time). I stuck with it because I wanted to see if I could really handle being a doctor and dealing with all the emotions that come with it (granted, I don't have to become an oncologist, but still...)... Thankfully, this year has gone great and has been entirely a positive experience, despite the sad moments, and I feel completely confident than every before that being a doctor is something I can put my utmost compassion into and yet remain strong through all the ups and downs.

Do NOT talk about #3: This was followed by me with a difficult battle with depression for that year, hence a dip in my grades especially during one quarter, which I probably should explain. My sophomore year in general was very out of the ordinary, because if you know me, you'd think I'd be one of the last people to ever get depressed... but that's how it goes for a lot of people. Thankfully, I was able to go to Greece that summer to see my grandparents and family that I hadn't seen in four years and I really turned my life back on the right track. I really feel so much stronger ever since.

Don't focus on your own ailments because it will sound like you're whining.

 

[Soccrtrela]

Hey hey....

Sorry... I was out of town for a couple of weeks there but I just wanted to say thanks for all the input!! I have decided to def leave out my trip to Mexico (maybe in my secondaries *crosses fingers*), and only briefly mention my ABS and iritis (in no way as an excuse or in a complaining manner, but to prove a point... to show how these things have made me stronger), and focus on my friend's battle with cancer and the never-ending lessons I learned from that and the drive all this has given me. Then I can briefly relate it to my 2yrs work with cancer patients..... whew... and if I plan it just right, maybe, just maybe it'll fit in 5300 characters

opinions?

 

[Cydney Foote]

Hi Soccrtrela,

When you write about how a medical condition of a friend (or family member, or even yourself) affected your decision to be a doctor, be aware that probably 50% of the other applicants are writing about the exact same thing. This isn't to say that some don't do it very well (or it would not be such a popular topic), just that you need to be very personal and specific or your essay will just disappear into the crowd.

I think #3 (without much attention to your dropped grades) and #4 could make a very compelling essay if done right. Pay attention to the nuances of your experience, any contradictions that you faced, any disturbing incidences that you had to deal with. Being able to handle (and to write about) complex feelings or situations will distinguish you from the pack and shows that you have the emotional and intellectual maturity to be a doctor. You also need to show (don't just tell) the admissions committee how you experienced these events and how they motivated/inspired you to take action.

I also think #2 could be a wonderful topic -- definitely hold it for secondaries if you don't use it here!

Good luck!

 

[Sonya]

#2.. put in in 15 experineces section.

What initally motivated you to consider a medical career? My PI (who was on WashU adcom) says this is absolutely essential. it can be any of these experiences.... perhars the thesis sentences is how you told us "you can look this up on the net as well, I find all this stuff really fascinating". apparently reading/wathicng about all this excites you. Or perhaps, what you mentioned in #5, and how medicine can take aways something as essential as vision.

#5... Your interest in medicine. Whether you should say optho is tricky. You have to be clear it's only a inclination at this point in time (unless you're beyond positive). Avoid saying it's your pity, but rather how it affected you. Briefly mention the disease. Expand on how it affected you:
"And I have learned that there is NOTHING like being in fear of losing something so essential to your daily life, such as your vision. This whole thing really tested my strength, and not once did I get down about the situation and I was able to complete my quarter at school with much higher grades than ever before.".. this is GOOD stuff.

Do NOT go to much into the stuff about depression. This is a tricky topic, that can very easily backfire and look negative on you.
Even if you write it carefully, keep in mind they may skim the essay, and get the impression this applicant easily gets depressed/can't handle. Besides, It seems you have a lot of other equally compeling stories. So, i agree with premed 2003:

#4.

After my friend passed away, I started a job at a cancer research center doing clinical research. {each patient was a sad reminder of my my friend...however this helped me relate to and understand them...???} I stuck with it because I wanted to see if I could really handle being a doctor and dealing with all the emotions that come with it. {reword this sentence.. CAN you handle it?: This made me more comfortable with handling the emotions inovleved with being a physician... Be carful not to sound overly confident though) Thankfully, this year has gone great and has been entirely a positive experience, {despite the sad moments.. DELETE!}, and I feel completely confident than every before that being a doctor is something I can put my utmost compassion into and yet remain strong through difficult times and succeses.


Delete all details about what you did... they have the 15 items for that if it is relevant to a medschool.
Do NOT breeze over any of them. Focus on one that shows everything. Then, (if you want), say many other examples... list... have taught me similar things (one sentence!)

Good luck,
Sonya