I am INSANEnTHEmembrane- because i HOARD rejections like pain

[DieselPetrolGrl]

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Gah I have a huge problem ok here is goes: I can’t come to tell my dad about any of my rejections: I hoard them in my mind like a mental screw which are now boring a huge hole in my brain. Why? Because I am jealous he likes everyone more than me and keeps praising all the other kids -- LIKE YOU!

Case and pt: My friend went out of the states to volunteer and spent 3k + 3 months + missed this application cycle and taking 2 yrs off from school = his response “ how cool I bet she learned a lot” If I had done it – and my mom agrees if I had done it – he would have called me crazy and a fool for wasting my time/his time/ his money/ my life/ being lazy / having no future.


So how do I break him the news without having to avoid him for 2 weeks after to spare my feelings? Leaving for Vietnam is not an option. I have lied about two – saying I have withdrawn but I don’t feel good about lying (saying I withdrew from xyz school) – at the same time I tell myself it has to be that way because he likes lies and I need to be good at telling them because I want to write fiction someday. I hate lying…but I don’t want to get my heart handed to me across the dinner table…

Well what else can I do? Thanks for any advice people of SDN.


PS: my mom knows the truth about some of the schools - she agrees thats its better he doesnt know -- maybe she just feels bad for me. but i havent told her about today's rejection yet and that is the A-list-rejection

 

[Sarikate]

If you haven't moved out of the house, do so - now. A little distance, a few more years, will improve things tremendously. You are not doing this for your father, you are doing it for you. If he tells you things you don't really want to hear from him, you have to set the right boundaries. Before I visited my parents during the interview season, I wrote them a letter, spelling out the topics I did not want to discuss - what interview questions were asked, where I'm going to decide to go to school, etc. - and said that if these topics were broached, I would leave the house. It worked...and I had a fairly peaceful visit. You can do this firmly and respectfully. It may seem like a slap in the face, but you have to draw the line at some point, because you are an adult now. And your parents need to respect you and your decisions. You are in charge of that now.

 

[Psycho Doctor]

Awww, sorry, sweetie. Doesn't he realize that it's a crapshoot who gets rejected and who gets accepted? He's not more upset thinking you withdrew (your choice) than you got rejected (their stupid insane decision)???? Just go off on a rant "how dare they reject me..what's wrong with me? Maybe he'll sympathize a little more. Have you got accepted anywhere? Because as long as you got in somewhere who cares about the rejections...right? I'm thinking good thoughts for you and hoping you hear great news soon.

 

[Psycho Doctor]

If you haven't moved out of the house, do so - now. A little distance, a few more years, will improve things tremendously. You are not doing this for your father, you are doing it for you. If he tells you things you don't really want to hear from him, you have to set the right boundaries. Before I visited my parents during the interview season, I wrote them a letter, spelling out the topics I did not want to discuss - what interview questions were asked, where I'm going to decide to go to school, etc. - and said that if these topics were broached, I would leave the house. It worked...and I had a fairly peaceful visit. You can do this firmly and respectfully. It may seem like a slap in the face, but you have to draw the line at some point, because you are an adult now. And your parents need to respect you and your decisions. You are in charge of that now.

wow, interesting...i did that for the MCAT, but not for the applications. it's a little hard to do that when they actually genuinely care and are footing the bills.

 

[DieselPetrolGrl]

i cant till next summer - but i am going away a bit for spring to study in france and i stay at school all day - this is a weekedn issue - email issue- an "we are the resturant" issue. i think the waiters think they offend me the way i act at our weekly meetings.
they offer me too much water and extra chocolate mints.


Psycho: im not complaining but my dad went through this process - yeah you would think that would have taught him its crazy!




so should i tell him in a letter?

 

[Sarikate]

Hmm...I haven't lived with my parents for seven years, so I have more distance (geographically too - 5000 miles). I don't rely on them financially so that's another thing. But still, you should be able to say very tactfully, "Mom and Dad, I know you really care about me and want me to do my best, but I need to request that you do not talk about xyz for the next few weeks. I am very stressed and I find myself becoming more stressed when we talk about med school. So if we talk about other non-medical school things, I would really appreciate it, it would really help me out." Focus on that, what would make you happy, and hopefully they'll concede.

 

[Mr PluM]

Oh beautiful, i knew you were an artist.

DPG, just come straight, be honest he is your dad he loves you, dads are weird like that, tell him that you feel the pressure, and the discrepancy between how he views you and us is bothersome. When you begin to have intellectual conversations with your parents, reasoning in front of them, defining your own values in front of them, it shows them one important thing-- that they should be proud of, you are growing up.

Just explain it to your dad, tell him how you feel. And fiction is art my dear not a bunch of lies, fiction is an approximation of the truth, the truth of how it is to be human in this era of human civilization.

In the end, being honest now, will define your moral plane later. Not at all a causal effect, but a very real relationship.

Cheer up, and think how you can exaggerate the truth, now, that will lead you to fiction.

Be happy,
With all the love lil ol mr plum

 

[Sarikate]

Letters have a way of sticking with people longer. It's something you can go back to - "Dad, remember my letter?" or something he can look at again. And sometimes it's easier to write things down rather than say them. If you'd like help with the wording, let me know, I've had lots of practice 🙂

 

[Assembler]

I thought you were accepted to your state school? If not, then sorry & I got confused. If so though, then to hell with all the rejections. All that matters is getting at least 1 acceptance - and if you've achieved that much, you're all set.

 

[DieselPetrolGrl]

Oh beautiful, i knew you were an artist.

DPG, just come straight, be honest he is your dad he loves you, dads are weird like that, tell him that you feel the pressure, and the discrepancy between how he views you and us is bothersome. When you begin to have intellectual conversations with your parents, reasoning in front of them, defining your own values in front of them, it shows them one important thing-- that they should be proud of, you are growing up.

Just explain it to your dad, tell him how you feel. And fiction is art my dear not a bunch of lies, fiction is an approximation of the truth, the truth of how it is to be human in this era of human civilization.

In the end, being honest now, will define your moral plane later. Not at all a causal effect, but a very real relationship.

Cheer up, and think how you can exaggerate the truth, now, that will lead you to fiction.

Be happy,
With all the love lil ol mr plum

i am happy now - me thinks - i am not like completly killed over this
i got in to a good school and i know i will be ok with my life in the long run
im not telling him - he loves me when i succeed and ignores me when i fail - i dont need love like that when i have plums..forget this thread - imma go eat some fruit 👎


Plus hes not invited to graduation - will i haveto dodge graduation-frenzy every 4 years of my life? 😱

 

[DieselPetrolGrl]

Letters have a way of sticking with people longer. It's something you can go back to - "Dad, remember my letter?" or something he can look at again. And sometimes it's easier to write things down rather than say them. If you'd like help with the wording, let me know, I've had lots of practice 🙂

i am not wasting the time to compose a letter that will come back with red ink and the message unabsorbed
....the wise-words of my mom ," school doesnt start till tuesday - get off that darn computer!..unless your playing.."

 

[DieselPetrolGrl]

oh but Sarikate you are so kind to offer... i think i am going to go your route - too bad the only school i got into is 30 miles from home. i will move out next summer after i come back and find a place i hope they sell anti-dad-raid for my new dig.