I ended my 1yr relationship to focus on school, scared I made the wrong decision

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pillowfighty

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So I ended my 1 year relationship with my girlfriend (lesbians) yesterday and I'm heartbroken. We both mutually agreed on it and decided the best decision was to end things because I needed to focus on my undergrad studies while she wanted to still be a kid and experience life in that regard. She legitimately did state she needed to feel like a kid again and that she feels too adult around me. I still love her so much and I know she does too, but I needed to make this decision to be my own real person without feeling like I'm babysitting her. I was feeling it for a couple months but pushed through because I feel so strongly about her, but the anxious feeling in my stomach never went away and I knew I needed to do it.

What I'm scared of is the fact that I have that same anxious feeling in my stomach when I think about school. I'm scared that after making that huge decision that I know was right, that I won't even feel passionate about medicine like I did before, or that I was lying to myself like I was about my relationship. I want to be a doctor, I'm studying to be, I'm taking the MCAT soon, but I'm just scared it's not right in how my relationship wasn't right. I'm really lost right now. My whole life I knew I wanted to be a doctor, I've been studying through everything, but my self confidence sucks hard and kind of just need someone to talk to. I'm in a research project and a club director, but right now I feel so horrible. I need some sort of reassurance, or more of a reassurance that I need to suck it up. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

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The only thing that fixes these things is time. Sounds like you made the right decision though and focused on your future. Only advice I have is to delete them off your phone, social media and everything else to give yourself closure for the time being. You can come back to them later, just not now.
 
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The only thing that fixes these things is time. Sounds like you made the right decision though and focused on your future. Only advice I have is to delete them off your phone, social media and everything else to give yourself closure for the time being. You can come back to them later, just not now.
Thank you for your response, I definitely need to give myself time. Going to try to ignore the anxieties since I am sure of what I want, just the crappy heartbreak is messing up my brain. Time heals all wounds
 
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It sounds like you are at two radically different points in your lives. That’s a hard thing to manage at the best of times. Breakups like this suck but it really does sound like it’s the best for both of you. Better now and like this than a year or two down the road when you both get bitter and resentful of the other not being in the same place in life as the other.
 
It sounds like you are at two radically different points in your lives. That’s a hard thing to manage at the best of times. Breakups like this suck but it really does sound like it’s the best for both of you. Better now and like this than a year or two down the road when you both get bitter and resentful of the other not being in the same place in life as the other.
Yeah we really are. I know I made the right decision. It's hard bc I want someone to tell me I will be what I want to be and that it is what I want, but I know that's impossible, only I can do that. I truly do want it, so I just have to take it one day at a time and go for it. Keep doing what I've been doing and I'll make it. Being pre-med sucks cause you constantly doubt yourself thinking what if you're not cut to make it or you won't end up liking it.
 
So I ended my 1 year relationship with my girlfriend (lesbians) yesterday and I'm heartbroken. We both mutually agreed on it and decided the best decision was to end things because I needed to focus on my undergrad studies while she wanted to still be a kid and experience life in that regard. She legitimately did state she needed to feel like a kid again and that she feels too adult around me. I still love her so much and I know she does too, but I needed to make this decision to be my own real person without feeling like I'm babysitting her. I was feeling it for a couple months but pushed through because I feel so strongly about her, but the anxious feeling in my stomach never went away and I knew I needed to do it.

What I'm scared of is the fact that I have that same anxious feeling in my stomach when I think about school. I'm scared that after making that huge decision that I know was right, that I won't even feel passionate about medicine like I did before, or that I was lying to myself like I was about my relationship. I want to be a doctor, I'm studying to be, I'm taking the MCAT soon, but I'm just scared it's not right in how my relationship wasn't right. I'm really lost right now. My whole life I knew I wanted to be a doctor, I've been studying through everything, but my self confidence sucks hard and kind of just need someone to talk to. I'm in a research project and a club director, but right now I feel so horrible. I need some sort of reassurance, or more of a reassurance that I need to suck it up. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.
Consider making an appointment at your school's counseling center to get help working through your feelings and dealing with your anxiety. You don't have to deal with this all by yourself.
 
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So I ended my 1 year relationship with my girlfriend (lesbians) yesterday and I'm heartbroken. We both mutually agreed on it and decided the best decision was to end things because I needed to focus on my undergrad studies while she wanted to still be a kid and experience life in that regard. She legitimately did state she needed to feel like a kid again and that she feels too adult around me. I still love her so much and I know she does too, but I needed to make this decision to be my own real person without feeling like I'm babysitting her. I was feeling it for a couple months but pushed through because I feel so strongly about her, but the anxious feeling in my stomach never went away and I knew I needed to do it.

What I'm scared of is the fact that I have that same anxious feeling in my stomach when I think about school. I'm scared that after making that huge decision that I know was right, that I won't even feel passionate about medicine like I did before, or that I was lying to myself like I was about my relationship. I want to be a doctor, I'm studying to be, I'm taking the MCAT soon, but I'm just scared it's not right in how my relationship wasn't right. I'm really lost right now. My whole life I knew I wanted to be a doctor, I've been studying through everything, but my self confidence sucks hard and kind of just need someone to talk to. I'm in a research project and a club director, but right now I feel so horrible. I need some sort of reassurance, or more of a reassurance that I need to suck it up. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.
You made the right decision. Don't look back! There are plenty of other Jills in the sea.
 
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So I ended my 1 year relationship with my girlfriend (lesbians) yesterday and I'm heartbroken. We both mutually agreed on it and decided the best decision was to end things because I needed to focus on my undergrad studies while she wanted to still be a kid and experience life in that regard. She legitimately did state she needed to feel like a kid again and that she feels too adult around me. I still love her so much and I know she does too, but I needed to make this decision to be my own real person without feeling like I'm babysitting her. I was feeling it for a couple months but pushed through because I feel so strongly about her, but the anxious feeling in my stomach never went away and I knew I needed to do it.

What I'm scared of is the fact that I have that same anxious feeling in my stomach when I think about school. I'm scared that after making that huge decision that I know was right, that I won't even feel passionate about medicine like I did before, or that I was lying to myself like I was about my relationship. I want to be a doctor, I'm studying to be, I'm taking the MCAT soon, but I'm just scared it's not right in how my relationship wasn't right. I'm really lost right now. My whole life I knew I wanted to be a doctor, I've been studying through everything, but my self confidence sucks hard and kind of just need someone to talk to. I'm in a research project and a club director, but right now I feel so horrible. I need some sort of reassurance, or more of a reassurance that I need to suck it up. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

I met my high school sweetheart when we were 15. Lived together since we were 17. Ended up going to the same college together and took all the same classes (saved money on buying only one book to share per class though). Married each other in freshman year. We both graduated together with the same degree and bought a house together. After college I grew up and wanted to pursue a good career and make good life decisions. She discovered weed and became obsessed. As I started to rapidly move up in a professional career, she became more and more into drugs and partying. We realized that even though we had a strong connection in the beginning, we ended up growing into different people. We divorced after being together for 9 years. A few years later I met the most amazing woman who shares just about everything I enjoy.

Sometimes you have to make the right decision for yourself no matter how hard that decision may be.
 
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Just went through a breakup this past Friday, (but I was broken up with :L) so I wanted to say I know how you feel. She helped me change so many aspects of myself and helped me improve and I was afraid that now that she is gone I'll go back to being worse or lose my passions in life. What I want to say is that the first couple days (maybe even longer) suck and that is just going to be the way it is. But accept that and let yourself feel the emotions you want to feel and know that they are all justified. Reach out to your support groups and let them help you bear the pain because you are not alone and it is not supposed to be easy. I agree with what another SDNer said and just delete them off social media and everything else and just focus on yourself. Time will help heal everything else.

As for the whole pre-med situation, I am applying right now and I've been fortunate to have a couple of interviews but with my brother getting accepted and all my friends around me also being successful there is always that sense of anxiety and what if. At the end of the day, all you can do is be the best you can be, pursue the passions that you have in life, and hope for the best. If it is meant to be then it is meant to be. I mentioned earlier that I thought I would lose my passions but surprisingly I didn't because those passions were there before I met this person and this passion intensified because I had more time to myself and thought about how badly I wanted it. Having that alone time will really help you solidify what you desire out of your life.

So TLDR: It sucks. It isn't supposed to be easy and all your feelings are reasonable. But you now have an opportunity to work and improve yourself and your passions will come with that. You are not alone and things get better :)
 
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That really helps, I was so scared of losing my passion and work ethic. But I had that same exact passion before I met her, and actually lost it while dating. I started to gain it back towards the end, and realized that I have to be my own person. I'm definitely feeling better, and I know it's going to take a few weeks before I start to get into the groove again. But I know each day gets better and better. Thanks to everyone for all the support, it has meant so much. I started reaching out to friends I haven't talked to in years, and it feels good to know I still have their support and friendship. Things are going better :)
 
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I met my high school sweetheart when we were 15. Lived together since we were 17. Ended up going to the same college together and took all the same classes (saved money on buying only one book to share per class though). Married each other in freshman year. We both graduated together with the same degree and bought a house together. After college I grew up and wanted to pursue a good career and make good life decisions. She discovered weed and became obsessed. As I started to rapidly move up in a professional career, she became more and more into drugs and partying. We realized that even though we had a strong connection in the beginning, we ended up growing into different people. We divorced after being together for 9 years. A few years later I met the most amazing woman who shares just about everything I enjoy.

Sometimes you have to make the right decision for yourself no matter how hard that decision may be.
That really helps. My ex started getting into weed heavily too and I didn't like that, and I didn't like the person I had become with her. I'm glad to know that someone shares that exact same experience too.
 
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It isn't just finding the right person that makes a relationship work, it's finding them at the right time.

Sounds like you met a lovely person at the wrong time for a relationship to have a chance. Could be in another 8 years you'll really need and be ready for someone to help you go out and play...

You already know that you made the right decision. So don't allow yourself to drown in sorrows because it just could never have worked for the two of you at this point in your lives. Do allow yourself short interludes of happy memories, but know that your future is brighter because of the difficult choice you just made.
 
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take A couple of days off of studying and just try to regroup. I went through a breakup too while studying for the MCAT and honestly it sucks but after a month or two I felt so relieved not having to deal with that responsibility anymore and just being able to focus on myself. It’s truly a blessing in disguise.
 
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I need some sort of reassurance, or more of a reassurance that I need to suck it up. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

Here's food for thought from a logical standpoint. It sounds like your conclusion was you could either focus on her and put medicine in the back seat or focus on medicine and step away from her.

If you chose her and stepped away from medicine then you're truly stepping away from medicine. You may be able to come back to medicine, but it will require a lot of work and commitment to make up for what's missing in your application. You could also never create an application strong enough to get in or do something in the mean time which could ruin your chances. If your relationship didn't work out, you'd have lost your relationship and your chances at medicine and wondered "what if" about medicine.

If you chose medicine (like you did), you may lose the relationship but at least you'll know you gave it 100% in pursuing the career that's been your goal for so long. Even if you don't get in or find out you don't actually want to pursue medicine, at least you'll know you tried. It will suck knowing the relationship ended, but there can be many more. The odds of there being a much better one at some point are also very high, even if it does not seem like it right now.

Since you said you two were headed in different directions and things were getting strained, the relationship may not have lasted much longer even if you put everything into it. If you pursue medicine and make it, then it can last a lifetime. You're still young enough that there will be many more relationships, and having this experience and understanding what real sacrifice is will help with perspective down the road in medicine a lot. It's a big commitment and you will need someone supportive and mature to help you get through it if you're in a relationship, not someone who wants to party and be a kid when you need their support. Catalystik gave the best advice though. If you're truly feeling alone and struggling to get through this, go talk to a counselor. You're already showing more maturity than a lot of pre-meds or even med students do. Keep your head up and remember that.
 
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I'm telling you, its a good decision. I got rid of my ex because she demanded too much of my time, and since then school and work are MUCH easier.
 
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Thank you so much, that was a really good answer to the things I was wondering. It's hard to think logically through such emotional turmoil, but your explanation really made a lot of sense and I'm becoming more happy with the decision every day. I knew that this would be my career and self fulfillment and sets up everything in my life, including my family's wellbeing and others around me, and I knew I would never be happy if I didn't ever take this opportunity.

I'll remember it, and I'll make an appointment with a counselor too. Family and friends (and forums) are extremely helpful but an unbiased professional opinion is great too. Thanks :)
 
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