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I finally finished my personal statement (please don't read if you don't get jokes)

Discussion in 'Anesthesiology' started by loveumms, Aug 9, 2006.

  1. loveumms

    loveumms Senior Member
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    I know what you normally hear from prospective interns in Anesthesiology. “I want to join the profession and utilize my skills and knowledge to save humanity from all that is unholy. In fact, my skills and knowledge are second to none. You will raise your collective IQ’s by hiring me. I want to help ease Mankind’s pain. To do that, I want to impeach George Bush. George Bush is responsible for all pain suffered on Man.”

    Well, you’ll not get those platitudes from me. In fact, I want to be an Anesthesiologist in order to get a good night’s sleep. After three years of this Medical School bullsh*%, I am pining for just ONE night of more than four hours in a row of sweet REM to bring me back from the precipice of schizophrenia. I tried to buy a gun the other day at K-Mart, and they told me I had a 5-day waiting period! I’m angry now, dammit!

    I also hope to pursue Anesthesiology to improve myself as a human being. Surely God smiles on all those fellow Doctors that pepper the Country Clubs as they work to perfect their golf swings. I want to be GOOD too!

    But I don’t expect a free ride, either. Have you checked out the price of a Mercedes these days!? I plan to work, work, work to become the best Anesthesiologist I can be. An Army of One (okay, TWO—I’m getting married soon). I promise to try really, really hard not to lose any patients, but some just don’t have a prayer, so I’ll be generous with the potassium so they don’t feel any pain.

    I also realize that patient care is secondary to getting along with other hospital staff. We all know the nurses really do all the work, and I plan to buy my way into their hearts with WalMart knick-knacks whenever necessary to cover my a%#. Speaking of that portion of the anatomy (see, I was paying attention in Anatomy), I recognize one of my chief skills in dealing with other people is my ability to kiss serious a%#. In fact, should you honor me with a selection to your most exclusive profession, I promise to kiss yours like it’s never been kissed. With gusto and expertise. Like there’s no tomorrow. You’ll think I’m your lapdog, Sparky!

    So, pretty please, can we dispense with all the foreplay, and just give me the position? I want the job, I want the salary, and you need someone now. Thanks. You’re going to love me. My parents do! Besides, I need to start paying off this quarter million in Med School loans…


    So - if anyone is willing to read the real thing please PM me so I can shoot you copy b/c I am in desperate need for input.
     
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  3. Annette

    Annette gainfully employed
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    The potassium remark will definately have them hiring you! NOT! Funny for a board, but scary for a PS. You never know if the people reading your app are going to have a sense of humor or not. Better safe than sorry. (Yes, you may not want to work with people who don't have a sense of humor, but they are everywhere, and may certainly be the only one in the group considering you.)
     
  4. supahfresh

    supahfresh un paradis du gangster
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    loveums, i just PM'd you some dope lyrics from Wyclef's new track that you can put in your essay. just be smoov and tell your interviewers they have the most beutiful eyeballs. you will be set!
     
  5. loveumms

    loveumms Senior Member
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    It is a joke - my real PS is nothing like this one
     
  6. Gern Blansten

    Gern Blansten Account on Hold
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    Could I interest you in a slightly used sarcasmometer? :)
     
  7. VolatileAgent

    VolatileAgent Livin' the dream
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    hmmm... if it was a joke, then why didn't you originally just post it openly here? then everyone would've gotten a laugh.

    guess you got the message. don't be glib on your real application.
     
  8. loveumms

    loveumms Senior Member
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    huh?
     
  9. VentdependenT

    VentdependenT You didnt build thaT
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    you left out the part about being a soduko (spelling be damned) champion in the OR's. you will let nothing, not even that damned pulse ox beep, interfere with a good soduko outing.
     
  10. DrDre'

    DrDre' Senior Member
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    Did anybody read the title to this thread? Come on!

     
  11. Gern Blansten

    Gern Blansten Account on Hold
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    Seriously, I don't think UMMS could have made it any more plain that it was a joke. Seriously though UMMS, I wouldn't be so glib :p :p :laugh:
     
  12. Carm

    Carm Senior Member
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    If that was not her real PS then Dre is not a real doctor.
     
  13. loveumms

    loveumms Senior Member
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    Don't worry - I got the message. I won't be glib or even tell a single joke. At least some understand a joke
     
  14. DrDre'

    DrDre' Senior Member
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    Don't be afraid to show your personality on the trail. Although there is some risk involved, it can also pay off big time. It can really help you stand out. No one cared about my research. They were thrilled to hear stories about my unusual jobs and pasttimes.

    I am a real Doctor now!

    Dre'


     
  15. VolatileAgent

    VolatileAgent Livin' the dream
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    was annette commenting on your "real" PS (i.e. you pm'd it to her) or not? if not, my bad. i thought she was. got your joke here, and yes it was funny.

    agree with dre. when interviewing candidates, the ones that showed the most personality and seemed the coolest always got an extra "hey, you oughta check this guy/gal out more carefully" from me to the PD/chair/ranking committee. the ones who came across as clueless, excessively nervous, or overly cocky (e.g. one who repeatedly dropped the f-bomb with me i suppose because we went to the same med school he thought he was "in"... just really turned me off) don't even make the rank list.

    good luck. don't go crazy. and, have fun on the interview trail.
     

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