I keep hearing to have mentors. What does this look like for you?

[futuremrsDr<3]

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Hi everyone, I read an article recently about a Doctor who "had more mentors than friends", and "spoke to them often".
She was a URM and also mention not being prideful but being open to them.
Being a URM, I have often felt this sense of shame for not doing things "the right way", having started my family first before finishing my pre-reqs, and having taken so much time during my undergrad to help my parents/siblings financially. Now I am starting to feel a sort of desperation to get to my dream. I have felt that shame for not doing things "right", for not having family in the industry and being so clueless before, for taking so long.

Her article resonated with me a lot, because I don't really have time to invest in "friends". I'm a mom who studies a LOT. I love people and serving them, but I have begun to realize I need to 'put my own mask on first' before getting sidetracked #moreinvolved. So it's just study-group pals for now.

What does/did having a mentor(s) look like for you?

I finally DID start reaching out all over and have gotten so much help figuring things out, hearing other's success stories, etc. But I wonder how much more I should be talking with mentors?

I love being surrounded by people who inspire me, but what can I offer them back for all their advice/help? Is having a mentor, basically just having connections, and retelling your story multiple times to get similar advice?

Or is it much more than that? Going to lunch with a dentist friend, helping them in their office, becoming more or less "friends"?
Thanks.

 

[Hi Just Lurking]

Hello!

Are you talking about mentors in dentistry specifically? I have never really had one. I do not really keep in touch with the dentists I have shadowed. But, as you mentioned there are people (like me) who have family in dentistry. One of my uncles is my "dental mentor", but I won't really go into this, because I do not think it is relevant.

But, if we are talking about mentors in general - then for me it just ended up being what I was seriously interested in at the time. My research/academic advisor in psychology. My honors thesis advisor in Latin. Mentorship, for me, was just having someone who you could talk to who is successful in an area you are interested in. They were educated on the subject and you could bounce ideas off them. I never went out to eat with my honors thesis advisor - but my research group did get food a few times with the professor I did research with. I mean I've had both. A professor I have been friendly with and could talk about what ever. And I have had a professor where the relationship was mostly professional. I would consider both of them "mentors."

So, ultimately you will likely find these mentors in DS where the environment is conducive to those relationships. I do not think I would have found my Latin/Psychology mentors if I was not in an academic environment. You will likely meet many people who are very educated on dentistry in DS. People who would not mind sharing their story/advice and you could call them a mentor.

 

[OMSDoc]

I have a number of mentors, and have had different ones at different stages of my education and career.

Also, I have mentored many people. It is one of the most fullfilling things in life.

Be a mentor. Have a mentor.

Do not feel shame for anything that has come before, especially if it means being there for you family.

I think it is great that you are a mom. There is no more noble endeavor. I like it that you say you are a mom who studies a lot. In my experience (especially with my wife), moms have an all-encompassing empathy for people. This is a key factor in being a dentist (or a physician, a nurse, a....).

Mentors will show up at the most unanticipated times. You cannot plan it, so don't try to.

Finally, you can never repay mentors for what they do for you, so don't try that either. And the true mentors don't want you to do that.

But you can later do it for someone else.

 

[85-29]

I just want to reiterate OMSDoc's point that many times mentor/mentee relationships will develop spontaneously and when you aren't necessarily actively seeking mentorship. I met my mentor when I went to shadow in the OR for the first time. I already had mentors (my dentist and orthodontist), so I didn't go into the experience expected to develop a friendship. For some reason this resident took me under his wing, encouraged me to shadow other OR cases, shadow him in the clinic, the office, etc. At first we talked mainly about dental school/OMFS, but then it started branching into more personal topics. He's now my go-to person when I need a pep talk before an Anatomy exam or tips on my wax ups. We talk/text pretty frequently, and while I still don't know what I did to earn his mentorship and guidance, I'm so grateful to be his mentee. I guess my point is that you will probably find mentors naturally as you go through the journey of becoming a dentist. Some mentors are just helpful for certain phases of the journey, and others will stick with through the whole adventure. Good luck!

 

[kavitykween]

I just want to reiterate OMSDoc's point that many times mentor/mentee relationships will develop spontaneously and when you aren't necessarily actively seeking mentorship. I met my mentor when I went to shadow in the OR for the first time. I already had mentors (my dentist and orthodontist), so I didn't go into the experience expected to develop a friendship. For some reason this resident took me under his wing, encouraged me to shadow other OR cases, shadow him in the clinic, the office, etc. At first we talked mainly about dental school/OMFS, but then it started branching into more personal topics. He's now my go-to person when I need a pep talk before an Anatomy exam or tips on my wax ups. We talk/text pretty frequently, and while I still don't know what I did to earn his mentorship and guidance, I'm so grateful to be his mentee. I guess my point is that you will probably find mentors naturally as you go through the journey of becoming a dentist. Some mentors are just helpful for certain phases of the journey, and others will stick with through the whole adventure. Good luck!

This. As a fellow URM, I developed a mentor/mentee relationship with my current bosses who are both oral surgeons in my community! Fortunately, one of the surgeons is actually a professor at our city's dental school, so I've had the amazing opportunity to learn a plethora about a dental specialty that I would have never been interested in before. I think these relationships really occur through a natural process; for me, it was my background in dental volunteerism - a field in which both my bosses had much experience in while acting as volunteer surgeons in Mexico. So, if anything, I wouldn't feel too bad about not having a mentor at the moment, it takes some time and relationship building.

 

[futuremrsDr<3]

I have a number of mentors, and have had different ones at different stages of my education and career.

Also, I have mentored many people. It is one of the most fullfilling things in life.

Be a mentor. Have a mentor.

Do not feel shame for anything that has come before, especially if it means being there for you family.

I think it is great that you are a mom. There is no more noble endeavor. I like it that you say you are a mom who studies a lot. In my experience (especially with my wife), moms have an all-encompassing empathy for people. This is a key factor in being a dentist (or a physician, a nurse, a....).

Mentors will show up at the most unanticipated times. You cannot plan it, so don't try to.

Finally, you can never repay mentors for what they do for you, so don't try that either. And the true mentors don't want you to do that.

But you can later do it for someone else.

🙂 thank you!
I have not had much time to check SDN between classes and devoting the rest of my time to my beautiful children. I really appreciate it! I do feel they are the most important thing in my world, I wish I could have even more time for them, but they are so amazing and resilient and they don't seem to mind cuddling with mommy while I watch organic chemistry videos! So I'm grateful for that.
Thank you for your thoughts I have finally started shadowing a dentist and she is a mother, and so kind that I feel it has calmed many of my worries.

I guess what it boils down to is... having a mentor is more than anything having the privilege of talking to someone you admire and respect.

 

[futuremrsDr<3]

I just want to reiterate OMSDoc's point that many times mentor/mentee relationships will develop spontaneously and when you aren't necessarily actively seeking mentorship. I met my mentor when I went to shadow in the OR for the first time. I already had mentors (my dentist and orthodontist), so I didn't go into the experience expected to develop a friendship. For some reason this resident took me under his wing, encouraged me to shadow other OR cases, shadow him in the clinic, the office, etc. At first we talked mainly about dental school/OMFS, but then it started branching into more personal topics. He's now my go-to person when I need a pep talk before an Anatomy exam or tips on my wax ups. We talk/text pretty frequently, and while I still don't know what I did to earn his mentorship and guidance, I'm so grateful to be his mentee. I guess my point is that you will probably find mentors naturally as you go through the journey of becoming a dentist. Some mentors are just helpful for certain phases of the journey, and others will stick with through the whole adventure. Good luck!

Wow how amazing!! That just makes me so happy for you.
Actually I connected with a dentist through social media, who is also a mom and she has been SO kind to me, giving me lots of advice, and I'm just blown away by how kind a mentor can be.

 

[futuremrsDr<3]

This. As a fellow URM, I developed a mentor/mentee relationship with my current bosses who are both oral surgeons in my community! Fortunately, one of the surgeons is actually a professor at our city's dental school, so I've had the amazing opportunity to learn a plethora about a dental specialty that I would have never been interested in before. I think these relationships really occur through a natural process; for me, it was my background in dental volunteerism - a field in which both my bosses had much experience in while acting as volunteer surgeons in Mexico. So, if anything, I wouldn't feel too bad about not having a mentor at the moment, it takes some time and relationship building.

Wow that is so amazing. I almost got to shadow a dentist who worked at our local dental school to by chance, and he invited me to try again after covid settles down. So I'm hopeful!! Thank you for your thoughts and advice. I really appreciate it

 

[futuremrsDr<3]

Hello!

Are you talking about mentors in dentistry specifically? I have never really had one. I do not really keep in touch with the dentists I have shadowed. But, as you mentioned there are people (like me) who have family in dentistry. One of my uncles is my "dental mentor", but I won't really go into this, because I do not think it is relevant.

But, if we are talking about mentors in general - then for me it just ended up being what I was seriously interested in at the time. My research/academic advisor in psychology. My honors thesis advisor in Latin. Mentorship, for me, was just having someone who you could talk to who is successful in an area you are interested in. They were educated on the subject and you could bounce ideas off them. I never went out to eat with my honors thesis advisor - but my research group did get food a few times with the professor I did research with. I mean I've had both. A professor I have been friendly with and could talk about what ever. And I have had a professor where the relationship was mostly professional. I would consider both of them "mentors."

So, ultimately you will likely find these mentors in DS where the environment is conducive to those relationships. I do not think I would have found my Latin/Psychology mentors if I was not in an academic environment. You will likely meet many people who are very educated on dentistry in DS. People who would not mind sharing their story/advice and you could call them a mentor.

Great insight! I am doing an honors class now and I've been so nervous now that my project will be starting up. I should just try to be my professors friend and see where that takes me! Thanks so much for your advice!!!