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If you are planning on kids during med school

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by MichiMO, Apr 21, 2004.

  1. MichiMO

    MichiMO Senior Member
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    DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!

    Today we had this talk from a group of women residents and doctors who had their babies during med. school/residency and this was seriously the single most depressing talk I have ever attended. It sounds like these women went through some serious, serious hell and it is on going.
    They literally had to leave their three week old infants and go back to work. They said their kids spent close to 40 hours a week in day care.

    It just sounded like it was so hard to have little ones during that intensive training. One woman, who was in her last year of a surgery residency, said if it doesn't get better in two years she is going to quit! All that training and she would be willing to stop...this woman seriously looked like she was going to cry the entire time she was talking.

    They all said that the least busy time you will have during your careers is during medical school because when you are in residency you are responsible to your fellow residents if you miss call for having a baby at an "non-ideal" time.

    So...to all of you planning on kids during medical school, especially if you are older...from the sounds of this talk, you might want to "up" your plans or delay them beyond residency. I know lots of people say 4th year would be a good time, but I think 1st year would be the absolute best time. Believe it or not, you have tremendous flexibility your first two years and could seriously study at home most days and be with your kids.

    I don't know...something to think about. I know a couple of my classmates and I felt like making a public service announcement after that talk...so I am making it here.

    Good luck to everyone!
     
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  3. mellantro

    mellantro Senior Member
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    Jeez, MichiMO, this thread is so ironic for me b/c I was just discussing this very topic with a fellow I work with (a male). His wife is also a doctor and they just had a baby, and he -- the guy! -- was telling me the same thing that you just said, that med school is the best time to have a kid.... (offering his wife's perspective)... and I just looked at him and said "yeah right!" But it was uncanny reading this thread is like deja vu

    Thanks for posting this though....I'm married and want to have kids, but I think I can wait till waaaaay after residency. I'm 22, so it's not that far of a stretch that I'd hopefully be post-residency/post- or near the end of fellowship in my mid 30s. I just could not imagine adjusting to med school along with having a child...
     
  4. NonTradMed

    NonTradMed Perpetual Student
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    Well, I've been told all my life that school with kids should be avoided at all costs. My parents' had many friends who, through circumstances, attended grad school with kids, and it is very difficult.

    I can understand working 80 hrs/week with a baby would be difficult, and that is a big worry for me. But from what I have seen, as long as there is help from family and spouse, and as long as there is dependable care available, it is doable.

    I was originally planning on having kids after med school, during residency, but from what I've heard, 4th year is optimal if one had to pick. It is unfortunate as a woman that we are constrained by our biology, but it is doable, and I admire people that have gone through the process.

    As for the "horrors" of going back to work after three weeks or putting kids in daycare fulltime. Well, I don't remember, but my mom went back to work after six weeks and my grandma took care of me thereafter (I don't have any memories before the age of two or three). And I went into fulltime preschool and kindergarten from age three (as was common back in my native country).

    Of course, I was lucky that a close family member was able to care for me fulltime, and later, to attend an "elite" preschool and kindergarten.

    But my fear isn't that I would not be able to stay home for the six or 12 months of my baby's life or that I might have to send him/her to a daycare, but that working so many hours, I would not be able to see him/her at all! I work 40-50 hrs/wk right now....I can't imagine working 80 hours/wk w/o family.....my fear is I would not even be able to see my family with such a brutal work schedule. Of course,I have seen plenty of immigrants who have had to suffer equally horrendous schedules, I guess I will have to see what happens when the time comes....

    :)
     
  5. MED123

    MED123 Member
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    I just read your post on having babies in med school. It is simply not possible for me. I will soon be 26 yrs. old and entering med school this fall 2004. I am married but he is also entering a 1st year Ph.D. student. We don't have families available to take care of kids. Just like my hubby won't stop me from going for my career medicine, I won't stop his. So, I don't see how it could be possible even if we wanted to have kids.

    Now, about me, having a baby scares me....the responsibility of a baby and thereafter......is sooooo scary to me and my hubby that we only want to have babies, when life becomes more routine, finished schooling, have good jobs, tired of routine life etc.
    We feel that best time would be in our mid thirties (hubby and I - same age).......lets say, I will be done with med school by 30 and then after my residency and perhaps one full year of working as a physician.....about the age of 35, I would be ready.
    I hear about risks associated with late pregancy. Does anyone know how bad are they? For us, having a baby in mid 30s is ideal....that way, things happen in an orderly fashion.
    I cannot imagine bringing in a child when I am not ready at all--both mentally and economically. When do most women in medicine have babies?

    Any ideas?



     
  6. Samus Aran

    Physician Moderator Emeritus 15+ Year Member

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    I've always wondered what others thoughts were on this topic, thanks for bringing it up.
     
  7. Mistress S

    Mistress S Don't mess with the S
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    This is an interesting thread. I am 23 now and applying, I definitely want kids sometime but by no means will I be ready to do so in the next 2-3 years. I don't think it would be beneficial to rush having a child before you are ready, depending on you career aspirations and what kind of sacrifices you (and whoever else would be involved with caring for the child) are willing to make I think it is something you can manage to fit in even while working. I mean, if it is important to you to have a family, then realistically there are some residencies/specialties that are more amenable to this than others, especially if you are a woman--it is obviously going to be more difficult to be pregnant/raise children during a 5 year surg residency with 80-100 hour work weeks the whole time. I'm not saying you can't go into certain specialties and have kids, just that it is going to be more stressful in some areas than in others, sometimes exponentially more so. Since I know I want a family, that choice is going to inform my decision about what specialty to go into, as I'll probably want to find a shorter residency and an area that offers more flexibility. It's not important to me if I ever become head of some department or anything, as long as I can practice medicine at least part-time and have a family I would be happy. I think (hope?) that if you plan carefully and are willing to make accomodations in your career for children, then you can have both.
     
  8. pekq

    pekq Gunner
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    I feel sorry for the kids in such situation. I hope the parents more than make up for it later, otherwise sounds like a sociopath in the making. Day care center really are not a substitute for a child's mother.
     
  9. stoleyerscrubz

    stoleyerscrubz Registered User and Stuff
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    -Time lost can never be made up.

    -No matter how much time you spend with your children it will never feel like enough. maybe some stay-at-home parents feel different.

    -There never is a perfect time to have children unless someone is going to stay at home.

    Just some thoughts from a single dad of a 5yo boy. I go to school and work part time and luckily he is only with babysitters 8 hours/week. But everything above applies to me as well.


     
  10. pathdr2b

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    Daycare center's aren't supposed to be a substitute for a mother but having a child that spends a lot of time in one doesn't or at least it shouldn't, be a reflection of how much a mother cares for her child. What about the Dad? I guess it's the Mom fault when a child has to go to daycare for 10 hours/day? :rolleyes:

    And to the young ladies that want to wait until they are in their mid 30's to have a child, I'd say think REAL carefully about waiting. There are countless stories about women that waited until the "right time" (which by the way, doen't exist) and ended up having to go through fertility treatments or not having children at all. Brooke Shields is a name that comes to mind of a woman that waited until her mid 30's and if you know her story, you also know she regrets having waited that long.

    I'm not saying go out and have kids now especially if you're not ready, but which do you think is better, having them a few years earlier than you planned, or not having them at all?
     
  11. DrWuStar

    DrWuStar YUM
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    i'm in a similar boat. definitely not ready for kids now, but nervous about the risks of something going wrong if i wait until my mid-thirties. there was a big study a couple years ago that showed fertility starts dropping off around age 26, and then pretty much plumets after 35. i live in an area where there are lots of older moms though. many in their late thirties or forties. so i think although you hear a lot of horror stories about women in their mid 30s not being able to get pregnant, there are a lot of sucesses too. for me and my fiance, i think the best plan is to just wait. and if we run into trouble when we eventually do try to have kids, deal with it then. there are good fertility treatments, and adoption is always an option. neither of these are such bad options, although i would certainly rather just find myself preggo the moment i decide the time is right ;)
     
  12. missbonnie

    missbonnie floating
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    ugh. I am 26. No future husband yet. Funny, today my girlfriend was telling me we should kids 4th yr. I want 4 kids too.

    bon
     
  13. tegs15

    tegs15 Member
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    Just have to put my 2 cents in. I'm a 28yr old non-trad. student with 2 1/2 kids. When I left my career to return to school my wife and I made the decision too continue growing our family and that she would be a stay at home mother in order to provide the needed stability for our home. I cannot comprehend how difficult it would be if neither of us were home. At the same time there is never enough money or time to bring children into the world. YOU have to make the time! Sometimes I don't and feel bad for it, but my family, children and all are what makes life worth while. If you want children someday make a commitment to have them and then make it work! Sooner rather than later would be my suggestion.
     
  14. rgporter

    rgporter Senior Member
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    But how would you fund it? My spouse and I would love to have children but we can barely survive on the finaid package as it is; we would love to start our family immediately but I just don't think it is financially feasible.
     
  15. SaltySqueegee

    SaltySqueegee El Rey de Salsa
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    I'm on the eight year plan for medical school... :D












    No, but really, after the 2nd year of medical classes is done, and I start my 1st year for my PhD, I'm looking to have a 'bun in the oven.' Excuse the vernacular. Also, MCO has work study programs that help with tight financial situations. That combined with a low cost of living near my school and creative meal planning, I hope that my wife can be a stay at home mom, or at least work part time only.

    I'm not in a hurry to get anywhere, or get "life going." Life is already going, and I'm enjoying every minute of being a student. T-minus two years and counting for the first one, considering no fertility complications... :eek: :scared: ... but I suppose we'll just have to see. One good thing about MCO, which is one of the reasons why I picked it; it has a campus supported day care that takes children from 1yo to preschool age (8am-6:30pm), and my tuition subsidizes a good portion of it, so I won't be paying too much :thumbup: .

    And yes, I realize that daycare is not a substitution for parenting, it does however take care of the child if the mom/dad has to work a few hours a week.
     
  16. tegs15

    tegs15 Member
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    Infants don't really cost that much outside of the "start up" expense. Medschools require health insurance so you are already going to pay for it. Diapers and formula don't cost more than $100 dollars a month. You just make it work, you eat out less or buy cheaper gas, etc. There are always private loans, is $10,000 more debt at the end of it all worth it?
     
  17. iam

    iam Junior Member
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    hi y'all-

    women, with a few exceptions, seem to still bear the brunt of the worry about reproductive choices. i hate the fact that women are made to feel guilty by people who know hardly a thing about them about having career priorities that sometimes are in apparent conflict with their children's needs. at the risk of going on a tangent, nobody has a perfect situation, and children often go wanting in many ways. personally, i would much prefer to have two busy parents that sometimes couldn't always be there (for career reasons), as long as they were loving, emotionally competent, and reproducing in a responsible manner (i.e., not having kids that they were not ready for, or not having resources sufficient for the number of children produced). spending time with your kids means nothing if it's not quality time.

    i am 30, pre-med, and want children. my husband and i will be TTC shortly, despite the fact that there is a lot of time at work ahead in both of our futures. no one questions his ability to parent regardless of his busy career, and i hope that the number of people that question my parenting abilities can be reduced to the occasional peripheral troll, of which there are bound to be a few.

    i sincerely applaud committed but also busy parents, and think that they do a great service to their children in pursuing their dreams and working better themselves. it takes a lot of courage to follow through with career aspirations simultaneously, as they already know.

    if you are emotionally ready and stable, you should be able to have kids in med school. i'm not there yet, but i have talked to a number of women who have taken on both school and kids successfully. residency, maybe, but i have yet to talk to a happy new parent/resident. waiting is another option, but as pathdr2b mentions, there are serious biological considerations and having a child is not something to be taken for granted. i have friends that had to try for YEARS, though they were healthy and starting in their late 20s-early 30s. that being said, many of you have a lot of good reproductive years ahead of you and are lucky to be able to have the pressure off. no such luck for us oldtimers who are having to cram everything in!

    i don't know how many men will respond to this thread, but i hope more do. it's great to get everyone's perspective on this topic.

    btw, at the risk of offering some REALLY obviously advice: make sure you're with the right partner first!! wouldn't you rather face infertility treatments than rush in to parenting with the wrong person and have to deal with unstable relationships and custody issues down the road? having kids is, well, irrevocable, and should be treated as one of the most serious decisions you will EVER make.

    good luck to you all! :)
     
  18. MED123

    MED123 Member
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    I agree with you, if we run into problem then, we will deal with it then.
    For us, its not like a sacrafice that we are making by not having kids now. We just don't want to have babies now. One has to desire to have one rather than being forced. I guess when we feel ready, we will try then and if we fail, we can always adopt kids. I also value family life. When we decide to have kids (our own or adopted), it should be at a time, when we can give lots of time to our kids. It seems that after I finish residency, I can take a break or work part time only for a period of time. I think it is a unhealthy environment to have kids while going through everything together especially for someone like me, who doesn't have families available to take care of my kids. I don't like the idea of my kids growing up in day care. If I want to have babies while in residency, then I would take a year off or so. However, the best time for me is after residency. Since I want to have a family with kids in the future, we can always adopt some. Its all about priorities...whats more important to you and each person is different. If my priorities change in the future, I guess I will proceed accordingly.
     
  19. lessismoe

    lessismoe Momma to Ronan
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    I saw a news program a while back (either CBS or ABC) about women having some of their own eggs frozen just in case they have fertility problems in the future. I'm not so sure about the safety of it (I heard some bad things about the fertility drugs they give you from a reproductive biologist), and I'm sure that it is very costly, but maybe someone out there in cyberspace is interested :)
     
  20. irlandesa

    irlandesa Senior Member
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    as far as the debate of waiting to have children being extremely dangerous, think about it.. most of the women I know who chose to have kids in their early to mid 20's handled it horribly.. my cousin is 27 and pregnant with #3, she and hubby live in an apt. with 2 boys and can't afford to move anywhere else b/c his job prospects are very limited due to the fact that he is not college-educated. They want a "big family" and to "try for a girl until they get one", so who knows how many kids will end up in that apt.. another girl I know got pregnant by accident while she was applying to med school when she was 22 and chose not to defer a year to take care of the baby. that was a big mistake b/c she and hubby had no one to take care of the kid and she had oligohydramnios and the child had failure to thrive (I really don't think the baby would have lived had the school not allowed her to bring the baby to class and breast feed him in the filthy bathrooms next to the anatomy lab). I'm not saying people should wait until they are 40, but think of it this way; if you have a baby at 35 with good financial resources and a support system, the kid has a 1/200 chance of chromosomal abnormalities, but if you have a baby as a 23 y/o medical student who is umarried and/or with little financial recourse; I can assure you that you have much greater than a 1/200 chance of something going wrong in your marriage or with your kids' well-being. Brooke Shields may have had some issues with fertility, but you can bet that with her resources her daughter will never have to be breast-fed outside the anatomy lab or grow up in a tiny apartment with 3+ other children. It always pisses me off when people cut down on other people's choices and give them advice when they are in no way qualified to be parents. My mom waited until she was 34 (even though she did have to ttc for 11 months) so that I wouldn't have to grow up in total poverty (as she did) while waiting for Dad to finish his PhD, and I am personally grateful to her for this. Unless you are a stay-at-home mom, there is NO ideal time to have kids, and if you can't take care of kids, don't have 'em til you can.
     
  21. Tone2002

    Tone2002 Senior Member
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    Who wants a 10 year old at age 50? I guess there are so many things to consider when having children, you can't win for losing. Luckily I'm a guy and well sad to say it will be a whole lot easier for me.
     
  22. pathdr2b

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    I do, gotta problem with that? :mad: "Old and decrepid" by age 50 doesn't happen in all families!!!!!

    This thread is getting real ignogant, real fast and in typical SDN style, it didn't take long for the character assasinations to take place. Word to the wise to all young female pre-MD's don't listen to this bunch of bull**** from these neaderthals. Come to Mommd.com if you want a variety of responses to these types of issues in the "D.C." era.
     
  23. thewebthsp

    thewebthsp Shoobeedoowap
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    My mom is 52 and my sister 6....
     
  24. Tone2002

    Tone2002 Senior Member
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    Good luck and more power to ya sista. But not this one. :cool:
     
  25. Highspirits

    Highspirits Member
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    I actually have some questions regarding to having kids while in a medical school. Isn't breathing in formaldehyde harmful to one's fetus? As a medical student, one probably has to do research. Aren't those chemical reagents harmful?

    Thanks.
     
  26. Tekena1

    Tekena1 Member
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    Okay, any advice for men in medical school that have or will have spouses when in med school (spouses not in medical school)? I need some serious advice since my woman would like to conceive before 30 (now 26) considering number of kids we want. Do all the previous posts apply to men that have spouses that are professionals and not students? How difficult is it to have a child during medical school as a man?
     
  27. freaker

    freaker Senior Member
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    I do. Wanna fight? :D
     
  28. Fumoffu

    Fumoffu Senior Member
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    This is why I will never date pre-meds or med students (among other reasons). I'm a guy btw.
     
  29. CrazyPremed

    CrazyPremed Tearin' it up in the ICU
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    Hey folks,

    This is an interesting and relevant discussion for many SDN'rs. I wanted to plug the website from an earlier post, MomMD.com. I have followed it for a couple of years now, and it is a wonderful resource for women in medicine, nontraditional students, and - pretty much - any other premedical student. There are many forums where this topic has been discussed on the website; I think that it could be a big help.
    I also think that many people who are interested in having children during medical school should research stats on medical student classes. Some schools - like University of Utah, for example - traditionally have many students with children. Entering a class or residency where this is common might make time easier for some. Just my $.02.
     
  30. meanderson

    meanderson Senior Member
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    -Most, NOT ALL, medical students are 21-24, with 22 being the most common age. Too young to have a kid anyway. These people will be 29-33 when they will finish residency depending on how old they are.
    -It might be foolish to put off trying to have a kid until age 40+. But putting it off until age 32-35?? No way. Statistically, the chances of problems are still very very low as someone else mentioned. As for infertility at age 35, I don't know the specific dropoffs, but it can't be that severe because a ton of women that age have kids.
    -If you're a physician and want to have kids, you're going to have to likely make some sacrifices in something. It may be income post-residency.

    "Is it better to start a family during medical school or residency?" is a bad queston because for most people it's best to wait until after residency. I would say that medical school is almost always a bad time though. As long as the other partner isn't too consumed during residency, I suppose it could be done then. Obviously it would be tough under some circumstances though, such as if both partners were residents.
     
  31. pathdr2b

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    No one in the US that I know of uses formaldehyde anyomre. It's FORMALIN now. And when I took Anatomy in grad school, I used a special respirator when I was in the lab to protect my daughter. Again, why don't you check out Mommd.com where this very topic has been throughly discussed.
     
  32. Giving My .02

    Giving My .02 Senior Member
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    I did research that allowed me to get to know a lot of the infertility aspects. I decided I want to have my first kid before I hit 30, which is eight years away, but I don't want to wait longer than that. I saw so many career women who had waited until their 40's to have children thinking that they could. They went through all the infertility procedures. I don't think most people know this, but after a certain age like ranging from 40-43, infertility clinics will not use your eggs, but instead a donor. Many women don't realize this, and start too late. So, I decided I would start early, and if I can't have them, I would probably adopt because I could not go through all those tests and emotional roller coasters. Just my .02
     
  33. lotanna

    lotanna Child of God
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    I'm 23 startin med schl, i'll be 27 goin on 28 when i finish, and start residency. I'll be waiting, and wouldnt mind even takin longer to finish residency because of it!

    @Tekena, if she's 26 now, and ur starting, she can give birth by your 4th yr, at which point she'll be 29ish, as you will prob have a lot more free time outsideof electives and interviewing to help out.
     
  34. Jamaican MD

    Jamaican MD G.I.T.
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    I plan on waiting .

    I'll be 28 or 29 when I finish med school, and if married by then, I want to wait until my residency is over or almost over before I start having kids. Why? Because I know that once I take one look at my child's face, I won't have the heart to leave them after only 3 weeks. Hopefully, I'll have a position with semi-regular hours, and a good support system (i.e. hubby, relatives who will assist in babysitting, etc).

    Maybe by them time some of us militant SDN women become MDs, we can change the system o make it more "mom-friendly." I think it's unfair that women have to choose between their career or their eggs. Personally, I want it all.
     
  35. camstah

    camstah running thru dandelions
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    well, i'm 26 now, and will be entering med school in the fall...so, if i have a baby, it will be in my mid thirties (at least)....the way i figure it, with my supportive spouse, when that baby is born either i can take off of work while he continues working (so we would have some income) or HE can take off of work while I continue working and he can take care of the new baby.....either way, i'm sure it's much easier to care for a child when you are somewhat financially stable...on the other hand, trying to balance a career and family is a part of life now for women, and my mom did it when my dad was in grad school, many other women i know have done it, and somehow everyone finds a way to make it work out (if only because they have to)......i don't think people should be scared into having a baby too soon as someone already said.....and there's nothing wrong with being fabulous at fifty with a ten year old...look around you, there are lot of mom's in their late forties with ten year olds......you don't all of a sudden start looking like an old crone at fifty :)
     
  36. thewzdoc

    thewzdoc Ah Newton...how quaint.
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    The person you quoted was obviously showing a great deal of respect for mothers not necessarily trying to disassociate paternal responsibilities. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder regarding this subject.
     
  37. thewzdoc

    thewzdoc Ah Newton...how quaint.
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    I can say, since I?ve been in school with a wife and children, that it is extremely difficult to focus on coursework and have a fulfilling relationship with the family. My wife bore the brunt of the work and I was so conscious of this that I became resentful towards school and work, this was in turn misdirected at her. It took some time to realize this and work it through. If you already have children before you enter school then be prepared for an extremely rough time in school. If you do not then I would recommend waiting as long as you can.
     
  38. pathdr2b

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    Your wife bore the brunt because YOU didn' step up to YOUR responsibilites. Med school or not you had an OBLIGATIONS that didn't get met. I know of a SINGLE PARENT that made it through med school in 6 years with 5 kids in tow. Geez, at least you have a partner!!

    You know, in all the years I've been worked around and took classes with medical students, I've never once noticed foreign students complain about balancing school and family issues. My personal take is that we all complain too much about really minor things and take many things for granted. You've got to balance medical school and a wife and kid? What about the 37 year-old paralyzed form the neck down in a nursing home? Or the 5 year-old kid dying of cancer becasue his family can't afford adequate health insurance? Life could certainly be VERY different and what you have is the opportunity to do is pursue what I hope is, your life's passion with a family! Gimmie a break!
     
  39. learss79

    learss79 Senior Member
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    Well said pathdr2b
     
  40. thewzdoc

    thewzdoc Ah Newton...how quaint.
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    I wasn't attempting to deny the reasons. I stated that we did work through it and yes I took on my responsibilities. Again why are you so confrontational!? I didn?t say that I abandoned my wife and children. I was attempting to give some insight to those that are thinking of starting a family before or during school.

    An single parent has my utmost respect. It?s a strain to care for children and ?only? hold down a job let alone attempt to complete an education.
     
  41. missbonnie

    missbonnie floating
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    ouch. i think that was a bit harsh.I dont think we should get into the business of judging who has it harder. med school, family or not is hard and it affects our relationships, period.
     
  42. MeowMix

    MeowMix Explaining "Post-Call"
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    We tolerate astonishingly crappy conditions for parents here in the U.S., and as doctors we of all people should be advocating and fighting for better conditions for our patients and ourselves. It would be better for everyone, including those of us without kids. If we put up with ****, we will get more of the same.

    I just came back from Sweden, a country with a civilized 6-month maternity leave program. I have never seen so many men with strollers, prams, and strapped-on babies in carriers. Women breastfeeding in public all over the place. Strollers everywhere, women getting on buses, trains, etc.. We had 12 Swedish women over one night for a 5-hour party, and not one of them ever got up to call home and find out if her husband/partner was managing with the kids. Many of them are the primary earners in the family and their husbands care for their kids, including one with 4 kids and a 17-year-old with spina bifida.

    A couple of other comments...

    Budgeting for your future child is a theoretical exercise that will get blown out of the water if you have a kid with any kind of medical or developmental problems. If you can't afford the time and money to have a kid, don't have one. I personally know that it's no fun to have a parent who doesn't have time for you.

    And, going back to work after 3 weeks can be great or it can suck. Some women who expect to stay home for a year or two go stir-crazy and want to return to work early. Some women need much longer. I don't think you can know until it happens.
     
  43. pathdr2b

    pathdr2b Membership Revoked
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    My apologies if I came off this way. But as my friend looking through this thread just reminded me, many people here haven't had the experinces that I've had in life that brings me to a place where I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY feel very frotunate to have made it this far in this process called life.

    However, as a general rule get VERY heated when I see posts that place women in these very limited and old fashioned roles even when we have the same or similar goals and aspirations as men. It's like society wants us to go to professional school, come home and cook dinner, get the kids' homework done, then put on a Victoria Secret Garder belt and bra/panties when we go to bed with our husbands. Not that is wouldn't be nice to be able to do all this :D , but if would be even better if the MAN in the house could at LEAST get the homework done.

    I guess my point to the young ladies is that yes you CAN have it all but you MUST be willing to compormise on something. For me, this usually ends up being TV time and evening phone calls to my friends and family. However, having the "right" man in your life helps a lot too especially if he's willing to work as a "partner" with you. Enough with this "you HAVE to choose" stuff!
     
  44. thewzdoc

    thewzdoc Ah Newton...how quaint.
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    Thanks, it?s difficult to judge a persons post when you don?t know the scope of their experiences (aka where you are coming from ).

    I?ll not get into a ?pissing? contest over life to this point. Congratulations on your successes and I hope you go from 2b to ?r?.
     
  45. TwoLegacies

    TwoLegacies Senior Member
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    my mom had my brother when she was 30 and me when she was 32, and i came out happy as a clam (and healthy). she ALSO went back to school after having children (although to get her master's, which is obviously less of a time commitment than med school). i don't remember those days much since i was very little. at any rate, she worked full-time thereafter, as did my dad. i remember being kinda sad when she'd forget to pick me up after school every once in a while. but we have the best mother-daughter relationship of anyone i know. i think it really comes down to good parenting skills. you can have all the time in the world to spend with your child and still not be a good parent. sorry, this is kind of rambling, but i think my point is that you can be busy and have a well-adjusted child if you are a good parent. as for the level of business, i won't pretend to know if it's reasonable to have a child during med school. but i think my mom made a wise decision in waiting to have children until they were ready, even if it meant waiting until her early thirties.
     
  46. pathdr2b

    pathdr2b Membership Revoked
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    This brings up a good point. I don't think anyone woukd argue too much about having children in your early 30's, but waiting until you're in your mid 30's (35 and up) is VERY risky, IMHO. Sure you'll hear success stories but there seem be more horror stories . Or maybe it just seems that way to me since I'll be trying to have more children in my late 30's.
     
  47. acab

    acab Senior Member
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    A friend of mine who's in her late 30s and starting med school is planning to have a kid in med school. Sure she's heard all the negatives but she's willing to deal with setbacks if need be. She feels that a family is more important for her than a straight or typical path in medicine. At that age, she does know exactly what she wants and would make her happy.
     
  48. TwoLegacies

    TwoLegacies Senior Member
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    i guess i'm not that well-informed on risk factors, but i only have my best guess: you may be hearing horror stories about having children in your mid-late thirties simply because they ARE horror stories. having healthy kids isn't really big news-- just like success stories don't show up very often in every other kind of news. i'm wondering about any statistics that you might find-- perhaps that 1/200 stat (just picking a number that someone quoted earlier, not necessarily saying this is a fact) doesn't take into account the health of the mother.
    on the other hand, i have heard stats about the increasing risk of cp in children born to women over 40... i don't know. i would just be wary of basing my opinion on stories that i hear rather than scientific studies. anyhow, good luck to you and i think if you take care of yourself well you have a pretty damn good chance of having healthy children.
     
  49. lessismoe

    lessismoe Momma to Ronan
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    I found this online, in case anyone was interested:

    Chromosomal
    Down syndrome (includes trisomy 21, translocations, and mosaics)*
    Mother's Age/ Cases/ Rate/ 95% Confidence Interval for Rate
    < 20 ~~~~~39~~~8.06~~~5.73 - 11.02
    20-24 ~~~~~53~~~6.36~~~4.76 - 8.31
    25-29~~~~~45~~~5.53~~~4.03 - 7.39
    30-34 ~~~~~84 ~~~14.59~~~11.64 - 18.07
    35 + ~~~~~134 ~~~45.31~~~37.96 - 53.66

    More results for other congenital conditions here:

    http://www.tdh.state.tx.us/tbdmd/Data/results1.htm
     
  50. pathdr2b

    pathdr2b Membership Revoked
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    The higest level I've ever seen in a published paper on maternal age and down syndrome was 180/1000 which is FAR from the 40% rate you posted above. Furthermore, some studies indicate that minorities show LOWER rates of down syndrome than non-whites and I've seen lower by as much as 50% athough this is debatable.
     
  51. N-toxicologist

    N-toxicologist the accidental tourist
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    I'm hoping you're referring to perhaps a specific situation that you know on a first hand basis, or maybe just reacting to the general malaise concentrated in the original post. I am 31. My children are 12, 8, and 3. I was a single parent for about half the time I've clocked as a parent. But, wait: DO NOT feel sorry for my kids. Their mother happens to be a highly motivated, determined pre-med with lofty goals and dreams to spare. Yeah, I just came off a semester of fourteen hour days while taking a full load and studying for the MCAT. Dinner was bought more often than it was cooked, and I studied while they watched Spongebob Squarepants.

    However, we do have a lot of fun together, talking about what EACH of us learned in school on a given day. I work hard, and they see that. I have put off studying for important tests to go to the zoo. I've studied biochem at Chuck E. Cheese's. My kids would rather spend an average day with me than their dad and stepmom, who go to work around the family's schedule, i.e. someone is home when kids get off the bus, they don't attend day care, etc. They have all the time in the world to spend with them.

    Bottom line: Whatever time I have with them, I make it count. I'm a good role model, and I give lots of love. They won't remember how many hours I wasn't there; they'll remember every minute I was.

    Check out the forum in MCAT: any old pre-meds out there? You'll find a lot of people who have made tough decisions regarding this, and have a positive outlook on the situation. It's not all dismal :cool:
     

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