I’m Over It [Rant]

[The Knife & Gun Club]

PSA: This is a rant. If you’re not looking to read my ramblings, I won’t be offended. Carry on.

I’m over it. I’m really just exhausted by the whole financial, emotional, and time suck that is medicine.

Last weekend my best friends from college all went on a trip and yet again I was stuck home, working a stupid black weekend for OBGYN. I’ve been a 3rd year for 10 months. There’s no way I could afford the plane ticket much less the hotel stay with away rotations looming. I just got engaged but my fiancé and I decided it’s better not to have a wedding when we’re $300,000 in debt with no income. I can’t even grab a beer at a bar without feeling guilty because money is so tight.

Some nights I can’t sleep. I keep reliving the family meeting we had with a 15 year old girl where we told mom we needed to “Get Palliative on board” because the osteosarcoma was no longer responding to chemo. Driving by a soccer league I just see a field of kids ready to die at the hands of an endless parade of illness and diseases, each sadder then the last.

Whatever hobbies I had before med school are gone. Fishing, traveling, woodworking...where does any of that fit into 12 hour days six days a week plus studying? Where does the money come from? I don’t even have friends to do any of these things with anyway. They’ve all moved on after 3 years of “not this weekend man, I’m working/studying.”

And none of this gets any better. A year from now I’ll graduate from a broke exhausted med student to a broke exhausted resident, working even worse hours at an even harder job.

Sorry for the vent. I’m usually a really happy guy. I guess I’d rather rant on here than subject some unsuspecting family member to my incoherent ramblings. I still love medicine more than anything, I just wish I didn’t have to lose everything else about myself to study it.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Dro133]

Don't have much to say other than I have a lot of the same thoughts as you and that I'm sure we're not alone. The silver lining for me is that I have the option of choosing to go into a specialty that won't require 6 day weeks, even for most of residency. Third year sucks, but I don't think medicine has to be a lifetime of that.

 

[evilbooyaa]

What you're describing happens to most, if not all medical students. I can't tell you that it's immediately going to get much better, but I definitely had similar thoughts during the roughest times of MS3.

Couple things to consider:
1. Yes, your college friends are going to be doing cooler stuff than you now, and likely for the duration of your residency.
2. Money as a medical student is frequently tight for those without significant parental support.
3. Remember that when you become a resident, you go from -50k a year to +50k (estimates) a year. Yes, you'll have rent, and IBR (make sure you file taxes so the government assumes your IBR income to be $0 for the first 6 (maybe 18?) months of intern year (this may have been fixed, not sure). However, you will be EARNING money. Yes, it's not a lot (given the time sacrifice) but you will likely have the ability to go have a beer once in a while and go on a trip once a year (which will need to be planned far, far ahead of time given vacation requests) without completely going broke.
3a. Part of your decisions on match location will influence how much discretionary income you have each month.
4. The emotions you feel and remembering bad clinical experiences is NORMAL. If it is routinely affecting your life in a negative manner then it's not unreasonable to speak to a therapist. If it's you feel sad or have trouble sleeping from time to time, then it's normal. Your first example is one of the main reasons that, despite me going into Radiation Oncology for residency, I will never become a pediatric radiation oncologist for exactly that reason.
5. Hobbies during MS3/MS4 that do not involve alcohol are hard to maintain. Honestly, like 75% of my friends during MS3/MS4 were the people I was doing rotations with at the time. While you may not fully gel with the group, they're really the only people that can truly understand what you're going through on a day to day basis.
6. As a current 4th year resident, I'm here to tell you that, IMO, things do get better. This depends, in part, to what specialty you choose to practice and what area of the country you choose to live in.

Even really happy guys get sad or upset from time to time. It means you're human, and not an emotionless robot. It's OK, and it's going to be OK.

 

[NITRAS]

Dude, you need a break.

There are like three things about third year that are good, the rest of it sucks. It does get better. A lot better.

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

What you're describing happens to most, if not all medical students. I can't tell you that it's immediately going to get much better, but I definitely had similar thoughts during the roughest times of MS3.

Couple things to consider:
1. Yes, your college friends are going to be doing cooler stuff than you now, and likely for the duration of your residency.
2. Money as a medical student is frequently tight for those without significant parental support.
3. Remember that when you become a resident, you go from -50k a year to +50k (estimates) a year. Yes, you'll have rent, and IBR (make sure you file taxes so the government assumes your IBR income to be $0 for the first 6 (maybe 18?) months of intern year (this may have been fixed, not sure). However, you will be EARNING money. Yes, it's not a lot (given the time sacrifice) but you will likely have the ability to go have a beer once in a while and go on a trip once a year (which will need to be planned far, far ahead of time given vacation requests) without completely going broke.
3a. Part of your decisions on match location will influence how much discretionary income you have each month.
4. The emotions you feel and remembering bad clinical experiences is NORMAL. If it is routinely affecting your life in a negative manner then it's not unreasonable to speak to a therapist. If it's you feel sad or have trouble sleeping from time to time, then it's normal. Your first example is one of the main reasons that, despite me going into Radiation Oncology for residency, I will never become a pediatric radiation oncologist for exactly that reason.
5. Hobbies during MS3/MS4 that do not involve alcohol are hard to maintain. Honestly, like 75% of my friends during MS3/MS4 were the people I was doing rotations with at the time. While you may not fully gel with the group, they're really the only people that can truly understand what you're going through on a day to day basis.
6. As a current 4th year resident, I'm here to tell you that, IMO, things do get better. This depends, in part, to what specialty you choose to practice and what area of the country you choose to live in.

Even really happy guys get sad or upset from time to time. It means you're human, and not an emotionless robot. It's OK, and it's going to be OK.

Thanks for your extremely thoughtful response. I really appreciate it.

Glad to know things get better

 

[ACSurgeon]

PSA: This is a rant. If you’re not looking to read my ramblings, I won’t be offended. Carry on.

I’m over it. I’m really just exhausted by the whole financial, emotional, and time suck that is medicine.

Last weekend my best friends from college all went on a trip and yet again I was stuck home, working a stupid black weekend for OBGYN. I’ve been a 3rd year for 10 months. There’s no way I could afford the plane ticket much less the hotel stay with away rotations looming. I just got engaged but my fiancé and I decided it’s better not to have a wedding when we’re $300,000 in debt with no income. I can’t even grab a beer at a bar without feeling guilty because money is so tight.

Some nights I can’t sleep. I keep reliving the family meeting we had with a 15 year old girl where we told mom we needed to “Get Palliative on board” because the osteosarcoma was no longer responding to chemo. Driving by a soccer league I just see a field of kids ready to die at the hands of an endless parade of illness and diseases, each sadder then the last.

Whatever hobbies I had before med school are gone. Fishing, traveling, woodworking...where does any of that fit into 12 hour days six days a week plus studying? Where does the money come from? I don’t even have friends to do any of these things with anyway. They’ve all moved on after 3 years of “not this weekend man, I’m working/studying.”

And none of this gets any better. A year from now I’ll graduate from a broke exhausted med student to a broke exhausted resident, working even worse hours at an even harder job.

Sorry for the vent. I’m usually a really happy guy. I guess I’d rather rant on here than subject some unsuspecting family member to my incoherent ramblings. I still love medicine more than anything, I just wish I didn’t have to lose everything else about myself to study it.

The sacrifice is real, especially when you get out the other end and find that many of your relationships are rusty, and some people you care about are either dead or much older then when you started.

The reward is also real. Few people will have jobs as interesting as yours. Once you’re done training, you’ll fix some of the old relationships and develop new ones. With a year or two of being an attending, you’ll find yourself doing better than many others financially. You’ll be able to pay back that 300k loan while maxing our retirement plans and still able to have money for things. If you keep a positive perspective, you’ll see that it’s worth it.

Try to enjoy the small improvements in quality of life as you advance in your training and the first few years as an attending. Come back in 5-10 years when you’re a few years out from training and let the group know how you like it then!

 

[mistafab]

Hey man - I feel like, based on your rant, you may be sacrificing in domains where you really can’t sacrifice. It may work now, but like you said, it is going to be even tougher in residency. I highly recommend you prioritize at least one thing you do for yourself, especially when the going gets rough. It sounds like you really aren’t doing that right now.

And I get it man - I really do. But you gotta do something for you at least once or twice a week. That’s more important than sleep, grades, relationships, or anything really. Tough times in life are easier if you know that you can count on yourself to take care of your needs. Think about what advice you would give to someone else if they were you.

Best of luck.

 

[Goro]

PSA: This is a rant. If you’re not looking to read my ramblings, I won’t be offended. Carry on.

I’m over it. I’m really just exhausted by the whole financial, emotional, and time suck that is medicine.

Last weekend my best friends from college all went on a trip and yet again I was stuck home, working a stupid black weekend for OBGYN. I’ve been a 3rd year for 10 months. There’s no way I could afford the plane ticket much less the hotel stay with away rotations looming. I just got engaged but my fiancé and I decided it’s better not to have a wedding when we’re $300,000 in debt with no income. I can’t even grab a beer at a bar without feeling guilty because money is so tight.

Some nights I can’t sleep. I keep reliving the family meeting we had with a 15 year old girl where we told mom we needed to “Get Palliative on board” because the osteosarcoma was no longer responding to chemo. Driving by a soccer league I just see a field of kids ready to die at the hands of an endless parade of illness and diseases, each sadder then the last.

Whatever hobbies I had before med school are gone. Fishing, traveling, woodworking...where does any of that fit into 12 hour days six days a week plus studying? Where does the money come from? I don’t even have friends to do any of these things with anyway. They’ve all moved on after 3 years of “not this weekend man, I’m working/studying.”

And none of this gets any better. A year from now I’ll graduate from a broke exhausted med student to a broke exhausted resident, working even worse hours at an even harder job.

Sorry for the vent. I’m usually a really happy guy. I guess I’d rather rant on here than subject some unsuspecting family member to my incoherent ramblings. I still love medicine more than anything, I just wish I didn’t have to lose everything else about myself to study it.

Hit the gym and practice mindfulness techniques.

And don't forget that it's all about the patients.

 

[Mad Jack]

PSA: This is a rant. If you’re not looking to read my ramblings, I won’t be offended. Carry on.

I’m over it. I’m really just exhausted by the whole financial, emotional, and time suck that is medicine.

Last weekend my best friends from college all went on a trip and yet again I was stuck home, working a stupid black weekend for OBGYN. I’ve been a 3rd year for 10 months. There’s no way I could afford the plane ticket much less the hotel stay with away rotations looming. I just got engaged but my fiancé and I decided it’s better not to have a wedding when we’re $300,000 in debt with no income. I can’t even grab a beer at a bar without feeling guilty because money is so tight.

Some nights I can’t sleep. I keep reliving the family meeting we had with a 15 year old girl where we told mom we needed to “Get Palliative on board” because the osteosarcoma was no longer responding to chemo. Driving by a soccer league I just see a field of kids ready to die at the hands of an endless parade of illness and diseases, each sadder then the last.

Whatever hobbies I had before med school are gone. Fishing, traveling, woodworking...where does any of that fit into 12 hour days six days a week plus studying? Where does the money come from? I don’t even have friends to do any of these things with anyway. They’ve all moved on after 3 years of “not this weekend man, I’m working/studying.”

And none of this gets any better. A year from now I’ll graduate from a broke exhausted med student to a broke exhausted resident, working even worse hours at an even harder job.

Sorry for the vent. I’m usually a really happy guy. I guess I’d rather rant on here than subject some unsuspecting family member to my incoherent ramblings. I still love medicine more than anything, I just wish I didn’t have to lose everything else about myself to study it.

You picked your priorities. I kept my hobbies, personal life, and relationship intact by prioritizing life equality to medicine. I then chose a field that could foster the same degree of balance. You shouldn't hate medicine for your self-flegellation

 

[wontonsoup]

View attachment 258645
You picked your priorities. I kept my hobbies, personal life, and relationship intact by prioritizing life equality to medicine. I then chose a field that could foster the same degree of balance. You shouldn't hate medicine for your self-flegellation

Maybe the best response to someone venting isn't telling them it's all their fault

 

[920820]

View attachment 258645
You picked your priorities. I kept my hobbies, personal life, and relationship intact by prioritizing life equality to medicine. I then chose a field that could foster the same degree of balance. You shouldn't hate medicine for your self-flegellation

I expected a more empathetic response from a well known poster and physician here. Let the man vent. He also doesn't hate medicine...

Sorry for the vent. I’m usually a really happy guy. I guess I’d rather rant on here than subject some unsuspecting family member to my incoherent ramblings. I still love medicine more than anything, I just wish I didn’t have to lose everything else about myself to study it.

 

[scrapy]

Man, 3rd year is that rough? Would you say this is how it is everywhere or jus a function of your own institution, OP?

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

View attachment 258645
You picked your priorities. I kept my hobbies, personal life, and relationship intact by prioritizing life equality to medicine. I then chose a field that could foster the same degree of balance. You shouldn't hate medicine for your self-flegellation

Not every school/rotation allows for that. When I was a third-year it was not unusual to be doing 100 hour weeks for 2 to 3 months at a time.

 

[TRPMinus]

Hit the gym and practice mindfulness techniques.

And don't forget that it's all about the patients.

Can we just get a bot to respond to these threads since you always say the gym and mindfulness? This “wellness” garbage from school admins is nauseating because it turns into more mandatory activities where you are now “responsible” for your own wellness. There is a grain of truth there, but it just gives you another plate to keep spinning when all you may need is a small break. I **** you not, I was talking to a friend at another school and she said they had a wellness competition......to see who would win a prize. You can’t make this **** up.

 

[ciestar]

Man, 3rd year is that rough? Would you say this is how it is everywhere or jus a function of your own institution, OP?

It is fairly universal, especially for certain rotations.

 

[AsianPersuasion]

We ALL feel that way at one point or another. You can't give up everything and you can't have everything. Pick and choose some of the things that you're willing to let go that allow you to be at peace again with yourself. It really can't rain everyday. In regards to that peds case, talk to your attending and discuss it. Some times you're not seeing it the way they're seeing it and their perspective can allow you to come to term that sometimes everything truly have been exhausted and palliative may allow her to live comfortably for a while and spend time with her loved ones.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Lmao one of you just posted and deleted a comic that was hilarious.

 

[Oh_Gee]

Can we just get a bot to respond to these threads since you always say the gym and mindfulness? This “wellness” garbage from school admins is nauseating because it turns into more mandatory activities where you are now “responsible” for your own wellness. There is a grain of truth there, but it just gives you another plate to keep spinning when all you may need is a small break. I **** you not, I was talking to a friend at another school and she said they had a wellness competition......to see who would win a prize. You can’t make this **** up.

i can out-well anyone

 

[Mad Jack]

Not every school/rotation allows for that. When I was a third-year it was not unusual to be doing 100 hour weeks for 2 to 3 months at a time.

There are rough rotations, but the whole three years isn't misery and isolation if you don't want it to be.

I expected a more empathetic response from a well known poster and physician here. Let the man vent. He also doesn't hate medicine...

I say this the way I do to give OP the power to change his priorities. By believing his issues are the result of external factors rather than any choices he has made, he has deprived himself of agency and a chance to address those problems. I could smile and nod and give a "here, here" but that wouldn't help OP find the best way to move forward.

Maybe the best response to someone venting isn't telling them it's all their fault

See my response to the previous poster. While there are several things that cannot be changed in medical school and residency, priorities are often within your control and you will find that people have vastly different experiences within the same school or program based upon the way in which they order their priorities

 

[differentiating]

To echo what others have said: third year is awful. It's the worst part of med school by far, and you couldn't pay me enough money to do it all over again. You're being judged for not knowing things that you're literally there to learn, feel completely useless because you're not really contributing in any significant way, and are completely exhausted from working crazy hours even on rotations you're uninterested in.

It gets better. MS4 is still tough in the beginning, but at least you get to pick what you're interested in. And after apps/interviews, you just have to pass, so you can take lax classes or do the minimum without killing yourself to look impressive. There's time for hobbies when you're not working 12h days 6 days a week. I feel you in that I've also lost a lot of my pre-med school friends due to time commitments, but I also have made great friends in med school that I've been able to reconnect with in MS4.

 

[jdh71]

PSA: This is a rant. If you’re not looking to read my ramblings, I won’t be offended. Carry on.

I’m over it. I’m really just exhausted by the whole financial, emotional, and time suck that is medicine.

Last weekend my best friends from college all went on a trip and yet again I was stuck home, working a stupid black weekend for OBGYN. I’ve been a 3rd year for 10 months. There’s no way I could afford the plane ticket much less the hotel stay with away rotations looming. I just got engaged but my fiancé and I decided it’s better not to have a wedding when we’re $300,000 in debt with no income. I can’t even grab a beer at a bar without feeling guilty because money is so tight.

Some nights I can’t sleep. I keep reliving the family meeting we had with a 15 year old girl where we told mom we needed to “Get Palliative on board” because the osteosarcoma was no longer responding to chemo. Driving by a soccer league I just see a field of kids ready to die at the hands of an endless parade of illness and diseases, each sadder then the last.

Whatever hobbies I had before med school are gone. Fishing, traveling, woodworking...where does any of that fit into 12 hour days six days a week plus studying? Where does the money come from? I don’t even have friends to do any of these things with anyway. They’ve all moved on after 3 years of “not this weekend man, I’m working/studying.”

And none of this gets any better. A year from now I’ll graduate from a broke exhausted med student to a broke exhausted resident, working even worse hours at an even harder job.

Sorry for the vent. I’m usually a really happy guy. I guess I’d rather rant on here than subject some unsuspecting family member to my incoherent ramblings. I still love medicine more than anything, I just wish I didn’t have to lose everything else about myself to study it.

The angst is real. It smolders in me too.

I too get tired at times of telling people they have cancer. Or telling family member’s loved ones aren’t going to make it. But you know what? these patients and these families need people who can do the hard work and have the hard talks too. I’m no hero. I’m also not suggesting you make it your completely everything. But if everyone in medicine just said, “nope, not me, not my problem, no going to deal with it” then there would be a lot of people on the worst days of their lives really really really needing an adult in the room. There is honor to stand in that gap. And maybe not everyone can do that nor is it necessary everyone has to but someone does. A lot of days it’s me. It does get better. You will get more free time. You will find hobbies again. The income you will someday make means less worrying about being able to get that afterwork beer. I think this medicine thing is a calling. I know this may sound quaint. But I think you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Trust the process. Chin up. Eyes ahead. Time is on your side. Good luck Youngblood.

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

Thanks everyone for your responses. Both the critical ones and the empathetic ones were much needed. Sdn is great for getting a good cross section of the world of medicine.

For the record I do all the fancy stuff like gym every day, take time for myself, and chat with a school sponsored counselor now and again. And after a few days off I’m usually excited to go into the hospital and work.

Thanks y’all for letting me vent, making me feel like life gets better, and reminding me I have some agency in the whole process.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

I will point you to my own thoughts on this, if you haven’t read it already. Your feelings are normal. Residency might be even worse. But if you still love it, keep your eye on the prize.

It’s worth it. (And a story.)

It’s worth it. (And a story.)

Yes, it’s a long read. But if you are having a rough time, it may help. Other than my AMA, I’ve only started one other thread on SDN. This is my third. I think it’s important to write, given all of the posts I’ve seen from people struggling with medical school and wondering if they did the...

forums.studentdoctor.net

 

[Goro]

Can we just get a bot to respond to these threads since you always say the gym and mindfulness? This “wellness” garbage from school admins is nauseating because it turns into more mandatory activities where you are now “responsible” for your own wellness. There is a grain of truth there, but it just gives you another plate to keep spinning when all you may need is a small break. I **** you not, I was talking to a friend at another school and she said they had a wellness competition......to see who would win a prize. You can’t make this **** up.

No need to be dismissive....these techniques work, and engaging in them is not a sign of weakness or a loss of face.

 

[Giovanotto]

PSA: This is a rant. If you’re not looking to read my ramblings, I won’t be offended. Carry on.

I’m over it. I’m really just exhausted by the whole financial, emotional, and time suck that is medicine.

Last weekend my best friends from college all went on a trip and yet again I was stuck home, working a stupid black weekend for OBGYN. I’ve been a 3rd year for 10 months. There’s no way I could afford the plane ticket much less the hotel stay with away rotations looming. I just got engaged but my fiancé and I decided it’s better not to have a wedding when we’re $300,000 in debt with no income. I can’t even grab a beer at a bar without feeling guilty because money is so tight.

Some nights I can’t sleep. I keep reliving the family meeting we had with a 15 year old girl where we told mom we needed to “Get Palliative on board” because the osteosarcoma was no longer responding to chemo. Driving by a soccer league I just see a field of kids ready to die at the hands of an endless parade of illness and diseases, each sadder then the last.

Whatever hobbies I had before med school are gone. Fishing, traveling, woodworking...where does any of that fit into 12 hour days six days a week plus studying? Where does the money come from? I don’t even have friends to do any of these things with anyway. They’ve all moved on after 3 years of “not this weekend man, I’m working/studying.”

And none of this gets any better. A year from now I’ll graduate from a broke exhausted med student to a broke exhausted resident, working even worse hours at an even harder job.

Sorry for the vent. I’m usually a really happy guy. I guess I’d rather rant on here than subject some unsuspecting family member to my incoherent ramblings. I still love medicine more than anything, I just wish I didn’t have to lose everything else about myself to study it.

Odd timing coincidence. I'm in the same year in school, on same rotation, working the weekend, blowing off plans, etc. Last few days I've been feeling very similarly to you. I definitely feel you.

 

[SurfingDoctor]

No need to be dismissive....these techniques work, and engaging in them is not a sign of weakness or a loss of face.

Like literally the only solution. We had an institution wide wellness committee to come up with solutions...

Their answer:
-Do you take care of yourself?
-Do you need a psychiatrist?

That's it.

My answer to the latter was "Nah, I got my kids, Star Wars, baseball and the occasional booze... I'm good in that department". My answer to the former was "S--t, I need to run more on the weekends and stop eating fired chicken... mostly so I don't die of cardiovascular disease".

Needless to say, their conclusions were spot on...

 

[TRPMinus]

No need to be dismissive....these techniques work, and engaging in them is not a sign of weakness or a loss of face.

I don't think anyone would dismiss the techniques themselves, I know that they work. I'm dismissing the admins who are taking an asinine approach to the problem.

 

[watermelon master]

Hit the gym and practice mindfulness techniques.

And don't forget that it's all about the patients.

Whatever happened to taking care of yourself first so that you CAN be the best doctor for your patients?

 

[jhamaican]

It is going to get worse before it gets better...

 

[Goro]

Whatever happened to taking care of yourself first so that you CAN be the best doctor for your patients?

To clarify, you are 100% correct. I just wanted OP to remember what motivated him/her to go into Medicine.

 

[Mass Effect]

PSA: This is a rant. If you’re not looking to read my ramblings, I won’t be offended. Carry on.

I’m over it. I’m really just exhausted by the whole financial, emotional, and time suck that is medicine.

Last weekend my best friends from college all went on a trip and yet again I was stuck home, working a stupid black weekend for OBGYN. I’ve been a 3rd year for 10 months. There’s no way I could afford the plane ticket much less the hotel stay with away rotations looming. I just got engaged but my fiancé and I decided it’s better not to have a wedding when we’re $300,000 in debt with no income. I can’t even grab a beer at a bar without feeling guilty because money is so tight.

Some nights I can’t sleep. I keep reliving the family meeting we had with a 15 year old girl where we told mom we needed to “Get Palliative on board” because the osteosarcoma was no longer responding to chemo. Driving by a soccer league I just see a field of kids ready to die at the hands of an endless parade of illness and diseases, each sadder then the last.

Whatever hobbies I had before med school are gone. Fishing, traveling, woodworking...where does any of that fit into 12 hour days six days a week plus studying? Where does the money come from? I don’t even have friends to do any of these things with anyway. They’ve all moved on after 3 years of “not this weekend man, I’m working/studying.”

And none of this gets any better. A year from now I’ll graduate from a broke exhausted med student to a broke exhausted resident, working even worse hours at an even harder job.

Sorry for the vent. I’m usually a really happy guy. I guess I’d rather rant on here than subject some unsuspecting family member to my incoherent ramblings. I still love medicine more than anything, I just wish I didn’t have to lose everything else about myself to study it.

This is why you choose your specialty very carefully. It wasn't by accident that I chose a lifestyle specialty and ended up at a program with decent work hours and most weekends off, even as an intern. Also, consider talking to someone about how you're feeling. Medicine isolates us, especially as trainees, and even if we're not depressed, it takes a toll on our mental health. You don't need to be mentally ill to benefit from therapy, even if it's just discussing/venting about these issues.

 

[PsyDGurl]

I stumbled upon this thread by accident as I’m not a MD. I will say that as I tell my patients self-care can take many forms. It’s important to figure out what you need on that particular day b/c it’s not always the same. After I finished my residency and dissertation I had absolutely nothing left in the tank. I actually sat around for 7 days and ate pizza while binge watching netflicks - something that I couldn’t do for the 6 yrs previous. Your self care might not be “meditation” it might be sleep, food, music or nothing at all and you may need that in that moment.

I have some physician friends and have treated some md’s in my work and (as an outsider looking in) your training seems gruelling, hierarchical, and intent on forcing you to put everyone else first at the expense of your own health and wellness. I do know that my physician friends/colleagues have a much better QOL after finishing that allows them to determine how much they work with ample time off for family and personal lives. Of course they work hard but the balance is there.

Hang in there, you can do it. Figure out what you need and make sure you do that thing. Perhaps building in some small rewards/treats for milestones will help you keep pushing!!

Just know that your non-md colleagues value your training and expertise and understand the personal sacrifice that you’ve all made for the good of the world!!

 

[Tenk]

Rejoice! You have realized the gospel truth and you are only a third year! Many don’t realize until they are attendings!

MEDICINE IS A JOB. IT IS NOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE!!!

It should not define you. It should be a part of you but not all of you. When you sacrifice everything to medicine, you wake up with nothing. Now that you know the truth, find the best lifestyle specialty you hate the least, work as little as possible and enjoy your life! This is the ultimate key to happiness, working is not.

 

[Eyeronic]

I support the rant. 650%.

The low points kept coming as a medical student. They happened during residency. They happened during fellowship. They happen now as an attending. Frequency and nature of the low points vary.

You're taking care of sick people, some of whom will never get better no matter what you try or offer.
Your schedule feels restricted, too restricted until it doesn't. Just when you breathe and feel human again, it seemingly gets worse.
At all stages, a few of your "colleagues" (cringe @ that word) and superiors will turn out to be the most ethically bankrupt and wholly disgusting people you'll ever meet.

In summary:
1.) Try your best. Always. But...
2.) Do not make this your life or identity. Just don't. Look at all of the most "visible" doctors you know and don't do anything like them. Taking a walk outside once a month doesn't count as "hashtag work/life balance". Avoid too much interaction with workmates outside of work. Keep your profession off of social media entirely, please. I continue to look for new outlets and more and more ways to feel regular and human. It is slowly working.

You'll get there.

 

[anon6134]

Great advice above.

Went through this exact same thing at this time last year at the same point you're at. You've got a lot on your plate at this particular point in time and there is a lot riding on the next few months. My advice: tough out the rest of the year and grind hard for Step 2 so you can take a week or two to get away and clear your mind.

 

[sella.turcica]

PSA: This is a rant. If you’re not looking to read my ramblings, I won’t be offended. Carry on.

I’m over it. I’m really just exhausted by the whole financial, emotional, and time suck that is medicine.

Last weekend my best friends from college all went on a trip and yet again I was stuck home, working a stupid black weekend for OBGYN. I’ve been a 3rd year for 10 months. There’s no way I could afford the plane ticket much less the hotel stay with away rotations looming. I just got engaged but my fiancé and I decided it’s better not to have a wedding when we’re $300,000 in debt with no income. I can’t even grab a beer at a bar without feeling guilty because money is so tight.

Some nights I can’t sleep. I keep reliving the family meeting we had with a 15 year old girl where we told mom we needed to “Get Palliative on board” because the osteosarcoma was no longer responding to chemo. Driving by a soccer league I just see a field of kids ready to die at the hands of an endless parade of illness and diseases, each sadder then the last.

Whatever hobbies I had before med school are gone. Fishing, traveling, woodworking...where does any of that fit into 12 hour days six days a week plus studying? Where does the money come from? I don’t even have friends to do any of these things with anyway. They’ve all moved on after 3 years of “not this weekend man, I’m working/studying.”

And none of this gets any better. A year from now I’ll graduate from a broke exhausted med student to a broke exhausted resident, working even worse hours at an even harder job.

Sorry for the vent. I’m usually a really happy guy. I guess I’d rather rant on here than subject some unsuspecting family member to my incoherent ramblings. I still love medicine more than anything, I just wish I didn’t have to lose everything else about myself to study it.

What are your step scores?

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

What are your step scores?

Depends...what’re ya going for here?

They’re in my signature if you’re really curious.

Great advice above.

Went through this exact same thing at this time last year at the same point you're at. You've got a lot on your plate at this particular point in time and there is a lot riding on the next few months. My advice: tough out the rest of the year and grind hard for Step 2 so you can take a week or two to get away and clear your mind.

Yea that’s a great idea. I’ve got my EM subI next month and I canceled my next block after that. I’m gonna take 2 weeks off and go bum around on the west coast of Florida and go fishing. Couch surf with some friends, credit hours and resume building be damned.

 

[LoGo]

Hit the gym and practice mindfulness techniques.

And don't forget that it's all about the patients.

Wrong, that’s where burnout comes from. Can’t take care of patients if you aren’t taking care of yourself first.

 

[Goro]

Wrong, that’s where burnout comes from. Can’t take care of patients if you aren’t taking care of yourself first.

That's the whole point of this thread. Self-care. Patients are the motivation part.

 

[LoGo]

That's the whole point of this thread. Self-care. Patients are the motivation part.

Yes I know it’s about self care. But the “it’s all about the patients” aspect is not self care. That’s putting the needs of others before your own, which is certainly expected and appropriate while at work. Some call that living to work. But not on your own time. How is that motivating? Hard to have a social life, enjoy your own hobbies, family etc with the looming prospect of dying patients while you’re off duty, unless you’re into that and then choose neurosurgery or ICU as your career etc. OP obviously is more on the work to live side of things, so forcing the reminder of “you exist to serve patients” is not going to help.

 

[carrots28]

You are taking care of everyone but yourself. Don’t forget you are important too! Even if it’s for a small amount of time do something that is just for your own happiness.

 

[SurfingDoctor]

It’s definitely not all about the patients. You can be a fine doctor without be knee deep in the “all about the patients”. That's a totally misguided approach.

That’s like saying being a software developer is all about the TPS reports...

Medicine is literally like every other job. You show up, do the best job you can do (with maybe some personal satisfaction) and when the day is over, you go home. That’s it. If you want to make additional emotional or financial investments beyond that... that’s a personal choice with personal consequences that you had better be willing to accept.

I will also say medical school is a cake walk compared to when you get older and have real-life responsibilities that go far beyond having a job where you show up in a white coat. If medical school is the thing that is leading to depression, then you better get your stuff together and your priorities in order because you are going to be a first class passenger on the struggle bus for the rest of your life if you can't...

 

[Frazier]

One day at a time.
Find a specialty you love.
There are 30+ specialties in medicine.
You will love at least one.
Pursue that.
You sacrifice a lot MS3.
My MS3 year was hell due to superimposed social issues.
Now heading into my chief year.
I can say there is much sacrifice yet to come.
Find some interests that can be accomplished from home.
Interests that don't require mucho time or money.
Small wins. Daily.
Set medium- and long-term goals.
Chisel away at them.
One day at a time.

 

[Eyeronic]

It’s definitely not all about the patients. You can be a fine doctor without be knee deep in the “all about the patients”. That's a totally misguided approach.

I agree with this.

Some (NOT all) from the older generations who claim it "used to be" "all about the patients" are full of it. Listen to the snarky comments some of them make about the patients. Try reading / deciphering their documentation. And back then, it's pretty likely patients couldn't email them 7 days a week or rate them (1 through 5 stars) on a website like a pizza place.

 

[xALIAx]

dude what are you talking about, i am also a 3rd year and it has been cake, aside from the suck of being stuck dealig with annoying patients

 

[sinombre]

dude what are you talking about, i am also a 3rd year and it has been cake, aside from the suck of being stuck dealig with annoying patients

It’s different for everyone. I also had a good time during ms3, but understand why it can be a difficult year for many/most.

Personally I found intern year the hardest with the second year of residency a close second. But I’m in general surgery so that isn’t surprising. I have a single hobby (weight lifting) which I refuse to give up. That and spending the little free time I have with my wife and dogs is enough. For me the key to avoiding burn out has been the refusal to sacrifice my hobby for work. Which is easier said than done when you only get one day off a week for 5 years and have to wake up at 3:30-4 most days.

 

[xALIAx]

It’s different for everyone. I also had a good time during ms3, but understand why it can be a difficult year for many/most.

Personally I found intern year the hardest with the second year of residency a close second. But I’m in general surgery so that isn’t surprising. I have a single hobby (weight lifting) which I refuse to give up. That and spending the little free time I have with my wife and dogs is enough. For me the key to avoiding burn out has been the refusal to sacrifice my hobby for work. Which is easier said than done when you only get one day off a week for 5 years and have to wake up at 3:30-4 most days.

how did you make lifting work for you. i gave it up towards the end of M1 and miss the days of being stronk. im also going into gen surg.

 

[sinombre]

how did you make lifting work for you. i gave it up towards the end of M1 and miss the days of being stronk. im also going into gen surg.

You just have to make it a priority. There is plenty of time to lift as much as you want to all throughout med school. In residency it becomes much harder, but if you work 80 hours a week (which you will in general surgery, almost always), that leaves another 88 hours left in the week to use however you decide to. I've tried waking up before work to lift (which translates to waking up around 2 - 2:30), but that was too extreme for me and left me feeling exhausted the rest of the day. What works for me is lifting on every post call day after I wake up from a nap (which is roughly every 3 to 5 days during the first two years), and to have a somewhat flexible schedule for the non-call days (so I pick the days I'm off earlier to lift rather than the days where I leave at 7 or 8pm). My diet isn't great and I don't lift as much as I would if I wasn't a resident, but I am still able to make slow and steady progress. I lift 3 or 4 days a week for about two hours.

 

[Oh_Gee]

You just have to make it a priority. There is plenty of time to lift as much as you want to all throughout med school. In residency it becomes much harder, but if you work 80 hours a week (which you will in general surgery, almost always), that leaves another 88 hours left in the week to use however you decide to. I've tried waking up before work to lift (which translates to waking up around 2 - 2:30), but that was too extreme for me and left me feeling exhausted the rest of the day. What works for me is lifting on every post call day after I wake up from a nap (which is roughly every 3 to 5 days during the first two years), and to have a somewhat flexible schedule for the non-call days (so I pick the days I'm off earlier to lift rather than the days where I leave at 7 or 8pm). My diet isn't great and I don't lift as much as I would if I wasn't a resident, but I am still able to make slow and steady progress. I lift 3 or 4 days a week for about two hours.

2 hours per day? or 2 hours per week?

 

[sinombre]

2 hours per day? or 2 hours per week?

I do 2 hours per work out session 3-4 times per week. Sometimes I can pull off 1.5 hours but I typically need long rest times since I mainly focus on powerlifting.