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This is the first time I'm posting an actual thread, but I guess I need some support or something. I'm a 2nd year pediatric resident now and I've had struggles throughout my residency. Organization, communication issues, attention to detail etc. The program has been supportive and tried to help me by pairing me with seniors, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I've tried to do my best and improve my deficiencies, but I don't think I'm improving. My most recent eval in ED was pretty damning and basically questioned whether I belonged here. The rotation I am currently on has q4 call where we cover patients overnight. They don't trust me at night and have me paired with a senior. Even with this, there has been one issue with my phone not ringing when needed and another when the attending was underdosing the morphine for a patient in severe pain because she didn't really feel comfortable giving more and I gave an appropriate dose to manage his pain, but she was not aware and tried to give more morphine before realizing. I feel like I'm trying my best, but every time I mess up or something, it's a step backward and I'm not really making progress forward. I just wonder when their patience is going to run out and how I can ever graduate residency if they don't trust me by myself. It's mentally exhausting walking into residency daily with a feeling like I have a target on my back and makes me not even want to go work. At the same time, I see my fellow residents, compare myself to them, and wonder what I'm doing so wrong that I'm nowhere near their level. I'm embarrassed when I have a shadow senior and my other residents don't. OTOH, my most recent ITE scores were wonderful. I am well above average and have an excellent chance of passing the boards. That's about the only thing I have going for me right now.
I'm an older resident and this is the field I've chosen, but I'm wondering at what point I have to cut bait and call it a day and change to something I won't screw up at daily.
Any words of wisdom or support would be appreciated. Tough love too, but I'm not sure how effective it will be. I already feel like sh1t and think I'm crappiest resident in the world.
I'm an older resident and this is the field I've chosen, but I'm wondering at what point I have to cut bait and call it a day and change to something I won't screw up at daily.
Any words of wisdom or support would be appreciated. Tough love too, but I'm not sure how effective it will be. I already feel like sh1t and think I'm crappiest resident in the world.