May 20, 2012
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to add to all the resident dating threads...

i'm currently a rising MS3, about to start rotations in a month. i've been dating a resident for the past 6 months, started out really liking him etc but don't think it's going to work anymore and am trying to find the nerve to tell him.. except.. i'm afraid that breaking up with him will impact me negatively next year for evaluations. (let's just say it definitely won't be a clean, amicable breakup.) he's in a surgical subspecialty, so won't be in any of my core rotations (for surgery, gen surg makes up the core, and we get to briefly rotate thru a few subspecialties as "electives" that don't really affect getting honors), but i'm afraid that any negative gossip that might ensue could hurt me. do you guys think i'm being overly paranoid or is this a legitimate concern?:(
 

K31

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May 10, 2011
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I'm not sure what you're hoping to hear here. Yes, residents discuss their lives with each other and this might cause you some problems, although I can't see major problems developing out of it if the relationship is truly as you describe (dated for a few months, and now one of you decided that it's not working for whatever reason).

However, what's your alternative? Keep dating a guy you don't like for the next two years so a breakup doesn't affect your grades?
 
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May 20, 2012
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I'm not sure what you're hoping to hear here. Yes, residents discuss their lives with each other and this might cause you some problems, although I can't see major problems developing out of it if the relationship is truly as you describe (dated for a few months, and now one of you decided that it's not working for whatever reason).

However, what's your alternative? Keep dating a guy you don't like for the next two years so a breakup doesn't affect your grades?
i guess i'm just wondering how serious of a problem it might cause me:( also since he won't be in any of my core rotations. some of my friends told me i should report it to HR just in case..?
 

OveractiveBrain

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Take that giant Axe (made of sheer estrogen) you've got strapped to your back, hold it high above your head, and swing clean and true down on his fragile soul. Breakups suck. SAD FACE! But if he is important enough to influence the grading of attendings (which he isn't, by the way) then he was probably screwing around on someone else on the side, anyway. Because honestly, if one being could be that powerful, do you think he'd be messing around with an M2?

Bottom line, don't worry about it. Its only an issue if you get him as a resident (which immediately turns to another resident or you on another team), or if you get his best friend, and, being incapable of holding it in, will tell you (or hopefully you should know who his friends are by now), and you will just find a different team or a different resident for your team.

You'll be good. You're doing the dumping. He's gonna be a little sack of sobbery, so go easy on him.
 

Guillemot

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Dec 24, 2010
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I am pretty sure you guys just need to go to couples therapy and then you can get married once you realize how much you love each other. Good luck!
 

dr seuss

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Jun 4, 2008
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let's just say it definitely won't be a clean, amicable breakup.
Why are you so sure about that part? Unless you have a messed up relationship or if you cheated on him, why would he go out of his way to hurt you after you break up?

Most people aren't friends after they break up but I don't know why you think it is going to be so bad.
 
May 30, 2010
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Do it now. The earlier, the better. Do it on his pre-call day so he can forget about it the next day.
 

SLUser11

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to add to all the resident dating threads...

i'm currently a rising MS3, about to start rotations in a month. i've been dating a resident for the past 6 months, started out really liking him etc but don't think it's going to work anymore and am trying to find the nerve to tell him.. except.. i'm afraid that breaking up with him will impact me negatively next year for evaluations. (let's just say it definitely won't be a clean, amicable breakup.) he's in a surgical subspecialty, so won't be in any of my core rotations (for surgery, gen surg makes up the core, and we get to briefly rotate thru a few subspecialties as "electives" that don't really affect getting honors), but i'm afraid that any negative gossip that might ensue could hurt me. do you guys think i'm being overly paranoid or is this a legitimate concern?:(
It will have no impact on your grades, and you are being paranoid. Reporting it to HR is just ridiculous.

Break up with your boyfriend if you don't like him.
 
May 20, 2012
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thanks guys for all your insight.

if i end up having to rotate thru his specialty for my surgical elective, should i notify the clerkship director?
 

chrisisinnocent

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thanks guys for all your insight.

if i end up having to rotate thru his specialty for my surgical elective, should i notify the clerkship director?
Do not make it a problem if it isn't one. Chances are it will be a non issue. Don't start dragging other people into it.
 

mmmcdowe

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It won't be a problem. Don't notify anyone unless you get assigned to him, chances are he will make sure that you don't. Also, since it is an elective why not just elect not to do his specialty unless you really are interested in it.
 

tco

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Apr 22, 2008
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Date him. Honor. Go to a better residency program than him. Become his department chair. THEN break up with him. You'll hold all of the power then.
 

Buzz Me

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(1) This is why med students shouldn't date residents - especially if there's a chance you'll work together!
(2) Please don't involve HR or the clerkship coordinator unless absolutely necessary (not sure why you'd even consider this...).
(3) All the other residents in his program know about you two.
 

SouthernSurgeon

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(1) This is why med students shouldn't date residents - especially if there's a chance you'll work together!
(2) Please don't involve HR or the clerkship coordinator unless absolutely necessary (not sure why you'd even consider this...).
(3) All the other residents in his program know about you two.
Agree on all counts. At the very least med students (and residents) should hold off on dating until AFTER you've rotated together...
 
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