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I reached a point in my life when I don't know what to do anymore. I was searching the internets and found this forum and i thought it won't bother anyone to have amongst themselves one of the representants of the ones for which they study so much . Hope i wasn't mistaking, and if you consider this so, just ignore my post.So here's what happened:
The events happened in the order of the sentences written. The sentence i+1 happened after sentence i, for any i.
When i say doctor, i mean psychyatrist.
In the 10-th grade i started feeling dizzy and started having concentration problems. I was always a shy person but i observed that my social relations began degrading and a negative opinion about the others started to form.
I started feeling more and more sad, and was losing interest in regular day to day activities.
The dizziness continued, it was and still is present all the time.
In the 12'th grade i was having serious sleep problems, i was also developing a duodenal ulcer, about i knew nothing back then(just felt hungry all the time and could not understand why, my family didn't managed to help me answer that question and felt and said that nothing is wrong with me only that i stay to much to the computer-i was/am passioned about programming and algorithms, the relation with them was also bad). I know i was crying a lot because of the problems in my family, was scared to go outside and meet/interact with other people. Also i began having suicidal thoughts and feeling sleepiness and tiredness. The concentration problems were growing bigger and bigger. Also when i was going to sleep i could feel my heart beeating, sometimes it was beating so hard that i was very scared not to have a heart attack or something.
After finishing high school, having the third grade at the final exam, in my entire highschool, i managed to get accepted at a top computer science faculty in my country.
I was feeling worse and worse and in the first week of the semester(at the faculty) i went to an intern doctor that discovered the ulcer and also to a psychyatrist that told me nothing about the panick attacks i was having and depression,anxiety, just gave me some pills like: Alprazolam(0.25mg, one per day), some other pill i don't remember that was going to help my brain work better(to feed it was what the doctor said, for the concentration problems i think) and Supradyn(vitamines).
I remember something i said to the doctor back then: I don't feel any pleasure in living my life. I was feeling completely empty inside.
Also i had a very big fear about not being able to succeed and finish the faculty, i was also thinking that people analyze me and my performances.
So i was on Alprazolam for 3-4 months until i quit going to that doctor, i wasn't very pleased with her methods and the treatment did not helped me nearly not at all. It was helping me to sleep better though.
My suicidal thoughts were still present and were becoming more and more serious. I was thinking about this every day for a long period. Also i was very active in sexual desires, wishing this every day, and sometimes more than once a day.
Also i was feeling more and more tired. I was feeling tired when waking in the morning, and extremely tired after 2-3 hours after waking in the morning.
When my sucidal thoughts were at their peek it just happened that someone from within the hostel(dormitory?) i was living comitted suicide. I was shocked.
When i finished my first year of faculty i went home and firstly expose my depression problem to my family. I told them that i want to go to a psychyatrist and they agreed and helped me with that. Once again the doctor just prescribed me some medications: Tritico and Zyprexa(20mg a day) and said nothing about the illness(maybe i should have asked?).
After 3 months of treatment i was still havin big concentration problems and being very tired so i thought to change the doctor.So i did, once again the doctor said nothing of my disease i'm having just prescribed me some treatment like Anafranil and Zyprexa(15mg). After 2 months of treatment i was on the edge of quiting faculty because of my serious concentration problems. I didn't
fortunately. In the time that i was on Anafranil something interesting has happened: i wasn't able to have an orgasm anymore and felt no more sexual desire.In the time i was on Anafranil i went to another doctor and she said to me that there are signs of a major depression.
After 4 months of Anafranil(150mg a day i think) i was feeling very bad(sad, a big emptyness in my stomach, concentration problems,sleepiness). So i changed the doctor again and after a while i started to finally feel better: i was on a wider variety of pills this time: Arketis, Eglonyl, Tritico . I was also on Zyprexa again.
The thing is i still have concentration problems i still am dizzy all the time and i still feel sleepiness and tiredness. I must say that though, i feel these simptoms at a lower level comparing to the first year of faculty.
almost 6 months have passed and i'm wondering when will my conentration problems,sleepiness and tiredness dissapear?
I must say that i find myself everytime not able to focus on a regular somewhat longer discussion with somebody.
How is it possible that i managed to pass exams until now? Well, i was passionated about computers since i was a little boy, in highschool a participated at algorithmic/programming contests and managed to come 8'th and 20'th at the national olympiad of informatics(my country Romania has outstanding results on the the international contests in informatics so i guess that "fighting" with the guys that were attending these kind of contests wasn't something trivial).
Having a strong background in programming/algorithms has helped until now.
I can't really read a book. I can't concentrate on it. I remember that i was a little boy and read things i could imagine all the things i read about in some form or another. I barely can do it anymore.
I'm somewhat unsatisfied. Why am i feeling dizzy after the treatment i followed? Why the concentration problems ,sleepiness and tiredness?
I'm not feeling sad anymore. Could it be that i'm no longer depressed and experience only cronic fatigue?
What other doctors(not psychyatrists) should i consult?
