Mar 29, 2010
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Hi,
I'm an international student at a Top 10 US Medical School which I will not name due to privacy reasons. I finished my second year and took Step I last summer and am currently on a year off to do research. I have a full tuition scholarship that covers my tuition and fees and my parents paid for my living expenses and health insurance for my first two years.

I have a big crisis now because I had a huge argument with my father, who has been very controlling and emotionally abusive all my life. Now he refuses to finance me, even though he has the money. I see no way of reasoning with him; he has a lot of mental problems.

This is a big issue for me because I will no longer be able to pay for my living expenses, books and fees which amount to 25,000 a year. I really want to continue my education and have been doing really well in my classes and have aced the Step 1 (260+ score). I do not know if my school will let me borrow 25,000 dollars. I'm really scared that I will not be able to continue my education. What should I do at this point? Do you think my school will offer a way out, should I talk to them?
 

Raigon

This is an emergency.
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Jul 5, 2008
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Hi,
I'm an international student at a Top 10 US Medical School which I will not name due to privacy reasons. I finished my second year and took Step I last summer and am currently on a year off to do research. I have a full tuition scholarship that covers my tuition and fees and my parents paid for my living expenses and health insurance for my first two years.

I have a big crisis now because I had a huge argument with my father, who has been very controlling and emotionally abusive all my life. Now he refuses to finance me, even though he has the money. I see no way of reasoning with him; he has a lot of mental problems.

This is a big issue for me because I will no longer be able to pay for my living expenses, books and fees which amount to 25,000 a year. I really want to continue my education and have been doing really well in my classes and have aced the Step 1 (260+ score). I do not know if my school will let me borrow 25,000 dollars. I'm really scared that I will not be able to continue my education. What should I do at this point? Do you think my school will offer a way out, should I talk to them?
Wrong section to post buddy. This section is for American students studying medical school outside the United States. You'd probably do better off in the regular allopathic forums.

But to answer your question, try apologizing or reasoning with your dad. If your father is in a terrible mental state where he cannot be reasoned or negotiated with, you can call him legally insane and have him sent to a clinic for treatment, with the control of his funds sent over to the closest relative (either you or your mom or whomever). If he isn't in that bad of a situation, then negotiating isn't actually the worse idea. In situations like this, just swallow your pride and talk it out. 25 grand is a lot of money and swallowing pride is something you'll need to do if you want to become a doctor.

If you can't do either, then talk to your school counselor and find a way. Top medical schools love their students because they're the cream of the crop and so they will definitely find a way to help you. Talk to some staffs or students or whatnot and there will always be a way out.

I would suggest US federal loans, but if you're an international student most likely you either have no citizenship and have permanent residence at best so you are definitely not eligible, and you definitely won't be able to get citizenship before you graduate. Yes it's that hard. So the above are the two options.

And if you can, get a job, a partime would be fine. A permanent residence or heck even a student visa can get you a minimum wage job. If you work about 10~20 hours a week, you should be able to hit a few grand before the year's end.

And, try not to rely on your parents so much. Especially in medical school you must be in your 20s already (heck, probably even 30s for some people). By now a lot of people already have their own savings, stocks, investments, and even jobs. Although there are some who receive some support from their families, they definitely try not to rely on them because unpredictable things like this happens. And those who rely completely on their parents not knowing what to do without them, no offense intended, is essentially a spoiled brat that will get eaten alive in society.
 
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aProgDirector

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Although I might have worded it differently, I agree with the above poster. Options are:

1. Change your parent's mind.
2. Declaring you father incompetant seems unlikely to succeed.
3. Get loans, if you are eligible. Your school can help you with that.
4. See if your school has additional support for you.
5. Get a job, make some money part time.
6. Take a year off from school, and work full time. Your school will likely let you defer a year. You might be able to make enough to hold you through the next two years (although don't forget that the residency application process tends to be expensive, although there are ways to do it on the cheap).
7. I'm assuming you're nearing the end of your research year. If not, you could drop it and get a job instead -- same as option #6 but dropping the research year and saving a year of expenses. If it's almost over, then there's no point.

Talk to your school.
 

Raigon

This is an emergency.
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Although I might have worded it differently, I agree with the above poster. Options are:

1. Change your parent's mind.
2. Declaring you father incompetant seems unlikely to succeed.
3. Get loans, if you are eligible. Your school can help you with that.
4. See if your school has additional support for you.
5. Get a job, make some money part time.
6. Take a year off from school, and work full time. Your school will likely let you defer a year. You might be able to make enough to hold you through the next two years (although don't forget that the residency application process tends to be expensive, although there are ways to do it on the cheap).
7. I'm assuming you're nearing the end of your research year. If not, you could drop it and get a job instead -- same as option #6 but dropping the research year and saving a year of expenses. If it's almost over, then there's no point.

Talk to your school.
My bad, should've worded it better =P. In short, yes aprogdirector is right on the spot. I'm pretty sure those are the most common options that are available. I can't really think of anything else to add at the moment.
 

Nellyakgo

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Jan 17, 2010
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Hi Morningstar. Hope you resolved this by now.

If not, just my two-pence: You may not feel like doing these things because you are upset but - Try using (written in the best possible sense) your mother to reason and convince your father. i.e. get your mother to get through to him. Or any of your siblings. Promise you will pay him back. Get your mother to tell him you will make him proud one day. etc etc. (And keep your promises. :)
Families are complicated. Good luck