Interview Etiquette: Sir or No Sir?

[Slide]

Maybe I'm overthinking this, but I'll ask anyway.

I got my first interview. Yay, rejoice, etc. Ok, now comes reality. With this interview being the personal test to gain admission, I have to be on top of my game at all times. This includes proper addressing. I grew up mainly in the South, so I was raised saying yes ma'am, no ma'am, etc. I figured that it would always be good to be polite. However, my recent years away from the South has taught me that sometimes it makes you look stupid or naive. When I worked at an internship, my co-workers were amused at me with these formalities. When I addressed my supervisor this way, he said to not say that, because it made him feel old.

I've always been taught to be polite, to respect those older and more knowledgeable than me. However, I don't also want to look like a dolt by spitting out such formalities that seem archaic in several parts of the US. Anyone with any interview experience have any advice on this?

Oh yeah another unrelated thing - hair gel is ok in an interview, right?

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[maestro1625]

I think that would sound odd...

/From Michigan
//the South kinda scares me
///still applied to wake

 

[BucsFan813]

I think it's better to slightly offend someone by calling them "sir" or "ma'am" than to offend them by not showing respect. I believe that a large part of a medical education is respecting the hierarchy. Showing respect might show that you will fit into the system. I've heard that older applicants sometimes have a problem with this, because they tend to take less crap from attendings etc...

 

[Agent Splat]

Be yourself but be respectful. At the end of the interview, for example, you could say "thank you sir" if you like, but perhaps just as formal and respectful to say "thank you Doctor Howser" or something to that effect....provided that you remember their name. But, I wouldn't load your interview with "yes sir" and "no sir."

I sometimes say it as part of my normal conversation, but don't force it...it'll sound weird.

Best wishes for a kickarse interview, sir.

 

[DoctaJay]

Be yourself, and if they want you to be less formal, then at least they gave you permission. I've always been taught to use Mr. & Mrs./Ms. for people are older than me. I use these phrases until they tell me otherwise. Its better to err on the side of politeness.

 

[Xypathos]

You should always refer to someone in a position of authority has "Sir" or "Ma'am" until they correct you and ask to be called something else. Not only is it a sign of respect but you're indirectly showing that you're humble and that they are in control of the situation. They afterall invited you, not the other way around.

In the South you'll still find this practice VERY common and in a lot of cases if you slip up and don't refer to them as such, you will be corrected and trust me ... that's awkward and embarrassing and it definitely won't go in your favor.

It leaves a wonderful impression on people when you use it, sure sometimes they feel awkward and ask you not to use it anymore and call them Dr. whatever, or even just their first name. But when I answer to someone as "Yes ma'am" and they reply with "Wow, you must be from the South, I haven't heard someone say that in years, but you can call me Susie" --- it makes me smile and then I refer to them as Susie (or whatever their name is).

It's also polite to refer to them as Mr. or Ms. whatever (it's considered impolite to use Mrs. unless you know for a fact that they're married, so always assume they aren't until they correct you). If you know that they're a doctor or professor, it's also suitable (in this environment) to use the Salutation of Dr. as well in place of Mr. or Ms., and I would strongly advise that you do as such.

...but yes, I am a Southerner and was raised since birth to know the "rules" and proper means of doing things and speaking with elders and those of authority, so if you have any questions, ask away.

and MWillie, there is no need to fear the South ... yes, maybe we're still stuck in the "old times" a little, but I much more so prefer that than to walk around hearing people answer to autority with "Yea?"

 

[p9142]

Maybe I'm overthinking this, but I'll ask anyway.

I got my first interview. Yay, rejoice, etc. Ok, now comes reality. With this interview being the personal test to gain admission, I have to be on top of my game at all times. This includes proper addressing. I grew up mainly in the South, so I was raised saying yes ma'am, no ma'am, etc. I figured that it would always be good to be polite. However, my recent years away from the South has taught me that sometimes it makes you look stupid or naive. When I worked at an internship, my co-workers were amused at me with these formalities. When I addressed my supervisor this way, he said to not say that, because it made him feel old.

I've always been taught to be polite, to respect those older and more knowledgeable than me. However, I don't also want to look like a dolt by spitting out such formalities that seem archaic in several parts of the US. Anyone with any interview experience have any advice on this?

Oh yeah another unrelated thing - hair gel is ok in an interview, right?

I don't think its a good idea to use your southern formalities when visiting non-southern med schools. They make you look rather stupid, as pointed out by your co-workers. Whatever you do, never call a woman up north ma'am. That is just asking for a fight.

 

[Xypathos]

I don't think its a good idea to use your southern formalities when visiting non-southern med schools. They make you look rather stupid, as pointed out by your co-workers. Whatever you do, never call a woman up north ma'am. That is just asking for a fight.

I've never experienced a hostile situation by using ma'am in the North ... so I don't know where you're getting that from.

 

[p9142]

I've never experienced a hostile situation by using ma'am in the North ... so I don't know where you're getting that from.

I was joking about the hostility, but women do not like to feel old.
I say when in Rome do as the Romans. So if you are down here say yes ma'am, but do not use it up north.

 

[Lanced]

I'm from the Bay Area of CA, about as liberal as it gets, but went to a small liberal arts school in the South, so here's my take:

1st of all, thank you for reminding me about this as I'm going to try hard to yes/no sir at interviews.

I think its without a doubt a good idea wherever you interview unless someone says it isn't necessary. It's engraciating, and I will try to do it even with the admissions office staff (they often have more pull than you might suspect).

I watched a surgury at Stanford Med the other day (read: not at all Southern or conservative) and many people in the OR were saying yes/no sir to the attending.

Its just like dressing for the interview: there's not much harm in being overdressed and nothing is worse than being underdressed.

Oh yeah, I'd default to Dr. XXXX rather than Mr./Ms. if you don't know the interviewers background. They didn't go to evil school for 4 years to be called Mr.

My $0.02

 

[asunshine]

Agree with Xypathos, and I'm from the midwest.

Now, what about with a med student interview...someone who might be younger than me?

 

[p9142]

Agree with Xypathos, and I'm from the midwest.

Now, what about with a med student interview...someone who might be younger than me?

Call them homey.

 

[BucsFan813]

When in B-more, call everyone "Hon" and offer to buy them a case of Natty-Boh...

 

[TPROrgoTutor]

If you normally refer to people as sir and ma'am, do it. (I commonly do, its a sign of respect) If you don't commonly, you probably still should. I can't believe there are people here saying NOT TO. Approach these interviews as what they are, formal meetings between you and a superior where you are attempting to prove to them you are a respectful, humble, intelligent person.

 

[Xypathos]

Agree with Xypathos, and I'm from the midwest.

Now, what about with a med student interview...someone who might be younger than me?

This is generally the gray area, if he has influence over the process (such as Johns Hopkins) then I personally would probably use sir, if not ... I'm not entirely sure without actually being in the situation, if it's just a casual conversation amongst peers, I would suggest not using sir or ma'am.

 

[LizzyM]

Be yourself. If that includes "sir/ma'am" then go for it. Interviewers over 50 go for it, and, if they know you are from the South (there's something about that accent) they will take it as a sign that you were raised well.

 

[Mr. Freeze]

You can say not to use it on yankee wimmenz, but they know they melt a little bit. I had a convo with a lady, prolly my age or younger, when I was ordering med supplies from a company up north. She giggled every time I called her ma'am and said that men just don't say stuff like that up there. Which I told her was kinda sad.

I would say it, but I already do.

As already stated, not doing it doesn't make any damn sense...

 

[Xypathos]

Be yourself. If that includes "sir/ma'am" then go for it. Interviewers over 50 go for it, and, if they know you are from the South (there's something about that accent) they will take it as a sign that you were raised well.

Lizzy, you could comment on this ... my accent, it's not a heavy accent but it's definitely noticeable, and for instance when I'm in Iowa people tend to speak slower to me and I get the impression that they think I'm mentally ******ed due to my "draw", even had a professor say once when I mentioned that I was from NC "Oh **** ... that's it. You're from the south, no offense David, but I always thought you were mentally challenged. I feel like such an dingus now"

Have you faced this in your role as an Adcom, that people tend to talk slower or treat Southern applicants differently? I've faced it a lot when I'm in the Midwest and North, not so much in the West.

It irritates me when people assume that Southerners are slow and less intelligent than others, but oh well, we're all ignorant about something.

 

[LizzyM]

Well, some people associate a Southern accent with Gomer Pyle, Forrest Gump and other characters in TV and film who are 1) Southern and 2) not too bright. What do you think interviewers will make of the guy from New Jersey who sounds like Tony Soprano? And some people from Boston can be mistaken for someone with a lisp.


Also, I think that there is some tendency for people to mirror the speed or accent of the person to whom they are speaking. I certainly see this when people interact with people who are not fluent in English. (I live in a community with many immigrants and foreign visitors.) So, if people talk more slowly when they speak to you, it is because they are changing their natural speed to conform with your speech patterns.

 

[Mr. Freeze]

Lizzy, you could comment on this ... my accent, it's not a heavy accent but it's definitely noticeable, and for instance when I'm in Iowa people tend to speak slower to me and I get the impression that they think I'm mentally ******ed due to my "draw", even had a professor say once when I mentioned that I was from NC "Oh **** ... that's it. You're from the south, no offense David, but I always thought you were mentally challenged. I feel like such an dingus now"

Have you faced this in your role as an Adcom, that people tend to talk slower or treat Southern applicants differently? I've faced it a lot when I'm in the Midwest and North, not so much in the West.

It irritates me when people assume that Southerners are slow and less intelligent than others, but oh well, we're all ignorant about something.

That is no ****...

We were talking about this in school the other day, how different people act toward you based on your accent.

I personally love 'em and love trying to figure out where someone is from. Just don't think I'm handicapped because I say ma'am and talk slow enough for people to understand what I'm saying...

 

[112258]

I was joking about the hostility, but women do not like to feel old. When I went to school up north, I was still used to saying yes ma'am to every woman. When I first met my girlfriend's mother, I called her ma'am. Afterwords my gf informed me that her mother was really upset because I made her feel old. She told her that I was just a simple redneck and that sort of smoothed things out. That is my anecdotal story, so take it for what it is worth.

I say when in Rome do as the Romans. So if you are down here say yes ma'am, but do not use it up north.

I hate it when people call me ma'am!!!

Then again I'm only 22 but still!

 

[112258]

When in B-more, call everyone "Hon" and offer to buy them a case of Natty-Boh...

HAHAHAHAAAA

Then tell them you're going to take them down to the ocean hon and eat some crabcakes!!

I <3 Baltimore

 

[Haemulon]

I hate it when people call me ma'am!!!

Then again I'm only 22 but still!

I believe it might be appropriate to use "Miss" when addressing you in the formal unfamiliar. Unless of course you are married. Am I wrong?

As far as interviews are concerned, it is not inappropriate to use proper manners. If an interviewer becomes offended by being referred to by a formal title of respect, is it the fault of the the well-mannered (and well-meaning) pre-med that his host is uncultured in proper social etiquit?

 

[112258]

I believe it might be appropriate to use "Miss" when addressing you in the formal unfamiliar. Unless of course you are married. Am I wrong?

As far as interviews are concerned, it is not inappropriate to use proper manners. If an interviewer becomes offended by being referred to by a formal title of respect, is it the fault of the the well-mannered (and well-meaning) pre-med that his host is uncultured in proper social etiquit?

Right, "Miss" is good. Ma'am just makes me feel like all of a sudden I turned 40, though I have to admit it does always give me the impression that the boys who say it were raised to be gentlemanly.

 

[Sondra]

Lots of admissions faculty are very old school, and they still consider sir and m'am to be terms of respect.

I am from the south, and when I visited NYC, I found that m'am wasn't used as much as sir. Take it in stride. People will usually tell you what they prefer.

 

[maestro1625]

Lots of admissions faculty are very old school, and they still consider sir and m'am to be terms of respect.

I am from the south, and when I visited NYC, I found that m'am wasn't used as much as sir. Take it in stride. People will usually tell you what they prefer.

just avoid sir when addressing females.

I see some points about the accent. I think it would sound odd for my "northern" (as my aunt in Savannah calls it) accent to go the "sir or ma'am" route. It's a very dialect-dependent thing.

 

[Haemulon]

just avoid sir when addressing females.

I see some points about the accent. I think it would sound odd for my "northern" (as my aunt in Savannah calls it) accent to go the "sir or ma'am" route. It's a very dialect-dependent thing.

What is the comparable northern title of address then? Or is there not one?

 

[LizzyM]

What is the comparable northern title of address then? Or is there not one?

The whole point of being yourself at an interview is that whatever trips off your tongue comes out naturally.

I think that Northerners might more often answer the first time with a honorific such as Doctor, Professor, Ms. or Mr. as in , "Yes, Mr. Jones" or "Yes, Dr. Stone". When saying goodbye, one might say, "Thank you, Mr. Jones/Professor/Doctor"

 

[MossPoh]

I am in a weird position. I have actually started say sir and ma'am much more since coming to PA...no idea why. I have a weird limbo with my accent though. When I'm in what is considered the north, people say I have a southern accent and when I'm in the south they say I have a northern accent. I think I turn on the southern a little more in the bars and parties though....still not that strong but on certain words you hear it. Bottom line is...just stay formal until told otherwise. Ma'am might make a lady feel old...but odds are she isn't exactly 20 to begin with anyway, so she should expect to some extent that you will use a term associated with an elder or superior. I wasn't raised with exactly southern ideals (my dad is from frickin brooklyn) but I still get a little uncomfortable calling people and being called by my first name in an academic or professional setting (not applicable with other students)...at least till I know the person. I think that is more the German stuff with me though..damn you "Sie" usage.

 

[Haemulon]

The whole point of being yourself at an interview is that whatever trips off your tongue comes out naturally.

I think that Northerners might more often answer the first time with a honorific such as Doctor, Professor, Ms. or Mr. as in , "Yes, Mr. Jones" or "Yes, Dr. Stone". When saying goodbye, one might say, "Thank you, Mr. Jones/Professor/Doctor"

That sounds good.

 

[notdeadyet]

The whole point of being yourself at an interview is that whatever trips off your tongue comes out naturally.

Exactly. Terms of address are very rarely just an indication of geography. They are as heavily influenced, or moreso, by your race, class, and other factors. I

f you had the wherewithall and initiative to stomach the long road to med school and perform well enough to get an interview, you probably were raised right. Go into an interview and speak to your interviewers in a way that would make your mother proud.

 

[Punkn]

It's interesting that sir and ma'am are considered more of a Southern thing. I'm from northern Indiana and I've always used them. <shrugs>

 

[63768]

when i interviewed at rfums, one of my interviewers mentioned that my (over)use of sir and ma'am indicated my southern upbringing. i can't imagine not using sir and ma'am.

 

[kypdurron5]

You should always refer to someone in a position of authority has "Sir" or "Ma'am" until they correct you and ask to be called something else. Not only is it a sign of respect but you're indirectly showing that you're humble and that they are in control of the situation. They afterall invited you, not the other way around.

In the South you'll still find this practice VERY common and in a lot of cases if you slip up and don't refer to them as such, you will be corrected and trust me ... that's awkward and embarrassing and it definitely won't go in your favor.

It leaves a wonderful impression on people when you use it, sure sometimes they feel awkward and ask you not to use it anymore and call them Dr. whatever, or even just their first name. But when I answer to someone as "Yes ma'am" and they reply with "Wow, you must be from the South, I haven't heard someone say that in years, but you can call me Susie" --- it makes me smile and then I refer to them as Susie (or whatever their name is).

It's also polite to refer to them as Mr. or Ms. whatever (it's considered impolite to use Mrs. unless you know for a fact that they're married, so always assume they aren't until they correct you). If you know that they're a doctor or professor, it's also suitable (in this environment) to use the Salutation of Dr. as well in place of Mr. or Ms., and I would strongly advise that you do as such.

...but yes, I am a Southerner and was raised since birth to know the "rules" and proper means of doing things and speaking with elders and those of authority, so if you have any questions, ask away.

and MWillie, there is no need to fear the South ... yes, maybe we're still stuck in the "old times" a little, but I much more so prefer that than to walk around hearing people answer to autority with "Yea?"

I agree especially about the South thing....keep in mind where you're interviewing. Southerners are very traditional and very polite; it's almost taken to an extreme. I think the counter argument, however, is that you should show respect, but not at the expense of taking a subservient position. Medical schools are looking for leaders; that doesn't mean you can't be respectful, but if you're someone who likes to say "sir" every few seconds like you've been beaten into submission it will make you look as though you're weak. It's true that as interviewees we are completely at their mercy, but to completely give up any resemblance of our own pride, leadership, and confidence I think is a mistake.