Is dating within your medical school class really as bad as people say it is?

[WildcatMD]

It seems as though whenever I see this topic come up, it's always been negative with people saying not to do it, it's a dumb idea, you're screwed if it goes badly, etc...

Is it really such a no-no to do?

After all, considering you see your class so much and are in such close proximity to each other especially 1st and 2nd year before splitting up for rotations, random probablility would indicate that people are bound to have attractions to each other considering similar interests and being around each other all the time...

Is the dating within a med school class such a bad idea that one should not do it even if they are attracted to a person within a class?

Just curious as I'll be starting soon.

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[njbmd]

It seems as though whenever I see this topic come up, it's always been negative with people saying not to do it, it's a dumb idea, you're screwed if it goes badly, etc...

Is it really such a no-no to do?

After all, considering you see your class so much and are in such close proximity to each other especially 1st and 2nd year before splitting up for rotations, random probablility would indicate that people are bound to have attractions to each other considering similar interests and being around each other all the time...

Is the dating within a med school class such a bad idea that one should not do it even if they are attracted to a person within a class?

Just curious as I'll be starting soon.

Hi there,
People in medical school classes often date and marry. It is a fact of life. The outcome of such liasons is largely dependent on the two people involved. We had two couples marry during fourth year and right after graduation. We also had a few bad experiences too.

Most people tend to stay away from their classmates as potential dates because you HAVE to work with these folks professionally even if your dating goes badly. There can be loads of tension and "drama" to deal with if things get out of hand.

Dating your fellow classmates or even your fellow medical students is similiar to dating within your workplace. It can be great but it can backfire and make your life a living he--. Exercise caution here!

njbmd

 

[Law2Doc]

Most people tend to stay away from their classmates as potential dates because you HAVE to work with these folks professionally even if your dating goes badly. There can be loads of tension and "drama" to deal with if things get out of hand.

This pretty much sums it up. You will have enough aggravation on your plate trying to do well in med school. There are lots of singles outside of the school walls.

 

[Blake]

With the amount of doc-doc relationships I've seen, I'd think it's not that bad. To be honest, I don't see how MUCH different med school dating is from *insert whatever school here* dating.

 

[patsfan2]

Hi there,
Dating your fellow classmates or even your fellow medical students is similiar to dating within your workplace. It can be great but it can backfire and make your life a living he--. Exercise caution here!

\

 

[Hard24Get]

oh pish posh, it doesn't matter. I married outside the class but MANY of my classmates dated. If they broke up they just didn't sit together in the 150 person lecture hall anymore . By the time clinics hit, everyone is working all over the place, anyway. Just don't date someone in your small group if you're worried about it, but better med school than residency! The bottom line is to treat anyone you date with respect and all your colleagues with professionalism. That way, hard feelings are difficult to come by...

It seems as though whenever I see this topic come up, it's always been negative with people saying not to do it, it's a dumb idea, you're screwed if it goes badly, etc...

Is it really such a no-no to do?

After all, considering you see your class so much and are in such close proximity to each other especially 1st and 2nd year before splitting up for rotations, random probablility would indicate that people are bound to have attractions to each other considering similar interests and being around each other all the time...

Is the dating within a med school class such a bad idea that one should not do it even if they are attracted to a person within a class?

Just curious as I'll be starting soon.

 

[paceac]

The bottom line is to treat anyone you date with respect and all your colleagues with professionalism. That way, hard feelings are difficult to come by...

Very good advice not just for med school but for life.

 

[beefballs]

don't fish of the company pier-and why buy the cow when you get the sex for free

 

[jocg27]

Dating professors is okay though.

Right?

 

[Pewl]

Dating professors is okay though.

Right?

Definitely. How else do you get A's?

 

[jennie 21]

I don't think it's necessarily a problem. My husband and I are both the same year in med school but we met before med school. However, I can think of two couples in our class who met in med school; one is now married and the other is engaged and will marry next year. There are a number of other intra- class married or engaged couples, too, but those people met outside of med school. I can also think of a couple of couples in the class who are dating but not engaged. I'm sure there are dating relationships that haven't worked out, but I haven't heard as much about those. As has been said above, it does have the potential to become sticky if things end badly, however on the other hand, these are people you're around a lot and with whom you share similar interests so in some ways it's a good environment for meeting people you might be compatible with. I think it can work well if both members of a couple are in med school or in the medical field because you understand what each other is going through and can support each other better than if your partner was doing something in a totally different field. Of course it has drawbacks too, but on the whole I think it can work quite well.

 

[Phillyborn]

What about matching into residency? I would figure it would be problem if you matched into programs on the other sides of the country.

 

[SurgeryChef]

What about matching into residency? I would figure it would be problem if you matched into programs on the other sides of the country.

You can do a "couple's match" and interview and match into the same institution or at least one in the same city.

As to whether or not to date someone within the class, it depends on you. I did it and it created lots of "drama" as the OP said. If you can deal with getting dumped or it not working out, then go with it. Just realize that come third year you and your ex-honey might be expected to work with one another. How bad would that suck?

 

[NRAI2001]

Dating in your medical class??? I like to take my dates to nicer places

 

[Mperor]

its not the dating somebody in your class that sucks, its breaking up with somebody in your class, because you have to see them every day. I dated a tech who works at my school for a short time, and even seeing her infrequently in the halls is a pain in the ass.

 

[BozoSparky]

its not the dating somebody in your class that sucks, its breaking up with somebody in your class, because you have to see them every day. I dated a tech who works at my school for a short time, and even seeing her infrequently in the halls is a pain in the ass.

yep...when it's over, it sucks when running into an ex at school/work brings back emotions...or the evil eye

 

[deuist]

There are lots of singles outside of the school walls.

Yes, but you won't ever get to meet any of them. You'll be too busy.

 

[Law2Doc]

Yes, but you won't ever get to meet any of them. You'll be too busy.

You'll meet them when you pick up your take out, or coffee, or go to the gym, or all those other places you frequent when you really should be studying. Wear scrubs -- they'll be interested.

 

[NRAI2001]

You'll meet them when you pick up your take out, or coffee, or go to the gym, or all those other places you frequent when you really should be studying. Wear scrubs -- they'll be interested.

Can you were scrubs as a 1st year or will that be weird?

 

[amandil]

Wear scrubs -- they'll be interested.

so true, so true

Although, I don't know if the scrubs effect is as strong for female med students... because a) men are often intimidated by intelligent/ambitious women (though not always) and b) scrubs don't really do much for your figure, unless you get them tailored like the women of Grey's Anatomy

 

[deuist]

Wear scrubs -- they'll be interested.

Thanks for the suggestion.

 

[fun8stuff]

It is not necessarily bad to date, however it would not be good to sleep around. I would say anything over 15 diff girls from the same class would kind of get you a bad reputation...

 

[Law2Doc]

I would say anything over 15 diff girls from the same class would kind of get you a bad reputation...

At some of the smaller schools that might actually be most of them. You have to at least have some standards...

 

[vwhan]

Can you were scrubs as a 1st year or will that be weird?

I wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything other than scrubs in the Anatomy lab. MMMM, the smell of formalin on your skin or clothes. That'll attract the girls.

 

[Callogician]

men are often intimidated by intelligent/ambitious women

You sound bitter.

 

[Callogician]

At some of the smaller schools that might actually be most of them. You have to at least have some standards...

Fun8Stuff's Standards:

1) Presence of vagina
2) DBP > 20
3) consent (or implied consent if intoxicated)

 

[lil pook]

you're disgusting

 

[beefballs]

no he's honest

 

[Willow]

You sound bitter.

Why, because she speaks the truth? She didn't say all men, she didn't say you, and she didn't say always. Why the rude comment?

Edit: Nevermind, I just saw your next post after posting this. It's because you're a d1ck.

 

[fun8stuff]

Fun8Stuff's Standards:

1) Presence of vagina
2) DBP > 20
3) consent (or implied consent if intoxicated)

haha. You forgot #4: no STDs!

but seriously, you may not think that it happens but at a med school that I did research at over the summer in undergrad a guy I knew in the medical frat house that I lived in slept with around 15 girls over the summer from his class. I saw a different girl leave every saturday morning... he bragged about it, but a lot of people lost a lot of respect for him. From my experience at my med school dating is not that big of deal, if all that is going on is dinner, movie, hanging out, etc. Once you sleep with a girl and then sleep with her best friend from the same class... you will have a major soap opera on your hands (not from personal experience)!

 

[Callogician]

Why, because she speaks the truth? She didn't say all men, she didn't say you, and she didn't say always.

I think that very few men are genuinely "intimidated by intelligent/ambitious women." It's just that men aren't attracted to intelligence and ambition in women to the same degree that women are attracted to these qualities in men. Most men look primarily for physical beauty, a pleasant demeanor, a fun-loving nature, and certain feminine characteristics. A lot of men (including myself) are attracted to intellectual nerdy women, but we wouldn't date some ugly petulant bitch just because she could give a witty three minute impromptu speech on Jedi philosophy (although that is pretty damn sexy!).

In my opinion, a lot of single professional women are jealous and bitter because they are not as desireable as their male counterparts. They then go on to pretend that the cause is some intrinsic fault in men. I call bullsh*t.

Why the rude comment?

This is an internet forum. The rules of engagement are different from those in face to face interaction. On internet forums, personal attacks are perfectly socially acceptable. I'm glad I could clear that up for you.

Edit: Nevermind, I just saw your next post after posting this. It's because you're a d1ck.

You can't laugh at sex, necrophilia, and date rape? God damn I hate uptight med b*tches.

 

[Callogician]

... he bragged about it, but a lot of people lost a lot of respect for him.

I know what you mean. I had a friend bragging to me about his promiscuity. I said, "I would be more impressed if you didn't follow the trite path of cheating on your long term girlfriend with stupid teenagers."

 

[SeventhSon]

you crack me up. I am so immature, no wonder i got rejected post-interview so many times.

I think that very few men are genuinely "intimidated by intelligent/ambitious women." It's just that men aren't attracted to intelligence and ambition in women to the same degree that women are attracted to these qualities in men. Most men look primarily for physical beauty, a pleasant demeanor, a fun-loving nature, and certain feminine characteristics. A lot of men (including myself) are attracted to intellectual nerdy women, but we wouldn't date some ugly petulant bitch just because she could give a witty three minute impromptu speech on Jedi philosophy (although that is pretty damn sexy!).

In my opinion, a lot of single professional women are jealous and bitter because they are not as desireable as their male counterparts. They then go on to pretend that the cause is some intrinsic fault in men. I call bullsh*t.



This is an internet forum. The rules of engagement are different from those in face to face interaction. On internet forums, personal attacks are perfectly socially acceptable. I'm glad I could clear that up for you.



You can't laugh at sex, necrophilia, and date rape? God damn I hate uptight med b*tches.

 

[doctorFred]

I think that very few men are genuinely "intimidated by intelligent/ambitious women." It's just that men aren't attracted to intelligence and ambition in women to the same degree that women are attracted to these qualities in men. Most men look primarily for physical beauty, a pleasant demeanor, a fun-loving nature, and certain feminine characteristics. A lot of men (including myself) are attracted to intellectual nerdy women, but we wouldn't date some ugly petulant bitch just because she could give a witty three minute impromptu speech on Jedi philosophy (although that is pretty damn sexy!).

sorry, i think you're just plain wrong. i think men and women look for the exact same qualities in each other when dating - some level of physical attractiveness, some intelligence, and overall, some level of common interest. i don't think woman are attracted to "intelligent and ambitious" men any more than men are attracted to intelligent and ambitious women. there are, of course, guys just looking for trophy wives, but for every one of them, there are chicks just looking to climb the social ladder.

 

[Pewl]

sorry, i think you're just plain wrong. i think men and women look for the exact same qualities in each other when dating - some level of physical attractiveness, some intelligence, and overall, some level of common interest. i don't think woman are attracted to "intelligent and ambitious" men any more than men are attracted to intelligent and ambitious women. there are, of course, guys just looking for trophy wives, but for every one of them, there are chicks just looking to climb the social ladder.

I completely disagree.

Haven't you taken a single evolutionary biology class before??? Women and men invest very different quantities in child rearing and so are attracted to very different qualities in each other. Women tend to seek a provider and someone who can defend and help raise their young. In modern society this takes the form of intelligence, ambition, wealth, etc. Men look for a physically attractive female because this indicates good health. He also looks for one that is monogamous because it would be a big waste of fitness if he were to raise another male's offspring.

The bottom line is men and women look for VERY different qualities in one another. The only mutual criteria I guess is "attraction."

 

[Pewl]

Fun8Stuff's Standards:

1) Presence of vagina
2) DBP > 20
3) consent (or implied consent if intoxicated)

That is absolutely hilarious. You're also right about the rules of engagement. It's perfectly ok to use personal attacks and insults on an internet forum just as it's ok to fart like crazy in a bathroom but not in a public library or something.

 

[Law2Doc]

Women tend to seek a provider and someone who can defend and help raise their young. In modern society this takes the form of intelligence, ambition, wealth, etc.

We all know numerous guys with none of these attributes mith women throwing themselves at them due to their looks. You are expressing wishful thinking perhaps.

 

[doctorFred]

I completely disagree.

Haven't you taken a single evolutionary biology class before??? Women and men invest very different quantities in child rearing and so are attracted to very different qualities in each other. Women tend to seek a provider and someone who can defend and help raise their young. In modern society this takes the form of intelligence, ambition, wealth, etc. Men look for a physically attractive female because this indicates good health. He also looks for one that is monogamous because it would be a big waste of fitness if he were to raise another male's offspring.

The bottom line is men and women look for VERY different qualities in one another. The only mutual criteria I guess is "attraction."

hahah. haven't i ever taking an evobio class before? haven't you ever had a conversation with a woman before? you think all of those rough-around-the-edges bad guys out there, with scores of women throwing themselves at their feet, are prime candidates to be providers and help raise young? of course not. take a look at those rail-thin women which society has dictated to be the peak of female attractiveness. do they look like they have child-bearing hips to you? where does all of that fit into your antiquated little scheme? i'll answer the question for you - media and culture have supplanted the evolutionary basis for dating. it is now a distant second.

 

[SeventhSon]

hahah. haven't i ever taking an evobio class before? haven't you ever had a conversation with a woman before? you think all of those rough-around-the-edges bad guys out there, with scores of women throwing themselves at their feet, are prime candidates to be providers and help raise young? of course not. take a look at those rail-thin women which society has dictated to be the peak of female attractiveness. do they look like they have child-bearing hips to you? where does all of that fit into your antiquated little scheme? i'll answer the question for you - media and culture have supplanted the evolutionary basis for dating. it is now a distant second.

you're still wrong. Priorities between males and females TEND to be different. Of course, you can argue until you're blue in the face about my friend X that behaves this way, because there is always a distribution around a central tendancy. Women TEND to look for certain characteristics.... the same charachteristics that men do, but the relative importance of each is different (and yes, i'll agree with you that the "provider" comment was b******)

 

[ils]

everybody is different. what a one chick digs another may not.

 

[Law2Doc]

everybody is different. what a one chick digs another may not.

Yeah. Brad Pitt probably gets turned down by lots of gals.

 

[QofQuimica]

Yeah. Brad Pitt probably gets turned down by lots of gals.

He would by me. I don't really understand his appeal to be honest: he can't act, and he's not even that cute. Personally, I Tom Hanks.

OP, I don't really have much to add to what other people have said, except to proceed cautiously. I think it's best not to casually date your classmates, but if you fall in love with one of them and vice versa, well, so be it. It is hardly surprising that this happens a lot considering how much time you spend together and how much you potentially have in common with them. Just always keep in mind that even in a class of 150 people, it would be hard to have to deal with your mortal enemy ex gunning for you day in and day out.

 

[NRAI2001]

hahah. haven't i ever taking an evobio class before? haven't you ever had a conversation with a woman before? you think all of those rough-around-the-edges bad guys out there, with scores of women throwing themselves at their feet, are prime candidates to be providers and help raise young? of course not. take a look at those rail-thin women which society has dictated to be the peak of female attractiveness. do they look like they have child-bearing hips to you? where does all of that fit into your antiquated little scheme? i'll answer the question for you - media and culture have supplanted the evolutionary basis for dating. it is now a distant second.

So my hairy back, chest, and legs dont turn on the ladies? They are definitely one of natures greatest evolutionary advances.....could live in the artic. YES LADIES THE ARTIC!

 

[Pewl]

hahah. haven't i ever taking an evobio class before? haven't you ever had a conversation with a woman before? you think all of those rough-around-the-edges bad guys out there, with scores of women throwing themselves at their feet, are prime candidates to be providers and help raise young? of course not. take a look at those rail-thin women which society has dictated to be the peak of female attractiveness. do they look like they have child-bearing hips to you? where does all of that fit into your antiquated little scheme? i'll answer the question for you - media and culture have supplanted the evolutionary basis for dating. it is now a distant second.

Media and culture have NOT supplanted the evolutionary basis of dating. These evolutionary tendencies I speak of are, more often than not, highly subconscious and they manifest themselves often as a tendency or as exaptive traits! I mean, of course a woman doesn't go out consciously thinking "I need a man who can provide and raise young!" But her attraction to any male can be traced back to the basal theme of their innate nature of seeking protection and someone who can provide for offspring.

The whole "bad boys" and "rough around the edges" thing is purely primal attraction. In nature, animals are driven by their instincts and hormones rather than their cognitive minds. This is because instincts react quicker and this could save your life in the wild. The modern "bad boy" gives the demeanor of being tough, indepedent, and doesn't take **** from anyone. In nature this kind of attitude is attributed to the alpha male, which in nature is highly attractive to females. Think about this, why are female peacocks more attracted to male peacocks with the larger tail plumes? A large tail plume is a hinderance to movement and it's colorful, flashy nature makes the male peacock with the large tail plume a much slower and susceptible victim of predation. This large tail plume is obviously a detriment to the male's survival, much like how a "bad boy's" self-destructive nature could be a detriment to his own life, yet women seem to be attracted to it! One argument for the female peacock could be that if this male peacock with the big tail plume could manage to survive even with this big handicap attached to his butt, he MUST surely be good at survival. Though, I'm not sure how this would translate to the "bad boy."

Sorry about the bio lecture. The bottom line is that while media and culture may have rewrapped our senses as far as dating goes, it has done nothing to alter what males and females look for in each other. This kinda gets into the whole "selfish gene" theory but that's a story for another day!

 

[doctorFred]

looking back, my initial post is probably a little off. what i should have said was that both males and females should be looking for a level of common interest above all other things, followed by some measure of attractiveness and intelligience. the evolutionary drives for dating are less relevant today because of the way our society has evolved technologically, along with the evolution of our media and culture, but i guess it's ignorant to say that they don't exert real pressures anymore.

and getting back to the actual original topic.. the dating scene better be going on in med school, because if it isn't, i'll be almost 30 and still single by the time i'm done.

 

[Pewl]

looking back, my initial post is probably a little off. what i should have said was that both males and females should be looking for a level of common interest above all other things, followed by some measure of attractiveness and intelligience. the evolutionary drives for dating are less relevant today because of the way our society has evolved technologically, along with the evolution of our media and culture, but i guess it's ignorant to say that they don't exert real pressures anymore.

and getting back to the actual original topic.. the dating scene better be going on in med school, because if it isn't, i'll be almost 30 and still single by the time i'm done.

Good call. Though, it's unfortunate that there aren't many Asians in the midwest. From my personal experience, most non asian chicks don't find Asian men attractive. I swear like 90% of Asian/Caucasian couples are Asian female with caucasian male. Oh well, c'est la vie!

 

[jocg27]

I swear like 90% of Asian/Caucasian couples are Asian female with caucasian male. !

This is true, and shown by marriage stats...Black/white couples are also very heavily black male and white female, although this is changing...

What I think is interesting about that is that studies show people who are by far the most likely to say that they are not in favor of the generalized idea of 'interracial dating' are...Black females and Asian males -- the ones who are losing out on potential mates.

 

[tzatziki]

You guys can really get carried away... As for the off-part with the evolution, qualities and stuff, imho there are certain qualities both sexes are looking for, but the priority is indeed totally different for men and for women.

About the original topic: I'd really prefer dating someone who has the same interests and lifestile as I have, and this means that Mr Right should be someone with a medical career. Anyway, dating within your own class has its own risks... you still cannot avoid seeing and contacting each other if you split up, besides, there'll be some rumors about you and your relationship, etc.

So I'd try not to get involved in such a relationship.

 

[Callogician]

you crack me up.

That is absolutely hilarious.

Thanks. I appreciate the compliments.

I swear like 90% of Asian/Caucasian couples are Asian female with caucasian male.

Solution: Date black chicks!

 

[cbgray]

Hmmm, why bother with other med students? I was promised hot nurses who would treat me like a god.

No?