Is dating within your medical school class really as bad as people say it is?

[jsk27]

Alot of people are mentioning the post-breakup tension... but what about the competitiveness of medical school during the relationship? I haven't started yet, but isn't medical school at least somewhat competitive? Everyone's taking the same classes and exams. If you're dating someone in the same class, no matter how understanding and close a couple is, wouldn't there be at least some level of competitiveness between the pair?

I mean sure, I'd be more willing to tell my significant other useful study tips or little helpful pieces of knowledge I might pick up, and help them do better in a subject that I'm doing well in, but isn't it natural to be let down a little if you're both at the same level but one does better than the other?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[AudioslaveFan]

Alot of people are mentioning the post-breakup tension... but what about the competitiveness of medical school during the relationship? I haven't started yet, but isn't medical school at least somewhat competitive? Everyone's taking the same classes and exams. If you're dating someone in the same class, no matter how understanding and close a couple is, wouldn't there be at least some level of competitiveness between the pair?

I mean sure, I'd be more willing to tell my significant other useful study tips or little helpful pieces of knowledge I might pick up, and help them do better in a subject that I'm doing well in, but isn't it natural to be let down a little if you're both at the same level but one does better than the other?

Wow, I think I have just found a new gunner low. You would not help your significant other so that you would finish with a better grade than them?

 

[Blake]

but isn't it natural to be let down a little if you're both at the same level but one does better than the other?

Maybe at the beginning of college/med school, it could be slightly natural. I don't know, maybe it's because I am not that special when it comes to academics, but I've accepted the fact that I was quite average a long time ago. Back in kindergarten, me thinks, and med school was the ultimate confirmation. If you're an academic superstar, then the ''recovery'' process will be more difficult, no doubt. But since it's about your significant other, I'm sure you can make it work.

 

[jsk27]

.

 

[CuddlyKumquat]

Also, many of my friends who matriculated in years before me have said that about 1/3 to 1/2 of their classmates were either attached seriously or married already. This could also hinder the inter-class dating, no?

 

[Law2Doc]

My concern was definitely more innocent than that. I was posing the concern that it might be difficult to deal with doing worse than them, or the opposite: them doing worse than you and feeling upset.

Not everyone is so focused on doing better/worse than others - you are only competing with yourself. But it sounds like you had better only date people on the same part of the curve as yourself.

 

[amandil]

You sound bitter.

Nope. I've been blessed with the good fortune to meet guys who are looking for more than just a pretty face. Although...

but we wouldn't date some ugly petulant bitch just because

I sincerely hope that this wasn't a tacit description of me! But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

And if you were, maybe you should've looked at the premed picture thread before making assumptions

 

[chocomorsel]

This is true, and shown by marriage stats...Black/white couples are also very heavily black male and white female, although this is changing...

What I think is interesting about that is that studies show people who are by far the most likely to say that they are not in favor of the generalized idea of 'interracial dating' are...Black females and Asian males -- the ones who are losing out on potential mates.

I completely agree. I'm a black female, and the pool of elegible, working, intelligent black males gets smaller and smaller the higher up the educational ladder you go. But I do see some nice "potentials" dating other races and it does irk me a bit. So instead of just continuously bitching about it every time I see it, I figured I might as well join them and venture outside my race it I eventually want to get married. They have no qualms about it, so maybe I shouldn't either. Did it when I was younger, had some insecurities about it, but maybe I've grown over the years.

 

[45408]

Can you were scrubs as a 1st year or will that be weird?

go with just the scrub pants and a t-shirt. then it's not full-blown, but it still gives the subtle effect. you can wear the "klogs" or "crocs" shoes. they are comfortable after all, but if you're wearing the shirt too, you had better have just come from surgery or something

 

[caffeinefree08]

Having gotten out of a med school relationship (and watching my several of my friends do the same), I have a few words of advice, which also go toward relationships in general.

1.)Don't date someone in your study group. If you want to date someone in your group, find a new group and then date them. You will be competitive to some degree with said other no matter what you do, and if it doesn't kill your relationship on its own, a break up will drive the rest of your group crazy. Your mutual study partners will thank you for this. No one wants to be discussing Aortic Stenosis while two of their group members are fighting over who gets their favorite cafe post break up.

2.)Med 1 and 2 are busy, but make sure you have other friends outside of said other. Couples that aren't going to make it typically die by Boards season in Med 2, and you will be very lonely w/o the other during Med 3 if you don't have other friends in your class. (Your friends outside of yoru class probably have lives and don't always understand the allure of working 15 hours a day)

3.)Have an outside interest not related to your couple. I don't care if you both love pottery, one of you decide to go into glass-blowing instead. Trust me, stay together or break up, you will be glad that you have your own activity when you are in a bad mood. Togetherness can kill - examine any team post call, and you'll understand this.

4.)Medical school is a bubble and never forget it. Don't take this as racist or as bitter, but there are certain ethnic groups over-represented in medical school, and you may find yourself emotionally and intellectually attracted to someone who normally would not be in your dating pool. While is just you and the other person suffering together through medical school, it is easy to forget that you have families and obligations that will be outside of medical school. Your parents are more traditional than you generally know, and most of us can't live with that.

Be honest with yourself. If your parents were hippies, maybe they won't care. But if your parents are Indian and still believe you are going to get an arranged marriage, do everyone around you a favor and don't date white people. Same goes for white people dating Asian guys if your parents still refer to them as 'Japs.' If you have any doubt that your family's cannot handle your new-found relationship, RUN! DO NOT WALK! Get out of it before you two self destruct. Your life as a doctor will be stressful enough w/o this family problem.

5.)Have hope. There are other people out there who are suited to you, not in your class. Check the class above, below, the other grad schools. You will meet people at the hospital - PAs, RNs, students from other med schools, even doctors. Yes, it is very likely you are going to date exclusively people who are in the medical field (because they understand you), but don't feel that if you fail end up w/someone in your class you should throw in the towel.

 

[vtucci]

There is also alot of interclass poaching so that can broaden the potential dating pool. Look to the classes above you. M2 and M4s will have more time than M3s though.

 

[Brett Hart]

This pretty much sums it up. You will have enough aggravation on your plate trying to do well in med school. There are lots of singles outside of the school walls.

Lots of singles yes...but they lack the knowlege of where all those nerve ending are...eh? Am I right or am I right? Class hookups...oh so naughty but oh so nice....mmmmmmmmm

 

[Brett Hart]

Nope. I've been blessed with the good fortune to meet guys who are looking for more than just a pretty face. Although...



I sincerely hope that this wasn't a tacit description of me! But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

And if you were, maybe you should've looked at the premed picture thread before making assumptions

We should date....

 

[ils]

"Be honest with yourself. If your parents were hippies, maybe they won't care. But if your parents are Indian and still believe you are going to get an arranged marriage, do everyone around you a favor and don't date white people. Same goes for white people dating Asian guys if your parents still refer to them as 'Japs.' If you have any doubt that your family's cannot handle your new-found relationship, RUN! DO NOT WALK! Get out of it before you two self destruct. Your life as a doctor will be stressful enough w/o this family problem."

that has got to be the most chickensh1t thing i have ever heard anyone say. why don't you think for yourself and stop being a clone. you weren't put on this earth to "make your parents happy"

its your love life, not theirs...grow up

by the way, i am in an interacial relationship and despite family its the best i have ever have

be brave...you might just be happier for it

 

[Callogician]

Same goes for white people dating Asian guys if your parents still refer to them as 'Japs.'

This [ridiculous] comment just made me realize something: White parents are by far the most tolerant of interracial dating on average.

 

[Callogician]

Your parents are more traditional than you generally know, and most of us can't live with that.

The solution is to communicate with your parents and completely destroy their hopes of you ever marrying traditionally. My mother wanted me to marry "a nice jewish girl," and I told her [falsely] that I only like black women. At this point, she'll be happy with any woman (probably because she's secretly afraid of me being gay after my sister came out of the closet).

 

[Rogue_Leader]

I wasn't aware there were single people in medical school. Everybody but me in my class has had an SO for about 8 years before med school.

 

[gostudy]

The solution is to communicate with your parents and completely destroy their hopes of you ever marrying traditionally. My mother wanted me to marry "a nice jewish girl," and I told her [falsely] that I only like black women. At this point, she'll be happy with any woman (probably because she's secretly afraid of me being gay after my sister came out of the closet).

That is awesome.

 

[caffeinefree08]

"Be honest with yourself. If your parents were hippies, maybe they won't care. But if your parents are Indian and still believe you are going to get an arranged marriage, do everyone around you a favor and don't date white people. Same goes for white people dating Asian guys if your parents still refer to them as 'Japs.' If you have any doubt that your family's cannot handle your new-found relationship, RUN! DO NOT WALK! Get out of it before you two self destruct. Your life as a doctor will be stressful enough w/o this family problem."

that has got to be the most chickensh1t thing i have ever heard anyone say. why don't you think for yourself and stop being a clone. you weren't put on this earth to "make your parents happy"

its your love life, not theirs...grow up

by the way, i am in an interacial relationship and despite family its the best i have ever have

be brave...you might just be happier for it

You missed the point of the arguement. I'm not saying that interracial relationships can't work or that they will fail in med school. I said that if you or the other feels that the family can't handle it, then it is the time to get out. Not everyone is ready to stand up to their parents and for some people, tradition runs deeply.

I just feel that the family pressure factors alot into some people's decision to pursue medicine, and that it can create a problem. A year ago, I would not have ever posted a thought like that, but since then, my opinions have changed. Not just my relationship crashing and burning over the family, but various students and doctors have stopped me to recount their failed attempts to date outside of tradition. For people who can make it work, that is great, but at least ask the question of what will you legitimately do if you parents say, 'stop seeing that person.'

And to make this clear, I was perfectly able to stand up to my own family. They told me I could be with whomever I wanted, even if it wasn't their first choice. I am not a clone.

 

[msrbutch1]

Way to go, callogician! I like your strategy!

 

[chocomorsel]

You missed the point of the arguement. I'm not saying that interracial relationships can't work or that they will fail in med school. I said that if you or the other feels that the family can't handle it, then it is the time to get out. Not everyone is ready to stand up to their parents and for some people, tradition runs deeply.

I just feel that the family pressure factors alot into some people's decision to pursue medicine, and that it can create a problem. A year ago, I would not have ever posted a thought like that, but since then, my opinions have changed. Not just my relationship crashing and burning over the family, but various students and doctors have stopped me to recount their failed attempts to date outside of tradition. For people who can make it work, that is great, but at least ask the question of what will you legitimately do if you parents say, 'stop seeing that person.'

And to make this clear, I was perfectly able to stand up to my own family. They told me I could be with whomever I wanted, even if it wasn't their first choice. I am not a clone.

I completely agree. It's tough enough to be in any relationship without having to deal with outside pressures especially from family. Been there, done that, and it's just so much easier to deal with people who are more like you.

 

[jocg27]

4.)Medical school is a bubble and never forget it. Don't take this as racist or as bitter, but there are certain ethnic groups over-represented in medical school, and you may find yourself emotionally and intellectually attracted to someone who normally would not be in your dating pool. While is just you and the other person suffering together through medical school, it is easy to forget that you have families and obligations that will be outside of medical school. Your parents are more traditional than you generally know, and most of us can't live with that.

Be honest with yourself. If your parents were hippies, maybe they won't care. But if your parents are Indian and still believe you are going to get an arranged marriage, do everyone around you a favor and don't date white people. Same goes for white people dating Asian guys if your parents still refer to them as 'Japs.' If you have any doubt that your family's cannot handle your new-found relationship, RUN! DO NOT WALK! Get out of it before you two self destruct. Your life as a doctor will be stressful enough w/o this family problem.
.

I disagree.

Being able to meet their son or daughters significant other and see him or her as a person, not just an ethnic cartoon, simply does not imply these parents are hippies. Maybe they're just reasonable, open people. Maybe if a parent can't accept it, or even expend the effort to try to understand and accept it, the problem is with the parent, not the kid or the relationship.

And anyway, whether your parents can take it or not, it's still your life, not theirs. Blind obedience to tradition and parents' wishes are a large reason so many physicians are unhappy with medicine. So many kids are pushed into med school without any interest or desire by their families' outdated, old-country beliefs about medicine being the only profession worth pursuing and, surprise, end up being unhappy. Surely when you speak with college kids trying to decide whether or not to go to med school, you'd advise them to make sure that the final choice is theirs, only they can make the final decision because only they will be doing the work and only they can decide if the goal is worth all the effort for them. Surely you wouldn't tell them to choose their career based on what their parents planned for them at birth 20 years ago...right?

I don't know...there is room for traditions and the importance of family in everyone's lives, of course I can understand that....but I disgree with just about every sentence in those two paragraphs.

I can face up to my own biases on the topic...My family has a history of marrying who they want - my 4 grandparents are from 4 quite different cultures, in 3 quite different parts of the world, and practiced 3 different religions (no "hippies" among my parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents though, by the way... just people who tried to care, tried to understand, and with varying degrees of success and difficulty over time, tried to accept and eventually succeeded in accepting who their child fell in love with). Perhaps I just don't understand the powerful sway that parents ideas of culture and 'tradition' can have over their kids....But still, your idea that your "dating pool" includes people your parents approve of and who look like you rubs me the wrong way. If it's a choice an individual makes, an individual med student prefers, is most comfortable, or whatever, with dating people their parents will approve of, that's fine...

But don't advise people to let their parents decide who they can or can't date.

 

[jocg27]

If you have any doubt that your family's cannot handle your new-found relationship, RUN! DO NOT WALK! Get out of it before you two self destruct. Your life as a doctor will be stressful enough w/o this family problem.
l.

Especially this...What kind of advice is this!??

In all the problems and trials people face over the coursee of their life, when is this good advice? I've literally don't think I've ever heard this advice about any life problem before....This is saying don't try, don't discuss, don't plan, don't think, RUN.

If you have *any* doubt that you will succeed in medical school, RUN! DO NOT WALK! Get out of it before you self destruct. Your life will be stressful enough without this problem of being a doctor.

If you have any doubt that you will succeed in your business, RUN! DO NOT WALK! Get out of it before you self destruct. Your life will be stressful enough without this problem of another failure.

If you have any doubt about your ability to get in shape, SIT DOWN AND GIVE UP (DO NOT RUN OR WALK, IT MIGHT CAUSE YOU TO LOSE WEIGHT!) Give up before you self destruct. Your life will be stressful enough without the problem of a pulled hamstring, fatty.

If you have any doubt about your ability to talk to that hottie at the bar, RUN! DO NOT WALK! Leave the bar before you self destruct. Your life will be stressful enough without this problem of her laughing at you in front of your friends.

If you have any doubt about your ability to ski, cook, learn piano, try something new...DON'T! You will self destruct and break your leg, burn your pots, give your neighbors a headache, and generally be ridiculed by everyone around you.

I could go on forever...I think you get the point...

Who knows...maybe your parents will surprise you. Maybe you're right and your parents are "more traditional than you generally know." But they also love you more than you generally know. Maybe not...But regarding any problems you might face in life, I've literally never seen advice coming so close to 'give up immediately, it's not worth it.'

So many

 

[Ross434]

The solution is to communicate with your parents and completely destroy their hopes of you ever marrying traditionally. My mother wanted me to marry "a nice jewish girl," and I told her [falsely] that I only like black women. At this point, she'll be happy with any woman (probably because she's secretly afraid of me being gay after my sister came out of the closet).

Word.. It's all about managing expectations..!

 

[HolyMoly]

It all depends on the person you date. If it works out, fantastic...if it doesn't, things can still be okay if the two individuals are mature and realistic about the relationship and the break-up. Professionalism can be maintained, and things can go on just fine. However, if she/he ends it by cheating on you or some other "not cool at all" way, then all bets are off, and it can be a very hostile, drama-filled, and SMALL world for the next few years. All in all, I would advise that you get to know that person and what they're about before you dive in...if you don't, you could be in for some devastating and later just annoying surprises.

 

[Callogician]

but at least ask the question of what will you legitimately do if you parents say, 'stop seeing that person.

God damn you are a p*ssy. My parents know to smile and nod if I bring back a morbidly obese ex-con lest I disown their *sses.

 

[caffeinefree08]

God damn you are a p*ssy. My parents know to smile and nod if I bring back a morbidly obese ex-con lest I disown their *sses.

**Sighs** I'm really touched you found it necessary to descend to that level. If you had read my posts, you could see that I'm was the person who was informed that I was the wrong ethnicity for the other set of parents.

And maybe the person I was seeing was a loser, but having been through it once, and having had other people share their bad experiences about it with me, I decided to put it in as advice about dating your classmates. It was supposed to create discussion, which it clearly has, but it's still just my two cents.

Quite honestly, as a med student, I believe you should run (and not walk) away from any situation that is adding constant unnecessary stress to your life. I just happened to have some advice you didn't agree with on the subject of dating. It's advice from someone on a forum you don't know and will probably never meet. You don't share my opinon,fine, but don't make it a personal attack.

 

[jocg27]

**
Quite honestly, as a med student, I believe you should run (and not walk) away from any situation that is adding constant unnecessary stress to your life. .

still

is this what you'd say to a student trying to come to terms with their homosexuality? A patient trying to do so?

Run, don't walk, bury it as deep as you can, the best you can... your parents won't be happy and you don't need that hassle right now?

 

[deleted109597]

oh pish posh, it doesn't matter. I married outside the class but MANY of my classmates dated. If they broke up they just didn't sit together in the 150 person lecture hall anymore . By the time clinics hit, everyone is working all over the place, anyway. Just don't date someone in your small group if you're worried about it, but better med school than residency!

I dated and married my anatomy lab partner. Does that make me a bad person?

 

[ghip]

still

is this what you'd say to a student trying to come to terms with their homosexuality? A patient trying to do so?

Run, don't walk, bury it as deep as you can, the best you can... your parents won't be happy and you don't need that hassle right now?

Bad analogy.

 

[sgrnspc]

**Sighs** I'm really touched you found it necessary to descend to that level. If you had read my posts, you could see that I'm was the person who was informed that I was the wrong ethnicity for the other set of parents.

And maybe the person I was seeing was a loser, but having been through it once, and having had other people share their bad experiences about it with me, I decided to put it in as advice about dating your classmates. It was supposed to create discussion, which it clearly has, but it's still just my two cents.

Quite honestly, as a med student, I believe you should run (and not walk) away from any situation that is adding constant unnecessary stress to your life. I just happened to have some advice you didn't agree with on the subject of dating. It's advice from someone on a forum you don't know and will probably never meet. You don't share my opinon,fine, but don't make it a personal attack.

caffeine, i think you raise a good point. what i think most people are overlooking is the fact that this is an "unnecessary stress"--it's not the same as helping your parents realize you're gay or some important med school crisis. so heck yes, RUN, Don't walk when dealing with unnecessary stress, especially in med school. shesh!

plus, this particular issue is unnecessary because it's simply walking away from ignorance. and sometimes you shouldn't do that, ie sometimes you should try to solve the ignorance. BUT i imagine that in med school with all the time constraints and a million other stresses, the main goal would be to learn and save actual lives instead of correcting silly minds. put it into perspective, people.

honestly, some things/people are worth fighting for and others are not. you have to pick and choose your own PERSONAL battles. i agree with caffeine; for most people, it's better to walk away from this particular fight because a lot of ignorant people are also very stubborn. don't waste your time arguing, go save lives.

 

[jocg27]

. you have to pick and choose your own PERSONAL battles. i agree with caffeine; for most people, it's better to walk away from this particular fight because a lot of ignorant people are also very stubborn. don't waste your time arguing, go save lives.

Personally, I totally agree you've got better things to do with your time than argue...don't waste your time arguing about it.

If someone doesn't approve of who you're dating, let them think what they want and go on your merry way...

My point was to live your life how you want to live it, not to spend all your time arguing about it.

 

[jocg27]

still

is this what you'd say to a student trying to come to terms with their homosexuality? A patient trying to do so?

Run, don't walk, bury it as deep as you can, the best you can... your parents won't be happy and you don't need that hassle right now?

maybe a bad analogy...fair enough. I stand by my first two posts though. I'm very against letting your parents decide what you do with your life. It's your career, your love life, your whatever...You're the one who has to live with your decisions, not them.

Everyone's entitled to their opinions...But a lot changes in a generation, especially in immigrant families. Their opinions are fine for their opinions, but they're also the product of lives very different from your own.

Live your life, make your own decisions...I believe both of these things are worthwhile whether you're in med school or not.

 

[Algorhythmik]

OCCUM's? ohhhhhhhhhh my God. LoL

It's ACKUM's RAZOR. (House even writes everything on the board for you)

 

[amandil]

OCCUM's? ohhhhhhhhhh my God. LoL

It's ACKUM's RAZOR. (House even writes everything on the board for you)

errrrr.... ummmm....

ACTUALLY, it's "OCCAM'S RAZOR"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occam's_Razor

 

[Dr.Erin2B]

Zahque is hot.
...and that's because he's the least way off in his analysis of what women are looking for. You aren't a woman. You have no idea! As for using evolutionary biology, which generally (at least in my class) referred to the whole females-selecting-mates-who-can-provide-and-protect in a slightly more... oh... evolutionarily "primitive" sense... applying it to modern, industrialized society is a little... lame. They're talking about lizards, and rabbits, and insects, and not me.

 

[SeventhSon]

Zahque is hot.
...and that's because he's the least way off in his analysis of what women are looking for. You aren't a woman. You have no idea! As for using evolutionary biology, which generally (at least in my class) referred to the whole females-selecting-mates-who-can-provide-and-protect in a slightly more... oh... evolutionarily "primitive" sense... applying it to modern, industrialized society is a little... lame. They're talking about lizards, and rabbits, and insects, and not me.

yeah they do, you just don't realize it

Speaking of which, i think it is almost as ridiculous for you, as one woman, to state that you know "what women (in the general sense) want", as me saying what women want as a male.

 

[ils]

i am italian...my S.O's parents are from india.

if somebody is so racist and closed minded as to tell me what to do with my love life and which race i should date, then i would quickly lose all respect for this person...even if this person was my parent.

that may sound harsh but listen to what you're saying. you're validating their racist views....all shrouded in "traditionalism". that is bull**** still.

like i said, you are your own person. the quicker you realize this, the happier your future will be.

trust me on this one. i live from many, MANY years of experience.

 

[jocg27]

i am italian...my S.O's parents are from india.

if somebody is so racist and closed minded as to tell me what to do with my love life and which race i should date, then i would quickly lose all respect for this person...even if this person was my parent.

that may sound harsh but listen to what you're saying. you're validating their racist views....all shrouded in "traditionalism". that is bull**** still.

like i said, you are your own person. the quicker you realize this, the happier your future will be.

trust me on this one. i live from many, MANY years of experience.

I am glad there are other people who don't let their parents decide who they can, should, and will date because thinking for themselves might become a distraction to their busy as a bee med student life.

 

[almost_there]

I am glad there are other people who don't let their parents decide who they can, should, and will date because thinking for themselves might become a distraction to their busy as a bee med student life.

I think there isn't a clear-cut case either way.

Think about it this way. If you have a really close relationship with your family, and want your significant other to have a close relationship and understanding of your family, you are far more likely to want to marry someone with the same ethnic/social/economic/cultural background. If your parents and SO don't get along well, you are stuck always choosing and/or mediating between them. Even without cultural, ethnic, or language issues, plenty of misunderstandings and problems can happen.

Key here is that IT IS YOUR CHOICE. With someone whose background matches yours, life may be easier in some respects. With someone of a very dissimilar background, you might have to work harder. There is no right choice; it's up to you.

 

[jocg27]

I think there isn't a clear-cut case either way.

Think about it this way. If you have a really close relationship with your family, and want your significant other to have a close relationship and understanding of your family, you are far more likely to want to marry someone with the same ethnic/social/economic/cultural background. If your parents and SO don't get along well, you are stuck always choosing and/or mediating between them. Even without cultural, ethnic, or language issues, plenty of misunderstandings and problems can happen.

Key here is that IT IS YOUR CHOICE. With someone whose background matches yours, life may be easier in some respects. With someone of a very dissimilar background, you might have to work harder. There is no right choice; it's up to you.

For sure. I would not have a problem with anyone choosing someone of a similar background - it's not my contention that we should all be dating interracially. My problem is with running (not walking!) from something you want, perhaps someone you're already close with and care about, because it's what your parents want.

I totally agree that the key is that it is your choice (and hers)...not your mom's or dad's.

 

[infiniti]

I think it is also worth realizing that the vast majority of people in medical school are still relatively young. A lot of them are still learning about themselves and other possibilities for the future. As some of you will see, the close contact in medical school can easily create a situation where you fall for someone you wouldn't usually go for. Do yourself a favor and don't deny yourself something that could be potentially good.

It irks me when I see people who talk about how their families won't accept relationship A or B. For goodness sakes, start realizing that you are an adult now. All we can do is respect our family, but there comes a point where your life (for the most part) deviates from your family's. If you family disown you for loving whomever you choose, then I would think it is for the best. True love (as a family's love should be) should survive any sort of adversity.


Most parents who put stringent condition on who their children can date usually claim to be doing so for the sake of the children. This is the worst lie possible. These parents are doing so for selfish reasons. Be it because dating someone of your race/class (etc) will ruin the family name (which is their name by the way), isolate let them from their friends blah blah blah. I find it particularly irritating because these people fail to consider the most important aspect...............the son or daughter's happiness. Seriously, how could you as a parent be so selfish as to completely impose yourself on your children!


Yes, I am a black male who has, at one point or the other dated people from different backgrounds. How did my parents take it? Not bad. I'm Nigerian and also from a VERY traditional background. There is a culture, a language and lifestyle that I, as a male son is expected to carry forward.

I simply told my parents to let me love whomever I chose. I asked them if their ideals are so strong as to totally ignore my happineess. I told them if they loved me, they would accept me and whomever I choose to love.

You get quotes about how these or those people can hurt you. The truth is ANYONE can end up hurting you. Instead of trying to group everyone together, you can reduce the risk on an individual level by really knowing and understanding the person you are getting involved with.

Anyway, my parents ended up opening their minds. They realized it is THEIR DUTY to love me regardless of the person I choose to love. I know deep down, they would prefer a traditional Nigerian girl, but at least they are open to the dialogue

As a son or daughter you aren't just a passive consumer of information. You could also teach your parents a thing or two about life and loving. Tell your parents whenever they are being racist, stereotyping groups of people or just being rude to someone because of their background (these are extremes but you get the point). They may resist this at first, but it really makes a big difference. I know I call my parents on it whenever they try to stereotype people and I know it has really changed how they think about others.


This was written in less than 3 minutes (without proofreading), so I expect it to be jam packed with grammatical errors! I apologize in advance.

 

[jocg27]

^