i am in my second year of med school. what you are experiencing is something that any sane person would contemplate, as i and just about everyone i know did when we got accepted. it is very easy to lose yourself as a premed, dilegently working to get the best gpa, mcat, shadowing, research, etc., etc. it's a multi year process and then one day a letter comes and it's like, "holy cow, i got in!" if you didn't take a step back and examine if you are still the same person, with the same aspirations, as when you began the journey, then i think that would make you a foolish person. you are not just making a decision on "what you want to be when you grow up", it is a lifestyle, not merely a profession. it is very easy to get caught up in chasing the dream, fully convinced that it is what you want, and then wonder if it is really what you want once you have met your goal. people change over the course of 4 years, whether the wish to or not. you are in the enviable position to now decide if your dreams today are the same as they were when you began. like i said, most people go through this. in the end, you will probably find, like most everyone else, you are a bit overwhelmed by the enormous opportunity which you have been given and the commitment which accompies it, but that the passion for medicine is still in you....it's just covered by a little fear of the unkown right now.
is med school a curse or a blessing? the truth is it is a little of both. it is an absolute blessing because it is the path which will one day lead you to your dream of caring for people. it is a curse because of the sacrifices you make along the way. i KNEW med school was going to be the hardest thing i had ever done, but i don't think anyone can appreciate just how hard it is without actually doing it. there is a reason why lots of doctors tell premeds to stay away from medicine. i am just 1.5 yrs into the process, and i already have an appreciation as to why they say this. it is the mother of all grinds, and the pressure is always on because you want to make the best grades you can so you can get the residency you want. at the beginning of first year, lots of people i knew said they wanted to do family practice, including myself. now nobody i know wants to. i'll probably get flamed for this by the idealistic premeds, but after seeing just how extremely hard you have to work in med school and how much debt you are actually racking up, you want to be rewarded for your hard work. now i'm not saying $160,000 (last year's average for a fam practice doc) isn't good money. but when you see you could have the opportunity to make $300,000 or $400,000 AND do something that is way more interesting than family practice, well attitudes change. we have all set high goals for ourselves by even attempting to get into med school, it is only natural that we would continue to set high goals for ourselves after we get in. in the end, the competition does not end by getting into med school. it is your grades and board scores which will be the deciding factor on what residency you will obtain.......hence the pressure. the past few months i have been driving myself and those around me crazy obsessing over grades. finally, last week i said screw it. i'll do the best i can and let God sort it out. she'll put me where i need to be, and if that is family practice then i'm sure i will love it and be great at it. yeah, i won't be living as large as most of my friends in med school, but maybe i will be a happier person. also, as you mentioned it is very hard seeing your undergrad friends who didn't go into medicine making some decent bucks while you are slaving away. when i was at the pivotal point which you now find yourself, i asked myself one question, "can i see myself happy doing anything else but medicine?" that answer led me to where i am today, and when get frustrated because i can't go to vegas for the weekend with my friends, that answer puts things back into perspective for me. med school is filled with highly inteligent, highly motivated people who could and would make bank at anything they chose to do in life, but in the end most of us are here because we want to care for people. these are just the growing pains we have to pay for our choices. nothing worth anything in life comes easy. i know that 20 years from now (when i am still paying off my loans
) i will look back and know that med school and all that accompanies it was a pure blessing which molded me into person i am.
sorry for the length of this post, and any cheeziness therein, but i hope it was as helpful to you as it was cathartic for me. good luck with your decision, and more importantly good luck in med school
i am the G.O.A.T.