General Is it appropriate for my professor to invite me to his house for dinner?

[Raryn]

I am a female student and my professor is roughly 25 years older than me. Last semester he asked if I wanted to come to his house for dinner, that he wanted to cook for me after I mentioned not being much of a cook. I declined and for a week afterward he acted a bit weird, not talking to me much and things like that. Finally he brought it up and it felt very strange; he said I was someone he didn't want to annoy.
This is someone who has become a bit of a mentor to me and he has done much for my academic career, however, I want our relationship to be professonal and I feel like it would be innapropriate to go by myself to his house for dinner.
He lets it be known to me that I'm his favorite student, always telling me how wonderful I am at school and just in general. I'm worried about how this looks if other students notice the frequent interactions we have. To complicate matters, I work for him in a work study position at school. Perhaps he only means well and this is harmless, I just need a second opinion.

This is a difficult question, but I think the biggest factor here is... Does he live alone?

I think it's very different if a married professor with three kids invites you to his house for a family dinner than if a single man invites you to a dinner just for the two of you. The former is a nice gesture to someone who might be far from their own family. The latter, while it may not be inappropriate, still has the *appearance* of impropriety.

If it was an invite to join a larger group (whether it's his own family or just other students who are going to be there), I think you could reasonably agree. If it is an invite for both of you? Just make up a polite excuse and leave it at that.

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[gyngyn]

Yes, he is single and lives alone. The invite was for just the two of us

His invitation is entirely inappropriate. Continue to politely decline and keep a timed and dated record of each occurrence.

 

[Raryn]

Even if his intention is entirely innocent, which I somehow doubt, this is an absolutely bonehead move on his part. Inviting a young student, male or female, to a solo dinner at your home in 2019 is just asking for trouble.

 

[gyngyn]

Thank you for the advice. There have been numerous incidences that make me wonder if he has a crush on me or something.

I am going to hope that he has the decency not to retaliate but if he doesn't, contemporaneous notes will become important. Even now you can make notes of the dates and quotes you can recall. Just be sure to put today's date on your recollections.

 

[Goro]

At my school this would likely get the professor sanctioned and possibly fired. There is a power dynamic going on with professor:student or advisor:advisee interactions and many schools have policies strictly forbidding this.

Frankly, I think that the guy is crossing a line.