Is this a good idea?

[zoner]

Is it a good idea to try officially living together with your s/o for the first time during your M1? Basically it would mean that we will be moving much more forward in our relationship. We have lived together before for two months during one summer and it was alright. I am just bit worried about the stress of doing that plus the stress of medical school. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

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[brosephlol]

Is it a good idea to try officially living together with your s/o for the first time during your M1? Basically it would mean that we will be moving much more forward in our relationship. We have lived together before for two months during one summer and it was alright. I am just bit worried about the stress of doing that plus the stress of medical school. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

It is a big step. If your relationship is beyond that point, you probably would not be asking this question in the first place. You guys should talk and give it some serious thought. You need to explain to her than you are going to be busy as hell, and will need her to support you etc. A lot of people are just not ready for that kind of relationship at this stage. You also don't want her to be a distraction.

In short, do it if you guys are really committed to each other. If you aren't so sure, save yourself from the drama..

 

[dntke1518]

It is a big step and could add as a stressor. I am 2-3 hours away from my fiancé right now and it works fine, but that is a different boat. Honestly though I wouldn't live together, its your time to do what you have to do and not worry about anything else.

 

[TeamZissou]

Doesn't matter. It's more about you and your situation. There were plenty if people who broke off engagements or broke up 1st year. But there were also people getting married and a ton of people started relationships.

 

[Slane]

MS1 destroys relationships, especially if they're already weak in an area.

 

[zoner]

Thanks for the advice. I was thinking that I could attend a school I liked less so my s/o and I could live together. Bbut at the end I decided to attend school I'm most happy about and not risk both the relationship and my satisfaction with my medical education.

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[Lacktherof]

I am doing just that at the moment. We just moved in together over the summer in a new area, and while it has been difficult, the amount of support my s/o provides is irreplaceable. This decision is highly individual, but I for one feel that I am embarking on too large a commitment to allow my s/o to fall out of the loop. Long distance relationships do work for some, but medical school will change you in one way or another (it is that all consuming). Distance itself will change a relationship and the parties involved, and I know that had my fiancee and I not grown through this change together, we might not have made it. Don't let anyone tell you that your relationship is doomed to fail. True, it is a test of your commitment, but if you want to stay together, you will find a way to do so.

 

[zoner]

I am doing just that at the moment. We just moved in together over the summer in a new area, and while it has been difficult, the amount of support my s/o provides is irreplaceable. This decision is highly individual, but I for one feel that I am embarking on too large a commitment to allow my s/o to fall out of the loop. Long distance relationships do work for some, but medical school will change you in one way or another (it is that all consuming). Distance itself will change a relationship and the parties involved, and I know that had my fiancee and I not grown through this change together, we might not have made it. Don't let anyone tell you that your relationship is doomed to fail. True, it is a test of your commitment, but if you want to stay together, you will find a way to do so.

hey, so do you think the relationship should take the precedent over the school you like more? the reason i like one school more than other one that is closer to home is because of better weather, beaches, and less driving.

also, what kind of support does your s/o give you?

 

[SLC]

I'm admittedly out of the loop on all of this because it's been a long time since I was not married. But I don't understand how living with a S/O adds stress.

That is, unless your S/O is really clingy and needy, because you probably won't have a ton of time for that.

I've been married with 2 kids the entire time I've been in medical school, I had a 3rd about half way through 1st year. My advice: If you can strike a balance that works for everyone, the rest takes care of itself.

My wife is pretty understanding of how busy I am. My kids are pretty good about it too. In return, I knock things out as quickly and efficiently as possible so I can maximize the time I have with them. It doesn't always work out, for instance, I've been pretty much pulling 14 hour days all week this week. But other times, when things are pretty slow, I spend more time with the family than on school.

I don't feel like my grades have suffered at all either, I'm very comfortable with them and am in the top 25% of the class as best I can tell from the exam score histograms (my program doesn't rank us officially until the end of MS2).

Balance is key, without it, you won't make it past 1st semester either as a couple, or as a medical student. Maybe even both.

 

[valkener]

If the relationship is ready for it, then yes. If it is not, then no.

If the relationship is ready you will be more stressed out when not being together.

 

[DrWily]

If the relationship is ready for it, then yes. If it is not, then no.

If the relationship is ready you will be more stressed out when not being together.

Concur with the bold.

If you can see yourself marrying your S/O, then I would live together. If you are not even close to that point, then no. Being away from the one you love is difficult, and definitely adds stress.

 

[zoner]

Concur with the bold.

If you can see yourself marrying your S/O, then I would live together. If you are not even close to that point, then no. Being away from the one you love is difficult, and definitely adds stress.

It's one of those thing where it's too good to let go but not good or sure enough for "marriage," yet.

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[DocVapor]

I feel that sometimes the only way you can be sure you know you want to marry someone is by living with them first. That way you know what it's like to get up with them, come home to them, and deal with them EVERY SINGLE DAY with no easy way out. You really learn how they live; you learn their advantages, disadvantages, and their quirks. For instance, I have a mental block about getting dishes into the dishwasher. I will leave dirty dishes (but rinsed off, so they aren't gross) sitting on the counter next to the sink for a while. This annoys my wife. But she will leave piles of dirty clothes around the house from where she rushes home after work to change before heading out to the barn to ride her horse. This annoys me. But we both love each other so we have learned to recognize that we both have quirks and that we are willing to overlook the others while working to improve on our own.

We did a lot of this while I was re-taking Pre-reqs and doing post-bacc, plus I was working, so my time commitments were similar to what they are now as an MSI. Being able to live with her and loving her for the support she gives me were just two of the many reasons I proposed to her.

Moral of the story: I would try to get the best of both worlds first. See if he would move with you to the school you prefer. Be sure he knows that you are aware of the sacrifices he will be making and that you are going to do things to show you appreciate him. If that is not something he is willing to do, pay close attention to how he handles the request and how he negotiates and compromises with you. That will tell you loads of information about whether the relationship has a serious future.

 

[EndersRebutal]

My perspective on this is going to be a little different since I'm married and have a kid so take it as you will. My wife has been a source of both support and motivation through out this application season. When I got my first acceptance she was happier than I was. I can honestly say that without her and my son keeping me focused I wouldn't be where I am now. Now keep in mind we've known each other for over 7 years and have been married for 1.5 years so our relationship is pretty solid. Zoner my advice to you is If you have a strong relationship and you think this person will be a positive influence in your life jump right in and don't look back. She will drive you to do and be better. But if you relationship is rocky moving in could make things a lot worse.

 

[DrWily]

Here's a question for you zoner: what does your partner want you to do?

 

[Dr Yiot]

my wife and I have been together for 6 six years and lived together for 5.

i just started med school this year and I gotta tell ya, the other person has to be ready for a lot, very flexible and very supportive. my wife, god bless her, works her BUTT off. she does EVERYTHING around the house and has a FT job. i on the other hand forget to close drawers, often leave towels everywhere and a mess. i clean my plates and do little things around the house but your significant other needs to be able to handle the fact that you will be in a different state of mind and that med school comes first.

oh and dont forget you dont really dont get to spend much time with eachother.

i think on average i spend a night a week with her. other then that your studying while there doing everything else. having fun, watching tv etc.

moving in with someone is learning them on a different level completely. it is a huge adjustment period and could end up badly. that said its situational dependant.
however, is it doable? ABSOLUTELY.

 

[Dr Yiot]

My perspective on this is going to be a little different since I'm married and have a kid so take it as you will. My wife has been a source of both support and motivation through out this application season. When I got my first acceptance she was happier than I was. I can honestly say that without her and my son keeping me focused I wouldn't be where I am now. Now keep in mind we've known each other for over 7 years and have been married for 1.5 years so our relationship is pretty solid. Zoner my advice to you is If you have a strong relationship and you think this person will be a positive influence in your life jump right in and don't look back. She will drive you to do and be better. But if you relationship is rocky moving in could make things a lot worse.

exactly, my wife had been my backbone, and without her i would not be in med school or even performing at the level which i am in.

my only hesitation is that this is the first time hes living with her which is a pretty significant adjustment period. however, if the relationship is solid then yes go for it and dont look back

 

[zoner]

Here's a question for you zoner: what does your partner want you to do?

exactly, my wife had been my backbone, and without her i would not be in med school or even performing at the level which i am in.

my only hesitation is that this is the first time hes living with her which is a pretty significant adjustment period. however, if the relationship is solid then yes go for it and dont look back

Thanks for all the helpful advice.

My S/O's first wish is to move our relationship forward by living together despite the fact that it would mean more driving in SOCAL traffic. The right place for both of us will make the drive to school for me and work for my S/O quite horrendous. 30 minutes non rush hour traffic for me to school (Pomona)and about 1.5 hrs for my S/O (to Westwood) due to rush hour traffic.

The second option is to continue our 4 years old relationship as a long distance (we currently live about 30 minutes away from each other and we are more or less weekend lovers) and leave it at that, and plan on my residency as time when we could potentially find an agreeable place to live together for the first time. My S/O is currently at a really great job that pays a ton and it's one of those job that only takes place in LA.

By my staying here and starting this new cohabitant relationship, I will be giving up the school and location I like better (Ft Lauderdale).

And no, I am not totally interested nor totally sure about this person, but it is definitely ready for a change. I am so confused.....

 

[MedPR]

Is it a good idea to try officially living together with your s/o for the first time during your M1? Basically it would mean that we will be moving much more forward in our relationship. We have lived together before for two months during one summer and it was alright. I am just bit worried about the stress of doing that plus the stress of medical school. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

I lived with my girlfriend during her M1. She was never around. It was legit.

However, it seems like you'd prefer NSU to Western and would choose Western only to not do the long-distance thing..? Go to NSU. You'll meet a nice girl/guy there.

 

[n3xa]

Thanks for all the helpful advice.

My S/O's first wish is to move our relationship forward by living together despite the fact that it would mean more driving in SOCAL traffic. The right place for both of us will make the drive to school for me and work for my S/O quite horrendous. 30 minutes non rush hour traffic for me to school (Pomona)and about 1.5 hrs for my S/O (to Westwood) due to rush hour traffic.

The second option is to continue our 4 years old relationship as a long distance (we currently live about 30 minutes away from each other and we are more or less weekend lovers) and leave it at that, and plan on my residency as time when we could potentially find an agreeable place to live together for the first time. My S/O is currently at a really great job that pays a ton and it's one of those job that only takes place in LA.

By my staying here and starting this new cohabitant relationship, I will be giving up the school and location I like better (Ft Lauderdale).

And no, I am not totally interested nor totally sure about this person, but it is definitely ready for a change. I am so confused.....

(of California, that is)

 

[EndersRebutal]

Thanks for all the helpful advice.

My S/O's first wish is to move our relationship forward by living together despite the fact that it would mean more driving in SOCAL traffic. The right place for both of us will make the drive to school for me and work for my S/O quite horrendous. 30 minutes non rush hour traffic for me to school (Pomona)and about 1.5 hrs for my S/O (to Westwood) due to rush hour traffic.

The second option is to continue our 4 years old relationship as a long distance (we currently live about 30 minutes away from each other and we are more or less weekend lovers) and leave it at that, and plan on my residency as time when we could potentially find an agreeable place to live together for the first time. My S/O is currently at a really great job that pays a ton and it's one of those job that only takes place in LA.

By my staying here and starting this new cohabitant relationship, I will be giving up the school and location I like better (Ft Lauderdale).

And no, I am not totally interested nor totally sure about this person, but it is definitely ready for a change. I am so confused.....

I think you just answered your question here. If you're not sure about this person go to the school that you really want to go to. Long distance relationships suck but so does regretting a decision that costs you 4 years of your life in a place you don't like.

 

[zoner]

It will be really sad though because we do have a ton of fun when we are together and get along really well. just that i don't think i am in "love" with this person. But it would still be nice to "try it out" though when I actually have the chance to do so. I might never ever get a chance to do that again since who knows where both of us will be in four years. I might be being too selfish here since I can still become a doctor and feel that I can do well equally in both places.

 

[DrWily]

It will be really sad though because we do have a ton of fun when we are together and get along really well. just that i don't think i am in "love" with this person. But it would still be nice to "try it out" though when I actually have the chance to do so. I might never ever get a chance to do that again since who knows where both of us will be in four years. I might be being too selfish here since I can still become a doctor and feel that I can do well equally in both places.

Being together for 4 years and thinking you are not in "love" with this person is a troubling sign, but then again, I do not claim to be Dr. Phil.

Bottom line: if you were to lose this person due to moving to Florida, would you be ok with that? Can you live without this person?

If no, then you have your answer. If yes, then you have your answer.

 

[MedPR]

Being together for 4 years and thinking you are not in "love" with this person is a troubling sign, but then again, I do not claim to be Dr. Phil.

Bottom line: if you were to lose this person due to moving to Florida, would you be ok with that? Can you live without this person?

If no, then you have your answer. If yes, then you have your answer.

What if he doesn't know?

 

[sylvanthus]

It will be really sad though because we do have a ton of fun when we are together and get along really well. just that i don't think i am in "love" with this person. But it would still be nice to "try it out" though when I actually have the chance to do so. I might never ever get a chance to do that again since who knows where both of us will be in four years. I might be being too selfish here since I can still become a doctor and feel that I can do well equally in both places.

Omg do not move in together. This poor sap would actually think things were getting serious. Seriously after four years youre not in love with him? End it now and prevent future heartache. This makes me think you are just keeping this guy around cuz it is easy and like you said "fun". Youll drop him in a heartbeat when something better comes along. This will not end well.

 

[zoner]

Omg do not move in together. This poor sap would actually think things were getting serious. Seriously after four years youre not in love with him? End it now and prevent future heartache. This makes me think you are just keeping this guy around cuz it is easy and like you said "fun". Youll drop him in a heartbeat when something better comes along. This will not end well.

I don't know how I feel about this. I guess I'm a little jaded. I have been married before and been in serious relationships lasting 6 years. I just don't buy it that you have to love somebody before moving in. I however believe that by living together you are able toto find out if you are actually in love with this person or not. I mean what good is love if 2 people aren't compatible to live together? I mean if Western was the only school I have gotten into and the school I like the best then this would be really easy. We'd definitely move in and try to work something out and if somehow it doesn't work out we can always live separately but I have a lot better option I think

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[as1212559]

If you are saying that you don't think you are in love with him, for me the answer is no. If he isn't a top priority in your life, then the relationship is probably not compatible with med school.

 

[Oo Cipher oO]

If a relationship is not solid then medical school will eat it up. Don't put this poor smuck through this. Your heart is trying to tell you what's right. Follow it to Florida.