crimsonkid85

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Jul 3, 2006
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I've never paid very much attention to the size my hands -- mostly because while they ARE a bit small, they are by no means tiny.

Until, that is today.

My intern and I went into a patient's room to do a prostate exam. Now, you have to realize -- on our medicine service, it's really intense and interns get smashed with work, so med students are largely overlooked. I wasn't expecting to do anything except maybe hold a butt cheek or so, you know?

After we explained to the patient why we needed to do a prostate exam, he flat out said no. After much cajoling, he looked at us both back and forth, pointed at me, and said, "I want HIM to do the exam."

After recovering from the shock of being asked to do ANYTHING, I realized I couldn't make up my mind whether to be excited to get to do something finally, or feeling screwed over because now I get to push my hand into the rectum of a 300lb patient.

Needless to say, the procedure wasn't pleasant. Sometimes I've wondered how morbidly obese people wipe their butts clean. Now I know -- they can't. There was little dried dollops of poop on rectal hairs everywhere. I felt like I was navigating a minefield. There was so much buttcheek that by the time I could work my index finger in, it looked like my wrist was completely gone.

Afterwards, the intern curiously asked the patient, "so why did you ask crimsonkid to do the exam?"

The patient looked at me, deadpan, and said, "are you kidding? he had the smallest fingers."
 

cabinbuilder

Urgent Care Physician
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Nov 21, 2005
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It's ok, I can't feel the prostate either. Yes, obese people can't get totally clean. Be happy it was the rectum and not a pelvic exam where you have the MA hold the pannus up just to visualize the **** as the odor smacks you in the face. I hope every day that it's never the first patient of the morning so I don't have to smell **** odor in my nose all day. Nasty.
 

Superman DO

Oh crap, I'm really a doctor?
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Nov 16, 2009
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It's ok, I can't feel the prostate either. Yes, obese people can't get totally clean. Be happy it was the rectum and not a pelvic exam where you have the MA hold the pannus up just to visualize the **** as the odor smacks you in the face. I hope every day that it's never the first patient of the morning so I don't have to smell **** odor in my nose all day. Nasty.
I was performing a speculum exam on an obese lady, and the smell was absolutely horrid. I was trying to find her cervix, and after a minute or two without locating it, she decides to tell my attending and me she had a total hysterectomy. fml that day.
 

cabinbuilder

Urgent Care Physician
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All in a days work. Reminds me of reader's digest.
 

Kaustikos

Archerize It
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Jan 18, 2008
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I was performing a speculum exam on an obese lady, and the smell was absolutely horrid. I was trying to find her cervix, and after a minute or two without locating it, she decides to tell my attending and me she had a total hysterectomy. fml that day.
God... Nothing worse than lifting a way folds of fat to uncover smells only garbage men should be familiar with. Like... do you even wash?
Mine was 400 lbs and... had 7 kids. Someone has been having sex with this woman and that smell. I imagine he must have anosmia...
 

Instatewaiter

But... there's a troponin
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Apr 28, 2006
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I like clinic but there is nothing worse than having a 350 walrus come into your clinic and talk for 15 minutes about whatever really isn't her complaint and just as she's waddling out the door, turns around and says, "Oh yeah, I have a lot of smelly vaginal discharge"

I mean for F.ucks sake, you and I both know that's why you came to the goddamn doctor and instead of coming right out with it, you wasted the whole appointment and now I have to go into the next appointment to do a pelvic exam on a walrus. You and I both know your chubby vaginal walls are going to invade the side of my speculum so I won't be able to see **** anyway.

So every other patient I see today is going to be delayed and i get to get chlamydia on my hands. I mean, who decided to have sex with you anyway? I mean fu.ck.

And that's why I no longer do internal medicine.
 

NurWollen

Strong with the Force
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Dec 27, 2007
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I like clinic but there is nothing worse than having a 350 walrus come into your clinic and talk for 15 minutes about whatever really isn't her complaint and just as she's waddling out the door, turns around and says, "Oh yeah, I have a lot of smelly vaginal discharge"

I mean for F.ucks sake, you and I both know that's why you came to the goddamn doctor and instead of coming right out with it, you wasted the whole appointment and now I have to go into the next appointment to do a pelvic exam on a walrus. You and I both know your chubby vaginal walls are going to invade the side of my speculum so I won't be able to see **** anyway.

So every other patient I see today is going to be delayed and i get to get chlamydia on my hands. I mean, who decided to have sex with you anyway? I mean fu.ck.

And that's why I no longer do internal medicine.
Did you just come off a horrible day at work or something?
 

e30ftw

peace
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Feb 23, 2012
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congrats dude you made it through your first rectal. only 15000 more to go and you may have enough $$$ to retire.
 

ruralsurg4now

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g8orlife

chomp
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u
Got news for you, nobody in internal medicine does pelvic exams on anyone, last I checked.
umm..... what about when the internist is working in the ECA, in a rural setting, or in a clinic?
 

ruralsurg4now

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umm..... what about when the internist is working in the ECA, in a rural setting, or in a clinic?
Anything's possible, but generally still no.
 

cabinbuilder

Urgent Care Physician
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u

umm..... what about when the internist is working in the ECA, in a rural setting, or in a clinic?
Don't see many Internists in the rural setting - they don't know how to do anything in the procedural sense. They don't see kids. They don't do WWE. They write Rx's. Rural clinic generally will take FP over IM due to the versitility.
 

g8orlife

chomp
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Rural clinic generally will take FP over IM due to the versitility.
^Never knew that, but it makes sense.

BTW, I didn't mean to write ECA. I'm just used to doing it at my current hospital where they use ECA instead of ED/ER.
ECA = Emergency Care Area