Quantcast

Jokes/Stories

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.

iPremed

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
113
Reaction score
0

Members don't see this ad.
Anyone want to share jokes or short stories to relieve the stress of upcoming finals??
 

mmmcdowe

Duke of minimal vowels
Staff member
Administrator
Volunteer Staff
10+ Year Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2008
Messages
9,876
Reaction score
1,834
Anyone want to share jokes or short stories to relieve the stress of upcoming finals??

I recently had an interviewer whose name was Dr. McCool. I totally was hoping he'd show up in a leather jacket and shades. :cool: I could help but go "heeeeyyy" and make the shooting fingers gesture.
 

Diksha

Special Cake Censor
10+ Year Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
157
Reaction score
0
Farmer can't get his chickens to lay eggs, so he asks a physicist to help him out, like one normally does in these situations. The physicist deliberates over his problem for hours, scribbling furiously all over the blackboard that the farmer kindly provided him. Finally, he comes up to the farmer and says "I have a solution, but it only works on spherical chickens in a vacuum."

I apologize if you saw this joke on the television some time. That's where I got it.
 

wepio

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2008
Messages
238
Reaction score
0
Um... What do you call a cow with no legs?












Ground beef!

Har har har. (I know, it was lame. Fail. :( )
 

Twiigg

Membership Revoked
Removed
10+ Year Member
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
1,913
Reaction score
0
I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves. :love:



n2204911489_38309.jpg
 

MrBurns10

Excellent, Smithers
Moderator Emeritus
10+ Year Member
7+ Year Member
Joined
Jul 14, 2005
Messages
2,750
Reaction score
12
Um... What do you call a cow with no legs?



Ground beef!
And the obligatory bovine follow-up joke:

What do you call cows masturbating in the pasture?






Beef stroganoff
 

wepio

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2008
Messages
238
Reaction score
0
And the obligatory bovine follow-up joke:

What do you call cows masturbating in the pasture?

Beef stroganoff

:laugh: That was funny. Nothing beats crude and childish humor at a time of stress like this.
 

GoldShadow

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
1,261
Reaction score
4
Electrons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.
 

LossForWords

PGY-1
10+ Year Member
5+ Year Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2008
Messages
4,388
Reaction score
19
Two atoms are walking down the street. One of them suddently stops and starts looking around desperately.

The first atom says, "What's wrong?"

The second atom says, "I just lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" says the first one.

"Yes! I'm positive!"
 

GoSpursGo

SDN Chief Administrator
Staff member
Administrator
10+ Year Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2008
Messages
35,273
Reaction score
13,360
Electrons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.

Haha... oh man, I saw a shirt with a really unfortunate twist on this joke, using PHOTONS.

*sigh* of all the particles they could have chosen, they had to go choose the only one that actually DOESN'T have mass? :(
 

funkydrmonkey

They Call Me Dr. Funkmonk
10+ Year Member
7+ Year Member
Joined
May 10, 2007
Messages
6,292
Reaction score
7
How do you hide a $100 bill from an internist?

-- Put it under a dressing.

How do you hide a $100 bill from an orthopod?

-- put it in a book.

How do you hide a $100 bill from a neurosurgeon?

-- tape it to his kid's forehead

How do you hide a $100 bill from a plastic surgeon?

-- You can't.

How do you hide $100 from a pediatrician?

--You don't need to. It's been so long since they've seen $ they won't recognize it.

How do you hide a hundred dollar bill from a radiologist?

--Tape it to a patient's forehead.

How do you hide $500 from an orthopod?

--Put it in a book - with no pictures.

How do you hide $100 from an EM doc?

--You just - hey, what's that shiny thing? Wanna ride bikes?
 

mmmcdowe

Duke of minimal vowels
Staff member
Administrator
Volunteer Staff
10+ Year Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2008
Messages
9,876
Reaction score
1,834
How do you hide a $100 bill from an internist?

-- Put it under a dressing.

How do you hide a $100 bill from an orthopod?

-- put it in a book.

How do you hide a $100 bill from a neurosurgeon?

-- tape it to his kid's forehead

How do you hide a $100 bill from a plastic surgeon?

-- You can't.

How do you hide $100 from a pediatrician?

--You don't need to. It's been so long since they've seen $ they won't recognize it.

How do you hide a hundred dollar bill from a radiologist?

--Tape it to a patient's forehead.

How do you hide $500 from an orthopod?

--Put it in a book - with no pictures.

How do you hide $100 from an EM doc?

--You just - hey, what's that shiny thing? Wanna ride bikes?

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:
 
Members don't see this ad :)

scrubslover

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
289
Reaction score
0
An electron is driving his car, looks down at his speedometer and says "oh no, I'm lost."

*note: Think Heisenberg's uncertainty principle*
 

mgirl21

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2008
Messages
413
Reaction score
0
Farmer can't get his chickens to lay eggs, so he asks a physicist to help him out, like one normally does in these situations. The physicist deliberates over his problem for hours, scribbling furiously all over the blackboard that the farmer kindly provided him. Finally, he comes up to the farmer and says "I have a solution, but it only works on spherical chickens in a vacuum."

I apologize if you saw this joke on the television some time. That's where I got it.

Big Bang Theory!!! Love it! :)
 

suizyme09

I haz a flavor
10+ Year Member
Joined
Aug 20, 2008
Messages
147
Reaction score
3
An electron is driving his car, looks down at his speedometer and says "oh no, I'm lost."

*note: Think Heisenberg's uncertainty principle*

Heisenberg is driving home from a convention one day when he sees lights from a cop in his mirror and pulls over. After coming to a stop the cop gets out and walks to Heisenberg's window and shines the light in his face. The cop asks "do you know how fast you were going?". Heisenberg looks back at him and says "No....but I can tell you where I am!"
 

TooMuchResearch

i'm goin' to Kathmandu...
Lifetime Donor
10+ Year Member
Joined
Oct 21, 2008
Messages
5,844
Reaction score
2,023
An imam, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
 

spidgett

spidgett
10+ Year Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2008
Messages
28
Reaction score
0
where did the General keep his army?






....in his sleeve-y!
 

Chemdude

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2008
Messages
1,656
Reaction score
169
"I'm not being obtuse, but your acute girl."

This was found in someone's medical records:

"Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized."
 

Pedsbro

Full Member
10+ Year Member
7+ Year Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2008
Messages
860
Reaction score
3
bump...

How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
-That depends on whether it has health insurance.

How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
-None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant.

What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
-One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
 

silverhorse84

Full Member
10+ Year Member
5+ Year Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2008
Messages
959
Reaction score
1


Haha, I totally do that! :)

Here's one I thought was funny:

Hank Smith gets home from work one day and finds his wife has been crying. "What's wrong?" he asks.
"John, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I've got a pretty *****."
"WHAT?" he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard and storms down to the doctor's office and through the reception area.
Without knocking he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, "You flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty *****!"
The doctor replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina."










And another:




A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."









:)


 

Similar threads

Replies
130
Views
6K
chiripero
C
Replies
3
Views
337
HumidBeing
H
Replies
6
Views
318
nikibean
N
Top