Jokes/Stories

[iPremed]

Anyone want to share jokes or short stories to relieve the stress of upcoming finals??

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[mmmcdowe]

Anyone want to share jokes or short stories to relieve the stress of upcoming finals??

I recently had an interviewer whose name was Dr. McCool. I totally was hoping he'd show up in a leather jacket and shades. I could help but go "heeeeyyy" and make the shooting fingers gesture.

 

[Diksha]

Farmer can't get his chickens to lay eggs, so he asks a physicist to help him out, like one normally does in these situations. The physicist deliberates over his problem for hours, scribbling furiously all over the blackboard that the farmer kindly provided him. Finally, he comes up to the farmer and says "I have a solution, but it only works on spherical chickens in a vacuum."

I apologize if you saw this joke on the television some time. That's where I got it.

 

[wepio]

Um... What do you call a cow with no legs?












Ground beef!

Har har har. (I know, it was lame. Fail. )

 

[Twiigg]

I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

 

[Pedsbro]

I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

 

[MrBurns10]

Um... What do you call a cow with no legs?



Ground beef!

And the obligatory bovine follow-up joke:

What do you call cows masturbating in the pasture?






Beef stroganoff

 

[wepio]

And the obligatory bovine follow-up joke:

What do you call cows masturbating in the pasture?

Beef stroganoff

That was funny. Nothing beats crude and childish humor at a time of stress like this.

 

[GoldShadow]

Electrons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.

 

[LossForWords]

Two atoms are walking down the street. One of them suddently stops and starts looking around desperately.

The first atom says, "What's wrong?"

The second atom says, "I just lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" says the first one.

"Yes! I'm positive!"

 

[GoSpursGo]

Electrons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.

Haha... oh man, I saw a shirt with a really unfortunate twist on this joke, using PHOTONS.

*sigh* of all the particles they could have chosen, they had to go choose the only one that actually DOESN'T have mass?

 

[funkydrmonkey]

How do you hide a $100 bill from an internist?

-- Put it under a dressing.

How do you hide a $100 bill from an orthopod?

-- put it in a book.

How do you hide a $100 bill from a neurosurgeon?

-- tape it to his kid's forehead

How do you hide a $100 bill from a plastic surgeon?

-- You can't.

How do you hide $100 from a pediatrician?

--You don't need to. It's been so long since they've seen $ they won't recognize it.

How do you hide a hundred dollar bill from a radiologist?

--Tape it to a patient's forehead.

How do you hide $500 from an orthopod?

--Put it in a book - with no pictures.

How do you hide $100 from an EM doc?

--You just - hey, what's that shiny thing? Wanna ride bikes?

 

[mmmcdowe]

How do you hide a $100 bill from an internist?

-- Put it under a dressing.

How do you hide a $100 bill from an orthopod?

-- put it in a book.

How do you hide a $100 bill from a neurosurgeon?

-- tape it to his kid's forehead

How do you hide a $100 bill from a plastic surgeon?

-- You can't.

How do you hide $100 from a pediatrician?

--You don't need to. It's been so long since they've seen $ they won't recognize it.

How do you hide a hundred dollar bill from a radiologist?

--Tape it to a patient's forehead.

How do you hide $500 from an orthopod?

--Put it in a book - with no pictures.

How do you hide $100 from an EM doc?

--You just - hey, what's that shiny thing? Wanna ride bikes?

 

[scrubslover]

An electron is driving his car, looks down at his speedometer and says "oh no, I'm lost."

*note: Think Heisenberg's uncertainty principle*

 

[mgirl21]

Farmer can't get his chickens to lay eggs, so he asks a physicist to help him out, like one normally does in these situations. The physicist deliberates over his problem for hours, scribbling furiously all over the blackboard that the farmer kindly provided him. Finally, he comes up to the farmer and says "I have a solution, but it only works on spherical chickens in a vacuum."

I apologize if you saw this joke on the television some time. That's where I got it.

Big Bang Theory!!! Love it!

 

[iPremed]

http://www.xkcd.com/192/

http://xkcd.com/58/

 

[suizyme09]

An electron is driving his car, looks down at his speedometer and says "oh no, I'm lost."

*note: Think Heisenberg's uncertainty principle*

Heisenberg is driving home from a convention one day when he sees lights from a cop in his mirror and pulls over. After coming to a stop the cop gets out and walks to Heisenberg's window and shines the light in his face. The cop asks "do you know how fast you were going?". Heisenberg looks back at him and says "No....but I can tell you where I am!"

 

[erskine]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPdFrW076R0

stephen lynch is a funny dude.
be warned: subject matter is crude and foul language used

 

[chemnerd89]

Electrons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.

lol

 

[suizyme09]

http://www.explosm.net/comics/1485/ absolutely hilarious comics, some of them are a bit gross or offensive so you know lol

 

[TooMuchResearch]

An imam, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

 

[spidgett]

where did the General keep his army?






....in his sleeve-y!

 

[iPremed]

http://www.explosm.net/comics/1485/ absolutely hilarious comics, some of them are a bit gross or offensive so you know lol

haha i like this one: http://www.explosm.net/comics/720/

 

[Chemdude]

"I'm not being obtuse, but your acute girl."

This was found in someone's medical records:

"Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized."

 

[Pedsbro]

bump...

How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
-That depends on whether it has health insurance.

How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
-None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant.

What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
-One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

 

[silverhorse84]

haha i like this one: http://www.explosm.net/comics/720/

Haha, I totally do that!

Here's one I thought was funny:

Hank Smith gets home from work one day and finds his wife has been crying. "What's wrong?" he asks.
"John, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I've got a pretty *****."
"WHAT?" he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard and storms down to the doctor's office and through the reception area.
Without knocking he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, "You flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty *****!"
The doctor replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina."










And another:




A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."











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