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Just a rant

Discussion in 'Medical Students - MD' started by Woman88, Nov 6, 2018.

  1. Woman88

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    Hi people,

    I had a social degree before getting into medical school. For the past few months I never felt in place in medical school and didn't like my classmates or the doctors. I dreamt about being a doctor since I was little.. Helping others, being empathic and liked the autonomy of the profession. Old classmates and family made it to medical school and I just wanted to proof to myself and other that I could do it too. Since the beginning I tried my hardest to motivate myself to pick up a book to read about anatomy, histology and such. But didn't really like reading anything about the subjects in medical school. I don't like the prospect of giving my life for medicine and having no balance. I didn't like the constant rat race of being in competition with my classmates. But I liked the the prospect of helping others and gaining knowledge about health and helping someone further, especially being a crohn's patient myself and knowing how it feels to be a patient.

    Now I'm at a point I avoid going to class, don't like the books, patients make me a bit anxious, don't like my books and try to go around it.
    I have no appetite for a week, a racing heart and not feel like my happy self.

    At this point I just want out.. But feel like failing myself.

    Did anybody feel this way?
    Do I have good enough reasons to quit?
     
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  3. puahate

    puahate Probationary Status
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    Why not just work hard enough to get into family medicine and do a MPH?
     
  4. Horners

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    People who like medicine and WANT to become doctors struggle in Med school. I can only imagine how difficult it must be if you don’t even want to do it.

    Save yourself time, money and heartache and go do something that you want to do.

    You need to have an honest talk with yourself and your parents.

    Just please have a back up plan so that you don’t flop in life. People who have social degrees typically go into law, business, Human Resources, social work, education among many other things. (And all of those careers have a capacity to help people as well, though not exactly in the way medicine helps people). I would spend time looking at those options.


    Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
     
  5. seaturtle98

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    You definitely have enough reasons to seek out a counseling situation, and I would heartily recommend that first before making any rash decisions that will affect your future.
     
  6. AnatomyGrey12

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    Do you really have to though?

    Are you really though?

    I think the first step is realizing that some of the reasons that you are so turned off by medicine are built on a false premise. There are lots of specialties where you can have a great life/work balance and that you don't need to be in competition with your classmates. Who cares how they do. Just take care of your own stuff and worry about how YOU are doing. The rat race is an artificial construct that doesn't need to exist for you.
     
  7. Woman88

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    I know that in my mind.. And started to tell myself that too. I was perfectly fine with becoming a gp. But now I feel so unhappy.
    I detest my classmates and knowing that will be my future Co workers just don't seem appealling.
    Plus I don't like reading about anatomy, histology, physiology.. Isn't that enough reason? Or am I just down?
     
  8. AnatomyGrey12

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    I think you need to talk to a counselor. You could just be going through a rough patch, or it could be more than that and that medicine simply isn't for you. I don't think you are going to find any answers on here though, so I highly suggest that you get some counseling from your school before you make any life altering decisions.
     
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  9. AnatomyGrey12

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    Although honestly no one really loves reading those things. If we loved it so much we would be in school to be anatomists instead of physicians.
     
  10. Chibucks15

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    First year is absolutely brutal. It was extremely hard for me to get motivated and actually want to learn things. Second year and beyond are actual medicine. I've honestly found second year to be leaps and bounds better. Definitely go talk to someone....they have better, more specific answers for you than us. And in terms of having to work with your classmates, you will come across hundreds of doctors that aren't your classmates so don't worry too much. You'll have the same interaction that other people have with their co-workers
     
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  11. AnatomyGrey12

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    To build on the last point, remember that different fields of medicine have different personalities that are drawn to them. Just because you are in medical school with people doesn't mean that they will be the kind of people you will be interacting with on a daily basis.
     
  12. AlbinoHawk DO

    AlbinoHawk DO PeeGeeWai Osteopath
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    You sound like someone going into preventative medicine or another of these gimmick specialties for people that can't handle medicine but have no choice but to stay in it because of the student loans
     
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  13. Goro

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    Go see a doctor ASAP.
     
  14. Planes2Doc

    Planes2Doc Residency is ruff!
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    Medical school was probably more cliquish than middle school and high school. I went to a school where lectures weren't mandatory, so I showed up for mandatory labs and lectures only. Most people had no idea who I was. Lucky for me, I am from Chicago and went to school in Chicago, therefore just hung out with all of my old friends. I ended medical school with maybe 2 or 3 people I keep in touch with. Otherwise, I have noticed that people from my medical school class never like or comment on my Facebook posts, and have slowly been deleting me from their friend lists. Medical school is 4 years, and after that you will never have to see these people ever again.

    If you're going through what I just mentioned, this may be contributing to depression or some other underlying psychiatric condition. I would see your school's therapist to talk things through ASAP, and psychiatrist as well. You have worked long and hard to get here...
     
  15. Woman88

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    I will be talking to one tommorow..
     
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  16. Woman88

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    And say what?
     
  17. Woman88

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    Of course.. I know that.
    But didn't all the people LOVE to learn about biology?
     
  18. Woman88

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    Well in every study there are things you don't like.. But I'm dragging my feet even showing up in class. I'm staring at books telling myself... I could have been a empathic doctor but not if I'm trading my sanity, serenity and if I'm detesting the material. Sure reading about to be ethically a better doctor sparks my interest.. But I have no interest of memorizing a endocrine pathway, memorizing muscle contraction. I thought I could put my mind to zero and just memorize but I'm detesting the whole 'stressed!' environment.
    And this point I would like to do something without being in a environment of constant stress, competition, having no life balance.
    I never felt this way and used to have a spark when I thought about medicine. My heart would skip a beat.

    But maybe that was just childish thoughts?
     
  19. Woman88

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    Well I haven't made any friends in the past 2 months even though I would talk to the classmates. I would tell myself all the time.. I'm here for myself.. So this is just temporarily.
    Maybe we felt the same in that sense.. But didn't you love getting to know more about diseases and physiology? The more I learn about it.. The more I think I can't memorize these facts.
     
  20. Chibucks15

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    Like we've said. First year isn't what being a doctor is so don't look too much into it. Push through. Its just making sure everyone is on the same level (roughly) when you need those science basics in order to understand actual medicine. Countless doctors I've talked to laugh at even attempting to remember nonsense from M1, but it is a necessary evil.

    I was in your same shoes with how you're feeling, and second year then clinical years its actually learning to be a doctor. Just do the best you can and talk to a counselor. If you need a refresher why you're doing this, go shadow or something like that. It helps. But seriously, all of medical school isn't like first year so don't let it bog you down
     
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  21. Planes2Doc

    Planes2Doc Residency is ruff!
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    I loved learning about all of that after the hell of first year. I blocked out the horrors such as gross anatomy. I enjoyed microbiology and other stuff like that during MS-2.
     
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  22. Woman88

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    At this point I just don't see myself push through at all. Not emotionally or mentally..

    What makes clinical medicine different?
     
  23. Goro

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    Well if you have to ask that question, I suggest that you take a leave of absence or withdraw from medical school.
     
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  24. Chibucks15

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    You actually are learning stuff that you can relate to saving a patient. You are learning how to be a doctor. The pointless pathways all fade away and you never have to really think about them again.

    If you can't push through then take a leave of absence. Talking to a psychiatrist or something along those lines is a must for you at this point. This process isn't easy or everyone would do it. The fact that you are in a medical school in the US proves that you have what it takes. Now its all about just putting your nose to the grindstone for a while, but go talk to someone and develop strategies to deal with your troubles.
     
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  25. ortnakas

    ortnakas DO PGY-1
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    I’m an intern. I hated MS1, and I love PGY1. If you talk to a counselor and family and friends and whoever else is important to you and decide medicine’s not for you, that’s fine. But don’t abandon the whole field because of this first awful semester.

    short version: real word application and human interaction
     
  26. Woman88

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    It's not like I don't see the issues. I just meant how would you pronounce the main issue?
     
  27. Goro

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    Just repeat everything you stated in your OP
     
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  28. AnatomyGrey12

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    First semester for me was all the class you are taking now. It sucked.

    If you are feeling this way in medical school then you are doing it wrong. Medical school is hard but it shouldn't be what you are describing.

    It is a possibility you had very unrealistic expectations of what medicine is. I mean didn't you shadow at all? Didn't you have to take science classes in college? Did you at least tolerate those?

    Because it's completely different than the first 2 years of medical school.

    Yeah you're doing it wrong. I've already made some very close friends in medical school. It honestly sounds like you are making medical school this daily torture when it really shouldn't be.

    Again, the advice you need is to talk to a counselor/therapist. You need to tell them everything you've shared in this thread.
     
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  29. Goro

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    Yup.
    /thread
     
  30. ciestar

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    You sound depressed. Want to know why i think this? This is the EXACT attitude I had first and second year. I became disenchanted with medicine. I wanted to drop out because i hated the preclinical stuff so much. I didn’t make a single friend and the isolation was breaking me down day by day. I didn’t want to study either, so I didn’t until I had to crammed. Then i failed so many exams which just led me down a worse path of feeling bad, hating medicine... rinse and repeat.

    Seek counseling. If you need a psychiatrist, do that too. If you can’t handle all of this, take a LOA. If you’re 100% sure you don’t want to be a doctor, i’d give it up sooner rather than later.
     
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  31. lady1

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    What are the tell tale signs of not wanting to be a doctor anymore? Plausible reasons that people consider right for quitting?
     
  32. lady1

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    My science classes weren't my strong points..
     
  33. ACSurgeon

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    A few things:
    Depression/anxiety could be playing a role, go see a psychiatrist.

    First year classes are dry and can feel very irrelevant and some professors make them even more painful. Second year is more stressful but clearly relevant to diagnosing and treating disease.

    Motivation: wanting to help people is not a sustainable reason to go through school and residency. A lot of patients can’t be helped. The vast majority won’t be cured. The idealistic idea that premed have never pans out. Furthermore, there is so much to overcome in terms of doing things you don’t want to (studying for exams, scut work etc) and abuse (professors, senior residents and attendings) that your motivation will be crushed if it’s just about helping others. Now, wanting to help others must be part of the reason we do what we do, but can’t be the main or only reason. If it was, go become a nurse, a social worker, a homeless shelter worker etc etc.

    Sustainable motivation:
    - loving the science (mostly second year topics and beyond). This becomes easier as you progress over the years, and especially easy if you find a specialty you truly enjoy. I loved reading from my surgery texts as a resident 100x more than anything first or second year. Granted, I only had 5-10 hours a week to read, which is a far cry from the amount of time spent as a pre-clinical student.
    - self motivation. Work ethic, satisfaction from accomplishing difficult tasks etc. while I never want to hurt any of my patients (because I think what if this was my family member etc), a very strong motivator is being somewhat shellfish and not wanting to perform badly when diagnosis disease or fixing it surgically.
    - money (and prestige). I think for many people in medicine who say they’re not in it for the money they’re lying to some extent. Again, many many other professions involve working with people and helping other etc for a fraction for what physicians make (and much less glamor). It’s ok to be honest and have this be PART of your motivation. This can’t be your main motivation either because the payout is so far out into the future you’ll burn out before you get there.

    Seek help. Reflect on the above. If you have enough reasons to stay, then stay (after you’ve addressed any possible depression or anxiety). If not, leave.
     
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  34. ACSurgeon

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    Are you the OP with two accounts?
     
  35. AnatomyGrey12

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    This should be stickied.
     
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  36. VA Hopeful Dr

    VA Hopeful Dr Senior Member
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    This post is damned near perfect.
     
  37. OrthoTraumaMD

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    You “detest” your classmates (yikes that’s a strong word) and the material, and didn’t articulate very good reasons as to why you went to med school in the first place in your OP. “Helping people” can be done in other professions. If this isn’t depression talking (a therapist can determine), it sounds like this was never the right field for you.


    Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
     
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  38. Goro

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    Mods, PLEASE sticky!!!!
     
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  39. DO2015CA

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    Nah, the first two years blew big booty hole but I knew I loved the relationships and clinical medicine so I chugged through it.
     
  40. Merely

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    Preventative medicine is among the most important fields in medicine. Who’s more valuable, the guy that places the stent or the guy that prevents the MI in the first place? The sooner people start understanding that the better off we’ll all be...
     
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  41. Planes2Doc

    Planes2Doc Residency is ruff!
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    You took the words straight out of my mouth.
     
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  42. AlbinoHawk DO

    AlbinoHawk DO PeeGeeWai Osteopath
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    In theory, I agree, but in the real world, you're not going to save everyone and you're not going to be paid anywhere close to what stenting does.
     
  43. Ho0v-man

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    Lol no. People “LOVE” the idea of prestige and money. A lot of your classmates “LOVE” fields they’ve had no exposure to in or out of med school bc they think other people will think they’re a badass and bc they’ve googled the salary.

    Sadly, the people going into this with any real desire to benefit society are few and far between. And the training will likely beat that spark of virtue out of them anyway.

    Except peds subspecialists. God bless those underpaid heroes.
     
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  44. VA Hopeful Dr

    VA Hopeful Dr Senior Member
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    Pretty sure Scrubs figured this out 15 years ago, something about chicks, money, power, and chicks?
     
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  45. evilbooyaa

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    I think all potential medical students should have to watch at least the first season or two of Scrubs.
     
  46. Chibucks15

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    Everything except the last season. I'm telling ya that would do a lot more for 'well-being' in school rather than mandatory lectures on nothing
     
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  47. ortnakas

    ortnakas DO PGY-1
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    Mandatory Scrubs would probably do more for me than mandatory other-wellness-activities.

    Except season 9, which doesn't count and we should all pretend doesn't exist.
     
  48. Ho0v-man

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    Maaan I totally blocked out season 9! I was wondering what all the hate was about bc I liked season 8.
     
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