Thanks, Luxian.
It's possible, but it takes work and a lot of open frank communication. And a lot of honesty on your part. It's not easy to look at your spouse and say "I know I'm being a total !(@*# these past few days and I'm really sorry.. but I'm TOTALLY stressed out, I have way too much work to do and I just want to cry but there just isn't time, and I really really love you and absolutely don't appreciate you enough but so help me you're going to retire when I'm done. And I'd really love it if you could help me learn this stuff." They'll quickly say "no thanks"; then make sure you take 20 minutes to just sit on the couch and cuddle. Nothing else. Just relax. I can't count the number of hours my husband was sleeping with his head or feet in my lap while I had piles of books all around me. And it was really wonderful just to be together. And relaxing to stroke his feet or his hair absentmindedly while I was highlighting whatever the topic du jour was. You also have a responsibility to take the evening after exams OFF. Watch stupid movies every once in a while (they're good for you). Garden. Fix stuff at home. But do it together. The normal everyday things become special when you do them together. We actually look forward to going grocery shopping together because it's something we do
together.
It also takes a spouse with the patience of a saint, a strong character, the best cheerleading skills, a stiff boot to kick you in the rear, and soft but strong arms to fall into at the end of the day.
The M3 year. well, I'm going to be about an hour and half away from home. Yeah, it'll totally suck. But we both realize that in the grand scheme of things it's not long. And there will occassionally be weekends I can come home... they can come up and bring me lunch or dinner sometimes... but it's not that long really. I suppose we're fortunate that neither one of us has ever had a "normal" 9-5 daytime job. Always a pager, always weird hours, always changing schedules, always subject to late nights (or mornings) when we just couldn't call home to say "I'll be late" so we already have that understanding.
As for you missing your child's formative years: Nah. I actually do NOT do schoolwork when my kids are home and awake (ok, except for listening to Goljan while watching my son's little league games). I make dinner every night. I help with homework. We go shopping together. Your child will be sleeping quite a bit... make sure there's a decent schedule and you should have most evenings totally free, as well as several hours in the middle of the day on weekends to hit the books. (I miss those nap times from when my kids were young!!!!) My husband does the laundry, takes out the trash, helps clean the house, my kids have chores (which take more time on my part riding their rear-ends to make sure they actually do the chore vs. me doing it myself), and I even make homemade cookies (always a good study reward). And we're building an addition to the house and fixing/remodeling the interior. Slowly. Very slowly.
Good luck. It's doable. Make sure you don't eat nasty crappy takeout food too much - you won't have the energy to keep on top of it all. Take care of yourself and your family during med school - the stress will eat you from the inside out if you don't. You'll find your choices of what you do to relax will change to be more family centered during med school. Enjoy the ride.