English Chick said:
I think it's very sweet that so many dads replied to this thread, but honestly, as a woman hoping/planning to have my first child while in medical school, it doesn't surprise me (or encourage me, particularly) to hear that male medical students find it "do-able" to become a parent during medical school, especially since they are married to stay-at-home moms!
Any other women out there who have made this work?? Please! We need to hear from you!
So I'm MS1, and pregnant (14 weeks) with our first child, due October 31 - my friends in class call it my "boo date!" I'm the first gal in my class to have a baby - it's a great honor and since we're doing endocrine in phys right now, I feel as if all eyes are on me, wondering what hormones MY placenta is churning out! Something like 5 or 6 of the guys have pregnant wives, but I agree English Chick, it's an entirely different "do-able" situation for the guys and the girls, since our society still equates women with the primary caregiver, and in many situations, sole, caregiver. No debates please.
Believe me, it's always "Gee, what are YOU going to do next fall?" Not one single person has asked, "What's your HUSBAND going to do next fall?" I'm lucky that my hubby, as an architect, works out of the house 3 days a week, so we too will have a 50/50 caregiver schedule.
I REALLY think that your first or second years are ideal for having a baby - that way your child will be at least 3 or 4 before intern year and able to understand that mommy needs to go help the sick children. As for #2 or #3, I'm not quite sure and think we might do that at the end of 4th year, so that I can take some time off before starting residency...one baby at a time, however!!!
Much of your choice will depend on your school - do your homework and talk with your dean of student affairs, other students, see what resources you have. At our school where we get all of our notes on Day 1 issued from our professors and only have to show up for tests and the occasional small group/PBL session. Our school is also VERY family friendly (a reason I chose it over other "name" schools - I've seen some of the guys bring their babies to class when their wives were busy, there are lactation rooms in the adjacent University Hospital and our financial aid will be upped to pay for any and all childcare as a necessary school expense, much like books or your stethoscope!)
Personally, our baby is already helping mommy out by "choosing" a due date 3 weeks after midterms, but still 7 weeks before finals. The pregnancy has also been rather easy, thusfar, with the expected but limited nausea and fatigue. My biggest complaint is that I keep fainting when I'm working with my preceptor or during volunteer clinics and preclinical rounds during electives and medical interview in the hospital - I've learned to just quietly take a seat, even if I am the only one sitting besides the patient!!! It's better than a full on Victorian Swoon!
If I'm not on bedrest or experience complications, I'm planning on dramatically cutting back on lecture attendance and we are hiring one of the wives of one of my classmates to "sit" for us 3 afternoons a week while I study in the next room. I plan on finishing up 2nd year, taking the boards and then taking 3-6 months off before startng clinical rotations - another option at our school. I've done enough electives and community service as an MS1 to have some time in the bank, if you will, that I should graduate on time or at the most, a semester late. HOWEVER, my hubby and I have a pact (we shook on it) that flexibility and adaptability is crucial to our family's and our personal success. With that in mind, if we get a "spirited" baby (i.e. fussy) or find it's too taxing, I will go part-time for the next two years. It doesn't bother me - I just feel so priveleged at the prospect of being both a mom and a doc, in that order.
I'm "older" - 33 and so my window of fertility is perhaps not as open as others - if you're 23, you might want to consider waiting until you are my age. But my husband and I knew that of the next 7 fertile years, these were the most flexible and least regimented as far as time and availability.
I also think your personality is important, too. I'm not a gunner, I consider myself an ambitious, albeit balanced student with good time-management skills who is not afraid to ask for help. I'm the likeable, young looking (no-one believes I'm over 25), atheletic type with a positive attitude and an open-mind - real easy going and extremely flexible. That sounds like a personal ad! Really, I'm just trying to make the point that it's all in how you approach it, so dont' stress!
One caveat, be prepared for a small cohort of disproportionately loud nay-sayers and just realize that their perspective is different from yours, if you have a baby in med school. I realize I'm generalizing here, but it's 100% true - a handful of the more "conservative/religious" men in my class have been openly tsk-tsk about me shirking my maternal duties and staying in school. One even asked when I was going to QUIT school! I'm not sure if I threaten them or their beliefs, but it's been a study in psychosocial behavior how they suggest it won't work, we're set up for failure, how "lucky" they are that they don't have a wife who works outside the home, how I need to make a choice between being a mom or a physician. I just smile and usually say, again, how fortunate I am to have a husband who is truly a partner who wants to really provide 50% of the baby's care. Again, no debates. This is just a warning, based upon what I've observed.
So there's one gal's perspective - hope that helps. Better get back to those aforementioned time management skills!