Kiss me goodnight and tell me I'm pretty

[lhargreavescrewe]

This is a shameless attention seeking style of please help me note.
Please note brief life story will follow - annoying, I know, but I would appreciate the read and comments, please bear with me.

I'm 25, long story short, standard dead mother by 7, evil step mother by 11, kicked out at 16, left school and got a full time waitressing job same year, second job in a bar next year, met a guy 12 years older (I dare anyone to say daddy issues!) moved in together by 18, pregnant at 19, first one turned out so good I had another at 21 (having been alone in the world and always knowing I wanted a sibling for any kid I would and did have and it just making sense to get on with it whilst I had all the stuff, was in the routine of not having a routine etc).

I don't regret any of the things I have done, I just wish that I had done more as well.

When I was 16 all my friends were worried about what they were going to do at A level, I was worried about whether I could afford electricity and food. When the choice came between continuing school or getting myself a very low paying but full time job - it never was a choice at that moment in time and I accept that.

I did very well in clawing my way up from waitressing to office admin work, progressing to reception and eventually a PA for a director of a very successful company.

I have always been very artistic, I lost my job of 3 years the same week I informally told my boss I was pregnant but figured, hey, I always wanted to be there for my kids before they started school, it just means I don't get the security of maternity pay.

My kids are now starting school.

I figured now its my turn to do something for me. I told my partner I wanted to go to university and get a degree, good job and do something with myself instead of returning to a low sector job. He supported this idea and since I was always drawing, suggested I do something in an arts field.

I got in and did really well for my first term but, it kind of became apparent I was doing that because I was good at it, not because I wanted to do it. Sounds daft I know but there it is.

So I left my course.

I want to be a fertility specialist.
I want to study medicine.

No one has ever expected anything from me in my life and I think that I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that I expect something from myself?

I have recently done a two week stint in a Veterinary surgery and done a lot of cool things (my leaving present was stitching up a dead dog - not many people would get it but it was amazing). So I, maybe naively don't think squeamishness will be an issue.

My partner isn't the most supportive and doesn't think a lot of me in certain respects. But he isn't working and that isn't going to change any time soon. Both my kids are going to be in full time education.

I know a lot of people do but I have the drive and passion to succeed at this.

I just want someone to please say who gives a f*ck about your age?
So what you had kids young?
Yes you have kids, yes it will be hard finding balance - but not impossible
Stop whining and looking for an easy out on what you want to do.
You go do you and screw everything/one else.

Sort of.

please?

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[LivMoore]

"Yes you have kids, yes it will be hard finding balance - but not impossible"
This is what I keep telling myself!

I had my kids at 19 and 20. I'm 25 now and about to start college.

And there are many older students around these parts- it is really motivational if you look around on the non-trad forums and read some of the stories... I love lurking around here

 

[lhargreavescrewe]

LivMoore, I'm glad I'm not alone kindred late bloomer!
I've actually been looking on there this evening (there being the non traditional forum) and it seems there are more of us out there! Que the 'I want to believe' poster.

I would do it though even if there weren't though. It's just going to be so damn hard and I think I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Just need to convince my partner now!

 

[gyngyn]

If that is you in the avatar, may I suggest you protect your anonymity?

 

[lhargreavescrewe]

If that is you in the avatar, may I suggest you protect your anonymity?

I've done so, but I'm undeniably curious and slightly unsettled by the suggestion.

 

[Moose A Moose]

Uphill, as in a vertical climb, but not impossible.

 

[DrMidlife]

Yes to these:

...please say who gives a f*ck about your age?
So what you had kids young?
Yes you have kids, yes it will be hard finding balance - but not impossible
You go do you and screw everything/one else.

I don't think you're doing this, or at least not yet:

Stop whining and looking for an easy out on what you want to do.

I suggest finding & befriending random NHS junior docs. "Too bad" they're not picketing anymore or that would have been very convenient. Find out if you can still do normal undergrad+med school, or if you're better off doing undergrad and then a graduate entry program.

Almost all the knowledge in this forum is US-specific. Find the international forums down below.

Best of luck to you.

 

[073116]

Age is not a problem per se. Kids are. I never understood how can mothers left their kids and go to medicine for 8+ years (not counting UG)? Unless your husband will be coming with you and you guys will live together, on-campus or not, but then who will provide money for the living? There are lots of problems with accomplishing this, but it's doable.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

This might need to be merged with the other thread you posted in S&P.

What do you mean exactly by your partner "does not think a lot of you in certain respects."

If he is already unsupportive and looks down on you, don't expect that to change if you go to med school. In fact, don't expect that to change in life, period.

 

[lhargreavescrewe]

Age is not a problem per se. Kids are. I never understood how can mothers left their kids and go to medicine for 8+ years (not counting UG)? Unless your husband will be coming with you and you guys will live together, on-campus or not, but then who will provide money for the living? There are lots of problems with accomplishing this, but it's doable.

Hey, not sure if you're US or UK based, but where I am in the UK people don't tend to live in Halls passed the 1st year. We have our house already so accommodation isn't a problem, if I need to relocate to another city afterwards might be a problem, but one I'll consider closer down the line but I read somewhere that up to 80% of students take jobs where they studied and we have three university hospitals here so I'm hoping my luck might be in there.

I'm not too worried about my kids because I know that whilst I wont be half as accessible as they are currently used to me being, they will both be in full time education themselves at that point, as mentioned in OP dad is at home if needs be, and even though I know this is a gruelling and intense course, no hob is 24 hours a day 7 days a week, it's not like I'm planning on moving to mars, I want to get a degree and a job.

 

[lhargreavescrewe]

This might need to be merged with the other thread you posted in S&P.

What do you mean exactly by your partner "does not think a lot of you in certain respects."

If he is already unsupportive and looks down on you, don't expect that to change if you go to med school. In fact, don't expect that to change in life, period.

This was my first post and I'm still getting to grips with how it all functions so please bear with me on merging and such, I posted it in Spouses and Partners first because through a quick first search of the forums it seemed the most likely place to put it, but before long found this place and thought it more suitable,. Again I apologise if I've done something wrong here, but I'm the FNG.

All I meant by that is he holds some slightly archaic views about certain aspects of society and that he perhaps doesn't view me in an overly academic way, he doesn't think I'm dumb exactly, but I don't think he thinks of me as particularly intelligent either. It was quite a surprise to him when I did my few weeks in a veterinary surgery. Bear in mind as well for the passed 5/6 years I've been the woman that put dinner on the table and wiped the mouths of his children, suddenly I'm coming home and talking about having my hand in body cavities and amputations and such. It's just not what the poor dear's used to!

Previously it didn't work with him at home with the kids, and it didn't work for me either because I was having to meet him on my lunch breaks and such and helping sort the kids out, the key difference now being the kids are in full time education. Which'll just ease everyone's day up.

 

[073116]

Oh, so you are in UK? Damn, that changes everything. I was relating to my experience in US. In UK, you can do according to your plan, I don't see any issues or problems. It's same as in my home country (don't want to tell exactly which one due to privacy), first of all it's small and you can get get accepted to a nearby med.school, second of all - acceptance itself is much easier than it is here in US with it's rigorous mcat/gpa etc. Thirdly, residency system is again different than in US where you can match in state you are thousands of miles away. In short, unless you are in US your plan is absolutely doable. In US everything related to medical school, residency is a living hell in terms of pressure it puts to you, family etc. In UK and 99% of other countries medical school is just another profession that no one cares about. No big deal.

 

[Kazaki]

Don't wanna sounds like a d*ck. But...
You're choices in life don't necessarily scream "I'm really good at making decisions"
You want to become a "fertility specialist" (whatever that is) because you became pregnant at a young age, and you want to help out other people that are in the same situation you were in. This is textbook to be honest. What you really want I believe is a job in counselling or community work, and psychology is great for either! It's less competitive to get into psychology as opposed to medicine, it's shorter, and it gives you more flexibility in terms of work.
You know nothing about medicine, so to say that you want to pursue a very difficult major in order to specialise in one, tiny, little field is stupid to be honest. What if the whole "fertility specialist" thing doesn't work out? What then? You're going to realise that you wasted your 20s pursuing a field that you have no interest in.
Best of luck whatever you decide, but I highly recommend talking to a therapist because based on what you've shared with us, you need to talk to someone. ASAP.

 

[Triple major]

Don't wanna sounds like a d*ck. But...
You're choices in life don't necessarily scream "I'm really good at making decisions"
You want to become a "fertility specialist" (whatever that is) because you became pregnant at a young age, and you want to help out other people that are in the same situation you were in. This is textbook to be honest. What you really want I believe is a job in counselling or community work, and psychology is great for either! It's less competitive to get into psychology as opposed to medicine, it's shorter, and it gives you more flexibility in terms of work.
You know nothing about medicine, so to say that you want to pursue a very difficult major in order to specialise in one, tiny, little field is stupid to be honest. What if the whole "fertility specialist" thing doesn't work out? What then? You're going to realise that you wasted your 20s pursuing a field that you have no interest in.
Best of luck whatever you decide, but I highly recommend talking to a therapist because based on what you've shared with us, you need to talk to someone. ASAP.

totally agree.

 

[Triple major]

Think about this please. talking through experience here, as someone who studied medicine , works full time as a doctor and realises this is not my thing. there is some serious regret here that you wont want to ignore.
I too did medicine as way of provjng to myself that i can do something tough and academic and compassionate because i had self esteem issues. i also did it as a way of rebellion. Doing medicine has becime a very establishment thing now and i realised my sole purpose of doing medicine vaniished.Ive spent the last 12 years regretting this.
Im sure you have the necessary skills and character to be a doctor, but im not sure this is what you want. and though theoretically you can pursue any career after mbbs, practically its a lot of effort and time wasted,
I suggest you do a lot more soul searching about why you want to be a doctor.
The profession needs competitive , skilled humane ppl, not ppl who hold your hand and say anything is possible.